Moving forward to what’s next in life. I figured sticking with a proven program for a cycle or two is a good step in a new direction, so today began the first day of Washed-Up Meathead. The single change I made was substituting lateral raises for shrugs. I’m upper-trap dominant, which contributes to shoulder troubles if don’t manage things. An extra three sets of lateral raises will work the traps anyways, and my delts can benefit from more work.
The metro area of my city, a 40-mile radius, give or take, is 750,000 people. Seems like a lot, but EVERYONE says the dating scene in Albuquerque is weird and just like a small town.
When we me in college/uni, she was way into me, and I friend zoned her. We stayed friends and dated other people as well as each other. Five-ish years ago, I got the feels for her, but I think that ship had sailed more than not. And truth be told, neither is quite what the other is looking for. But we stuck it out for reasons.
Now I’m forced to acknowledge the truth and let her go. Which is actually good and necessary.
I dated a number of other women, some for long-ish periods, but always returned to her, and she to me. It wasn’t super-healthy emotionally; we’ve both been, at one time or another, the other’s backup plan.
Absolutely. My plan is to graciously fade away. She wants to get dinner or watch a movie and take a walk every week or two to maintain the friendship. She has no other friends. Ummm… Pass. Soft pass, in this case. In the words of my astute baby sister, she wants to date with no commitment to me. The idea of walking and talking and eating while she’s smiling at me and being all beautiful and adorable is more of the misery I’ve felt all summer and the past three years. I’m 42, not 22, and have zero desire to engage in those foolish games any more.
I had to google them, which proved beneficial. Thank you! After reading about the seven grief stages, I see I’ve been doing the first three or four all summer. She emotionally checked out of the relationship two weeks after it (re)began, then played mind games with me for the last three months. This time, I’m finally acknowledging we aren’t meant to be.
That’s the hope and the plan! Finding a job to move to hasn’t been instantaneous, but I am not deterred.
I hope your vacation at Hurricane Beach was pleasant and restorative.
I’m finally beginning to grasp this. Also, I needed to hear it from more sources than my in-person social circle, and I value your opinion about these matters, so thank you. The Bible says a word aptly spoken is like apples of gold in silver settings - precious, rare, and immensely valuable.
This question had stayed with me since you wrote it. No, no I don’t. I also don’t want a wife with whom I can’t discuss things like crushes on other people or all the other important issues that arise over the course of a (hopefully) lifetime of marriage.
Along those same lines, I talked with her last night, and she “pretty much” broke up with me. I told her about the pattern I’ve observed when we date; namely, the infatuation - emotionally disconnected pattern. She said that’s her becoming more comfortable in the relationship - quiet, detached, undemonstrative. Good to know. Not what I’m looking for!
That really, really sucks. I’m glad you (verbally) defended yourself. My education and training are in law (after some years off, I’m hoping to take the bar in the near future) and the same principle applies in the legal world - self-imposed inebriation does not negate personal responsibility.
The lack of blood flow is real! Lol. Yep, I want a wife who wants and helps create intimacy and sharing in every way. Some people don’t want the discomfort of a deep, intimate relationship, and that’s (theoretically) fine for hem. For me, I want to grow into total openness and honesty.
Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to share your expertise with a total stranger.
Doesn’t matter. All you need is one. Maybe she’ll come in from somewhere else. Also, while I respect the geographic cure as sometimes being the best thing, in your case it seems like you’ve had your critical thinking hat on since the beginning of this latest renewal of the relationship, so I suspect you’re close to being done, whether she is or not. The opposite of romantic love is not hate; it’s indifference. It sounds like you’re headed there. I would refuse her offers of friendship. Tell the truth, that you’re trying to heal, and that kind of contact doesn’t help. Then you won’t have to move unless for reasons unrelated.
Very, thank you!
Which is an excellent thing to pour yourself into, along with the new training program. Let me go ahead and fall from grace by admitting that I have a vindictive streak. For breakups (or the threat of) my go-to is to make sure [whomever] will be very sorry indeed to have blown it with me. I do this by deliberately thriving as best I can. If I normally bring 75% to my workouts and 80% to possible earnings at work, I ratchet it up until I look and feel strong and good. I listen to music that matches how I want to feel (like I’ll be better off) rather than necessarily how I do feel (sad). I don’t really listen to country music, but Keith Urban’s You’ll Think of Me is a good example:
Take your records, take your freedom
Take your memories I don’t need 'em
Take your space and take your reasons
But you’ll think of me
And take your cat and leave my sweater
'Cause we have nothing left to weather
In fact I’ll feel a whole lot better
But you’ll think of me
Now you have the opportunity to seek it out and thrive. Don’t have a back-up plan. Alone is better than in a bad relationship. Also, have you looked into Meetup.com for social opportunities near you? It’s not a dating site, it’s a shared-interests-make-friends kind of thing.
I’m sorry you’re hurting, but I’m glad your head is clearing about this relationship. You can both do better, and each of you should.
1000000%, dude. Her motives could be pure, so I’ll avoid passing judgement on her, but that sounds like - and you obviously agree - a SUPER unhealthy and borderline impossible way to get over somebody. Sometimes you can stay friends with someone - and maybe there’s time for that in the distant future - but sometimes, when you’ve breached that boundary too often, you need a full separation to move on. I had a girl that I split with, and kind of still had feelings for (sort of an I dumped her before she could dump me kind of thing), and we were very friendly, but I spoke to her and was honest and told her that I’d need to delete her facebook and cut off contact to move on. She agreed, we did, and we left things on very good terms with no harsh feelings.
315 x 3
Not pleased. Did the 3-rep top set with 15 pounds less than last week. A lift shouldn’t go backwards. However, I literally didn’t sleep last night and was nearly falling asleep sitting on a bench between sets. I’ve increased landscaping work too, which is energy-consuming. Hopefully those are the culprits; next week will tell.
Walking lunges
30 x 3 x 9
Leg presses
3.5 pps x 5
4 pps x 5
4.5 pps x 5
5 pps x 5
5.5 pps x 5 PR
3.5 pps x 16
Weight and rep PR, not because this is the strongest I’ve even been at the exercise, but because it’s the most I’ve ever tried.
Single calf press
1 pps x 3 x 15
Hanging leg raises
bw x 3 x 13, supersetted with
Swiss ball crunches
bw x 3 x 20
Goblet squats
60 x 15
Felt good. Might do em again.
This was a zero-energy, do-the-written-routine-and-leave workout. I now understand @TrainForPain’s preference for a proven plan he needn’t think about.
I might not have time for leg presses on Friday (Rosh Hashanah) so wanted to get them tonight.
