Dude, how have I never seen Movie 43. Jesus, this movie is ridiculous.
Annabelle Comes Home
0/10. Fuck you.
You wanna know how bad this is? One character gets exorcised by a RECORDING OF ANOTHER EXORCISM ON A PROJECTOR SCREEN… That’s how awful unbelievable awful this piece of shit is.
Jesus Christ. Priests will be conducting exorcisms through Skype in the next sequel.
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It’s the future old man.
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No one Skype’s anymore… It’ll be a Snapchat Exorcism.
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Brb. Setting up a site for remote exorcisms and other holy stuff. Fees will be payable with own crypto called Papalcoin (PPC).
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Kuntilanak (Indonesia 2018)
I keep having to watch these bad horror flicks because my wife can’t get enough of them. Alright, so I see one titled “Kuntilanak” on netflix and think “wow this should end my current spree of bad movies”.
See, a Kuntilanak, also known as a Pontianak in S.E Asia, is the scariest thing among kids here. A Kuntilanak, a myth from the muslim population, is the ghost of a woman who has died at childbirth. The child, if born dead, will get up and start screaming and actually fly around looking for it’s mother unless you put raw rice in it’s mouth and eggs under his armpits. It’s not a pretty sight. The dead woman will then transform into a something that looks exactly like the witch in The Conjuring(guess where James Wan is from). In certain legends, she either sits on trees waiting for male targets so ahe can rip out their entrails with her claws, or she goes around abducting children. Sometimes, she’s spotted sitting in a tree devouring her stillborn fetus. When you’re walking on a dark path alone at night and you catch a whiff of the scent of the franjipani flower, don’t turn around. RUN! (The use of smell to denote the presence of an evil entity was also used in The Conjuring)
To stop this chick, you have to get a nail and ram it into the back of her neck. Then she’ll transform into that chick in Anna and make you sandwiches everyday. Now she’s your’s until the nail comes out. Then she rips your balls off and goes Super Saiyan, which is basically the entire plot of Captain Marvel. I am not making this up. You can go research the folklore yourselves. IIRC, in the army, when we went outfield for training in the jungle, there was talk about an old rule that you can’t conduct any operations on Thursday because that’s the day lots of supernatural shit happened. I’ve seen nothing of that sort. One legend is that a private was found on a tree strung up by his entrails and many other guys saw Bathsheba crouching on the same tree previously.
But this movie just shat on everything that made this thing scary and turned it into the fucking Goonies. What the fuck is wrong with you people? The Kuntilanak doesn’t do shit other than popping up now and then for a couple of JUMP SCARES! and pulls a couple of irritating kids in a fucking mirror. How do you make a pile of crap like this with source material as rich as the Kuntilanak? You dumbass hacks. I hope she comes for you. ALL OF YOU. FUCK! 0/10
My six month old daughter and I have been rewatching Deadwood, the series, and will finish with the movie. Well, I’m rewatching, it’s her first time. If you’ve already watched the movie and it sucks, don’t say anything, cocksuckers.
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Is the movie out? Shoot I gotta make sure my wife doesn’t cancel HBO … I’m gonna do what you’re doing but with my 1yr old son
Wow culture shock. Forgot that over in Japan that their views are slightly different about sexuality and age.
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I’m pretty sure it was released last month. I was watching Deadwood with my wife who had never seen it.
But with juggling work and the baby us getting together to sit down and watch a show wasn’t moving fast enough for me, so I left her behind.
In my opinion, it was the best television show of all time, I just hope they stuck the landing with the movie.
We were weeks behind on finishing Game of Thrones, and while I wasn’t as pissed off as most folks, I definitely think that didn’t stick the landing.
It should be fun to watch with your son, especially if he’s paying attention. Maybe his first word will be “cocksucka!” The excuse I tell my wife is that my daughter isn’t watching, and won’t remember anything anyway.
She did really get into a World War 2 documentary series we watched a while ago, especially when the Japanese plane burst into flames during the great Marianas Turkey Shoot. I told her they had it coming.
You got to The End already? That was fast lol.
Not yet . But enough to remind me of the culture difference.
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I know the struggle bud
It’s up there for me for sure … great cast, great writing … great story lines
I’d be content with “Swigin” haha
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Oh. It gets a little worse later. But the sexual stuff will pale in comparison to everything else in the final 2 episodes.
Shit, I’ve rewatched Rebirth and The End so many times I’ve lost count. And I’m not an anume fan lol.
Sleepaway Camp
This has to be the greatest movie line in history:
Dumb chick referring to another dumb chick:
“She’s real carpenter’s dream! Flat as a board and easy to screw!”
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Spider Man: Far From Home is really entertaining.
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Men in Black International. It was good.
The Last Samurai
Tom Cruise plays Captain Tom Cruise (Ret). He has been heavily decorated for having killed lots of Native Americans and ends up as a promoter and advocate for guns. Constantly drunk, he loses this job and gets a gig as a White Savior training an incompetent Japanese regime to fight the last of the Samurai because clearly no one in the Japanese army knows the art of combat. During his tenure, he appropriates Japanese culture along with a Japanese woman whom he oppresses by making her cook, clean the floor on all fours and deprives her of sleep by yelling incoherently all night when he runs out of sake. Needless to say, Stockholm Syndrome eventually kicks in and she falls head over heels for him despite the fact that he also killed her husband and rendered her children fatherless. He then kills a couple of ninjas, gets all his new Samurai allies killed because he thought Gerard Butler in 300 was cool and convinces the Emperor of Japan to completely change his foreign policy based solely on the fact that “he had a Asian friend”.
This is good shit.
8/10
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I actually liked that movie too LMAO! That White Savior bit was ludicrous, to put it mildly; since it’s Tom Cruise, I did not take it seriously at all though, and was not offended…setting the bar low and all that.
Ken Watanabe carried this movie, dude has a certain “majesty” about him.
Great review, you nailed it, hilarious.
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