Really gettin into this fancy gym stuff 
Iāve upped my screaming while working out.
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If I may ask was it apparent to you, as the user of that machine, what the point of the seat rocking back and forth was?
Not a clue man. This place literally has HUNDREDS of machines. So of them rock like this, some donāt . Idk why, I think itās because this place is so fancy and full of rich people and Iām just a white trash kinda guy, but I love acting a fool in here
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Yah in any case dopest curls machine I have ever seen
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So as yāall know my lifeās been a roller coaster ranging between fuck me and jump now. As of writing this Iām doing āokā. Better than I have so far. So some small slivers or hope coming through. Iāve had a couple people reach out with some experiences similar to mine and itās helping me see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Back in therapy so thatās good. Lawyer stuff is going good so far. Turns out Iām a better father all of a sudden. I guess the dark cloud that loomed in our marriage affected me in how I was able to show my children love and enjoy them. So thatās a nice change. I have them this weekend. We went to a nice steak house tonight and then to ice cream. Tomorrow we are going bowling and laser tag . My son canāt wait to shoot me.
Iāve also started back praying and asking God not only for help but forgiveness. I orettt much walked away from Him about a year ago. Guilt and anger and hatred creates a vicious circle that kept me from seeking him. Iām making baby steps to meet Him where I am. I canāt wait till Iām ābetterā to get back in church and God fearing, I gotta start that now, broken and down. So, hereās to the eventual light at the end of this horrible tunnel
As for exercise and dietā¦ itās coming back. I still havenāt started back meal prepping, but the desire is there so thatās great! Gym is slowly getting a little better. Tonight (back and bi) was the first time in a while Iāve been able to muster up any intensity. Iām still doing less than I normally would, but Iām in there.
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Hoist machines. Lessen the resistance curve as the muscle shortens. The machine leaning back is like the instinctive lean-back during a too-heavy barbell Curl, except it allows him to keep a neutral spine and gain leverage when the muscle is weakest.
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Love the positivity brother.
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Workin on it man. Iām not out of the dark tunnel yet, but I know which way to go now!
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Woke at 209 with a stomach full of hibatchi from last night . Still somehow look the same. I think at this point Iām swapping muscle for fat 
Life stuff is still pretty good! So thatās awesome.
Faaaaaawk yes
First real workout since my ādilemmaā
Tits and tris
Went so hard. Felt so good mane. As long as I didnāt look in the mirror I felt so swoooole. Maybe Iām back? Maybe? I hope so.
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Man really happy to read some positive stuff from you! Youāve been through some crap but Gods got a plan for you. Keep your head up and just take it one day at a time. All pain gets easier with time.
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Thanks man. I appreciate you stopping by AND leaving some kind words.
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Absolutely man! I havenāt been on a lot lately with my surgeries so was just catching up. What a roller coaster!
Haha yea man. Been a ride! Iāve been keeping an eye on your journal and the surgery updates. Looks like everything is going fairly well so far!
I think as good as can be expected. Just gonna be a slow steady progression. A lot like training if I stop and think about it. Iāll get my stitches out tomorrow and Lord willing will get permission to not have to sleep in the lockout brace. Thatās super annoying.
Where are you with the whole lawyer/divorce/therapy situation. Any progress?
Couple of verses come to mind for you:
The sacrifice you desire is a broken spirit. You will not reject a broken and repentant heart, O God
And
If we are faithless,
he remains faithful,
for he cannot disown himself.
Glad to hear things are looking better!
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Everything is going smooth and on track. The only thing that could be better is moving faster with my house. I have so much to do to get it ready to sell. Iāve also been hemorrhaging money paying double mortgages and all her bills plus mine PLUS child support on top of all that. Once she signs the papers that should be served any day now thatāll all be over and it will just be child support.
I had a killer January, itās just a shame I couldnāt put all that money to good use like a new rock crawler
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Back and bi workout tonight sucked. Only got a few hours of sleep and my tits were so damn sore.
Thatās what she saidā¦
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Havenāt worked out in a couple dayās. Snapped a āprogressā picture first thing this morning after spending most of the night at some local breweries. Ate a lot of good food so that was a nice change!!
T-ransformation entry:
Picture taken this morning:
Not much change considering the drastic wight loss. Not sure what Iām losing
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