How do you tell when you are loved. I don’t meen admired, or a simple crush, or liked alot, I mean truley loved.
Is there one simple test? Is it more than the words " I love you"? Can this ultimate question be answered?
Am I being a pussy here but does it feel way better to be loved by someone more than to love someone?
I know I stand a big chance here on this forum of being totally flamed, but it may be worth the risk.
Just wondering.
Would she love you if you was down and out?
Would she still, have love for you?
If you fell off tomorrow, would she still love you?
If you didn’t smell so good, would she still hug you?
If you got locked up and sentenced to a quarter century, could you count on her to be there to support you mentally?
If you went back to a Hoop-D from a Benz
Would she poof and disappear, like some of you friends?
If you was hit and you was hurt would she be your side?
If it was time to put in work would she be down to ride?
If you ain’t rap 'cause you was flip burgers in Burger King, would she be ashamed to tell her friends she’s feeling you?
In the bed, if you use your tongue would she like that?
If you wrote her a love letter, would she write back?
Now would she leave you if her father, found out you was thugging?
Do she believe you when you tell her, you the one I’m loving
Is she mad 'cause you’re asking her 21 questions?
Is she your soulmate? 'Cause if so, girl she’s a blessing.
Do she trust you enough, to tell you her dreams?
If you was down would she say things to make you smile?
If you was with some other chick and someone happened to see
And when she asked you about it you said “It wasn’t me”
Would she believe you?
Or up and leave you?
How deep is your bond?
FLAME
Why would you be flamed?
Tough question to approach at 8:30 am. I don’t think either feels better, it’s the mutuality of a loving relationship that feels unbeatable.
I don’t think there’s a test and I don’t think it’s absolute. You just feel it. Doubting it becomes difficult.
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What you see is what you get. Don’t speculate on how the other thinks. Look at the facts.
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Look at how the other invests in your relationship. Is the other a giver, a taker, or both? Is it balanced?
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Don’t tough it out ‘hoping’ the other will change aspect X you don’t like. A) Unless you tell the other, point blank, what you expect and tolerate or not, the other will have no idea of what you really exactly want. B) People are people are people and are themselves at first and you second. That is, unless like mentionned in A) you tell what are you standards.
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Look at how the other behaves in stressful/tough times. It’s easy to profess love when no challenge is at hand. And it is when adversity hits that A) You know what the other is made of, B) You know the other’s TRUE allegiances, C) You will know how much it takes (or not) for the other’s love to ‘change’
In short, keep your eyes open on reality.
As they say…
“actions speak louder than words”
It all comes down to FEELING loved.
It’s one thing to say it…and quite another to show it.
I think you’d know if you were loved.
Wow dude… take a zanax.
Squatty: Deep, man…deep!
Well, I guess I can approach it more from the side of when women claimed to love me but didn’t:
Does she love you for who you are, and not who she wants you to be?
Does she love you for who you are, or for what she wants from you?
Forgive my cynicism. I hope whoever you’re dating is a cooler chick than my last girlfriend. And I’m not going to flame you. It takes a degree of balls to not be afraid of being called a pussy for discussing feelings.
Wow Guys… gotta ponder this for a minute.
This will take a little time… Some of my answers are definatly there.
Thanks will be back after I read this again.
Harley
Do you miss her when you aren’t with her? Do you miss her little nuances? Do you miss seeing her smile? Well, then you love her. Do you see yourself growing old with her? Look at her mom, does she look good? Well, then you may love her (the girl, not the mom).
Good luck.
David… Is that from a song? That is good! There is a lot to think about in those sentences. Pleas tell me the source. Or did you think of it.
I think you are right Dan C…Stressful and tough times do bring out the truths. Maybe sometimes the feelings and desires hide those truths and make you ignore the facts? I have always ignored advice,opinions and criticism from others in the topic of love. I am unsure why.
Bald Scholar…Maybe you hit that one on the head. However in may be hard to determine what she wants, I mean really wants. And of course there is the fear that these things she wants out of you or wants you to become will change over time. Like in a week, a month a year and beyond. I do wish men an women could be more honest with this stuff and their wants.
I guess I have a big fear of loosing this person.
Thanks so very much
Harley
Colin Cancer…Yes 4 times for sure!
More please
Just a thought here…on the different understandings of this term according to gender. It’s the difference in the meaning of “love” vs. “being in love”.
Guys often think saying “I love you” means “I’m in love with you”.
On the other hand, women feel totally comfortable saying “I love you” and not mean they are “in love with you”. They mean, rather, that they possess very strong feelings for you…but still short of being “in” love.
If she’s “in love” with you, she’ll stay with you through hell and high water…better than the most loyal pitbull.
So, perhaps the more poignant inquiry is whether she is “in love” with you, not whether she loves you?
I offer this only because of my own mistakes. There seems to be nothing more common than to be left by a woman that is considerate, caring and loves you…but is no longer “in love” with you.
Smartbulldog:
Very good post! You hit the nail on the head when you said women can love someone and care about them, but not be IN LOVE with them. That is what I am going through right now…
Harley, the song is 21 Questions by 50 Cent.
So what do you do when somebody loves you but is not in love with you?
My Guess is …nothing?
Can’t do anything about that man. I love my friends who are guys because of who they are and that I like to hang out with them, but I’m not IN love with them.
Jenna, thanks for the bump. And, Harley, can I offer to both of you that you possess many options? I.e., the choice to cut your losses and look for someone else? The choice to chill and reassess your position, wants and goals. Or, the choice to proceed with the woman who is not “in love” with you currently.
If the goal is to be with a woman who is in love with us, perhaps we should choose one who is more enamored with our talents, charms, and assets? Then we can get down to the business of building a mutually satisfying relationship instead of chasing something who, might enjoy the pursuit, but never really intended to be caught.
On the other hand, if we want to make a woman, who only loves us, fall “in love”, we have to change ourselves to become the kind of fella’ she can really fall in love with.
There was a special on the Discovery channel explaining why men were so frustrated in their attempts to attract women. The show theorized that men didn’t understand what women wanted because women wanted “everything”. They wanted guys who were sensitve and strong…who were succesful but still offered abundant quality time for their relationship…etc…Women wanted men who were adequate in every category, intelligence, finances, sex, looks, etc., and at the right time too.
So, maybe the way to make a woman fall “in love” with you, is to assess your strengths and weaknesses and change accordingly?
But do you really want that???
I’ve done that before…improved myself for a woman…sometimes I won them, sometimes I didn’t. It made loosing them a lot harder. But, however, it did usually increase my marketability for dating other women too. This just means, I really needed to clean up my act! I made sure first, it was a change I wanted to make. And, honestly, the changes I made were always geared towards being more of a T-Man, not less…at least in my humble opinion.
On the other hand, if the woman is still looking for a “white knight fantasy” to fall “in love” with, the best thing to do is let her go. She’ll gravitate towards some smooth and sleazy scumbag whose only asset is his ability to sell her a line of bullshit and convince her he’s the white knight…until he gets what he wants, gets bored with her, and moves on to a new target. If you’re still noticeably in the wings, fighting for her, it will make it more of a challenge to the scumbag and motivate him to fight harder. Eventually, he will leave her, maybe sooner than you expect. Until she changes her desire for a fantasy, she can still be won over by this approach. But, how healthy is that?
The worse thing a guy can do is to avoid other options while waiting for his girl to fall in love with.
Mutual attraction should not be this hard. There’s bound to be someone, or many, who can fall in love with us for who we are now. The critical factor is whether we are making ourselves socially available to be met.
Ironically, the fact that we are moving on, and are attractive to other women, often proves to be the best way to reignite a former/current girlfriend’s interest. But how superficial is that on her part? I mean, really. Tell her she lost her place and she has to move to the back of the line…because you’ve got new tail to explore!
I apologize in advance for the rant… g’nite all!
I guess that’s a friendship then. Someone to hang out with. I guess that’s ok.
Whats your opinion then on male/female friendships. Do they work?
Some people say no. Some people say that there is always the underlieing sexual tension that develops. It is probably the mans fault though.