Fantastic job with sticking to everything. It’s way too easy to let things slack on vacation and it takes a lot of discipline to not.
james
James - Many thanks. Things were slack. There was no work!
And now a rant:
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT… AND THE LACK THEREOF…
I’ve posted stuff to this effect a number of times in various places here on the forums. It’s a recurring theme in other threads too, and it came as a pretty severe shock how many other guys like me are struggling with NO SUPORT FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY, PEERS, OR SPOUSES.
What’s this about? Why aren’t the people closest to us rallying behind us and cheering us on? Why do some of them actually feel so threatened that they begin to work against us, sometimes subtly, sometimes actively and overtly.
I have one big theory. I believe that most people NEED TO BELIEVE that being fit is impossible, that it cannot be done, and they are therefore justified in not trying. Being confronted with someone just like them, who is making the sacrifices and ACHIEVING fitness, is like forcing them to acknowledge that the problem lies solely with THEM!
Most people in the world survive the daily grind by displacing blame for all their unfulfilled dreams OUTSIDE THEMSELVES. As long as they can blame someone else, their self-worth and ego can remain intact. But the cold hard truth is that ultimately everything is their lives is a consequence of THEIR OWN CHOICES. That reality, that all of their unhappiness is their own responsibility, is too much to handle.
Therefore, to maintain their very fragile grip on their own self-worth, they need to attack anything that threatens their world-view. They have to destroy it, so that they don’t have to deal with it, and accept it…
…because to accept it is to ackowledge that their failures are theirs and theirs alone.
My wife is beautiful, but she has a pretty harsh and negative view of her own body. She tried for years to force me to quit going to the gym. She squeezed me so hard, that eventually we were fighting about it pretty much constantly. To me, pushing iron is a CORE VALUE, which means I’m willing to fight for it, and I did fight for it. I wouldn’t give it up. At one point I went on the counter-attack, after she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I really loved her I’d quit.
“Are you saying that the ONLY WAY I can prove my love for you is to become fat and miserable? Is that what you’re demanding from me? You should be happy for me that this gives me joy, and you should be offering your unconditional support because that’s what married people do.”
Things have gotten better. It still pains me sometimes that she was ready to sacrifice my joy to feed her own insecurities.
So remember folks, a lot of people aren’t offering you support because they simply haven’t got the strength. They don’t have enough to support themselves, much less someone else
I feel your pain, man. I can’t believe the number of people I work around or see in my family (not my friends. Mind you, I don’t hang out with non-lifters anymore) who ask me “When are you going to stop?” Stop? Stop?! My last set is planned 35 seconds after my heart stops. If it’s a single, I won’t need the oxygen anyway.
My wife’s never slapped me with the ultimatim, but the little snide comments come in from time to time “Well, it’s not like you’ll skip that workout, will you?” “Nope. I can be convinced to reschedule, but not skip.”
I usually work out at 4am or so as to not disrupt anyone else’s schedule, but I seriously avoid telling most people that that little bit of time there is probably the best my day gets and it allows me to survive the rest of the bs I can’t stand anymore.
Outside of your gym or these types of sites (TN or PN), I doubt you’ll find the “cheerleading” you’re looking for.
Apparently I play a good devil’s advocate so I’ll just go ahead and share a perspective.
Folks here or at your gym see you and what you’re doing in a specific light. They can relate to what you do (in and out of the gym) and as such will offer more compassion, understanding and encouragement than what you think you’re getting from those who you have emotional ties to (wife, family, etc). It’d be like your wife coming to you to tell you she’s entering a log carving competition. I am sure you’d say you’re happy for her, and be supportive to some degree, but if log carving means nothing to you and you don’t really want to understand log carving, then your excitement level may not be where she was hoping it would be and she’d be over on LogCarvers.com complaining about lack of support.
The other side to this awful equation is that BB’ing in itself is an individual sport. I just watched the trailer for ‘The Evolution of Bodybuilding’ and they even mention that in the movie. BB’rs get into that sport because they don’t want to rely on other people or to have to depend on other people. If you don’t lift the weight, eat the food, shave your nether regions, you won’t succeed. So on top of not understanding the mental/emotional rush you get from lifting, those who see you daily (outside of the gym) only see how focused you are on lifting and dieting. They see an intense focus on those aspects which I am sure can lead to questions of why that same intensity and focus is not directed towards them; the people you spend the most time with. And I’ll be perfectly honest, you can’t have both and be successful at both. Something about chasing two rabbits.
I am in agreement to some degree that there are many people in the world who’d rather spend their energy trying to rip you down from your perch rather than taking the time to climb up and join you. I don’t think that’s specific to fitness, bodybuilding, or health. I see it nearly everyday in my office.
I guess the argument I am attempting to make is that this is an endeavor you chose. You’re still doing it. For the most part, those around you “support” you by allowing you to do it. Know that they may not share the same excitement you or those into lifting/training/fitness have. Know that what you think is normal, may not be normal to them and have some compassion towards their perspective much like you’re asking for some from yours. When it’s all said and done, hug them and thank them for putting up with your BS, because I guaran-damn-tee, May will not be your favourite month.
Just my honest $.02.
RIGHT ON TODD!
I agree 100%. All I need is passive support. It just continues to surprise me, even after all these years, how much energy the negative people are willing to spend bringing a guy down. It shouldn’t surprise me… but it still does.
Obviously, if I let that stop me I wouldn’t be on the path I’m on.
And I appreciate the honesty!
I actually disagree a little about how people SHOULD see training. Depending on the person doing the training, of course.
See, everything you described came from a POV of this being something someone DOES. An activity. Like a hobby, etc. But for a lot of people, it’s not. It’s a lifestyle. A way of being. Part of them. As instrumental as eating, breathing, etc.
Personally, I was lifting before I met my wife. It was part of what I was. And she knew that walking in. She was a dancer. And is now a dance teacher. And I always knew that dancing was part of her life. And I have always, often to the point of convincing her, supported anything she had to do with dancing even when she said she didn’t want it because I knew it was part of her. I had accepted that.
And anyone involved with someone who has something so deeply ingrained into their sense of self, as long as it isnt destructive, should be the primary cheerleader.
Kent, it pains me that your wife is so openly opposed to your dream. Maybe I’m naive, but aren’t there many women who would love to have a chiseled hunk for their mate instead of a flabby slob? Does it threaten her so much? Does she understand how many women are frustrated trying to get their guy to stop drinking and get in shape?
BTW, she looks perfectly attractive in the pic you posted - I really don’t see a problem.
I don’t want to play psychiatrist, just remember we’re your friends and are behind you.
I’m overdue for some thanks.
Kong - The weather in Alberta has been stable for the past 6 weeks, hovering between 5 degrees above and 5 degrees below freezing. This is unseasonably warm, and I’ll take it! It looks like global warming is finally starting to pay off me. All those weekends spent emptying cans of aerosol on the back deck weren’t for nothing!
James - Yes the family and I were all enjoying the vacation very much. I get them all back tonight and I’m pretty excited. I miss my guys!
Patch - Yeah, we’ve not gotten any snow here at all! It’s eerie!
Joe and Cav - Yeah the bodybuilding briefs are supposed to be small… I just didn’t quite realize HOW small until I put on a pair. I will say they are exceptionally well designed so there is no risk of wardrobe malfunction, but still… YOIKS!
frozenkilt - An Alberta boy! Where are you at? I feel your pain on the spousal support. But I do have to give my wife credit in that she has found it in herself to stand behind me. I realize this is something she’ll never “get” or particularly love, but she accepts it’s important to me and therefore sucks it up. Little things really mean a lot; for example on holiday we’d be checking out restaurants looking at the menu and she’d say: “We can’t eat here, there’s nothing you can eat. Let’s find somewhere else.” Years ago, she’d have insisted we eat there and then see what I do. It means a great deal to me.
Todd - My man, you know I agree with you completely. I don’t expect her to be a cheerleader. I do expect support. Marriage is about unconditional love, unconditional support, unconditional trust. At least that’s how I treat the deal. If my wife was passionate about log carving, you can bet your butt I’d throw all my energy behind her log carving career. But then again, I’m partly insane so…
Cav - Go ahead and play psychiatrist. I certainly do!
So two-a-days are wearing me down. Holy CRAP I hate cardio. Last time I cut down (pictures on the first page of this log) I didn’t do any cardio… but then again the diet was pure misery. This team I’m eating 75% more food but the activity level is way up there. So on energy balance I’m probably the same, but this way is probably better for sparing muscle, and less miserable.
Still, both ways suck. Such is the pre-contest phase! And today’s rant (dogg has been inspiring me lately)…
It’s all about killing the joy…
I’ve come to realize the success in this crazy pursuit of forcing our bodies to look the way we want them to has a lot to do with killing any enjoyment you may get from food. That’s right. Now way do I say this?
-
If it tastes good, it’s probably full of saturated fat, or sugar, or carbohydrates refined to the point they no longer resemble actual food, or more likely ALL THREE (donuts anyone?).
Conclusion: Food that taste good won’t support your goals. -
If it’s something you add to food to make it taste good it’s also probably loaded with sugar, fat, salt, or hyper-ultra-uber-refined carbs.
Conclusion: Anything that helps make food taste good won’t support your goals. -
If it’s easy to prepare it’s probably pre-packaged, pre-processed, pre-seasoned, pre-digested, salty, sugary, fatty refined carbs, that only qualify as food because there’s an INCREDIBLY sexy and digitally enhanced picture on the front of the scientifically designed packaging that makes it look better than Pam Anderson buttered and lying on a plate.
Conclusion: If it’s easy to make it won’t support your goals.
So the upshot of this is:
If it tastes bad, is difficult and inconvenient to prepare, and is dry, bland, tasetless, and excruciatingly dull, you will likely need to eat about twelve portions a day…
…WHILST…
… your family or friends are chowing down on peperoni pizza and swilling jugs of beer.
The funny thing is, I’m at the point now where I no longer crave chocolate, pizza, cake, nachos, buttered popcorn, donuts, candy bars, french fries, or ice cream. I eat A LOT of food, and while I’m a pretty good cook, and I do some fairly fancy things to jazz it up, it is fundamentally BORING!!! And I no longer miss the good tasting stuff.
Oh I’m sure if and when I have a sloppy cheat day and I wallow in greasy lasagna and rub it all over my body in an orgy of food decadence, I will be like an addict on crack. But my point is…
… to succeed at changing our body composition we have to kill any joy we take from eating. And then find a way to extract that same joy from living our lives instead.
At what point in our arrogant, self-indulgeant North American history did we start deriving our happiness and self-worth from our food?
E-Town here. And my wife tolerates a lot of shit from me, but like I said, I moved my workouts to a time of day most people consider the middle of the night just so I wouldn’t negatively affect anyone else. Except for squat days whenever possible. I don’t like heavy squatting at 4:30 in the morning. My old body just can’t handle it.
And I’ve got one buddy who got good and lean trying to get as big as he could for his weight class and that was EXACTLY how he phrased it: “If you enjoy food, you’re doing it wrong.”
Look at it this way: after this, you can embrace your inner sausage-head, become a powerlifter and then see how big you can get. Physical manipulation through food intake 
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
James - Many thanks. Things were slack. There was no work!
And now a rant:
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT… AND THE LACK THEREOF…
I’ve posted stuff to this effect a number of times in various places here on the forums. It’s a recurring theme in other threads too, and it came as a pretty severe shock how many other guys like me are struggling with NO SUPORT FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY, PEERS, OR SPOUSES.
What’s this about? Why aren’t the people closest to us rallying behind us and cheering us on? Why do some of them actually feel so threatened that they begin to work against us, sometimes subtly, sometimes actively and overtly.
I have one big theory. I believe that most people NEED TO BELIEVE that being fit is impossible, that it cannot be done, and they are therefore justified in not trying. Being confronted with someone just like them, who is making the sacrifices and ACHIEVING fitness, is like forcing them to acknowledge that the problem lies solely with THEM!
Most people in the world survive the daily grind by displacing blame for all their unfulfilled dreams OUTSIDE THEMSELVES. As long as they can blame someone else, their self-worth and ego can remain intact. But the cold hard truth is that ultimately everything is their lives is a consequence of THEIR OWN CHOICES. That reality, that all of their unhappiness is their own responsibility, is too much to handle.
Therefore, to maintain their very fragile grip on their own self-worth, they need to attack anything that threatens their world-view. They have to destroy it, so that they don’t have to deal with it, and accept it…
…because to accept it is to ackowledge that their failures are theirs and theirs alone.
My wife is beautiful, but she has a pretty harsh and negative view of her own body. She tried for years to force me to quit going to the gym. She squeezed me so hard, that eventually we were fighting about it pretty much constantly. To me, pushing iron is a CORE VALUE, which means I’m willing to fight for it, and I did fight for it. I wouldn’t give it up. At one point I went on the counter-attack, after she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I really loved her I’d quit.
“Are you saying that the ONLY WAY I can prove my love for you is to become fat and miserable? Is that what you’re demanding from me? You should be happy for me that this gives me joy, and you should be offering your unconditional support because that’s what married people do.”
Things have gotten better. It still pains me sometimes that she was ready to sacrifice my joy to feed her own insecurities.
So remember folks, a lot of people aren’t offering you support because they simply haven’t got the strength. They don’t have enough to support themselves, much less someone else[/quote]
Kent , I feel for you man. In some strange way the video strangely applies. Starting at 0:40 to about 1:50
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
James - Many thanks. Things were slack. There was no work!
And now a rant:
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT… AND THE LACK THEREOF…
I’ve posted stuff to this effect a number of times in various places here on the forums. It’s a recurring theme in other threads too, and it came as a pretty severe shock how many other guys like me are struggling with NO SUPORT FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY, PEERS, OR SPOUSES.
What’s this about? Why aren’t the people closest to us rallying behind us and cheering us on? Why do some of them actually feel so threatened that they begin to work against us, sometimes subtly, sometimes actively and overtly.
I have one big theory. I believe that most people NEED TO BELIEVE that being fit is impossible, that it cannot be done, and they are therefore justified in not trying. Being confronted with someone just like them, who is making the sacrifices and ACHIEVING fitness, is like forcing them to acknowledge that the problem lies solely with THEM!
Most people in the world survive the daily grind by displacing blame for all their unfulfilled dreams OUTSIDE THEMSELVES. As long as they can blame someone else, their self-worth and ego can remain intact. But the cold hard truth is that ultimately everything is their lives is a consequence of THEIR OWN CHOICES. That reality, that all of their unhappiness is their own responsibility, is too much to handle.
Therefore, to maintain their very fragile grip on their own self-worth, they need to attack anything that threatens their world-view. They have to destroy it, so that they don’t have to deal with it, and accept it…
…because to accept it is to ackowledge that their failures are theirs and theirs alone.
My wife is beautiful, but she has a pretty harsh and negative view of her own body. She tried for years to force me to quit going to the gym. She squeezed me so hard, that eventually we were fighting about it pretty much constantly. To me, pushing iron is a CORE VALUE, which means I’m willing to fight for it, and I did fight for it. I wouldn’t give it up. At one point I went on the counter-attack, after she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I really loved her I’d quit.
“Are you saying that the ONLY WAY I can prove my love for you is to become fat and miserable? Is that what you’re demanding from me? You should be happy for me that this gives me joy, and you should be offering your unconditional support because that’s what married people do.”
Things have gotten better. It still pains me sometimes that she was ready to sacrifice my joy to feed her own insecurities.
So remember folks, a lot of people aren’t offering you support because they simply haven’t got the strength. They don’t have enough to support themselves, much less someone else[/quote]
You hit on some real truths here. I’m fortunate in that my wife is somewhat supportive, she knows its something that I have to do. Training is in my DNA. I do have other family members and co-workers who don’t get it and try to belittle the sport/lifestyle-my attitude is fuck 'em, I’m not looking for their approval or support.
[quote]bulldog9899 wrote:
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
James - Many thanks. Things were slack. There was no work!
And now a rant:
EMOTIONAL SUPPORT… AND THE LACK THEREOF…
I’ve posted stuff to this effect a number of times in various places here on the forums. It’s a recurring theme in other threads too, and it came as a pretty severe shock how many other guys like me are struggling with NO SUPORT FROM FRIENDS, FAMILY, PEERS, OR SPOUSES.
What’s this about? Why aren’t the people closest to us rallying behind us and cheering us on? Why do some of them actually feel so threatened that they begin to work against us, sometimes subtly, sometimes actively and overtly.
I have one big theory. I believe that most people NEED TO BELIEVE that being fit is impossible, that it cannot be done, and they are therefore justified in not trying. Being confronted with someone just like them, who is making the sacrifices and ACHIEVING fitness, is like forcing them to acknowledge that the problem lies solely with THEM!
Most people in the world survive the daily grind by displacing blame for all their unfulfilled dreams OUTSIDE THEMSELVES. As long as they can blame someone else, their self-worth and ego can remain intact. But the cold hard truth is that ultimately everything is their lives is a consequence of THEIR OWN CHOICES. That reality, that all of their unhappiness is their own responsibility, is too much to handle.
Therefore, to maintain their very fragile grip on their own self-worth, they need to attack anything that threatens their world-view. They have to destroy it, so that they don’t have to deal with it, and accept it…
…because to accept it is to ackowledge that their failures are theirs and theirs alone.
My wife is beautiful, but she has a pretty harsh and negative view of her own body. She tried for years to force me to quit going to the gym. She squeezed me so hard, that eventually we were fighting about it pretty much constantly. To me, pushing iron is a CORE VALUE, which means I’m willing to fight for it, and I did fight for it. I wouldn’t give it up. At one point I went on the counter-attack, after she basically gave me an ultimatum that if I really loved her I’d quit.
“Are you saying that the ONLY WAY I can prove my love for you is to become fat and miserable? Is that what you’re demanding from me? You should be happy for me that this gives me joy, and you should be offering your unconditional support because that’s what married people do.”
Things have gotten better. It still pains me sometimes that she was ready to sacrifice my joy to feed her own insecurities.
So remember folks, a lot of people aren’t offering you support because they simply haven’t got the strength. They don’t have enough to support themselves, much less someone else[/quote]
Kent , I feel for you man. In some strange way the video strangely applies. Starting at 0:40 to about 1:50
Great clip best line “they’re only as good as the world allows them to be”
Jersey - Yeah it’s funny, the world doesn’t handle it well when someone wants to excel at something. It’s not even necessarily mean-spirited. It’s just the wheels of the “machine” are designed to most easily support mediocrity.
Dogg - I believe you have memorized the contents of YouTube. You always seem to find really good videos. But I appreciate your point… quite a bit. And I’m grateful for the pick me up.
Frozenkilt - Funny… I’m from Edmonton too. I tried the powerlifting thing for about a year. And while I really do enjoy lifting heavy s##t, and it really did a world of good for my development as lifter and a human being, I like being lean. That’s the direction I’m gonna take when the contest is done.
And I think I said this before… the reason I’m not posting my workouts is I don’t think it’s fair to give away my coach’s programs. It’s how he makes his living, after all. It makes for a slightly less interesting log, but I try to make up for it with shots of women on the beach (page 42 if you missed it)
TODAY"S RANT…
Life is busy. Life is a river of tasks and demands and distractions. If you let it, life will sweep you along in its current and take you places you weren’t necessarily planning to go. If you let it, life will define you in terms of the tasks and demands and distractions. Life will not willingly make space to include those things that bring you joy. The endless stream of busy work will squeeze it out if you let it.
If you love it, if you want it, you have to fight for it. You have to fight for it every day, because your life is relentless.
Life doesn’t willingly give us joy. Happiness doesn’t walk up to our doorstep and effortlessly present itself. If you want to extract the maximum joy out of life you have to grab it by the neck and squeeze the living daylights out of it.
Taking control of your life and forcing it to go in a joyful direction is like changing the path of a river. It takes a lot of F###KING EFFORT just to get a little bit of water going where you want, and the current is fighting you to keep the original path, going in the original direction. And the water erodes the new banks you’re trying to build. For a long time, you get diminishing returns, because everything is trying to re-establish the original order.
But eventually, once you’ve slogged enough wet dirt and been soaked by the relentless river trying to force it’s way down the old path, eventually you’ve piled up enough effort that the water flows the way you want. And then you can re-direct the whole damned river. If you stick at it long enough, you will always win.
I am standing in the middle of the river, soaked to skin, with my shovel. I’ve got mud under my nails, in my hair, in my underwear, and in my mouth. I’m not leaving until this river starts moving where I bloody well want it to go.
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
Frozenkilt - Funny… I’m from Edmonton too. I tried the powerlifting thing for about a year. And while I really do enjoy lifting heavy s##t, and it really did a world of good for my development as lifter and a human being, I like being lean. That’s the direction I’m gonna take when the contest is done.[/quote]
Come throw Stay lean, stay strong, compete with a bunch of clowns in the summer and get to wear a kilt. And EVERYONE looks badass in a kilt.
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
I tried the powerlifting thing for about a year. And while I really do enjoy lifting heavy s##t, and it really did a world of good for my development as lifter and a human being, I like being lean. That’s the direction I’m gonna take when the contest is done.
[/quote]
But you’ve also mentioned in your log how envious you are of the big, strong guys. I hope you pack on some good size and then stay lean . . . that should make you really happy.
BLAST FROM THE PAST… AND MAKING AN IDIOT OF MYSELF
In 1991, the summer I turned 20, I worked for 3 months in France as a summer student designing software for a mining company. While I was there, this amazing song was ripping through French radio called “Desenchantee” (Disenchanted for you English speakers) by a lady named Mylene Farmer. It was a great europop tune, and I bought the cassette (no CDs back then!) for her album “L’Autre” (The Other).
It was a great tune, and I remember loving it to death. The video was dark and theatrical, really Orwellian and quite cool. I only recently thought of the song again, so I wandered over to YouTube to see the video again, and started checking a little history.
“Desenchantee” is the best-selling French language song of all time. It continues to be a favorite song among French speaking populations WORDLWIDE TO THIS DAY, 22 years later. Considering Celine Dion is the competition here, that is an amazing accomplishment.
To my complete shock, Mylene Farmer is the French Madonna. She’s one of the most controversial and popular French singers of all time, and at age 51 is still a huge draw to fans all over the world (except, of course, in north America where we shun and ignore anyone who doesn’t perform in English… our loss). She’s famous for her sexually charged lyrics and performances (another famous song of hers “Libertine” starts the chorus “I am a whore…”).
So whilst wandering through her video clips on YouTube, I stumbled onto a a live performance of the song at the French city of Bercy in 1997. What I immediately notice is:
- Mylene is SMOKING HOT!!!
- Her hair looks like a huge pineapple perched on her head.
- Dancing has come a long way since 1997.
- There was an amazingly cool dance sequence during the bridge.
Now I thought maybe that little 8 second sequence could be somethign I use on stage during my free posing. So I taught myself right there in the computer room. The next day at the gym, I sneak into the aerobics room and try out the moves in front of the mirror wall to see if I can make any use of them without looking like a gay cabaret dancer. I’m feeling pretty good about myself until I notice the lady doing sit-ups in the back corner.
I may never go back.
By the way, in 1991 a crazed fan broke into Mylene’s record studio demanding to meet her. He took several hostages and killed a secretary. Mylene moved to the United States, and to this day never does public appearances or interviews except for live concerts and one promotional appearance for each of her new albums.
Hey, just tell people you’re doing a new form of cardio or something. They’ll buy it. You could even start a trend.
[quote]Canada_K wrote:
BLAST FROM THE PAST… AND MAKING AN IDIOT OF MYSELF
The next day at the gym, I sneak into the aerobics room and try out the moves in front of the mirror wall to see if I can make any use of them without looking like a gay cabaret dancer. [/quote]
New here, K…LOL…this line was worth just the first visit. Congrats on not giving up on keeping fit and being one of the minority that wants to improve himself.