TLDR: Unironically feel like dying, body barely functions anymore, can’t really go about my daily life anymore. This can’t be from test E only right?
Was on 240-400mg test E for 2 years, felt increasingly bad in terms of energy, mood and especially libido. It started out just feeling a little off, nothing to be concerned about and went to unacceptable levels as the months went by. As adviced I went down to trt level 140mg for almost 2 months now, this is where it went super bad, can barely function anymore.
Can this REALLY be solely from testosterone? Pretty much anybody i talk to says it can’t be.
Hello, i previously made a post in this forum ( Feel Like Shit, Need Advice Badly - Pharma / TRT - COMMUNITY - T NATION (t-nation.com)) in which i documented how i pretty much “perma blasted” low dose (started 240mg/wk and increased to 400mg/wk bit by bit after every 6 months) test E only for 2 years (yeah was stupid i know). I got bloods done regularly, nutrition was on point as well as me being very lean from 8-12% bf during that time. My strength and looks were also incredible, hence why i kept going even tho my condition worsened. I shook it off as sleeping too little (terrible sleeper for years) and training too much and compensating with lots of caffeine (4 hours 5 days a week with heavy compounds every training day).
I decided to make drastic changes, trained for max an hour a day, took out caffeine completely and went on 140mg/wk injected e3d. Thats when shit hit the fan.
I feel so incredible shit in every single way that i just CANNOT believe it comes from freaking test only. Sure low dose blast for 2 years continuously wasnt smart in hindsight but i personally know and read so many people who did WAY worse and dont feel nearly as bad as i do.
As of now i suffer from:
-almost non existant libido ( used to be basically sex addicted all my adult life, jerked off 3-6 times a day) + ED (can get it hard but its not as good as before). This was bad already before i lowered my dose to TRT. Following problems started getting more severe after dropping my dose.
-can NOT sleep more than 1-2 hours a night for a few months now, can barely function, almost made me get fired from work
-basically feel like what people describe as going off cold turkey except I AM STILL ON TRT?
-because of sleep deprivation can barely get out of bed anymore, basic tasks tire me out by so much that i literally cannot function in day to day life anymore
-super lethargic, constantly tired even BEFORE my sleep worsened (used to get 6 hours a night but still felt suuuper tired all day unless right after my preworkout)
-textbook depression, no drive, no motivation, dont care about anything anymore
-feeling of existential dread, anxiety through the roof that makes me unable to fall asleep even when tired as hell
-weird personality change, basically became super needy, emotional, weak, basically feel feminine, suddenly want to have a family and kids (was never interested before), can’t see gore or violence in movies anymore or i get sick to my stomach and really sad (i didnt care beforehand), super sentimental over everything
-basically feel like what i imagine an 80yo man feels like, with the low energy, 0 libido and unable to sleep
-cant verbalize or memorize things as well, cognitive functions way down, feel dumb and slow in the head, i attribute that to lack of caffeine and sleep tho
-my face aged about 10-15 years within the last year, i legit look like my own father, might also be due to sleep deprivation tho, hopefully reversable
Blood Work when I was still on 400mg/wk: Imgur: The magic of the Internet and Imgur: The magic of the Internet
Current blood work on 140mg/wk: Test 790ng/dl (high end of range= Estradiol 44,4 pg/ml (barely out of range). Didn’t test other values.
Regularly did BP tests, always were fine.
The worst part for me is actually my dead libido and dick. It’s worth mentioning that i NEVER felt any sudden change for the worse or better when starting T initially. Instead it was a steady, slow decline over 2 years. Weirdly during that 2 year period i had SEVERAL bouts that lasted a week or two, in which i had a MURDER libido and strong dick. Sometimes i had to jerk it 3 times just before going to the gym just so i had a clear mind. I couldnt focus otherwise. How the hell do you explain that? After these bouts, the slow, steady decline of libido and dick kept going though. I also havent gotten morning wood once during that time, which makes me rule out that its psychological, as morning wood (i think) is a physiological thing only.
Doctors are basically clueless where i come from, i visited many of them and none of them were able to pinpoint what the issue might be, especially considering my bloods look pretty good.
The two options i see presented for me atm are:
- Try different (higher AND lower) test dosages and see if theres any improvement. Go less after numbers for E2 etc. and instead experiment with dosages until one feels right in terms of energy and libido. I was thinking anything from low TRT dose (60-100mg/wk) to full on blast up to 500mg/wk and just see what works (if it works). I have propionate on hand to feel results faster.
- Go off completely. I would very much prefer this option IF i was certain that it’s the exogenous Test that’s giving me all these issues but i simply struggle to believe it. I’ve asked so many people on way harsher dosages for longer periods, i researched the internet for similiar experiences for weeks now and i havent seen a single case this bad from Test only. I’m certain the caffeine withdrawal and only getting 0-2 hours of sleep a night for almost 3 months now play a major role.
Also quite scared of what going off would make me feel like if 140mg/wk already make me a husk of a human being.
Basically i’m asking for any advice, similiar experience and if you think all these things can stem from me injecting (admittedly too much and for too long) Testosterone.
I will edit if anything else comes to my mind.