Aren’t you living on your own in college? I’m sure you’re exaggerating
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I find myself always looking for help on things even if I could probably figure it out myself. Even in easier classes where I know the material, I get pretty worried if I don’t know someone in the class to compare answers with.
In this sense, game theory has been really good for me bc I couldn’t rely on classmates or my friend (that one). Ppl were actually asking ME for help
If i don’t get help, I get panicked and feel like I’m in the ocean without a life raft.
I am self sufficient for life things (I can cook well, do laundry…), but emotionally and financially , I’m very reliant on my parents and academically, I always have friends or TAs. I was even in a course where the prof literally gave homework answers
So when you find a woman who has it all together, do you find yourself saying “She’s great, but she doesn’t need me.”.
That happens with people who are helpers. The need to be needed.
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No, I don’t. To me, nobody doesn’t need anyone to live. Perhaps they think they do, but they don’t.
Hmm this thread is making me asking many questions 
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I agree with this so much
I think it’s a really useful skill to identify what “help” we need in life. Because the truth is that everyone needs something, like @SkyzykS touched on above.
When I’m trying to develop colleagues, I like to divide them into “safety blanket” and “fire blankets”. “Safety blanket” colleagues need someone, or something there in order to feel “safe”. A classic example would be the stereotypical way that people teach kids to ride bikes, by slowly letting go without the child noticing, which is coincidentally usually the best way to build that confidence. Safety blankets are easy to help.
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Ok. I ask because that became one of my primary roles- Helper/caretaker, and it had a real ripple effect later on when looking for a partner.
So it’s not so much that everybody needs somebody, which is true, but a matter of whether or not she needs me/you.
I had a serious relationship that could have been very good long term, but my mantra throughout was “Yeah, but she doesn’t Need Me.” With emphasis on Me… Then found reasons to backfill the conclusion.
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I don’t think I ever did that. Like I said, I never cohabitated.
Yiddish!
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I was speaking mostly about people who are in their early 20’s and beyond mostly. As I’ve said, if I were a single young man today, I wouldn’t date in the way that it’s commonly done now. That is, as I’ve said several times (and people will likely now think I sound like a broken record), no partaking in an indefinite boyfriend-girlfriend construct with no serious closure or plan. I would have none of these years-long arrangements. It can take six months to a year to find out all that is needed to know about someone (family, friends, income, debts, personality, flaws, etc.) for proposal.
I don’t look at dating as recreation or a pastime knowing what I know now. I even think many in these bf-gf arrangements are in them for years knowing they will not eventually marry.
What was learned in these experiences of your friend?
As said before, I’m not all-knowing and I don’t suggest others what to do, nor am I going to judge some guy for being a perennial boyfriend.
What I think an ideal would be is for a man to meet his to-be wife as a virgin, but that’s highly unrealistic and with low probability for many. Like I’m gonna one day tell my son when he’s a teenager to withhold all contact from a good young woman? I don’t think I will, though I’ll certainly tell him about red flags and how to stay safe and how to handle this whole scene. Same goes for my daughter.
It was once regulated without forced marriage.
When men unite, they can fashion a society however they want to. I’ve gone over this point.
Is there a country going to war with China because they are banning or seek to ban (can’t remember) effeminate men from cinema?
Makes sense- thank you for the answer.
She figured out what she is really looking for in a man.
Her first bf was “perfect on paper” and treated her well but turns out they had very different outlooks for the future. Her second BF was also a very good person and they got along very well but there was a large socioeconomic disparity
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No, however many countries are placing sanctions on china for various reasons. More and more countries are distancing themselves from conducting business with China.. China has one of the worst records regarding human rights in the world, hence sanctions. China doesn’t have a particularly happy population either.
China is relatively self sufficient, a country like Australia won’t survive without foreign support.
Going to war with China would prove difficult as it is a very powerful nation. If say… Australia were to suddenly spin off the rai-… wait a minute, got me there…
In a large, governed society with millions of culturally diverse individuals all eating KFC at the same table?
With modern technological advancements and geopolitical arrangements… how do you propose this is done again without serious conflict ensuing?
What’re your religious views on this? Didn’t you convert to Catholicism recently? I don’t remember.
EDIT: I mean, do you feel that there is a right or wrong thing here besides your own personal views?
@BrickHead Another question
Do you suggest that young people put off pursuing a relationship until they feel ready to settle down?
In the case of my friend, she’s been dating her boyfriend for years. They’re not married because she’s still in school and doesn’t want a family until she has a stable career. They’re committed to each other though
Can I chime in??
I don’t think you need to only date someone when you feel ready to be married. I’m not sure anyone is ever “ready” for marriage, similar to being ready for kids. I do think that one should have some expectations of themselves and not enter into relationships before being ready for the responsibility that they entail. Ask yourself, am I able to adequately and maturely handle my emotions in a healthy way without resorting to things like using (people or substances), taking my feelings out on my partner or others around me, or giving up on things? Do I have any control issues that I should get ahold of before getting into this relationship with an attractive female who has male friends/coworkers? I’m specific there because I think a lotta dudes have issues with that kind of thing.
Stuff like that. Don’t start dating until you are emotionally and mentally mature enough to. Hardly anyone does that though, myself included.
I don’t really get this. You don’t have to have kids the second you get married. You don’t need to begin building a family until you’re ready. I’d take a guess and say that getting one huge adjustment out of the way (marriage) before taking on two more huge adjustements (a career and/or childrearing) might make things easier. But in the end, I really don’t care and I do understand not leaping into marriage, which doesn’t always work out well.
I see a lot of people say this and I understand the line of thinking, and am not bashing it all. But something that runs through my mind is, if you’re so committed, why not get married? I’m not married though, so like with everything I say, I’m not saying it’s the right thing, just my own thoughts.
Paul Carter (the expert on human interactions) actually posted something kinda along these lines once…let me see if I can find it…
Found it:
Marriage has taken a hit in recent years. And by that I mean, men and women aren’t tying the knot as often as they used to. I could probably write a million words opining on why that is, but I won’t. Half a million will have to suffice.
What I can say is that married men live longer and healthier lives than single bros swiping on Tinder all day, trying to find that next date. And yes, it’s marriage, not cohabitation that appear to make the difference. According to the CDC…
Nearly 60% of adults are married, 10.4% are separated or divorced, 6.6% are widowed, 19% are never married and 5.7% are living with a partner. Marital status varies greatly among race/ethnic groups: approximately 61 percent of white adults, 58 percent of Hispanic adults, and 38 percent of black adults are married, according to the survey.
Married adults are less likely than other adults to be in fair or poor health, and are less likely to suffer from health conditions such as headaches and serious psychological distress.
Married adults are less likely be limited in various activities, including work and other activities of daily living.
Married adults are less likely to smoke, drink heavily or be physically inactive. However, married men are more likely to be overweight or obese than other men.
Adults who live in cohabiting relationships are more likely to have health problems than married adults and more closely resemble divorced and separated adults.
The association between marital status and health is most striking in the youngest age group although it persists throughout the age groups studied.
So for those of you who live together, I’m sorry but it’s not the same as actually getting married. The stats bear this out over and over.
“What does a piece of paper have to do with my health?”
Because your brain does in fact recognize that piece of paper as a deeper level of commitment than cohabitation and it does in fact “relax”, and there’s less stress.
How you “think” about the nature of your relationship does in fact have a physiological effect on you. To me, this isn’t surprising but I’m sure some first rate ass clown will want to debate it.
So here’s the science. The University of Virginia did a study to measure physiological stress to women who were about to receive a mild electric shock. They held the hand of their spouse, a stranger, and no one at all before each shock was delivered.
While holding the hand of their spouse, the women had the lowest degree of physiological stress than when holding a strangers hand, or no hand at all. The study had limitations because there were only 16 couples involved. However it was later expanded to include couples in cohabitation together.
What was found in the follow up study showed that married couples still exhibited lower stress levels before the shock treatment, than couples who were living together. In fact, there appeared to be no difference in the physiological response between the couples living together, and holding the hand of a stranger.
The fact is, marriage is a socially recognized ideology and your brain knows it. And it understands that there is a degree of commitment by your partner to be all in with you, than if someone is just living with you.
I do understand that in some marriages you might pray to the God of Thunder for lightening bolts to strike you with such power that it would cause you to disintegrate from existence. But in most cases, a couple got married because they believed they wanted to spend their life with this person and fill a lifetime of memories with them. And those people did so because they made a choice to go all in with their partner. No matter what you may say, the fact is, cohabitation means there’s something being held back in terms of commitment. And your partner’s brain and physiological responses know it. Boom. Science.
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Could not agree more.
I am definitely not mature enough…
My friend, on the other hand, is the most mature person I know. Honestly, I swear she’s more emotionally mature than my mum sometimes.
Judaism, Christianity and Islam (amongst a few others) harbour this ideal. Preferably both the woman AND the man are virgin’s according to this ideal.
However we need to remember these religious factions were founded during a time wherein it wasn’t unusual to get married at 16-18.
Hence the expectation isn’t particularly unreasonable.
Yes, I did. In saying that I think it’s appropriate to specify that I attend a Traditional Catholic chapel with Latin Mass, not a post-Vatican II /Novus Ordo one. I didn’t get into that here because I think it would be inappropriate for the thread, to include faith in all this, judge others in this context, which I would not do anyway because modern society makes some things very difficult for many (home ownership, career pressure for women, serial dating, etc.) when I only converted last April.
No. If some guy finds a great woman I think he better hold on tight. He might pay a big price if he doesn’t.
It’s also possible to date and have a relationship with no cohabitation or sex before marriage. But that’s not what I personally did.
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For sure.
Cohabitation does reveal a lot about the other person that wouldn’t come up if living separately.
Sex reveals a lot about compatibility. It isn’t always easy to make a relationship work if there is sexual incompatibility.
You’re right, these things aren’t necessary, but there are downsides to not exploring them too (as well as upsides).
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