Respecting one’s SO is enormously important in a relationship. I don’t think we Westerners pay enough attention to that element, and I’m glad you brought it up.
As a sidebar, you’ve posted on the forums for some years now, and I’ve noted maturation in how you talk, ergo think and feel, about your relationship and life in general.
Thank you.
#canrelate! I’m old enough to have had penmanship as a graded element in elementary school. I stopped writing in cursive for years because I couldn’t read it. Nowadays, I write slower, and it helps me be able to read my own writing and also think about what I really want to say.
About the lists and priorities, there’s no need to complicate them. Start with simple things, like “I want to get married” or “I want to date at least a couple years before considering marriage.” I watched a TED talk of a woman who wrote literally everything she wanted in a man, from the serious to the trivial. Her list was something like 80 bullet point on nine pages. After writing them all, she took a break then noted whether the thing was a deal-breaker (for me, that would be something like faith in Jesus) or something she could comfortably conpromise on.
Now that I think about it, I’m going to write such a list. I’ll probably not know whether to classify some traits as deal-breakers, but that’s ok.
I think that it is very mature and good that you had such a reflexion on your past relationship and what was good and what wasn’t.
Some stuff sure makaes it that though she’s a very good woman, she wasn’t amde for you.
Like this. You just have too different mindsets.
I was away for a while, and read some of your post and thought “what, he’s single now??” but yeah you are. i’m not going to say I’m sorry. Because you clearly are mature, and a good person, and it just wasn’t the right fit. It’s for the best.
You will find someone mate. For sure. You’re getting stronger and more jacked by the week. A good soul with a head on his shoulders, and I’m sure a great dad.
You know what? usually it only gets better in terms of relationships (unless you’re doing stupid S ahah)
Exactly. Sports aren’t just a hobby. It’s values. It’s health and well-being. It’s being disciplined and hard working. And it’s having sex with the lights on because you’re damn sexy!
What? Not to sound like a pedant european, but how do you write then? In uppercase like kiddies 
This is so slooooooooow
They don’t teach cursive in America? Did my whole 8 years of higher education in cursive. No computer. Helped me remember way more easily. I still write my programs in cursive before putting them on print.
I can’t understand people who criticize their SO constantly, and complain. I mean, you chose them. You should respect them.
When I was in elementary school (1983-1989), they taught cursive and required everything to be written in it. I don’t know if they still teach cursive, but they absolutely should. As you experienced, cursive promotes learning, retention, and creativity/ innovation with the topic. When I was in law school, my classmates and I consistently noticed improved comprehension and memory of information when we took handwritten notes instead of typing notes on laptops.
@TriednTrue @aldebaran @wanna_be
A good list to also have answers “what can I do for this woman?” Often people think of what they want without asking, “Well what do I have to offer, and what will I do?”
Not much has changed.
I like a woman who has the ability to be content and enjoy the present.
Presentable and we’ll dressed without being frivolous. No big fake titties with an Ed Hardy like tattoo on them, blown up duck lips, botox, etc.
The ability to care about others. My main relationships in adulthood were with women in caring professions. One was educated in psychology but worked in tech, and has since become a nurse. My wife was a teacher, worked in sales/management for a long time, now back to teaching but kind of in flux.
Of course, codependence is a massive skew to my and their sense of attraction. I think I’m generally pretty decent looking, and am attracted to about the same, but it’s not always the things we think we should be attracted to that we’re attracted to.
When a woman likes me she’s not thinking “I’ll take him home to meet my father. Daddy will be so proud!”.
She’s thinking “I’ll take him home to meet my father and maybe he’ll kill him. Dad’s in for a rude awakening!”.
It’s like we have a wish list of all of the nice things on the front burner, but down in the oven there’s a bunch of stuff that has been baking.
The front burner is just gravy, but the real meat and potatoes is in the roaster.
That is, VERY TRUE. I’m sure that my last serious relationship failed mostly because of me.
I am working on myself a lot. Both people should bring something to the other one.
@aldebaran
Thanks man! I genuinely feel like I’ve grown and learned so much that I would make an excellent husband.
For sure dude. I feel I offer alot, I genuinely believe myself to be a “catch”, if that makes me sound arrogant I’m sorry lol but I believe it to be true.
I believe you are. You’re also very funny.
Okay class is over and I will respond
I’ve been thinking about relationships lately (gym buddy, my parents fighting, convincing myself about my friend)
Yes. This is what I’ve observed with my parents.
Mum is more driven than dad and didn’t mind helping him prepare for interviews, finding opportunities, but she eventually came to resent it. There are also very little things like sleeping in or not folding laundry.
With my friend (that one) there’s been four “major” red flags (aside from the gym thing) that showed me that even if he were open to a relationship, it’d be a disaster
This is sort of how I felt with gym buddy ( and other friends who are just exceptionally good people). I felt like I had to put up a facade of having higher warmth.
These types of ppl are incredible and I am grateful for them, but they’re also exhausting to be around, much less have as a partner.
He was also too accomodating. At least my friend (that one) would stand up to me. If I did something that gym buddy found objectionable, it’d be more a sense of disappointment, which feels worse than being called out sometimes
if you don’t believe you’re a catch, why should others
@tlgains yes, I mean a literal contract
Here’s a thing about a contract- it can lay out a bunch of things that both parties agree to. Signed, sealed, delivered.
So how about things that you disagree with?
Like sleeping in and leaving laundry, etc.
My one brother and I entered into a purchase agreement for one of his houses. Yadda yadda, xyz. All good. Contract signed, witnessed, and notarized.
Then he wanted to change the terms.
I disagreed. I wouldn’t sign or agree to any other terms.
So we ended up in court and he lost his suit, And ended up owing me a substantial amount of money.
A contract only delineates what the parties agree to.
But in life and relationships with others it can often be your ability to disagree that makes or breaks it.
So here’s a thing I did.
Nice stained glass, right?
But how does one see it? By the light that passes through, illuminating the glass?
Or the frame (negative space) that surrounds it?
It’s both.
Relationships are both.
End date for what?
for when I have the option to set him aside for good. The opportunity cost for doing that now are too high and the fact that we run a club together make it nearly impossible
We’ll both be going off to grad school, probably in different places and too busy to keep in contact.
However, if I DO decide at some point to get back in contact, it’ll be easy enough to reconnect
So the guy is aware of this end date?
yes, it was in the contract
Moot now because the contract was rejected
This is an indicator right off the bat that makes a relationship nonviable.
And he still pals around with you?
This is the most interesting setup between a man snd woman I’ve heard of.
So is this your econ study buddy who you kinda asked out by emailing him the contract, Calc and advanced math, or gym guy?
We never had that kind of friendship to begin with.
He is busy and I wanted a guarantee for his time since we weren’t going to take that many classes together anymore.
