I never had a crazy high libido (except for a period when i was with one girl) yet I still drool like a basic dog (at least in my head) and turn my head for many girls
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hormone levels are normal and everything “works” so to speek
I don’t find intimacy objectionable. I just don’t get why it’s a big deal (either for or against).
I also don’t feel what I guess I’m supposed to and it wouldn’t be fun for a partner either bc he’d have to walk me through what to do. I’ve never understood how people figured out how to do it without instruction.
Maybe this is because most people don’t run a full scale Cost-Benefit Analysis on every person they meet; by extension, they don’t inherently know when a valued relationship has overrun it’s benefits.
It’s also much easier to disregard logic when you see someone and instinctively want to break their bedframe.
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Sounds pretty normal. Nothing wrong with that.
I find the concept of contracts and cost benefit analysis for a partner very foreign. It is more along the lines of I can’t stop thinking about sex with this lady, I’ll see if she wants to go out and do some sort of date or something, that should increase my odds. I am simple haha.
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If there is no physical attraction, then there is no relationship IMO. Maybe that’s shallow of me, but I don’t have urges to indulge in horizontal cardio based on personality.
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I agree. Physical attraction also will increase the evaluation of their personality. Chances are we think the hot chick also has a good personality (unless she is just awful). It’s not fair, but it is what our monkey brains do subconsciously. We are naturally drawn to people we are attracted to. We want to spend time with them. Things seem more fun when they are around.
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Might be misinterpreting this but, if you’re not sexually attracted to anyone then that is confusing…
What kinda things we talkin here?
I’m ace, not a prude.
I don’t find activities objectionable. I just don’t find them important or pleasurable like “normal” people.
I also don’t understand why morality is tied to sexuality
If he wants to do something, I agree.
This is a public forum…. On the internet……
I’ve not “gone all the way” but I’ve done a lot more than I’d prefer.
It’s actually so simple and instinctive that instruction isn’t needed.
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You’re smart, so hopefully you know this, but just keep in mind that you don’t have to agree to “things”, and don’t do something that you might end up wishing you hadn’t simply because someone else wants you to for their own pleasure.
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In what respects are you referring to? For example, do you not understand why having sex with someone other than a spouse is wrong?
I have several times recommended texts, some very lengthy, that contain a significant amount of content on the regulation of sex and the societal ramifications of not doing so. I’m well aware many current-day Westerners think, “datz like controlling people bro.”
Provided that sex doesn’t result in children, why is it treated differently than pooping, peeing or menustrating, especially since there’s been many studies supporting the the health benefits of regular (safe) sexual activity (ie masturbation). Children obviously throws a wrench into things since there’s now a moral obligation to take care of a dependent
I think this is more of a trust thing, right? but I don’t understand what’s so special about sex specifically. Why is adultery worse than, for example, a spouse spending a large sum of money from a shared bank account without discussing it with the other spouse
Again, the caveat is no children involved.
I also do think porn should be heavily regulated, not because it’s sexual, but because it’s been shown to be addictive and harmful to mental health and productivity and facilitates generally harmful practices such as abuse, human trafficking. unregulated porn => market failure
I was actually speaking of the regulation of sex generally, although regulating sexual content is part of that.
what would that look like?
I’m not acutally anti- regulation, I don’t understand regulation based on morality unless there are clear economic reasons for it.
For example, I would love to see more regulation of alcohol bc of the sheer damages in terms of health and public safety
I’ve touched upon it before. If you would like to understand it, you can start with The New Politics of Sex by Dr. Stephen Baskerville, a whopping 385 pages. And yes, there are economic and legal consequences discussed.
There is also a 600-plus-page book by a serious intellectual that I am hesitant to mention, but might do so in the future, because the author has said some mean things, which you might come across if you delve into this subject. I don’t expect anyone to considering it is not a subject of popular interest.
I cannot do justice on the topic in a single post now. I remember when I wrote detailed posts in this thread I was off from work with covid.
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Oh, by the way, you’re missing something in the framework in which you speak, sex outside of relationship being as benign as defrosting and urinating, so long as children aren’t involved.
You don’t take into account children that will be involved in some such situations, resulting in economic and potentially serious mental consequences. That is, in the case of a woman who cheats on her man, doesn’t tell him, and gets pregnant. This man might wind up raising another man’s kid. That makes him a cuckold.
So although there was no kid in the highly- permissive situation, one was born because of it, and the unknowing man is stuck paying up for him/her, thinking the baby is his!
I said that kids and lack of safety precautions change the calculus. As soon as those are involved, it is very much a bad thing.
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This went over my head before. Sorry about that.
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contractual counterparty is getting back with his ex so the contract is voided.
Honestly I’m relieved. Its one less thing off my plate next semester
I am; however, slightly disappointed that he didn’t get together with one of my friends (his cohort mate and who actually likes him)
I’m not of the opinion having sex with anyone other than a spouse is wrong
However sexual activity needs to be taken seriously. The intimacy, the feelings most associated with sexual intercourse aren’t to be taken lightly.
Not children necessarily. If one is careful with contraception the success rate at pregnancy can be 98+%… but fractured relationships is a huge issue associated with the FWB dynamic.
People develop feelings, sexual intercourse is a highly intimate act. Hence you shouldn’t approach sex like you would going to the bathroom unless a VERY specific set of circumstances have been met (though @brickhead would disagree with me here).
For the most part… unless we refer to certain circumstances (lonely guy seeing a prostitute etc) sex shouldn’t be treated haphazardly because people can get hurt. People can be driven to suicide over fractured relationships if the circumstances are bad enough.
If you manage to legitimately find someone who is ok with having fun and neither are in a relationship I’m not entirely opposed… rather I have a hard time believing neither will develop feelings if you’re good friends with someone, you spend a lot of time together and you have sex… that’s relatively similar to the construct of “pair bonding” which… oops… leads to developing feelings, the process of falling in love… OOPS!!!
A one night stand doesn’t necessarily mesh with these parameters. Hence under extenuating circumstances casual sex can be associated with relatively little consequence. I’ve seen this occur without consequence
But there’s always the possibility the person you are with is cheating on their SO… how do you know? What if the condom breaks? Hence one can never be sure such activities will be consequence free
There is a means to drastically mitigate risk, however casual sex will always be somewhat akin to playing russian roulette. There is no such thing as casual sex free of risk from social consequences.
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