With boating season in full swing, there are always some funny stories from the water. So post up!
Boats, booze, mishaps, boat malfunctions, and Broads! Let the good times roll!
Drunk jet skiers:
About 5 years back, I was watching two guys trailer 2 jet skis. They get the jet ski’s on the trailer bunkers, then drunk guy decides he is going to hold each jet ski with one hand while sitting on the truck’s tailgate. So the driver pulls the trailer up the steep ramp, old drunkie loses his grip and drops both jet skis BAM , RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE RAMP!
Boating Humor
Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with “the girls” a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them…” I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide next to the garage behind my boat so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls”. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind the boat, that I noticed some hairline cracks in my gelcoat, right were the hull meets the transom of my boat.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take the boat to the shop for repairs?
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
Boating Humor
Dear Abby,
I’ve never written to you before, but I really need your advice. I have suspected for some time now that my wife has been cheating on me. The usual signs are phone rings, but if I answer, the caller hangs up. My wife has been going out with “the girls” a lot recently, although when I ask their names she always says, “Just some friends from work, you don’t know them…” I always try to stay awake to look out for her coming home, but I usually fall asleep. Anyway, I have never approached the subject with my wife. I think deep down I just didn’t want to know the truth, but last night she went out again and I decided to really check on her.
Around midnight, I decided to hide next to the garage behind my boat so I could get a good view of the whole street when she arrived home from a night out with “the girls”. When she got out of the car she was buttoning up her blouse, which was open, and she took her panties out of her purse and slipped them on. It was at that moment, crouching behind the boat, that I noticed some hairline cracks in my gelcoat, right were the hull meets the transom of my boat.
Is this something I can fix myself or should I take the boat to the shop for repairs?[/quote]
LOL
My friend ran out of gas on the lake with his family. He had brought his boat to a shop (full of gas) for repairs. When he got it back, they had forgot to reconnect some of the electrical system and the gas gage wasn’t working. In addition they had used most of the tank in fixing the boat (either that or they stole his gas - which could be why they conveniently forgot to reconnect the wires to the display).
So he’s out on the lake with his family thinking they have a full tank and suddenly they are dead in the water. They eventually get the attention of another boater who throws them a rope to tow them to shore. The throw comes up short and my friend lunges for it and falls over. His swimsuit which has a simple draw string snags a metal rope hook and he is stuck face down in the water with his feet up in the air. He said he was absolutely helpless and if he had been by himself he would have drowned but fortunately his teenaged son was able to drag him up.
One time my wife and I had dropped our boat in the water at a launch and because our boat was quickly filling with water we soon realized we had forgotten to put the plug in. I’m terrible at backing the trailer and often just let my wife do it. The smallest turn you make at the vehicle gets magnified at the trailer and the trailer turns the opposite direction of the truck so you have to keep that in mind while maneuvering.
With no time to spare, the boat will soon be sitting at the bottom of the lake, I run up the hill, grab the truck, and come flying back down through the crowded launch area deftly weaving between other trucks and trailers on the way. I get to the water and swiftly slam the trailer right under the boat. Proving once again how clutch I am under pressure.
I got a couple. But, quick tip. When backing up a trailer hold the steering wheel at the bottom. The direction you move the bottom is the direction the trailer will go.
This reminds me… I need a pair of boat shoes.
The last boat I bought was a Tanzer 7.5 shoal keel sailboat. I bought it used about a hundred miles from my house. It was in good shape, but needed an outboard motor - it had the motor mount. My plan was to motor to a nearby marina, make a few repairs and sail down the Potomac river with my son. A nice two day sail. So bought the motor (Yamaha 9.9) and headed up there to finalize the deal. It was October so it was cold, and I got a really good deal on the boat.
Everything went fine, I loaded up all my stuff, mounted the outboard motor, waved goodbye and headed on up the river to the marina at about a quarter throttle. When I got to the center of the channel, I decided to give it a little more gas, so I throttled up. AND the engine mount broke, the outboard fell into the water, hanging by the battery cables which soon gave out. So I’m out in the middle of the river, drifting in a strong current with my son in an unfamiliar boat in water that’s too cold to swim in! FML
Ended up throwing the anchor, calling the marina, having to get towed in, blah blah blah. I sold the boat for a loss a few months later never having sailed it.
The moral of the story is that boats, planes and women are better RENTED than OWNED.
But I’ve been sailing my whole life and I’ve had MANY a cool adventure which I’ll share later.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
The last boat I bought was a Tanzer 7.5 shoal keel sailboat. I bought it used about a hundred miles from my house. It was in good shape, but needed an outboard motor - it had the motor mount. My plan was to motor to a nearby marina, make a few repairs and sail down the Potomac river with my son. A nice two day sail. So bought the motor (Yamaha 9.9) and headed up there to finalize the deal. It was October so it was cold, and I got a really good deal on the boat.
Everything went fine, I loaded up all my stuff, mounted the outboard motor, waved goodbye and headed on up the river to the marina at about a quarter throttle. When I got to the center of the channel, I decided to give it a little more gas, so I throttled up. AND the engine mount broke, the outboard fell into the water, hanging by the battery cables which soon gave out. So I’m out in the middle of the river, drifting in a strong current with my son in an unfamiliar boat in water that’s too cold to swim in! FML
Ended up throwing the anchor, calling the marina, having to get towed in, blah blah blah. I sold the boat for a loss a few months later never having sailed it.
The moral of the story is that boats, planes and women are better RENTED than OWNED.
But I’ve been sailing my whole life and I’ve had MANY a cool adventure which I’ll share later.
[/quote]
Nice one! I’ve made the lack of safety chain mistake before too! Its a pricey mistake!!
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
The last boat I bought was a Tanzer 7.5 shoal keel sailboat. I bought it used about a hundred miles from my house. It was in good shape, but needed an outboard motor - it had the motor mount. My plan was to motor to a nearby marina, make a few repairs and sail down the Potomac river with my son. A nice two day sail. So bought the motor (Yamaha 9.9) and headed up there to finalize the deal. It was October so it was cold, and I got a really good deal on the boat.
Everything went fine, I loaded up all my stuff, mounted the outboard motor, waved goodbye and headed on up the river to the marina at about a quarter throttle. When I got to the center of the channel, I decided to give it a little more gas, so I throttled up. AND the engine mount broke, the outboard fell into the water, hanging by the battery cables which soon gave out. So I’m out in the middle of the river, drifting in a strong current with my son in an unfamiliar boat in water that’s too cold to swim in! FML
Ended up throwing the anchor, calling the marina, having to get towed in, blah blah blah. I sold the boat for a loss a few months later never having sailed it.
The moral of the story is that boats, planes and women are better RENTED than OWNED.
But I’ve been sailing my whole life and I’ve had MANY a cool adventure which I’ll share later.
[/quote]
Nice one! I’ve made the lack of safety chain mistake before too! Its a pricey mistake!!
[/quote]
Yup. Every other boat I owned/sailed had an inboard engine (or no engine on the smaller ones). It was one of the things I just didn’t think about when I picked it up. Won’t make THAT mistake again! LOL
Lost Opportunity:
We’re about to trailer our boat and see three very good looking young women and one dude launching a boat. The ladies don’t seem to know much about boating so the one young man, probably with dirty deeds on his mind launches the boat. Well kinda!
The boat won’t start and floats off the trailer into the forebay of the lake. So here is the young buck with three hot ladies and a busted motherfucking boat. I kinda felt bad for him.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
The last boat I bought was a Tanzer 7.5 shoal keel sailboat. I bought it used about a hundred miles from my house. It was in good shape, but needed an outboard motor - it had the motor mount. My plan was to motor to a nearby marina, make a few repairs and sail down the Potomac river with my son. A nice two day sail. So bought the motor (Yamaha 9.9) and headed up there to finalize the deal. It was October so it was cold, and I got a really good deal on the boat.
Everything went fine, I loaded up all my stuff, mounted the outboard motor, waved goodbye and headed on up the river to the marina at about a quarter throttle. When I got to the center of the channel, I decided to give it a little more gas, so I throttled up. AND the engine mount broke, the outboard fell into the water, hanging by the battery cables which soon gave out. So I’m out in the middle of the river, drifting in a strong current with my son in an unfamiliar boat in water that’s too cold to swim in! FML
Ended up throwing the anchor, calling the marina, having to get towed in, blah blah blah. I sold the boat for a loss a few months later never having sailed it.
The moral of the story is that boats, planes and women are better RENTED than OWNED.
But I’ve been sailing my whole life and I’ve had MANY a cool adventure which I’ll share later.
[/quote]
Nice one! I’ve made the lack of safety chain mistake before too! Its a pricey mistake!!
[/quote]
Yup. Every other boat I owned/sailed had an inboard engine (or no engine on the smaller ones). It was one of the things I just didn’t think about when I picked it up. Won’t make THAT mistake again! LOL
[/quote]
There is a lot of truth to the saying a boat is a hole in the water that you fill with money!
Bust
Out
Another
Thousand
A co-worker invited me and two other guys to go out on his boat and we all met at the marina to launch it. When he backed the truck and trailer down into the ramp, I assumed he knew what he was doing. I was wrong. First, he forgot to release the straps attached to the transom and the back of the trailer. When the boat hit the water, I was surprised to see the stern was being held down and water started going over the transom. He jumped in after realizing what had happened and removed the straps. He also forgot to install the drain plug prior to launching.
We had a great day on the water and loaded the boat back onto the trailer without incident. He turned the truck off when we were loading the boat and guess what happened? Yea, the truck wouldn?t start. So there we were, blocking the one side of the launch with about 15-20 boats waiting behind us until the tow truck arrived.
[quote]Captnoblivious wrote:
Lost Opportunity:
We’re about to trailer our boat and see three very good looking young women and one dude launching a boat. The ladies don’t seem to know much about boating so the one young man, probably with dirty deeds on his mind launches the boat. Well kinda!
The boat won’t start and floats off the trailer into the forebay of the lake. So here is the young buck with three hot ladies and a busted motherfucking boat. I kinda felt bad for him. [/quote]
Cap, was that lake Coeur d’Alene in Idaho? If so, that might have been my nephew. And the whole story is even better…
When you store a boat for the winter you add a fuel protectant to the tank and then top it off with gas. We did this at the end of one season then missed a seasoned due to having a baby. So the boat sat idle for two winters and a summer. During that time much of the gas had evaporated but not the fuel protectant so the protectant became to concentrated in the gas, but I didn’t know this at the time.
My nephew came to live with us and he was excited to take the new friends (girls) he had made out on the boat when summer came around. The morning he wanted to go I pulled the boat out, hooked it up to the garden hose, fired it up and had it purring like a kitten in the front street. I went over everything with my him about starting it, driving it, loading it etc. It was all review for him because he had gone out with us frequently when he visited in past summers.
When his friends arrived, they took off but an hour later he calls me saying he can’t get it started. I talk him through the steps to take to get it running but no luck. Finally they decide just to play at the lake for a while then come home.
A few hours later I get another call. “Um Uncle Edge, we’re on the side of the road because one of the trailer wheels came flying off”. My response was “Oh my god is my truck okay?” He said yes so I then inquired about the boat and him and the girls in that order.
[quote]Will207 wrote:
A co-worker invited me and two other guys to go out on his boat and we all met at the marina to launch it. When he backed the truck and trailer down into the ramp, I assumed he knew what he was doing. I was wrong. First, he forgot to release the straps attached to the transom and the back of the trailer. When the boat hit the water, I was surprised to see the stern was being held down and water started going over the transom. He jumped in after realizing what had happened and removed the straps. He also forgot to install the drain plug prior to launching.
We had a great day on the water and loaded the boat back onto the trailer without incident. He turned the truck off when we were loading the boat and guess what happened? Yea, the truck wouldn?t start. So there we were, blocking the one side of the launch with about 15-20 boats waiting behind us until the tow truck arrived.
[/quote]
I’m surprised out of 15-20 boaters, no one had a set up to get him towed out of the way.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]Will207 wrote:
A co-worker invited me and two other guys to go out on his boat and we all met at the marina to launch it. When he backed the truck and trailer down into the ramp, I assumed he knew what he was doing. I was wrong. First, he forgot to release the straps attached to the transom and the back of the trailer. When the boat hit the water, I was surprised to see the stern was being held down and water started going over the transom. He jumped in after realizing what had happened and removed the straps. He also forgot to install the drain plug prior to launching.
We had a great day on the water and loaded the boat back onto the trailer without incident. He turned the truck off when we were loading the boat and guess what happened? Yea, the truck wouldn?t start. So there we were, blocking the one side of the launch with about 15-20 boats waiting behind us until the tow truck arrived.
[/quote]
I’m surprised out of 15-20 boaters, no one had a set up to get him towed out of the way.[/quote]
I’d say the boat and trailer had a combined weight of 18 000 lbs and he was driving an F-350. The ramp was pretty steep as well. A rather large wrecker came to pull it out.
I have been in and around boats my whole life, and I can attest to the fact that nothing beats a crowded boat launch on a holiday weekend for pure entertainment. I’ve seen countless boats dropped on the pavement, trucks (and cars posing as truck) pulled out to sea, and multiple near-death experiences.
A few years back on Lewisville, rains and high water had closed every launch except one on the 4th of July. This was the one:
http://www.lake-lewisville.org/hidden-cove-park-ramp/
My buddy asked me to bring my Ski Nautique over to tow the kids at his place and against my better judgment I agreed. We waited in line to drop in for almost two hours and saw some crazy shit, but mostly there were really slow fuckers who apparently had never backed their trailers or launched their boats before, and virtually everyone–despite the wait–was waiting to start getting ready to launch until it was actually their turn.
Now, my buddy can really back a trailer, and we decided to put on a show. It was really stupid on a number of levels, but we just couldn’t resist. When the attendant signaled it was our turn, he ripped it into position and started backing down the ramp like he had just robbed a bank. I had the boat unhooked already and fired it up half way down the ramp and tossed it into reverse before he slam-dunked it into the water. As soon as the trailer hit the water, the boat jumped off it and I cranked the wheel and jammed it into forward gear and pulled a full-on Rockford Files off the trailer (which you can really only do with a center-mount, direct drive inboard) and was on a plane and gone across the lake before you could blink. My buddy said the whole place just kind of stopped while everyone gawked and then a few seconds later we got a standing ovation. I have to say as stupid as it was, we were both quite pleased with ourselves for the rest of the day.
Not me, but this is the type of shit you can pull in an inboard ski boat:
By the way, Lewisville is sick in the summer:
