Those damn Canadians!!!
I make quite a bit more than my guy but if we split it’d still go fifty-fifty and that’s fine with me, but that’s easy to say when no one is bitter or feeling screwed over. This is a relationship of 15 years where we started with very little.
But if I were in a new relationship with someone younger, less assets and less income I’d be more cautious, even without marriage on the table.
[quote]debraD wrote:
Those damn Canadians!!!
I make quite a bit more than my guy but if we split it’d still go fifty-fifty and that’s fine with me, but that’s easy to say when no one is bitter or feeling screwed over. This is a relationship of 15 years where we started with very little.
But if I were in a new relationship with someone younger, less assets and less income I’d be more cautious, even without marriage on the table.[/quote]
Yeah, but some of you seem to be blatantly missing just how specific I keep making this…as if those specifics don’t mean anything.
If you make more as the woman, chances are the courts will not act like Captain Save a Ho (no offense intended) and take away the rest of the guy’s income.
If both in the marriage only pull in 60k as a family, once again, this is not the same thing.
We know how courts act when the man makes CONSIDERABLY more than the wife during a divorce…so why are so many people pretending like the assets don’t matter when referencing the guy in a divorce settlement?
[quote]attydeb2005 wrote:
You make a good point eeu. Prenup?[/quote]
Are u proposing?
[quote]Professor X wrote:
This hasn’t been said anywhere. How does covering your ass sound like every marriage ends horribly if money is involved?
[/quote]
Gee I dunno, but when all someone talks about on a subject are the worst-case scenarios and every negative thing they can think of I tend to get the impression they think it’s bad.
I must have missed all those posts where you highlighted the rich men happily married, or the guys making 6-figures that didn’t have their reputations and lifestyle destroyed by a crazy female in a divorce.
From your OP:
“This right here is why marriage is not worth the effort if you happen to be a celebrity…or hell, even just someone who has something to lose in a divorce.”
Who doesn’t have something to lose in a divorce? You said that marriage wasn’t “worth the effort” if you have money (Assuming when you say ‘something to lose’ you didn’t mean a warm cuddle buddy on cold nights).
Like I said before, if you really don’t intend to put any effort into your marriage (especially because of some ego-inflated reason like your personal finances) then you probably deserve to have it blow up in your face and shouldn’t do it in the first place.
If the only point of all of your posts was “don’t be naive, get a prenupt”, then you and I don’t disagree on anything, but I must have misread a whole lot of text.
[quote]mr popular wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
This hasn’t been said anywhere. How does covering your ass sound like every marriage ends horribly if money is involved?
[/quote]
Gee I dunno, but when all someone talks about on a subject are the worst-case scenarios and every negative thing they can think of I tend to get the impression they think it’s bad.
I must have missed all those posts where you highlighted the rich men happily married, or the guys making 6-figures that didn’t have their reputations and lifestyle destroyed by a crazy female in a divorce.[/quote]
Wait…show me some of these. Hell, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Where is the list of rich guys who got divorced and didn’t end up paying out big time when they made way more than the wife? I will surely highlight them, as you say, the moment we fucking identify them.
[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I’m closing in on 25 years btw.[/quote]
Hey! I’m a flaming Liberal and my wife and I are closing in on 26 happy years!
Cheers for the “immoral” left!
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I’m closing in on 25 years btw.[/quote]
Hey! I’m a flaming homo and my life partner/top and I are closing in on 26 gay years!
Cheers for the “immoral” left!
[/quote]
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Damn.
But then, we have Canadians claiming they know tons of people where the guy was making much more income who got divorced and things went GREAT!
They threw parties, made cake. Hell, they even still have friend sex!!
…and she didn’t even want the house or the cars!!![/quote]
Yep damn us Canadians. I don’t recall cake, but each fall at apple harvest I make him a bunch of pies. I’m nice like that and I like to cook but can’t eat a tone of sweets anyways.
My dentist got married this summer. He’s Canadian too. I’ll let you know what happens (:
[quote]dianab wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Damn.
But then, we have Canadians claiming they know tons of people where the guy was making much more income who got divorced and things went GREAT!
They threw parties, made cake. Hell, they even still have friend sex!!
…and she didn’t even want the house or the cars!!![/quote]
Yep damn us Canadians. I don’t recall cake, but each fall at apple harvest I make him a bunch of pies. I’m nice like that and I like to cook but can’t eat a tone of sweets anyways.
My dentist got married this summer. He’s Canadian too. I’ll let you know what happens (:
[/quote]
Whoa whoa whoa…you can cook/bake?
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I’m closing in on 25 years btw.[/quote]
Hey! I’m a flaming Liberal and my wife and I are closing in on 26 happy years!
Cheers for the “immoral” left!
[/quote]
God bless you and your wife. Got kids? Staying married and loving your spouse are so important for kids! 90% of my ‘troubled’ students come from divorced homes.
Nothing better than having a great marriage!
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
You are the most defensive, combative, and self-centered man on earth, X, and that is why you should not get married. You don’t make enough money to adequately compensate for these shortcomings.[/quote]
This thread isn’t even about me…so why are you so focused on me and not the topic?[/quote]
Because YOU are the one who keeps disregarding answers to your questions to continue truculently restating your thesis, but now with added attacks on the theses or qualifications of the people answering you. People are saying, to you and others of like mind to yours, if you are unable to trust the person you’ve chosen, simply don’t get married. If you feel that it is a business deal that offers poor returns, you and others of like mind should pass.
Some sixty percent of marriages undertaken today work out and far, far more if you happen to be intelligent and not too young to know yourself and what you want. But if you consider that too risky, for the love of God, forgo it.
People are trying to answer the questions you asked. Do you even remember what they are?
Not everyone cares deeply about being “destroyed” in a divorce, but you can’t seem to hear or understand that. Some people would frankly laugh at the idea that the loss of half a suburban house valued at $525K is “destroyed.” Some people would view their ability to move on from the failed marriage with continued six figure earning power to be a cup half full. But not you, because when people offer that you reject it. So people are saying to you that people like you may not be good candidates for the arrangement.
Also laughable, while I’m at it, is the idea that Tiger, who is paid stratospheric amounts of money to play a game that is undemanding enough that sedentary people in their 70s regularly engage in it, is pitiable for losing half of his money in a divorce. After all, he too now carries “more cash in his wallet than most states in this country.” I don’t begrudge Tiger his wealth – I admire athletes at the top of their respective games – but let us not pretend that he has been hauling coal from a mine while his wife gets her nails done.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
Wait…show me some of these. Hell, this is what I’ve been waiting for. Where is the list of rich guys who got divorced and didn’t end up paying out big time when they made way more than the wife? I will surely highlight them, as you say, the moment we fucking identify them.
[/quote]
Why would there be a list of these anywhere except for the people we know in our lives personally? You don’t know any other docs who are successfully married, or who got divorced and came out pretty clean?
Of course the news is going to highlight a situation like Tiger Woods, but “rich guy that no one knows finalized his divorce today, and he kept most of his assets while having joint custody of their children, and left his wife with enough money to float her expenses until she can find a job”… wow that story really caught my eye, let me flip to page 13 to get the whole scoop!
So just because the media doesn’t cover every time a millionaire doesn’t get screwed over by his ex, then there must be something to it right?
Do you believe everything you hear on TV too?
I can think of one woman that didn’t get anything from her divorce except the children he didn’t want anyway, that had to go back to living in poverty while he kept all his money: that would be my mother.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
You are the most defensive, combative, and self-centered man on earth, X, and that is why you should not get married. You don’t make enough money to adequately compensate for these shortcomings.[/quote]
This thread isn’t even about me…so why are you so focused on me and not the topic?[/quote]
Because YOU are the one who keeps disregarding answers to your questions to continue truculently restating your thesis, but now with added attacks on the theses or qualifications of the people answering you. People are saying, to you and others of like mind to yours, if you are unable to trust the person you’ve chosen, simply don’t get married. If you feel that it is a business deal that offers poor returns, you and others of like mind should pass.
Some sixty percent of marriages undertaken today work out and far, far more if you happen to be intelligent and not too young to know yourself and what you want. But if you consider that too risky, for the love of God, forgo it.
People are trying to answer the questions you asked. Do you even remember what they are?
Not everyone cares deeply about being “destroyed” in a divorce, but you can’t seem to hear or understand that. Some people would frankly laugh at the idea that the loss of half a suburban house valued at $525K is “destroyed.” Some people would view their ability to move on from the failed marriage with continued six figure earning power to be a cup half full. But not you, because when people offer that you reject it. So people are saying to you that people like you may not be good candidates for the arrangement.
Also laughable, while I’m at it, is the idea that Tiger, who is paid stratospheric amounts of money to play a game that is undemanding enough that sedentary people in their 70s regularly engage in it, is pitiable for losing half of his money in a divorce. After all, he too now carries “more cash in his wallet than most states in this country.” I don’t begrudge Tiger his wealth – I admire athletes at the top of their respective games – but let us not pretend that he has been hauling coal from a mine while his wife gets her nails done. [/quote]
Nice post, But Tiger has been doing some hard labor there Em, He has been doing a lot of plumbing, Laying the Pipe, and some lumberjacking, Laying the wood. Those are both very demanding professions and the lumberjacking can be quite dangerous, have you watched axe men?
V
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
Not everyone cares deeply about being “destroyed” in a divorce, but you can’t seem to hear or understand that. Some people would frankly laugh at the idea that the loss of half a suburban house valued at $525K is “destroyed.” Some people would view their ability to move on from the failed marriage with continued six figure earning power to be a cup half full. But not you, because when people offer that you reject it. So people are saying to you that people like you may not be good candidates for the arrangement.
Also laughable, while I’m at it, is the idea that Tiger, who is paid stratospheric amounts of money to play a game that is undemanding enough that sedentary people in their 70s regularly engage in it, is pitiable for losing half of his money in a divorce. After all, he too now carries “more cash in his wallet than most states in this country.” I don’t begrudge Tiger his wealth – I admire athletes at the top of their respective games – but let us not pretend that he has been hauling coal from a mine while his wife gets her nails done. [/quote]
Emily, dear woman, unless you and “those like you” believe that the courts do not disproportionately reward women in a divorce with money and the kids, you do not have much of a point and never did.
You see, THAT was the point being made…over and over and over again…one that neither you nor anyone else has disproven or explained away. You choose to focus on me because you are apparently defensive of your ideas of marriage. No one has ever stated that good marriages do not exist or that I would marry someone I did not trust. This is about protecting yourself in a marriage because of how courts seem to view men in a divorce.
What has been said throughout this thread several times is that NO ONE KNOWS WHILE GETTING MARRIED IF THEIR MARRIAGE WILL EVENTUALLY FAIL…so why would a man with assets not even try to protect those assets in a new relationship?
You claim that you know several people who got divorced and everything turned out great. Tell me, did any of those people who got divorced think they would get divorced if you had asked them five to ten years previous? Did any of those people have a marriage where the guy made MUCH more than the woman?
Get off your high horse. You apparently can’t see any better from way up there.
http://www.legalzoom.com/marriage-divorce-family-law/divorce/men-v-women-who-does
[quote]But even in a situation where all the assets are divided 50/50, divorced women may find that a seemingly fair settlement is still far from equitable. Women are typically awarded custody of the children. Because our predominant social values suggest that children are best situated with their mothers, women often do the lion’s share of child rearing in divorced families, even in shared custody cases.
Any parent who has ever fought a custody battle knows that child care responsibilities are a privilege, not a burden. Unfortunately, most divorce settlements fail to account for the damaged future earning potential of a woman with child care responsibilities. Since mothers usually take some time away from their careers, and since women still earn slightly less than men, it is fair to say that most women, even prior to divorce, have lower earning power than their male spouses.
The problem of lower earning power is exacerbated by child care responsibilities. They reduce a woman’s available work hours, thereby making it more difficult for her to increase her income through promotions, client cultivation and so forth. This marked reduced earning capacity is not factored into a divorce, since settlements focus on dividing marital property.
Ultimately, the overall economic quality of a man’s life, based on earnings and amount spent on living expenses, increases after his divorce. He continues to earn more but bears fewer family expenses. The overall economic quality of a woman’s life, post-divorce, decreases.[/quote]
For those who can actually stay on topic, because clearly some of us are incapable, the above quote seems to pain women at such a disadvantage that I am wondering if society has changed much at all in the 30 years.
[quote]Professor X wrote:
For those who can actually stay on topic, because clearly some of us are incapable, the above quote seems to pain women at such a disadvantage that I am wondering if society has changed much at all in the 30 years.[/quote]
This is why no one likes you. ; )
[quote]Headhunter wrote:
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
[quote]Headhunter wrote:
I’m closing in on 25 years btw.[/quote]
Hey! I’m a flaming Liberal and my wife and I are closing in on 26 happy years!
Cheers for the “immoral” left!
[/quote]
God bless you and your wife. Got kids? Staying married and loving your spouse are so important for kids! 90% of my ‘troubled’ students come from divorced homes.
Nothing better than having a great marriage!
[/quote]
Yep. We have a 17 year old son. He’s an A student, prodigious musician, mild-mannered with an abundance of self confidence.
My wife grew up in a broken home, lived through an abusive step-dad, yet she’s the most sane, giving, and balanced person I’ve ever known. Although I agree that divorce isn’t the ideal for kids, there are some good exceptions to the rule.
Thanks HH!
All of which is to say, in other words, that you ARE having trouble remembering your questions and your original point. Which doesn’t bode well for the success of any future relationships you might undertake, to be honest.
As for your insistence that I need to defend marriage, no. What do I care what you do? I’m simply stating, for what it’s worth, that I find it a workable (and yes, enriching) system and reporting the conditions under which I think it can be so for others. It is you who cannot separate his own feelings from the discussion.
To be honest, you remind me of the dumbasses at the gym who look like shit but still want to argue that they know best.
Do you take issue with the content of the article (or whatever) you just posted?
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
All of which is to say, in other words, that you ARE having trouble remembering your questions and your original point. Which doesn’t bode well for the success of any future relationships you might undertake, to be honest.
As for your insistence that I need to defend marriage, no. What do I care what you do? I’m simply stating, for what it’s worth, that I find it a workable (and yes, enriching) system and reporting the conditions under which I think it can be so for others. It is you who cannot separate his own feelings from the discussion.
To be honest, you remind me of the dumbasses at the gym who look like shit but still want to argue that they know best.
Do you take issue with the content of the article (or whatever) you just posted?[/quote]
This was my second response in this thread. This was written right after seeing that some of you need everything written in green highlighter to understand the pint being made. That would mean that you are unable to follow a conversation or debate because you are ignoring this post to bitch and moan because you misunderstood the goal of the first post in the thread:
[quote][quote]Professor X wrote:
[quote]Iron Dwarf wrote:
It comes off that the case you’re making here is that big bucks can resolve emotional issues.[/quote]
That isn’t what I wrote at all. I am saying that if you have big bucks, you better watch your fucking back.
Look, we get it, some of you claim wonderful marriages with soul mates who would NEVER turn around and stab you in the back…yet most of the people I know (obviously not all) have either been divorced or had their “serious relationship” go south and their girl do something that literally tries to ruin the guy’s life.
If you guys are making less than 60K, obviously the same rules do not apply.
Money seems to change the whole issue…that and status.
So, why do people insist on ignoring the whole “make more money than the wife” issue and the “women get rewarded money because of their perceived decreased value during marriage” issue?