It can be a little tricky, but there are some biological mechanisms to help the process along.
Minus those, or without interest/stimulus, its probably not good.
No I haven’t
ahh okay, that makes sense
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There was a book I read through some years back, but never finished (phrasing!) called “come as you are”.
It’s supposed to be a goldmine for female sexual health, according to a lot of women who’ve needed some sexual “correction” for lack of a better term.
I stopped reading it because I’ve never had sexual dysfunction so the self help side of it just wasn’t needed.
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According to a friend of mine who was a CO, you do have the anatomy.
These (I could have quoted every single word of your first two paragraphs) make perfect sense to me, and in fact align completely with my world view. Spousal interdependency with children is the best of all possible outcomes, but should things not turn out as hoped, being capable of true independence is important and what I want for my children and the young people I care about through work. True independence reflects fiscal autonomy; no need to rely on the state or move back to parents’ house (unless desired, which is a fine choice for some).
I also love that you’re not pushing her to become a hot shot professional, but if she wants to you’ll support her in it. I work with doctors who have kids. The psychiatrist at my clinic works 9-2 - she has young twins - and my primary care doc works three days a week. I would say that both are “older” moms, so presumably they completed schooling before having kids, but they’re making it work. Both of them are married to physicians who work full time.
I agree with this also, and bemoan the need for two incomes, but blame it on the greed and corruption of our political system rather than Feminism. Women are as victimized as men, and I blame the power corporate America has over our elected officials. As with all of the polarizing issues Americans argue over - guns, abortion, welfare - this one keeps people busy while the fox freely and in plain sight helps himself to the henhouse. I work with a LOT of medicaid patients, and almost all of them have jobs. How can this be? Well, it can be because we no longer expect highly profitable businesses to pay their workers a living wage. So we share the cost of their medical care, which then has the next layer up - which is most of us here at TN, the vast middle class - burdened by the overwhelming cost of carrying the lower class along with paying exploitive prices for our own medical care. Because:
In 2022, UnitedHealth Group made over $20 billion in profit. Cigna made $6.7 billion, Elevance Health made $6 billion and CVS Health made $4.2 billion. All told, America’s largest health insurers raked in more than $41 billion of profits in 2022.
So when you make this point:
I am inclined to believe that if we held government and corporations accountable - held them to a moral standard that expected them to be contributing members of our society rather than the beneficiaries of society’s lack of protective representation - people would begin to follow suit. Ours is a broken system, but the Feminist zealots and LBGTQ++ are just one small component of it. It would be like me thinking the NRA has caused all the problems women have - that toxic masculinity has bled down from there. But of course it hasn’t.
Haha, my kids got quite a lot more than that, too. Like, ears bleeding amounts of talk about respect for yourself and others, these are people, not objects (mostly for my boys), how to say no (mostly my girl), what differences might be found in committed vs casual relationships, the abortion talk for my sons (you have only one opportunity to exercise YOUR right to choose, and that’s when you decide whether or not to take your pants off) and so on.
None of my kids have been interested in casual sex or hookup culture. With the exception of my eldest, who doesn’t want children, they all want families and gardens and pets - basically, their own childhoods. My eldest…he really never wanted his three siblings, either. Which is fine by me (that he doesn’t want kids, not that he resented having to share a bathroom with three other kids).
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I’m happy.
So everyone here is in agreement that intersexual relations is very different today than it was 30+ years ago?
Does anyone disagree?
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Heck yeah they are. The girls that were my age back then are 50 now!
Wait, what are we talking about?
intersex is a general term used for a variety of situations in which a person is born with reproductive or sexual anatomy that doesn’t fit the boxes of “female” or “male.” Sometimes doctors do surgeries on intersex babies and children to make their bodies fit binary ideas of “male” or “female”.
I may disagree, not sure. Please clarify.
Intersexual = Male and Female relations, sexual/dating/marriage in this case. In other words: how men and women act towards each other in the sexual marketplace, to include what they typically expect from one another.
*speaking in generalities, there are outliers in every group.
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30 years is a pretty wide span to judge. Most people are not continually on the market for a 30 year stretch.
That said, I don’t think relations have changed that much. Sex outside of marriage was prevalent, career women existed, people lived together while dating et cetera. Some of these practices may be more generally accepted now than they were then, the last truly “old school” generation is completely dead now, but in practice I don’t see much change over the last 30 years.
I have noticed that licking buttholes is more of a common practice than a kink now.
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Do you think your wife would have chosen you if she had Tinder?
Do you think your mother would have chosen your father if they had Tinder?
Not sure. 30 years is a long time after all, and we didn’t have Tinder. Internet dating sites existed when I met my wife, but to your point they were rare, and only “nerds” used them.
We used to go out and meet people in person. Bars, clubs, parties, events et cetera. Occasionally a coworker, gym member or whatever but intentionally meeting someone meant going to a place that facilitated it.
Consequently, “nearby matches” were there, in person, milling around with you.
I would suggest the same selection criteria applied. Were you tall enough? Muscular or athletic in general? Straight teeth? Funny or charismatic and on and on. And there were no filters. Catfishing was impossible. So I would guess yes, unless the ease of scrolling caused a wrinkle in time that altered our meeting course. But in the nature of your question I don’t believe Tinder would’ve altered either of our selection criteria themselves.
You may find this interesting.
Imagine being in a small town before dating apps/online dating. Maybe 50 or so men who are your ‘peers’ in the dating pool, which was about all the options a woman had to choose from. We all know women want the top 20% of men, which equates to 10 men locally.
Enter Tinder.
You now have a 50-mile radius and can save your location to a nearby city. That dating pool that was 50 men? Is now 50,000. The 10 men that comprised the top 20% of men is now 10,000. That’s a pretty big pool to select from. You no longer have 9 dudes to be compared to for “attractive” mates, you have 9,999.
So do you think the dating market has changed a lot more than it seems? you even alluded to this in the beginning of your post:
We now have a global sexual marketplace, which carries it’s own “fun” and unique problems.
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30 years ago they complained that the AIDs crisis made it tough to get laid.
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How you are I might measure who would be top 20% may be different than how women, or a particular woman, comes to that conclusion. I personally don’t believe in some high status, top tier man spiel. That’s something pushed by someone trying to sell something. People are attracted to what they are attracted to, there is no formula, algorithm or universal checklist. Look at Jeff Bezos’ fiance; I doubt anyone here would put her in the top 20%. I would rank her a 2, at best, on a scale of one to ten. But he must see something under all of the makeup, injections and surgery.
When was the last time men were right about what women like?
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Gone are the days when a man didn’t need to think about it. Now men think they need to know what women like but the problem is, women don’t know.
Everyone has their own tastes, but the broad strokes are the same.
Tall
Good looking/Well Groomed
Masculine
Successful
I think we can all agree that women universally find these traits to be attractive.
The data on dating apps has shown this to be abundantly true: 20% of men get 80% of matches.
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This would only apply to those on dating sites, and only some dating sites.