First off, to give a hypothetical situation doesn’t say that if these event DID happen, that the reaction would be the same. Just like asking some one if they were on an airplane that was crashing, and there was only one parachute, would they fight for it or give it to some one else – you just don’t REALLY know the answer until you’re in that situation. But the situation you gave CAN’T happen. Why? The consequence-free part. There ain’t such an animal.
This isn’t a question of whether the partner is so stimualting, it’s about following through with a commitment. That’s what a T-man does. It’s not that the desire to ravage the next woman you see will disappear, it’s that the rational part of you stays true to the commitment and doesn’t act on the urge.
If this guy could reach into his wife’s brain and see the real reason his wife is asking, and gaze into his crystal ball and see that following through would strengthen their bond, then I’d say, by all means, go for it. But you can’t do that. He was asking for some advice from people who might have gone through that fire. A couple people who responded had, and their advice was to NOT go through with it.
Brider - Yes, consequence free sex could easily happen. I live in the U.S. Let’s say my job takes me to France, and I meet this awesome French girl in a bar. So awesome she even shaves her pits. We hit it off, I give a fake name, we have sex, I leave the country, and we never see each other again. Where are the consequences?
Tyler: I am a practicing egoistic hedonist. I search for pleasure and whenever possible, I avoid pain; both giving and receiving.
You argue that society would collapse if we all did this. Here's an excerpt of something I wrote on this:
We are taught that individual or egoistic hedonism is wrong, because it goes against the social good. In some respects, there is a great deal of merit to this. Why, if everyone spent their whole lives seeking nothing but pleasure, civilization wouldn't advance; our lives would revolve solely around sexual and physical pleasures.
However, in the 21st century, I don't see a problem with egoistic hedonism: Civilization is extremely advanced, and one person is not likely to contribute a significant advancement to humanity. While this may fly in the face of contemporary thoughts about one person changing the world, I feel that those thoughts are merely self-serving wishes. Science has advanced to the point that it is impossible for one man or woman to change the world without help. One man won't cure cancer or AIDS. It will be a team of dozens, or hundreds of people. Each contributing highly specialized knowledge from a variety of disciplines too far-reaching for one man to ever master.
Take that for what you will. My sum total of advice on the whole subject would be this:
Live life for you, not for your wife, for society, or for anyone else. If you want to have a threesome, do it. If you don't want to, then don't.
Dustin: I feel, and let me state that again for clarification, I feel monogamy to be flawed as it places undue stress on what is already a stressful situation, i.e. marriage. Marriage is a wonderful thing for stability and companionship and the joint raising of children but anytime you get two people together for 50+ years - there’s bound to be some conflicts. Why add boredom in the bedroom, different levels of desire and other sexual issues to those conflicts? I think these sexual restrictions place undue stress on an already difficult situation. I also think celibacy is not the best situation for priests. We all have seen what happens when natural, human sexuality is repressed - why do that when, instead of attempting to cut this out of our lives or severely and unnaturally restricting it, we could be freeing it and reducing our stress levels?
My views on marriage are not based on anything but my own observations and research. I could go way into the entire marriage phenomonon but that should really be it’s own thread. Yes, I understand my views are rather far outside the “norm” but I don’t give a shit. No one has to live with my views and opinions but me - and I am perfectly happy with them.
Terminator: Why is it no one can agree to disagree? Just because I have an opinion that is different from yours does not make it any more fucked up than your opinion. You are welcome to have your opinion, why am I not welcome to have mine? I never stated that “the family and marriage is a fatal flaw” as you accuse me of. I stated my opinion that “the fatal flaw of patriarchal, Judeo-Christian societies [is] in regards to the strictures placed on marriage”. The strictures are what the fatal flaw is, not MARRIAGE itself and certainly not FAMILY itself - but the strictures! I totally agree that marriage and family are good for society. It is good that there is an entity that accepts responsibility for the rearing of children. But as for “good morals” - who’s morals are those? Are they your’s? Are they mine? Are they Adolf Hitler’s? Are they Mother Theresa’s? Who’s morals are the “good” ones? Who decideds what is “good”? I certainly don’t want you, a child yourself, deciding what morals are good for MY child. Nor do I want the government, the church or the PTA deciding what is “good”.
A little FYI -I have never read a single Feminist text. I have no idea what Feminism proclaims as it does not interest me. I have come to my opinions through nothing other than the sum of my experiences and research. That was a nice attempt to cop out accepting the possibility that I do, unlike some, think for myself.
Regarding all the possible negative factors of involving multiple partners in a marital bed - yes, there certainly are a lot of them, aren’t there? That’s why so few people do it; and even fewer that do it well. Very few people have whatever it takes to be able to rationally handle these issues. It is not a wise lifestyle choice for many due to this. A man [woman] must know their limitations, and not exceed them.
LOL… You think I truly have problems and I’m scaring you. You’re funny. Be afraid, little boy, be very afraid… You can strive for whatever you want to strive for. If that is monogamy, then so be it. Myself, I strive for my and my family’s happiness. And wonder of wonders…so far, so damn good!
ShitDisturber: Sorry, I didn’t realize which part of my post you were refering to. You have a way of giving me shit for just about everything so how was I to know which part you were refering to? Yes, either quoting me or bolding what I said would have helped. But now, on to the issues you have raised.
So my ideas of marriage don’t apply to you because you’re an athiest. So what? My ideas on marriage don’t apply to a great many people, does that mean I am not allowed to have or express those ideas? Regarding the castrating oneself for the sake of their mate - you say you didn’t. Good! That’s great to hear. So if you didn’t do this, why bring it up? Again, if something I say doesn’t apply to you…why respond to it? You stated “and frankly I didn’t ask for relationship or life choices advice from you.” Well, I never offered you relationship advice - so I don’t know what you are talking about. I simply stated my opinions and what I do. How does that result in me giving you relationship advice? Sometimes it seems as though you purposely misconstrue what I say so as to have something to argue with me about.
I do not consider myself an expert on relationships, I simply know what I have experienced and what I have learned from life and speak to these things. I sincerely do hope to undertand you one day. I probably will not agree with you but it would be nice to understand what prompts you to be so aggressive and rude to me. And the reality check deal? I live in reality - no need to “check” it. My reality may be different from yours, but that doesn’t seem to be something you can accept.
And I?m sorry, but, what 15 minutes (the ones about to be up) is that? If you are refering to the proverbial 15 minutes of fame…I don’t get it. I am not famous. I’m just a chick that you seem to dig razzing. How lame is your life that you get into razzing me so much? Actually, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.
I’ve been following this thread from the beginning and I’m really enjoying the debate between everyone vs. Karma. Not that anyone cares, but IMO Karma is kicking yer collective asses. I can’t understand why people can’t accept that each individual and couple needs to define for themselves what’s “healthy and normal”. I guess it all comes down to individual opions being like assholes; everyone’s got one and everyone thinks everyone elses stinks.
Okay, so I made my trimonthly visit to the off-topic board out of shear bordom…same ol’ story. It still baffles me that individuals will put so much time and effort into debating moral issues; as if anyone was actually changing anothers mind here…
First off,I’m not a little boy or a child I’m 18 years old.Maybe when you were 18 you had the mental state of a little child but i do not.I still disagree with you though on marraige,I do not think that the constraints place on marriage are a fatal flaw.i think the whole point behing marriage is monogamy.It is not a concern of mine if married people do not want to practice monogamy,but to call the idea of monogamy a fatal flaw of marraige is rididculous.Do you assume that humans can’t control their animal passions,that mongamy is unrealistic?Do you also think that humans can’t control passions such as hate?That humans must act out every emotion that they feel?That they can’t control themselves.Monogamy is very realistic for many people.Monogamy is a choice,but how is it bad for families or couples?How is it a fatal flaw.i bleivele monogmay is good and can work out well for many people.I think it is a good thing that monogamy is encouraged by Judeo -christian society.It is really not to be viewed as something negative but as something positive,it is something that shoould e encouraged.Why?should monogamy be encouraged?
First off most people can not have a truly happy marriage without it,issues of jealousy and the influence of the other people outside of marraige can come up and threaten the marraige.Some people can detacth themselves emotionally from the act of sexually involving other people in the marraige,and view it as purley an act of plaeasure,but most can not and this threatens marraige and the family.Monogamy is a good solution for most people.I hate to say it,but I’m unfortently a virgin,so i can not speak form experaince when it comes to sex,but I imagine that for most people there is an emotional connection when making love and the act is perceived as just not something purley for pleasure,but I admit that I really don’t know for sure.There is the risk of stds when you start involving people outside of marriage(there is a risk anyways but the more partners the more isk)no matter how safe you are when you practice sex.
“That was a nice attempt to cop out accepting the possibility that I do, unlike some, think for myself.”
When I made that statement,It wasn’t because i was trying to cop put or whatever,It was because i thought you were critizing marraige and alot of feminists are against marraige,Wow seroiusly
I don’t think that much when I write this posts,"AHHHH BRAIN HURITNG TRYING TO UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU TOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO DO!seriously i don’t think that much period to try and win an argument by claiming someone is just spitting out someoen elses opinion and has no idea what htey are talking about,if i put that much effort into my posts my brain would shut down from an overload of thought.
Hey Nick you know what do whatever the hell you want you only live once. Molsonman you sound like the biggest p*y out here. Sorry dude it is just coming across like you are the type of person that thinks he is always right and you sound like a wimp. As for the what if your wife wanted another guy to join in instead of another girl idea hell why not. You can have a 2 guy one girl 3 way without it getting bisexual and besides everyone out here is getting to involved in other people’s sht. The more and more I am out here the more I think these message boards all over the net are a bunch of Sht. People are either attacking each other to much or they are spewing their own BS propoganda and that goes for me as well. Back to the topic though Nick just do it. If she is trying to test you then its her own fault. The fact is if your wife the woman that you are suppose to trust with all your heart and soul says she wants another woman in bed then you should not be doubting her and be doing it because she asked and if she is testing you then she is at fault for lying to you.
I’m just glossing over all this back and forth bickering, and it appears to me that a question about a 3-way has turned into an argument about cheating, and monogamy. I have been in a committed relationship with my lady for three years now. In that period of time I have been confronted with a few opportunities to dabble in some new “tang”. Early in our relationship I was powerless to resist the urge. Tren makes you do strange things. The thing that makes me resist the urge is that I picture my girl doing the same shit I’m doing at that time. Even if I’m just flirting with some T-Vixen at the gym, I think “what if I caught her doing the same shit”? I think about the thoughts that are going through my mind about this target that I’m focusing on, and wonder how I would feel if my girlfriend was doing the same thing. That always helps me stay true. Feel free to flame away, one and all.
You know what I love…it’s when someone makes my own point for me in the midst of attempting to make their point…“First off,I’m not a little boy or a child I’m 18 years old…I’m unfortently a virgin,so i can not speak form experaince”.
Wow, I couldn’t have said it better. Hon, try discussing adult matters in another 10-20 years when you’ve had the chance to be an adult. Try discussing marriage after you’ve experienced it. Your opinion will have more impact at that time, assuming of course that you put more energy into formulating it than you do now. My opinions and views have changed rather dramatically since I was 18 and I’m sure they’ll develop further in my next decade of life. Your’s will too. It’ll be ok.
Hey Meatballs, quit picking on Karma. She is entitled to her opinion, even if it is not in line with my own. And, besides guys, I would have graduated high school still a virgin if it weren’t for girls who likewise thought like Miss Karma.
I don’t remeber stating really any opinion on this thread. I asked if he would do the same if his wife wanted to do a threesome with a man and if he loved his wife. How is that trying to be right all the time? The only real pussy is someone who insults a person over the safety of the internet.
Dude, if I may ask, what the hell is wrong with you? When I was 18, all I needed was 2 tits, a hole, and a heartbeat. Hell, sometimes I might have settled for 1 tit!
Seriously, you're 18 and not chomping at the bit to bed anyone anywhere and anytime? Don't tell me - you're one of those "straight edge" cool Jesus loving teens...
You believe that marriage is wonderful for stability, companionship, and the raising of children, yet you reject monogamy? How exactly do you expect stability to arise from a situation in which the parents are constantly going around screwing other people? I really have to question what your concept of marriage is. One of the primary reasons for marriage is the propagation of children. Raising good children and having a sound marriage is something that takes lots of hard work and sacrifice, it doesn't just happen. It is achieved by the parents subsuming their individual desires in order to work together for the good of their children, not by an egoistic search for pleasure. Judeo-Christian values have existed beside and among pagan cultures for thousands of years and survive to this day despite the numerous persecutions which have taken place over the centuries. Funny how those pagan cultures no longer exist, huh? It’s unfortunate that people decide to reject thousands of years of tried and true behavior to try to reinvent the wheel, but I can only hope that they will eventually realize the errors of their ways.
Furthermore I have to point out your ignorance of the reasons for priestly celibacy. Priests do not repress their sexuality; they are representatives of Christ and take the Church as their bride. Their goal is to serve and please God, something which cannot be done as well if they are also attempting to serve and please a wife.
I do admit that I am limited by my amount of experaince in the world when formualting opinions on certain subjects,but you can gain insight from observing other people andh earing other peoples experainces on subjects.Also you didn’t respond to any of my arguments against your case of"monogamy being a fatal flaw of marriage"
You can strive for whatever you want to strive for. If that is monogamy, then so be it. Myself, I strive for my and my family’s happiness. And wonder of wonders…so far, so damn good!