The Dating Thread

Off Topic
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I’ve had people born in the 30’s, 40’s, 40’s and 60’s anecdotally tell me the same thing re the cannabis. I don’t have a problem with adults (18+) using it. Controversially, I don’t think it’s the end of the world as we know it if people 16+ use it very occasionally either. I still dabble rarely if it is offered to me and/or if my sleep cycle goes out totally of whack.

It’s the biggest waste of time, but it is fun and at the very least you are (usually) doing it with friends. Prior to the 80’s video games weren’t mainstream

According to the anecdotes I’ve been given, and academic publications I’ve read; kids and teenagers prior to the advent of the digital era had healthier sleep cycles, spent far more time outside, spent more time interacting with peers.

If a little bit of pot, some beer or a stolen cigarette slips out from time to time I’d still prefer that relative to what we see today where during lockdown many kids are spending eighteen hours in front of a tv every day, then they sleep six hours and rinse/repeat.

We like to think youth experimentation is unique to our current day and age, but that isn’t true. As a matter of fact kids/teenagers are smoking less tobacco relative to any other period in the past century.

To my knowledge, cannabis use amongst youth isn’t much higher than it was in the late 50’s-80’s. It has always been prevalent, but I believe there was more of a balancing act between wasting time and productivity.

In the 1800’s you even had kids and adults alike abusing opium. Looking for an escape from reality isn’t new

Perhaps I’m wrong.

The more isolated we are, the fewer people we interact with… The smaller the chance is to meet someone. There’s also the argument people have become reliant on technology to complete menial tasks. I’ve become accustomed to using a GPS, but I still try to make sure I can navigate simplistic routes independently. I seriously know young adults who can’t even make it to their local supermarket without assistance from Google maps…

I could give you anecdotes from my extended family consisting of young adults who spend WAY too much time playing video games, watching TV and as a result they hardly leave the house to interact with peers. You will never find love with that lifestyle, unless you are trying to find love through wOrLd oF wArCrAft.

I also used to watch Ren and Stimpy. They released an adult orientated version of it on spike TV at one point, it was widely considered one of the world tv shows of all time. Disgusting for the sake of being disgusting.

Ren and Stimpy was interesting in that is was a television show aimed at children that clearly wasn’t meant for kids.

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142

Sorry to derail the conversation.
@mnben87 you were right. Gym buddy likes me and apparently thought I liked him :thinking:
I don’t treat him any different than any other friend though

Very awkward moment just now…
Looks like I’ll need another gym friend… preferably female this time

Hopefully I didn’t do too much damage

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143

Is there a reason you can’t continue to be friends? Is he making advances that won’t stop?

Is it impossible to sit down with the man and say “for X,Y and Z reasons I’m not interested in a relationship, however I do enjoy your company. If you’d like, we can still go to gym together”.

I’m assuming you enjoy his company/exercising with him. If this is the case, cutting him out completely would be cruel and perhaps unnecessary if you are otherwise both on good terms and can come to an understanding.

This is my autism brain talking though. Perhaps I’m wrong.

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I proposed that solution.
Well, I actually said something along the lines of “my payoff is the same regardless of the equilibrium we reach”
He is “thinking about it”

I am not quite sure how that will turn out given what happened to my little bro and @Koestrizer

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I will not be cutting him out if he does not cut me out

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Yeah, I mean if a guy is texting you good morning, it’s obvious. You don’t owe him anything though. I do feel that if you don’t think you will ever have feelings, that letting him know that is the best thing you can do. It sucks to do, but I’ve been on the other end, and in hindsight, I wish she would have just been brutally honest with me.

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That’s what he said but I wasn’t sure of his intentions and didn’t want to make assumptions.

As of now, I want a guy who not only accepts that I’m going to turn this into a game theory problem but also helps me write out the model. He isn’t that guy

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This stuff is tricky. No experience as a woman lol. As a guy though, I’ll say many of us have hope of we like a girl. If you know there shouldn’t be hope for this guy, let him know. Imo, friendzoning a guy (but not being clear there is no hope for a physical relationship) is a bit cruel. I get why it happens. The girl doesn’t want to seem heartless, but letting him know what you really think is actually better in the long run.

I’m the end, a guy wants a girl he gets along with well, but also wants a physical relationship (at least I’m assuming most men).

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149

No, it isn’t. My grandma smoked weed before it was illegal.

And apparently had sex at least once! (We come from a pretty frisky family. Like teens of kids on all sides from my grand parents generation.)

I’m actually very good friends with someone who met his wife exactly like that. Their second child is a beautiful 4 month old girl. :rofl:

This whole subject gets so overthought though. Like, I swear my m.o. from 12 years old onward was “Just stand there and don’t say anything dumb.”.

And I shit you not, it has worked beautifully for 37 years, up to and including last weekend.

Like, think about it for a second. Some Amish dude that has never even seen incandescent light is hooking up right now, while millions of people scour the internet and way over intelectualize something that actually precedes human existence. :thinking:

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This is a thought that occurred to me. Does it say something about a lack of something (values, proper parenting, etc.) in our society that has led to many people of all ages having no idea how to have friendships, relationships, how to date/marry, how to parent, what to do with their lives, what to believe in, etc.? I wasn’t alive in the 1800s but it didn’t seem like Almanzo Wilder (first young person from back in the day who popped into my head, lol) had this many concerns regarding these natural life things. I doubt people had to debate what it meant to be a man. People then just had to worry about starving and freezing to death. Simpler times, haha.

Now I’m wondering about Almanzo Wilder. Is Little House on the Prairie a thing in other parts of the country or just a Midwest thing?

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What does that mean in clear and certain terms?

Because you aren’t doing yourself or anybody else any favors by obfuscation intentions and mincing words/concepts.

Like with your contract with study buddy. That’s actually pretty smart, and lays it the expectations clearly.

Why would anything be different with gym guy?

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I’d say it’s a complete disconnect at pretty much all levels and across multiple subjects (parenting, just being, etc.).

*as I sit by the campfire with my kid, but within the range of wi-fi *

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We spend time with each other and have fun but life revolves “work”.
He should put his advisor/boss above me

gym gut wouldn’t accept a contract. He expects emotion.
I told him that if I were to ask a guy out, I’d write a contract. He gave me a really weird look.

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I don’t know many members of my family, even those who were born in the 20’s who had a body count of one.

This is a modern orthodox family that preceding a few generations wasn’t just modern orthodox, but VERY strict orthodox (albeit not Chabad/Haredi).

Some now have strayed and become secular, a select few have become Chabad.
/Lubavich… And a few have intermarried, so their kids aren’t Jewish.

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You can’t really say that without actually having given him one to accept.

Would you like my honest opinion of all of this, as it appears from my perspective?

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Yes. I would like to hear your opinion.

I also realize that my approach isn’t optimal by any stretch of the imagination. It’s what I can accept given my current mental state

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Oh, but it is!

You’re playing 3 ends for the middle (you) and ensuring that you have minimum personal investment.

It’s trying to cover your primary basis at no cost to yourself (emotional investment).

Mmmm. Yeah. You seem to have figured it out pretty well in spite of that.

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That was my thinking exactly.

Others seem to think that my approach is a recipe for misery

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Just no. Lol. :joy:

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Well, to put it bluntly, it’s using people. It’s not a nice or kind thing to do.

Some would say it’s actually quite mean.

Being honest and direct about it is much better.

So there was a girl in my psych class. She lived not too far from me and waited tables at the restaurant bar by my house.

So she skipped about a whole semester of the classes and was about to fail. But she knew me well enough to know that I had copies of all of the tests through out the semester, with 100%'s across the board.

So she got really friendly. Then asked if she could take my copies. So I asked her if she would give me a lift home in kind, rather than me having to take a streetcar.

She said no! Then started to plead! I said “No ride, no tests. Your choice.”.

She failed.

I didn’t care either way about taking a street car. I just wanted to see if she was willing to reciprocate in any way, or if she was just straight up using me.

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