The day i started lifting i knew i wanted a home gym.
It took until i was 33 until i finally got my own iron haven. I’ve spent the last 6 years slowly adding to it, even buying old dumbells from the 1st gym i trained in for nostalgia’s sake.
Though i still train at a commercial gym the majority of the time, i love having my own set up. And the dream is to spend hours in the garage with my son grafting away and teaching him everything i know once he’s old enough.
However my wife is going through a hard time with work and has decided she needs a new direction. This means selling our home and downsizing. Unfortunately this means the new home won’t have a garage or somewhere to train and my little gym i’ve built has to be sold on. So today is a sad day, and i’ve already posted them online.
I just wanted to vent as i know most of you will understand my disappointment, and my wife is going through a hard enough time without me making her feel worse. But i really am gutted
You don’t have to give it all up. I live in a small home with a wife and 2 kids and without a garage. You can still to a lot at home either straight outside or in pretty minimal awnings. Keep or get stuff that can get wet and you can still train at home much of the time. It can be a little irregular with weather, but that’s also part of the charm of outdoor lifting.
I feel this. I had everything I ever wanted in Texas. (Home gym, sure, but that wasn’t the main focus - but similar in that I had worked for years to finally have what I thought I wanted).
Then I had to sell or give away everything. EVERYTHING.
We moved to Hawaii with a dog and 4 kids, and everything we owned fit into 2 small PODS units.
I kept the barbell but can’t bring myself to use it. I kept some of the other stuff (woodworking) but mostly can’t bring myself to use it.
I’ve come to embrace the new life in different ways.
This isn’t making you feel better so I am not accomplishing what I set out to, by replying…
I did this move for my wife’s life satisfaction too, though, if it makes you feel better.
And I respect (as we all do) that you’re willing to support her needs at the expense of some of your preferences.
I can honestly feel with you on this! But, you’re a fine person making the right/hard choices!
That said, as one door slams shut, another is opened - So, what is the available space for training at your new home?
Have you considered re-investing some money from your gym sales into new training equipment? With no room for a proper rack/barbell (apartment) I had to go for something alternative. Went out of the box for a flywheel trainer, and even though it’s not a barbell, it challenges me in ways I never expected! Different circumstances demand different solutions!
From a cheaper standpoint James Grage (look him up on YouTube) has built a massive physique by just using resistance bands!
I believe the goal is to train consistently with what you have! Who needs a gym anyway?
I’m keeping 1 set of dumbells for my son. I manage to get to the gym enough to not be too concerned on that front. Its more the ease and the dream of training with my lad at a youngish age that i’m upset about giving up.
Regarding putting the money back into something for training, i’ve already promised my wife i’ll take her away with the money to try and cheer her up. That would have been a good idea though
I’ll join others here on saying well done for being an awesome husband, I’m sure the sacrifice will pay dividends in the long run, sorry it sucks in the immediate.
Um, she needs a new direction, so you have to give up on the things you love? Sounds like a shit situation. Are you sure she is worth it? Otherwise, that sucks. Home gyms are the absolute best if you built it right.
I think the shed idea upthread is a good one, depending where you are and its climate.
It’s always interesting to me the difference in tone of the happily married guys vs the not. Like, did the happily married guys get lucky in finding women they like to work alongside and make sacrifices for, or did the self-centered, negative guys ruin their relationships by refusing to work alongside and sacrifice?
(Not looking for an answer, just reflecting as I procrastinate paperwork on not enough sleep.)
I think when a marriage is good you don’t look at things as a sacrifice. You might give something up, but you gain something in return and you find another way to make something work. I’m not gonna lie, the @DORITO post made my heart swell and swoon. There is something wonderful to be said for helping to make life better for your partner.
Hmm. Playing with the semantics, I suppose I don’t view sacrifice as a negative term necessarily. I am sacrificing this morning by meeting over telehealth with a young woman who has just discharged from the psych unit. She’s developed a psychotic disorder this year and is terrified. I didn’t have anywhere to fit her into my schedule, so this morning it is. I’ll do the session in my raincoat, I suppose, so I can go help the sons move immediately after. Both are sacrifices of my time and energy, but they’re also just The Right Thing To Do according to my values. I definitely gain, as you note, but your phrasing sounds transactional (which I know you’re not), whereas the gain is merely the satisfaction of a life well-lived. I’m getting paid to see the 22-year-old (if she can manage the session, she’s missed most of them because she’s in a corner freaking out) but I could fill my time with less acute patients if I wanted. The gain is in my sense of self - being able to feel that I am dedicated and courageous and don’t shy away from difficult things. My patients can trust me. With my boys there is the expectation that they will help me move if ever I need it, but let’s face it, my values support helping them regardless. (My values do not support helping them paint. I draw the line.)
Like, it is my duty and my honor and my pleasure to make some of these sacrifices. If we define “pleasure” as including “feeling good about one’s contribution.” Liking myself is pretty satisfying to me.
(I recognize that we’re in agreement, I’m more meandering through this in response to the “is she worth it” post above.)
Yes. The sentiment is the same between us. I see sacrifice as a negative word. The transactional wording is unintentional. I see my “gaining” as things like a happier spouse, the ability to watch my boys run or wrestle. Could I spend my time doing other things? Sure. But I get more out of spending it doing those things.
