The Grind...

Training Over 35 Lifter
1061

Sunday was shit. Steaming, moudly shit. I was 90% finished my weekly prep, wherein I bottle, cook, and package every last pill, powder, and morsel of food that I will eat through to the next Saturday. I was feeling pretty good when at 1pm my coach sends me a new meal plan effective Monday morning. The first thing I did was get really depressed and strongly consider just quitting this whole damned thing because what’s the fucking point. Then I got really pissed off and angry. Then I got passive aggressive said “FUCK IT!” and took the kids swimming.

It took two days but now I’m calm. I’m making new plans for the new nutrition guidelines, starting next week, and sent a long and considered e-mail to my coach about what I’d like to see in our coach/client relationship to make me successful. So despite a really, REALLY low couple of days, this could turn out well.

Signs that today is going to be a good day:

(1) Fresh pucks in the urinal in the men’s room at work. Always a good sign.
(2) Coming out of the shower and rubbing gel on my head, with absolutely no effort my (rapidly thinning) hair turned out exactly the way I like it. In fact, it looks SO good I’m taking a picture of it when I get home. Perhaps I’ll follow my own instructions for looking super-buff on film (last page).
(3) My bland, tasteless, and excruciatingly dull meals taste really good today.
(4) The hot, pert blonde shick with the INCREDIBLE breast implants was at the gym today at the same time as me on the stairmaster diretly in front of me. have I mentioned how much I love yoga pants? I have?

1062

Truly, things seem to be going your way today. And yoga pants can cure cancer. True story.

1063

[quote]Canada_K wrote:

(4) The hot, pert blonde shick with the INCREDIBLE breast implants was at the gym today at the same time as me on the stairmaster diretly in front of me. have I mentioned how much I love yoga pants? I have?
[/quote]

This!

1064

Well, you deserve some yoga pants after coach changed things without warning. I go bonkers myself if my routine gets upset with no planning.

So are you through with bulking at this point and focusing on leaning up?

(Catchy tune, BTW.)

1065

another difference between Americans and Canadians…we call em urinal cakes, you guys call em pucks

1066

[quote]MattyXL wrote:
another difference between Americans and Canadians…we call em urinal cakes, you guys call em pucks[/quote]

Cakes you eat.
Pucks you shoot.

Just saying…

1067

frozenkilt - As much as the idea of dressing in a skirt and throwing telephone poles appeals to me (it doesn’t, I’m being polite), I’d rather stick to more manly pursuits… like shaving my privates and prancing around oiled up on-stage much like a stripper for an audience of mostly men

… I’m really not helping my cause here, am I? Well at least I’m AWESOME!

cav - I’m going to retain my coach to direct me through the post-contest rebound, so I can gain as much good weight as I possibly can, for a final attempt and squeezing on a little more muscle. Maybe I can approach Todd. Then I plan to abandon all this bulk/cut shit and join the lean-for-life crowd. Hopefully bigger than I am today.

Kairiki - I can’t give up. I couldn’t live with myself if I did. Oh, I often feel like I want to… but in the end I can’t.

Git & Edgy - I think chicks in yoga pants are proof there is a God.

Matty - Todd said it best. What you do with the urinal puck/cake is your business. Hope they taste marvy!

THE POWER OF MUSIC… AGAIN

So I’ve talked before about how music can make me do goofy things. Let’s just say the right song can override my brain and common sense.

So I’m working hard on heavy walking lunges Monday morning. I’m in the zone. I’m feeling strong. I’ve grabbed my heaviest db ever for this exercise, I’m about to try for a personal best, and the workout has been smoking to this point, so I’m feeling like I could juggle the dumbbells. The music is loud and intense. I walk up and grab the f##kers. I’m get in position. I’m ready to lift.

SONG CHANGE…

… into my earphones bursts the syrupy love ballad “Slow Me Down” by Emmy Rossum.

CRAP! Needless to say, I had to stop, change songs and re-focus.

crap

1068

I think between the urinal cakes- and the yoga pants
you are on the rise and should buy lotto tickets tonight

always glad to see you grinding it all out

1069

I didn’t know we called them “urinal cakes”, I just thought of them as stupid plastic things in the urinal with advertisements.

Someday we’ll have to sit you down and force feed you a viewing of Braveheart. You’ll be begging for kilts.

1070

I lurk. You know I got your back.

[youtube]4XssUiYvg4E[/youtube]

1071

JUST THE FACTS MA’AM

It’s been a looooong time since I posted a workout. That’s because I don’t feel right giving away Carter’s work. This is, after all, how he earns a living. However, I’ve got no problems posting today’s workout because I’m nearly certain none of you would ever choose to do it.

A1 Snatch grip Romanian deadlift - 3x9x205
A2 Machine leg curl - 3x8x130
A3 Butterly hip bridge - 3x17

B1 Single leg good morning - 2x3-1x95
B2 2-up/1-down leg curl - 2x4 per legx110

Single leg donkey kickback - 2x7 per legx25

C1 Multi-hip abduction - 2x15x100
C2 Multi-hip adduction - 2x50x12
C3 unliateral leg press calf raise with bilateral finisher - 2x5-1+8x180

Now I know no self-respecting dude would ever choose to execute this series of increasingly ghey movements. In particular A3, B1, C2, and C3 are pretty freaking high on the “sexual ambiguity” scale.

Hip bridges, more affectionately known as “air-humps”, done butterfly style, (knees open as far as you can take them) look WRONG! And I mean “wrong” in a bad-70s-porn kinda way.

I’d feel pretty emasculated if this all wasn’t in pursuit of the goal of standing on stage in something smaller than a G-string, to get oiled up and prance around. It’s a good thing I’m already in a legally binding marriage because I’m pretty sure no woman would ever consider me sane enough to date after this!

1072

Great stuff going on in here. The strict diet is messing with you and I think it’s really normal to be frustrated and want to chuck it all in. Stick to it and you’ll be happy with the result when you’re on stage.

Keep driving.

james

1073

Why do I get the feeling Carter goes home at night and tells his wife “Heh, heh, heh, you wouldn’t BELIEVE what I got this sucker to do today!”

Seriously, that workout is way more serious than curling DBs or doing ab crunches, which is the stereotype of bodybuilding. Are you starting to see veins and/or cuts yet?

1074

The other day i was cleaning out one of my drawers and ran across my (rarely used) can. And I was reminded of when I bought it, just 4 years ago. Here’s the story…

ODE TO A JOCK STRAP

So I never played a lot of sports growing up (a consequence to being a fat kid with poor social skills). I had just joined a rec floor hockey league to have some fun, add variety to my life, and fulfill the Canadian citizenship requirement since to that point I’d never held a hockey stick in my entire life. Well the team went out after a game when one of the guys suddenly exclaimed,

?Holy crap! I played the whole game and forgot to wear my can!?

All the guys on the team gasped in shock. To which I responded,

?What do you mean??

And they all just gaped at me in horror. So I decided I?d better arrange a trip to the sports store before something untoward happened to the crown jewels. When I walk in there is a guy and a girl behind the counter. I point directly at the guy and say,

?YOU! Can you help me with something??

…whilst thinking …

?Not you toots, this is a dude thing so stay put.?

We walk to the dark, back corner of the store (kind of like the creepy area of the video store where they keep the porn), and I explain my complete ignorance about crotchal protection and ask how the hell I pick one out. The first thing he says is,

?It?s based on the size of your waist.?

For which I was incredibly thankful. I was wondering how exactly a fella gets “FITTED” for one of these things. It also took away some of the sting when my sizing options were S and XS.

And now that I?ve worn it, I?ve got to agree it offers a whole new peace of mind to playing aggressive sports. Other than the fact you have to be careful what shorts you wear overtop, because it looks like you?re continuously turned on. Wouldn’t ya know it, the very next week I took a stick to the groin?

Lesson learned!

1075

Kent you never had jock itch?

you my friend are missing out

1076

“ODE TO A JOCK STRAP”

Kent, I’m starting to suspect this diet is getting your blood sugar reeeeeeally low.

1077

I hated wearing a cup as a kid, so fucking uncomfortable…I remember when I was 12 my buddy who wasnt much of a sports kid espescially team sports was forced to join Little League baseball with me…we all had to wear cups and Jock straps, he never saw one before and neither did his parents and it showed because he came to the field with his jock strap and his cup on the outside of his uniform

1078

I AM FURIOUS!!! I’m livid! Utterly outraged!

Check out the ridiculous note from my coach:

“Diet pop: sorry dude, it’s got to go.”

What the F##K does this guy think he’s doing here!!! This is utter horses##t!

1079

dude-
diet soda while essential for my caffeine love

I know its bad for a few reasons
the sweetness does something funky with insulin release
and carbonated stuff is hard to process

1080

My 11-year-old son Ryan today at around 11:00 am:

“I really want to play a game with you now, but I know you’ve got to do your cooking all day.”

My heart broke right open at that one. This contest prep is completely unfair. I know I can handle the work, but stuff like this is going to do me in.