The Testes 2012

Off Topic
142

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Is the future Mrs Ruff traditional with her faith?

[/quote]

Modern orthodox. Not Jewbacca, but close, I think. She’s going to wear a head covering or wig when we get married. Wants me to wear a hat (which I do anyway) and not shave with a razor (you can leave stubble). Had my last tamale 3 months ago.

Ah, when I met her parents, it was:

Daughter: "Look at who I am dating. He’s been approved by the Beit Dein (or however it is spelled) and is in the process of converting — he’s already done the ‘hard part.’ (giggle).

Mother: “Oh, how wonderful. Jews-by-choice make the best Jews. You’re very tall. What do you do? Oh, you run a company. Oh, you OWN the company! And you went to college where? Wonderful! You have a house? Let me look it up on Zillow. Oh! No mortgage! And have you ever been married? No! Children. No? Want children? Yes. How come you’re not married? Army! Oh, my! You know, with your coloration and nose, you could be Sephardic! You look just like those tall Israelis we saw. So handsome! You know, there was a Jewish Indian chief? Yes, really! No, not the one from ‘Blazing Saddles!’ How funny!”

(The future Mrs. Ruff planned this out well. We actually had a dress rehearsal of answers. That was all in one breath, BTW.)

The dad was more like so-you’re-the-Indian-whose-been-fucking-my-daughter. But he’s mellowed out, I think largely because he realized his daughter loves me. Plus, he was a Marine in Vietnam and read my DD-214 I left on my desk in the guest room as if I was filing something for the VA, ON PURPOSE.*

  • Also her idea. He never did say he read it, but did – a couple days later – ask how I got a certain medal that he had no way of knowing about.

They do not approve of the fact we’ve been humping like rabbits pre-marriage, but some things are non-negotiable.[/quote]

At least she didn’t ask to see if you are circumcised.

143

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

Mother: “Oh, how wonderful. Jews-by-choice make the best Jews. You’re very tall. What do you do? Oh, you run a company. Oh, you OWN the company! And you went to college where? Wonderful! You have a house? Let me look it up on Zillow. Oh! No mortgage! And have you ever been married? No! Children. No? Want children? Yes. How come you’re not married? Army! Oh, my! You know, with your coloration and nose, you could be Sephardic! You look just like those tall Israelis we saw. So handsome! You know, there was a Jewish Indian chief? Yes, really! No, not the one from ‘Blazing Saddles!’ How funny!”

[/quote]

Lolling hard.

As someone with a Jewish grandmother, I can definitely vouch for the believability of the above.

144

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Is the future Mrs Ruff traditional with her faith?

[/quote]

Modern orthodox. Not Jewbacca, but close, I think. She’s going to wear a head covering or wig when we get married. Wants me to wear a hat (which I do anyway) and not shave with a razor (you can leave stubble). Had my last tamale 3 months ago.

Ah, when I met her parents, it was:

Daughter: "Look at who I am dating. He’s been approved by the Beit Dein (or however it is spelled) and is in the process of converting — he’s already done the ‘hard part.’ (giggle).

Mother: “Oh, how wonderful. Jews-by-choice make the best Jews. You’re very tall. What do you do? Oh, you run a company. Oh, you OWN the company! And you went to college where? Wonderful! You have a house? Let me look it up on Zillow. Oh! No mortgage! And have you ever been married? No! Children. No? Want children? Yes. How come you’re not married? Army! Oh, my! You know, with your coloration and nose, you could be Sephardic! You look just like those tall Israelis we saw. So handsome! You know, there was a Jewish Indian chief? Yes, really! No, not the one from ‘Blazing Saddles!’ How funny!”

(The future Mrs. Ruff planned this out well. We actually had a dress rehearsal of answers. That was all in one breath, BTW.)

The dad was more like so-you’re-the-Indian-whose-been-fucking-my-daughter. But he’s mellowed out, I think largely because he realized his daughter loves me. Plus, he was a Marine in Vietnam and read my DD-214 I left on my desk in the guest room as if I was filing something for the VA, ON PURPOSE.*

  • Also her idea. He never did say he read it, but did – a couple days later – ask how I got a certain medal that he had no way of knowing about.

They do not approve of the fact we’ve been humping like rabbits pre-marriage, but some things are non-negotiable.[/quote]

That’s funny as hell. I’m glad things went well.

The ex gf’s mother did ask what I did for a living…

Mom: “So, is he a doctor?”

Her: “ah… no”

Mom: “Lawyer?” (Her 2 younger siblings are both lawyers)

Her: “No mom”

Mom: “Teacher??”

Her: “No. He’s a manager for a cable company…or something…”

Mom: “Huh? Good money, at least? Own a home?”

Her: “Um… it’s ok. And, he does not…no”

Mom: “I love you, but hope you know what you’re doing…”

146

Poster who should have stayed away: fuck you

147

comeback poster of the year: bring back little buddy

148

[quote]EctoMorphosis wrote:

“Thank GOD they didn’t leave” award goes to: theMightySTU
[/quote]

Awww! Probably the coolest sounding award I’ve ever been nominated for. If I win I guess I’ll have to move some trophies around to make room for the Golden Testes. I’m sure they’ll go over real when when the Mother in Law comes to visit.

S

149

[quote]Chushin wrote:
If it makes you feel any better, my (Japanese) in-laws first reaction to my proposal was, “We don’t care how good of a person he is; he’s NOT Japanese!”[/quote]

150

[quote]Vagina Whisperer wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

The one on the bottom right is just perfect.
[/quote]

Figured you more for the locking kind…[/quote]

I’d usually choose the locking kind when I want him to wear it all day, watch porn and please himself.

The one with the bumps is perfect when inserted, and followed with me giving a firm, vigorous handjob.

151

[quote]EmilyQ wrote:

Thank you, DN! And I agree with you about Houstonguy and his trillions accounts.
[/quote]

Hahaha!

152

[quote]MaximusB wrote:
Cock plug ?

Clearly some of you never have had a catheter put in, while awake.

I would welcome waterboarding compared to that shit.[/quote]

But you ain’t aroused when the catheter is inserted, are you? Ehehehe…

It’s like saying women are wet as fuck when the obgyn sticks the speculum in during a pap test.

153

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

I’d usually choose the locking kind [/quote]

I’m baffled by that locking one a few back. Just how does it lock? The only thing I can think is if the guy has one of those rings at the tip of his cock but even then, couldn’t he just take off the ring then slide that thing off?

154

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]pat wrote:

[quote]Dr. Pangloss wrote:

[quote]Chushin wrote:

[quote]Spock81 wrote:

NICEST POSTER(S): Cushin, Pat, IH.

[/quote]

Aww, thanks Jen.

Means a lot to me.

But PLEASE learn how to spell my damn name!!! :-)[/quote]

He’s only nice until you spell his name wrong.
[/quote]

He’s nice even when he’s mean…
[/quote]

Fuck you, Pat!

:-)[/quote]

Oh, you ain’t foolin’ anyone…You’re just a big teddy bear.

155

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

[quote]Vagina Whisperer wrote:

[quote]DarkNinjaa wrote:

The one on the bottom right is just perfect.
[/quote]

Figured you more for the locking kind…[/quote]

I’d usually choose the locking kind when I want him to wear it all day, watch porn and please himself.

The one with the bumps is perfect when inserted, and followed with me giving a firm, vigorous handjob. [/quote]

It’s a little scary how much you guys know about these things… I prefer my pecker free of metal.
Or maybe it’s cause I could never find one that fit :slight_smile:

157

[quote]Christine wrote:

At least she didn’t ask to see if you are circumcised.

[/quote]

She’s hot for an older women. Hmmm… Oh wait, that would have only worked with Pyscho.

This one would kill me.

158

[quote]Christine wrote:

[quote]thethirdruffian wrote:

[quote]imhungry wrote:

Is the future Mrs Ruff traditional with her faith?

[/quote]

Modern orthodox. Not Jewbacca, but close, I think. She’s going to wear a head covering or wig when we get married. Wants me to wear a hat (which I do anyway) and not shave with a razor (you can leave stubble). Had my last tamale 3 months ago.

Ah, when I met her parents, it was:

Daughter: "Look at who I am dating. He’s been approved by the Beit Dein (or however it is spelled) and is in the process of converting — he’s already done the ‘hard part.’ (giggle).

Mother: “Oh, how wonderful. Jews-by-choice make the best Jews. You’re very tall. What do you do? Oh, you run a company. Oh, you OWN the company! And you went to college where? Wonderful! You have a house? Let me look it up on Zillow. Oh! No mortgage! And have you ever been married? No! Children. No? Want children? Yes. How come you’re not married? Army! Oh, my! You know, with your coloration and nose, you could be Sephardic! You look just like those tall Israelis we saw. So handsome! You know, there was a Jewish Indian chief? Yes, really! No, not the one from ‘Blazing Saddles!’ How funny!”

(The future Mrs. Ruff planned this out well. We actually had a dress rehearsal of answers. That was all in one breath, BTW.)

The dad was more like so-you’re-the-Indian-whose-been-fucking-my-daughter. But he’s mellowed out, I think largely because he realized his daughter loves me. Plus, he was a Marine in Vietnam and read my DD-214 I left on my desk in the guest room as if I was filing something for the VA, ON PURPOSE.*

  • Also her idea. He never did say he read it, but did – a couple days later – ask how I got a certain medal that he had no way of knowing about.

They do not approve of the fact we’ve been humping like rabbits pre-marriage, but some things are non-negotiable.[/quote]

At least she didn’t ask to see if you are circumcised.

[/quote]

I am sure she asked.

160

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
Darkninja forgot to list me as “white boy I’d love to bang.”

That’s ok. I’ll forgive her.

For now. [/quote]

Considering that DN is Ct. Rockula’s second account, that’s probably a good thing.

161

[quote]Jewbacca wrote:

[quote]FightinIrish26 wrote:
Darkninja forgot to list me as “white boy I’d love to bang.”

That’s ok. I’ll forgive her.

For now. [/quote]

Considering that DN is Ct. Rockula’s second account, that’s probably a good thing.[/quote]

So much lulz if true.

My kingdom to be a MOD for a day.