ok mike you are CORRECT. there is no limit on the number of people you can love. there is, however, a limit on time. how can you possibly devote yourself to two people? someone will get the short end of the stick. there are only so many hours in the day, so many days in the week and two half-assed relationships are not better than one. 99% of people wish they couls spend more time with the ONE person they are with, and you insist on this ‘open relationship’ crap every time you can bring it up. is that spend every waking minute either working or dividing your personal time between your lovers? and if they all have a few others? what is it? you’re together one or two days a waak? oh now isn’t THAT a good realtionship. YES poly-amorism works for some, but they are the vast vast vast minority, so give it up already!
heytey, to say you must necessarily love one person above all others is to say that love for someone can be quantified – put into numeric form. I don’t think you can do that. I love many different people – my father, my brother, my sister, my girlfriend – but I can’t say I love one of them more than all the others. I love them all, in different ways and for different reasons.
Do you think you are forced to love one of your children more than all the rest? I don’t think so. Each child is different and the relationship you have with one cannot be quantifiably compared to the relationship you have with another. You love them all, in different ways, and for different reasons.
michelle, do you have just one friend? Thought not. Do you spend time with all of your friends on a regular basis? Thought so.
If you are like me, you have many friends, each of whom you spend a significant (but not overwhelming) amount of time with. The fact that you have more than one friend doesn’t mean that your ‘best’ friend is inadequate in any way – it just means that you highly value friendship and consequently want to maximize the number of friends you have (subject, of course, to time constraints – you probably can’t have more than 5 or so close friends at any given time). This works well not only because of the variety (each person brings unique qualities to the relationship) but also because people – even those closest to you – are independent creatures. They often want to do their own thing: hang out with some of their friends, engage in hobbies you don’t enjoy, or just be alone. One possessive spouse’s attempts to stifle the freedoms of the other is a leading cause of marital conflict. In a healthy relationship, both people recognize that although they are close to each other, they are still not one, but two people, with individual qualities, likes and dislikes. They are comfortable enough with who they are, having no insecurity, self-esteem and self-worth issues, to let each other do their own thing, be their own person. Beyond that, I would say too much time with anything or anyone is a bad idea – unfortunately, as humans, our perception of the value of something tends to diminish with exposure to that thing. Which is one of the reasons that relationships in which the parties live separately (for most of the time) can be so vibrant and passionate for so long.
“Which is one of the reasons that relationships in which the parties live separately (for most of the time) can be so vibrant and passionate for so long.” come ON! when people live separate most of the time they don’t have to deal with the daily stresses of each other. so they get together, are on their best behavior have fun and separate again. that also gets OLD. my parents did exactly that for almost two years, my father lived away for work, my mom was 800 miles away raising 3 kids. it SUCKED, bled them both dry and didn’t make life all that fun. “They are comfortable enough with who they are, having no insecurity, self-esteem and self-worth issues, to let each other do their own thing, be their own person.” everyone raise your hand if you know someone with NO insecurity, self-esteem and self-worth issues looks around wow, no hands! we’re back to never never land here aren’t we mike? and yes, i have a handful of very close friends, all of them very different, all of them very special. and i don’t have nearly enough time to spend with all of them. suggesting that anyone has time for a QUALITY intimate relationship (please note the stress on quality) with more than one person is bordering on rediculous. true intamacy requires time and patience and learning and personal growth. most people can barely find the time to do that with one person in the course of their normal life, let alone 2! i agree, a possesive, stifling spouse is a bad thing. a relationship is two separate people coming together, they have separate lives and friends and interests. intertwining these facits is a full time effort - with one partner. as for multiple friends, like it or not, there is a hierarcy…there has to be. when my best friend calls me, i drop everything and talk to her. if she needed me in new york city THIS MINUTE i would get there. not a question - i would just go. when two friends who are not necessarily friends with each other want to get together, you have to choose one over the other… the top in the ‘friends’ list should be your partner, and if you have more than one, who gets top billing? got news for you, the one who doesn’t will begin to get insecure… and seek attention elsewhere. and if she’s your ‘top billing’ and you’re her second, you’re gonna get passed over for something. i doubt more than 1% of people could truly maintain what you keep talking about.
I hope you end up alone, you married, womanizing fuck! Go to hell asshole!! “Help, WHHHHAAAAAAAA, my peepee needs different pie, help me justify my feelings, T-friends!” Can any of these fucks make a decision on their own. Grown up kids–fuck off!
How long have you been married? there are times when you are “hot” for each other and there are times when you feel “whatever” about each other. Realize that if you were married to this other woman,and you were truly equally compatiable with the tables turned, you might be fantasizing about the woman who is your wife right now. Talk to your wife about this before you consumate your emotional affair. THAT ought to put some spice back in yor marriage. How could you have let it go so far as to feel like you are in love with a 2nd party? you have cheated already emotionally. Get a grip AND A NEW JOB or you will lose your wife and kids if you have any. Talk to her, she will save your life if she loves you. Asshole.
No matter how beautiful a woman is, somewhere, somehow, someone is tired of her shit.
Let me add two cents from somewhere who was in this situation just over a year ago. I had been married for nine years when I met and “fell in love with” another woman. Though I certainly thought about it, the fact that my wife has been there for me through such an amazing variety of good and bad times, I could never betray her like that. She’s the only person in my life who has been there no matter what, and I have never questioned her love for me. Think about what you and your wife have been through. You have a history together. If she’s your best friend as my wife is to me, you would never want to lose her - no matter how hot and sexy this other woman is, and no matter how much she may reciprocate your feelings.
michelle, I’m not saying that it’s easy for most people to adopt the vantage point from which polyamory becomes comfortable, satisfying, and fulfilling. In fact, for most people, I would say it’s impossible. But it is the ideal that everyone should try to achieve (by which I mean that I think mature, well-adjusted people in a polyamorous relationship can, on the net, be happier than those in a strictly monogamous relationship) – if only once in their lives.
“Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.”
Here’s a solution. Does this other woman live in a different area code? If she does, go through with it, cause it’s not considered cheating. If that’s not an option and you’re still worried about cheating, just spread some peanut butter on your testicles and let your dog lick it off. It’s not considered cheating, because it’s your dog. These options should make you feel better about yourself. Either way, you are scum in my book for even considering to do anything in the first place.
Who thinks MtL is in a polyamorous relationship with an ugly chick and another guy? Thought so. 
To paraphase a Chris Rock quote. “Come back to commitment and turn that old pussy into new pussy!”