In the infinite wisdom of universities mine decided I needed to take weightlifting again to finish out my general education credits before I graduate this month. Besides getting to work out in the sweet 7 million dollar facility, the class is taught by a old PL’er so not a bad deal except all the kids. For the final we had to write an essay about what we learned from the class, being a natural smart ass, this is what I turned in.
What I learned in weightlifting~
I learned that weightlifting does absolutely nothing, since I just stand around and talk to my friends it is pointless. Why do I need to do anything to keep in shape anyways, I am naturally thin and will stay that way forever and if I do start to put on weight I will make fatter and uglier friends so that no one will notice. I also learned that if I lay on my back near my friends I can pretend to do some type of ab work out when the teacher walks by.
I learned that under no circumstances should I actually try at this class, or put any actual attempt into getting stronger, or healthier. Since no one wants to look like a body builder, those guys are only huge and disgusting from steroids anyways; not years of hard work, dedication and a strict diet. Everyone knows that you should want to look ripped like Brad Pitt in Fight Club (BPFC) because that is the epitome of masculinity.
I am going to write out a new work out routine that I have seen a ton of people using, it is designed to get your swole and huge, but not in the gay body builder way, but give you huge biceps and abs since these are the only muscles that matter in the body. Remember body builders have no functional muscle,and are not actually that strong so you should try and out lift them and take up space whenever possible.
My workout is called the 300-BPFC abs works out by Men’s Health, it uses low weight high reps (because you don’t want to get anything but your biceps huge) and is guaranteed to get your ripped in 6 weeks.
Here is the basic layout of the workout
Monday-biceps, bench press
Tuesday- off
Wednesday- Abs, bicep
Thursday- off
Friday Abs, bicep
Weekend- drink heavily and eat what ever you want.
You notice that I put bench press in there, that is to mix things up a little. Now make sure you never go beyond 150lbs on bench press- that would make your chest too huge and take away from your biceps; the reason that is in there is to make you look hawt in front of all the ladies in the gym so make sure to wear a lot of body spray and cologne and DO NOT SWEAT at the gym.
Remember that the average work out should be around 30 minutes, but make sure to check your biceps and abs in the mirror about ever 45 seconds â?? 1 minute to make sure that it is working. If you do not see immediate results they you are lifting too heavy, and you should drop the weight and add in 5 more reps.
Helpful hints:
Make sure when you are in the curl rack you only put 2 ½ lbs plates on each side, and fill the bar up, this will take the bar to about 65lbs and make you look like a bad ass, since the bar is full of weight. Drop a weight off each side and loudly yell to your friends when you do this, chicks love it.
If there is someone squatting in the curl rack, weight until they stop doing the immediate set, and then go over and take the weight off and start curling- they won’t mind and will appreciate how swole you are.
Under no circumstances should you ever do anything in a gym besides bench, biceps and abs, these are the only functional muscles in your body.
There is not point to ever work out your legs, you walk on them constantly anyways and skinny legs make your arms look bigger.
Remember thin = ripped; and you should tell everyone else there about how better your work out is because you are thin, that fat ass lifting a Buick should know you are better than he is.
Finally, if you do not get ripped, blame the weights and run more, obviously you were not doing enough cardio.
The teacher laughed his ass off, and I got an A.
