Trivium Can't Compete

Off Topic
101

[quote]Stinkfist wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]ActivitiesGuy wrote:

[quote]SuperVillian wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]xjusticex2013x wrote:
.[/quote]

Your avatar is awesome haha.[/quote]

Agreed.

But you obviously have a sense of humor, I’m becoming more and more confused as to why you don’t get girls…?[/quote]

There’s probably a little bit of luck and randomness involved. Assuming that OP has some standards and wants to date someone he actually likes, not just the first hooker he can take home, he might just be on an unusually long dry spell of approaching the wrong women for him. Or, as has been postulated, there might be something in his initial approach (or the SETTING in which he approaches) that puts them off.

I had a period (around OP’s age, actually) where I was single for about a year, after breaking off a 2-year relationship. I was just like OP - “I’m young, smart, funny, in good shape” - but a bit shy about asking and I had poor timing. Eventually I figured it out, or just got luckier.

I happen to think one of your earlier posts in the thread has the best paragraph - when you’re confident and happy enough with yourself that you approach a girl with full intention of conversing with her for the sake of learning about her and making her happy, rather than for your own validation, that makes life a lot easier. You don’t worry about the potential embarrassment of getting rejected, and every interaction with a girl is no longer a referendum on whether you’re cool or attractive; it’s just a chance to meet another potentially cool person.[/quote]

Wait, so I am not a narcissistic piece of shit?

Now I am just confused.[/quote]

Nope.

Narcissistic pieces of shit get laid. :)[/quote]

Option 2.

102

[quote]AlienDnA wrote:

[quote]angry chicken wrote:
Helpful poster #1: You need to do ABC

OP: Nah, I cant bring myself to do that.

Helpful poster #2: You need to do XYZ

OP: That’s really not my style

Helpful poster #3: It sounds like you are ABC

OP: Not really, I was being sarcastic

Helpful poster #4: It sounds like you are XYZ

OP: LOL I’m glad I wearing my flame retardant suit LOL

Why would I attempt to give you any advice? You’re a smart guy, you obviously don’t need it… (how’s that working for ya?)

Unless you change both your thoughts and your actions you will continue to go through life without getting laid, much less having any positive female action. Thus far, you have expressed an unwillingness to change your thoughts and have expressed contempt at recommended actions.

I smell what you’re stepping in.

[/quote]

+1

I dig this dude like a brother from another mother![/quote]

That’s because you have impeccable taste in cars, clothes and women, and can dead lift more than most men can even imagine! :wink:

103

[quote]angry chicken wrote:

Unless you change both your thoughts and your actions you will continue to go through life without getting laid, much less having any positive female action.

[/quote]

Hate to put the angry cock’s cock in my mouth, but this is spot on.

And there’s even like this beautiful reciprocal effect that if you change your mental well being it will affect your actions in a beneficial way, and if you choose to take correct action and follow through then it will also affect your mental being.

There’s no such thing as dry spells or luck. If it took years to finally meet someone it’s not because they were unlucky or got lucky – the model that their “game” took from their mental state and action (or lack thereof) landed them a certain average of dates and that’s what they got.

104

arg i made the classic T Nation mistake and included a percentage sign in my post and it got deleted.

105

ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

106

SuperVillian nailed it.

Trivium.
You need to focus less on what everyone thinks of you which makes you focus on yourself more and from the outside which you obviously think is perceived by most as great because you are not being organic. I will leave it at this. Cockiness is unattractive and is either the result of someone having everything they want and being cooky and rude or from insecurity which it sounds like you have some deeply hidden insecurities that are making you focus completely on what everyone else thinks of you and not what you truly feel confident and proud of on the inside. If you are insecure but coming across as cocky, people will notice this and it will throw off your ability to socialize with people, both with men and especially with women that you are approaching for the first time since the main thing she’s see before you talk is confidence. Confidence, not cockiness.

Try CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, with a real therapist and you’d be surprised the areas of your life it can help you realize and get under control. Good luck with your issues, I hope you come around.

107

[quote]zenontheterrible wrote:
ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

[/quote]

Solid. I’ve got 2 dates next week. I’ll let you all know how it goes.

108

[quote]Pcav89 wrote:
SuperVillian nailed it.

Trivium.
You need to focus less on what everyone thinks of you which makes you focus on yourself more and from the outside which you obviously think is perceived by most as great because you are not being organic. I will leave it at this. Cockiness is unattractive and is either the result of someone having everything they want and being cooky and rude or from insecurity which it sounds like you have some deeply hidden insecurities that are making you focus completely on what everyone else thinks of you and not what you truly feel confident and proud of on the inside. If you are insecure but coming across as cocky, people will notice this and it will throw off your ability to socialize with people, both with men and especially with women that you are approaching for the first time since the main thing she’s see before you talk is confidence. Confidence, not cockiness.

Try CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, with a real therapist and you’d be surprised the areas of your life it can help you realize and get under control. Good luck with your issues, I hope you come around.[/quote]

It’s difficult to not have a bit of self love (feel free to insert memes, jokes and gifs in response to the term “self love”) for what I have become over the past few years. I literally started with nothing after getting out of my previous situation, and had to earn every bit of what little success I have found.

I don’t feel “cocky” but rather that I am very comfortable with who I am, maybe that comes off as being cocky?

My life is on the verge of some pretty nice/big things with respect to things I have worked on for the past 5 years as well. I feel great now, and I’ve eliminated the unnecessary.

As for the not getting along with men/women, I have zero trouble making friends with guys at the gym (where I spend most of my free time due to being single/busy). Seems to be a problem with just women at this point.

I should include that all of my girlfriends so far have been blonde with green eyes, +/- kids, had tatoos (tramp stamps and large back tattoos), smoked, had parents that were in biker gangs, and had some pretty crazy exes hangin out tryin to make a steal.

It is definitely possible that I have picked up a few bad habits from being in those situations. I have had to work on “life” a lot, and not a whole lot on relationships because I have decided to not be in one for a few years.

I should also include that I can be a raging douche to people that come across as being offensive or condescending. I have been around a lot of bullshit.

I have since been trying to find more stable relationships; however, I will admit that the girls I seem to find are not all that different from the ones I have been around in the past.

I went on a date one time with a girl that I knew had a kid, she told me toward the end of the date that she was 8 weeks pregnant haha.

Maybe I am a bit jaded and acting like a dick?

Maybe I am looking in the wrong places?

109

"I went on a date one time with a girl that I knew had a kid, she told me toward the end of the date that she was 8 weeks pregnant haha. "

Someone else’s baby. It’s the greatest contraception there is.
Apart from doing it up the wrong’un

110

[quote]trivium wrote:

I should include that all of my girlfriends so far have been blonde with green eyes, +/- kids, had tatoos (tramp stamps and large back tattoos), smoked, had parents that were in biker gangs, and had some pretty crazy exes hangin out tryin to make a steal.
[/quote]

Please tell me your mom isn’t blonde/green.

So… no condom?

111

Trivium,
Your response at 11:41pm yesterday is perfectly stated. You should reread what you posted several times over until you see the obvious issues.

The way you stated that entire post made you come across as a much different type of person than your original post did, I hope you can see that. Which is why you got a different and more tough love, you’re cocky type of response from everyone. Nice going on getting your things together and I applaud you for that but remember, we all have our issues and we all get dealt a different hand in life with many obstacles and situations we have to get out of. Its great that you did and that you are beaming the person that you want to be inside however, there is no “cookie” to be handed out for this. All I can say is that the real reward is your sense of true confidence.

I do believe that you are picking a specific type of woman which, IN MY OPINION, sounds like a very drama oriented crowd. Haven’t you ever hear the expression "Doing the same thing over and over again, “expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity”.

If you have figured out the kind of man you want to be, and you have become that man, and you have established your standards, values, beliefs and you are hold true to those values, and you’re not coming across as “cocky”, etc, and you stop trying to “pick up” women in your familiar crowd and put less focus on the need for a woman in your life which does come across as a weakness, you will probably naturally gravitate towards a woman and or women that nourish those values and make you feel better about yourself and about the interaction between you two.

I am not going to give you some B.S about hooking up or any garbage that I cannot prove online and this doesn’t even matter much anyways but, I have never had an issue with “girls” and its only because I have never put my confidence and my sense of completion in the hands of another person. I am not the best guy around her but, I am confident and if she doesn’t see that or like that, then we aren’t a good match and you know what, because of that, it wouldn’t phase me and that comes across as confidence in itself.

I can’t help but feel that you are approaching a generally “rougher” , harder to please, dramatic, generally more dramatic type of woman and this is this is the reason for your hangup in the actual event of talking to them. What if you started by going to a grocery store, or any other place that you will end up in and strike up a real and genuine conversation in a very small and controlled flirty fashion with one of the women at the check out line or in a department. It doesn’t matter if she is really hot to you, or if you think she is ugly. The point would be to challenge yourself to talk to a different type and class of women and to try to be well rounded in casual conversations all the way up to sexual conversations and everything in between. I don’t see how this couldn’t help as its almost identical to any other social shortcoming / anxiety.

Hey, you just might end up a better person for it. Anyways, again good luck to you man.

112

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]zenontheterrible wrote:
ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

[/quote]

Solid. I’ve got 2 dates next week. I’ll let you all know how it goes.[/quote]

You will fail.

113

I know what’s going to happen. You are going to meet a girl and eventually get into a long term relationship. Then she’s going to be there, every. Single. Day. When you leave for work and when you get home. Want to go somewhere on vacation? Yup she’s going with you.

Why are you going out with your friends when you have her? Maybe you’ll get married and have a kid or two. You will dream of the days you were single and free to do whatever you wanted whenever you wanted. Be careful what you wish for.

Note: I am completely satisfied with my life wife two kids two dogs and a nice house. Not going to lie I daydream about being single sometimes though. Sorry doll if you read this sometime in the future but it’s true.

114

[quote]SuperVillian wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]zenontheterrible wrote:
ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

[/quote]

Solid. I’ve got 2 dates next week. I’ll let you all know how it goes.[/quote]

You will fail.
[/quote]

Daaaaaaannnnnnnnggg

115

[quote]Pcav89 wrote:
Trivium,
Your response at 11:41pm yesterday is perfectly stated. You should reread what you posted several times over until you see the obvious issues.

The way you stated that entire post made you come across as a much different type of person than your original post did, I hope you can see that. Which is why you got a different and more tough love, you’re cocky type of response from everyone. Nice going on getting your things together and I applaud you for that but remember, we all have our issues and we all get dealt a different hand in life with many obstacles and situations we have to get out of. Its great that you did and that you are beaming the person that you want to be inside however, there is no “cookie” to be handed out for this. All I can say is that the real reward is your sense of true confidence.

I do believe that you are picking a specific type of woman which, IN MY OPINION, sounds like a very drama oriented crowd. Haven’t you ever hear the expression "Doing the same thing over and over again, “expecting a different result, is the definition of insanity”.

If you have figured out the kind of man you want to be, and you have become that man, and you have established your standards, values, beliefs and you are hold true to those values, and you’re not coming across as “cocky”, etc, and you stop trying to “pick up” women in your familiar crowd and put less focus on the need for a woman in your life which does come across as a weakness, you will probably naturally gravitate towards a woman and or women that nourish those values and make you feel better about yourself and about the interaction between you two.

I am not going to give you some B.S about hooking up or any garbage that I cannot prove online and this doesn’t even matter much anyways but, I have never had an issue with “girls” and its only because I have never put my confidence and my sense of completion in the hands of another person. I am not the best guy around her but, I am confident and if she doesn’t see that or like that, then we aren’t a good match and you know what, because of that, it wouldn’t phase me and that comes across as confidence in itself.

I can’t help but feel that you are approaching a generally “rougher” , harder to please, dramatic, generally more dramatic type of woman and this is this is the reason for your hangup in the actual event of talking to them. What if you started by going to a grocery store, or any other place that you will end up in and strike up a real and genuine conversation in a very small and controlled flirty fashion with one of the women at the check out line or in a department. It doesn’t matter if she is really hot to you, or if you think she is ugly. The point would be to challenge yourself to talk to a different type and class of women and to try to be well rounded in casual conversations all the way up to sexual conversations and everything in between. I don’t see how this couldn’t help as its almost identical to any other social shortcoming / anxiety.

Hey, you just might end up a better person for it. Anyways, again good luck to you man.[/quote]

Well that last one was from the heart…<333

Thanks for the kind words! I think I still have a ways to go before I get to being the man I want to be, but I think I am closer now than I was before.

Where do I find different girls at?

116

[quote]1 Man Island wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

I should include that all of my girlfriends so far have been blonde with green eyes, +/- kids, had tatoos (tramp stamps and large back tattoos), smoked, had parents that were in biker gangs, and had some pretty crazy exes hangin out tryin to make a steal.
[/quote]

Please tell me your mom isn’t blonde/green.

So… no condom?[/quote]

She’s not blonde or green.

117

[quote]GetitUp wrote:

[quote]SuperVillian wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]zenontheterrible wrote:
ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

[/quote]

Solid. I’ve got 2 dates next week. I’ll let you all know how it goes.[/quote]

You will fail.
[/quote]

Daaaaaaannnnnnnnggg[/quote]

I’m crushed.

Maybe I’m just being used for cheesecake?

118

[quote]Bod-of-Phwoar wrote:
"I went on a date one time with a girl that I knew had a kid, she told me toward the end of the date that she was 8 weeks pregnant haha. "

Someone else’s baby. It’s the greatest contraception there is.
Apart from doing it up the wrong’un
[/quote]

I have heard that the second one isn’t even 100 percent.

119

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]GetitUp wrote:

[quote]SuperVillian wrote:

[quote]trivium wrote:

[quote]zenontheterrible wrote:
ok i’m totally late to the thread but here is my 2 cents.

the number one thing dude is that chicks just want to have a good time. they want to hang out with guys who they think they are gunna have a fun with. they wanna fuck guys who are fun (if your fun to be around your probably fun in bed), and if your a bad fuck, well then at least your fun right!

sure lots of other shit is icing on the cake, looks, money, muscles, social status. but its just icing, its not the cake. the number one thing is they enjoy being around you.

You have to treat them like “one of the dudes,” have fun with a girl just like you would with your best buds from high school, and if you can’t have fun with her like that, then why the fuck would you want to date her anyways? haha. best of luck.

[/quote]

Solid. I’ve got 2 dates next week. I’ll let you all know how it goes.[/quote]

You will fail.
[/quote]

Daaaaaaannnnnnnnggg[/quote]

I’m crushed.

Maybe I’m just being used for cheesecake?[/quote]

You get to second base with a chick by the end of October and I will be genuinely shocked.

120

[quote]trivium wrote:
So I realized that I am an AFC the other day while reading the other dating post that was up in here, so I thought I would create this thread so that I can figure out what is going on with my game, and so that we can all maybe have a bit of fun at my expense.

Ok…so I have not been in an actual relationship for approximately 2 years now. This is not for lack of trying. I’ve stayed open to the idea.

Various people keep telling me that women like me/think I am good looking, but I never personally get any of those vibes.

I am 24 (5’10" at 205-215 lbs depending on day), have little to no baggage, an IQ around 130, a new car, and will hopefully be getting my master’s degree in the next few months.

I play guitar (bitches love guitar), a decent PL total for a beginner (enough to be one of the strongest guys in most regular gyms, so women should definitely be impressed), and I want to start building cars in the near future in the garage (women supposedly like cars). I also love the outdoors, and go camping for weeks at a time away from civilization (haven’t done this for a while due to school).

I have hobbies, a decent/playful/engaging personality, am respectful, etc…(you know, all the right answers)

I have never been turned down in person until recently, but I haven’t had the opportunity to ask any girls out in so long. (I basically wait until it is a sure thing before I ask, so don’t be too impressed here.)

I am not super good looking, but also I am not an ugly guy.

All I am going to say is, what gives?

I had tickets to a pretty big baseball game on 2 separate nights of the week, and I got shut down twice. You would have thought that the other ticket I was trying to give away was a hand-grenade dipped in AIDS.

Are women not in to guys like me?

I know several people back home who literally date or are FWB with a new girl every month. I, who happens to be a bit slower moving in that respect, cannot even get a date.

It seems like I cannot compete with other guys who have minimum wage jobs, and no serious hobbies (lots of spare time).

I don’t get paid for school which takes up 40-70 hours a week depending, and have homework/assignments on top of that 40-70 hours. As you can guess, I don’t have a job, but I am never without a few bucks to go do fun things (like the baseball games above).

I mean this sounds pathetic, but I have almost gotten to the point where I don’t even want to talk to women anymore. I have had some odd experiences in past relationships that kind of make me a bit jaded about the whole situation (I have been told that my personality can be “socially abrasive” at times, but some people seem to love that).

I asked one girl if she wanted to go grab lunch one time, and she said she didn’t want a serious relationship right now…I was literally just talking about lunch, not getting married. WTF?

I can’t talk to women in a lot of situations, because I know that I will be branded as a creep. (Remember guys, she is not going to the bar to meet guys/get attention, she is only out to have a good night with her friends, and us guys are jerks for trying to get her number and therefore ruining her night.)

When girls do give me attention, I have like 8 trying to get my attention all at once, but none are serious about being around very much. It is odd.

I am very straight forward, open, and honest.

Maybe I really am an AFC?

I think this sounds like a personal problem. What do you guys think?

(So before I get flamed, remember there was some sarcasm in there…)[/quote]

Women are attracted to stupid shit.

Compliment them on their clothes, try wearing lots of wrist bands, get your eyebrows done, and brag a lot. Oh, and if you are packing don’t be afraid to bump against a girl when she flirts, or on the dance floor.

Sad, but… Most women are pretty dumb, and like I said attracted to stupid shit. Don’t come off like you have substance, just be a poser and practice on complimenting. Pick something out about her that you know she put time or thought into, and compliment it. This should get you access to lots of dumb asses around your age.