OP, sorry this is such a lousy situation. A couple things that you said kind of jumped out at me though. You mentioned you are not working and you are living in the home inherited from your parents. Did one or both of your parents recently pass?
I obviously don’t know how bad the relationship is, but I’m just wondering if possibly you may be feeling stuck in a rut or down in general. Is it possible you are considering divorce for the sake of change, in the hopes to get out of a rut? Of course, she could be a raging succubus but I’m playing devil’s advocate.
No I definitely want out. Both my parents passed more than 10 years ago. I might be in a little bit of a rut because of being out of work, but she is making it much worse.
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings, although I have LOTS of bills. She has been putting more pressure on me to spend now then when I was working, which confounds me. Might be testing me to see how far she can push me.
[quote]BeefEater wrote:
OP, sorry this is such a lousy situation. A couple things that you said kind of jumped out at me though. You mentioned you are not working and you are living in the home inherited from your parents. Did one or both of your parents recently pass?
I obviously don’t know how bad the relationship is, but I’m just wondering if possibly you may be feeling stuck in a rut or down in general. Is it possible you are considering divorce for the sake of change, in the hopes to get out of a rut? Of course, she could be a raging succubus but I’m playing devil’s advocate.[/quote]
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.
What field did you previously work in? It is clear there is more than just pressuring you to spend without a job, which I would conclude makes one pissed off and stressed out but there is clearly more than that. Would having a steady stream of income make you happier or is it that she is not suitable for you? Seems that you have your mind made up so a lawyer sounds right.
Not well, been looking for a while. An income stream would help ( getting unemployment) but even at this point if a lawyer takes a bite out of my savings, it is worth it.
The sad thing is, I used to think we had so much in common. In some ways we still do, but I am realizing we are fundamentally very different. She is also bossy, controlling and manipulative.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.[/quote]
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Not well, been looking for a while. An income stream would help ( getting unemployment) but even at this point if a lawyer takes a bite out of my savings, it is worth it.
The sad thing is, I used to think we had so much in common. In some ways we still do, but I am realizing we are fundamentally very different. She is also bossy, controlling and manipulative.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.[/quote]
[/quote]
Having been unemployed a few times I can tell you this- Money isn’t everything. Having a decent fallback like unemployment helps keep the wolves at bay, but without an occupation and sense of purpose each day you will chew your own foot off when you aren’t even trapped.
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Not well, been looking for a while. An income stream would help ( getting unemployment) but even at this point if a lawyer takes a bite out of my savings, it is worth it.
The sad thing is, I used to think we had so much in common. In some ways we still do, but I am realizing we are fundamentally very different. She is also bossy, controlling and manipulative.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.[/quote]
[/quote]
Having been unemployed a few times I can tell you this- Money isn’t everything. Having a decent fallback like unemployment helps keep the wolves at bay, but without an occupation and sense of purpose each day you will chew your own foot off when you aren’t even trapped.
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[/quote]
That’s what I was hinting at as well. I go cray cray when I don’t have a job ahha.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Having been unemployed a few times I can tell you this- Money isn’t everything. Having a decent fallback like unemployment helps keep the wolves at bay, but without an occupation and sense of purpose each day you will chew your own foot off when you aren’t even trapped.
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[/quote]
I’m not married, but I agree with this.
One of the things that did help keep me sane was forcing myself to take some time and enjoy some of the smaller things in life.
For me that meant taking the time to make/drink good coffee every day. There were other things too, but that ritual was pretty critical to just give me something mechanical and relaxing to do. If I didn’t take the time to do that, it would just leave me on edge, no matter what else I was doing.
Now, it still may make sense for a consultation with a lawyer, just for information, but you don’t have to proceed further until you feel like it. Take some time to wrap your head around things.
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
Having been unemployed a few times I can tell you this- Money isn’t everything. Having a decent fallback like unemployment helps keep the wolves at bay, but without an occupation and sense of purpose each day you will chew your own foot off when you aren’t even trapped.
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[/quote]
I’m not married, but I agree with this.
One of the things that did help keep me sane was forcing myself to take some time and enjoy some of the smaller things in life.
For me that meant taking the time to make/drink good coffee every day. There were other things too, but that ritual was pretty critical to just give me something mechanical and relaxing to do. If I didn’t take the time to do that, it would just leave me on edge, no matter what else I was doing.
Now, it still may make sense for a consultation with a lawyer, just for information, but you don’t have to proceed further until you feel like it. Take some time to wrap your head around things.[/quote]
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
No I definitely want out. Both my parents passed more than 10 years ago. I might be in a little bit of a rut because of being out of work, but she is making it much worse.
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings, although I have LOTS of bills. She has been putting more pressure on me to spend now then when I was working, which confounds me. Might be testing me to see how far she can push me.
[quote]BeefEater wrote:
OP, sorry this is such a lousy situation. A couple things that you said kind of jumped out at me though. You mentioned you are not working and you are living in the home inherited from your parents. Did one or both of your parents recently pass?
I obviously don’t know how bad the relationship is, but I’m just wondering if possibly you may be feeling stuck in a rut or down in general. Is it possible you are considering divorce for the sake of change, in the hopes to get out of a rut? Of course, she could be a raging succubus but I’m playing devil’s advocate.[/quote]
[/quote]
r u on unemployment bro?
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.[/quote]
not really though what if the judge gives her much more alimony because hes employed?
[quote]SkyzykS wrote:
[
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[/quote]
I’ve never been unemployed so I have no experience with this kind of psychological affect, but if we’ve got people on here saying this, I think you should consider it carefully before doing anything drastic. Maybe you should tuff it out until you do get a job and have been employed for six months then see where your mind is at.
There’s the flip side too. If being unemployed affects us like this, maybe the way your wife has been bossy, controlling and manipulative is out of character for her too. What you’ve said does indicate that this is true at least to an extent.
As I said, I haven’t experienced the above, but what I do know for sure is if we bail out at the low points of our relationships we miss out on all the highs.
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
Not well, been looking for a while. An income stream would help ( getting unemployment) but even at this point if a lawyer takes a bite out of my savings, it is worth it.
The sad thing is, I used to think we had so much in common. In some ways we still do, but I am realizing we are fundamentally very different. She is also bossy, controlling and manipulative.
[quote]csulli wrote:
[quote]paulypaul wrote:
We are very different with money too. She has no savings and is a spender. I like to spend to but am somewhat disciplined and have some decent back- up savings
[/quote]
Dude I know exactly what that’s like. It drives me completely insane.
One question though. How are things going on the job hunting front? I would imagine it would make this process easier, and the lawyer much more affordable with some cash flow coming in.[/quote]
[/quote]
Having been unemployed a few times I can tell you this- Money isn’t everything. Having a decent fallback like unemployment helps keep the wolves at bay, but without an occupation and sense of purpose each day you will chew your own foot off when you aren’t even trapped.
I shit you not, when I’m not working, every word out of my wifes mouth sounds like it’s about everything you are describing.
Get a job, give it six months, and if you still feel the same way Then call an attorney.
[/quote]
This right here! Start working and re-evaluate. This is right on the money. When a man isn’t working, no woman will satisfy him.