So... I'm Depressed

Off Topic
81

OP…I do hope you are reading this and doing better…

With regards to Medications espescially psychotropic meds, what other posters have said is correct to a certain extent, they arent always bad and at times very necessary. I do however implore you to go through other avenues FIRST before diving headfirst into meds. Psychothearpay and group therapy helped me as much if not more than Meds alone. Please weight the positives and negatives with meds as their is a definite Ying/Yang compromise when you do take them.

If you do decide if meds are the answer…understand that meds alone arent as effective as they could be when not coupled with some sore of talk therapy.

82

[quote]NeelyDan wrote:
neelydan has three things to contribute:

first, a poem for the OP and everyone else who truly understands what it is to be depressed - a special dedication to those of the opinion that having fucking internet access is magical guard against being depressed:

listening to the radio at 1:35am - Charles Bukowski

i switch the station
a man plays the piano in grand fashion

somewhere else
there are nice homes
on the ocean shore
where you can
take your drink
out on the veranda
and
stand at ease and
watch the waves
listen to the waves
crashing in the dark
and yet
at the same time
you can fee crappy there
too -

just like me now
having a dog fight
fighting for my life
within these 4 walls
20 miles inland.

Secondly:

We all have our crosses to bear. You’re not alone.

Lastly:

If anyone posting here, even on a subconcious level, has taken some sort of rah rah badass approach to this with the hopes of scoring points amongst other posters, you’re going to rot one day. Enjoy that.

Depression, true depression, colours everything grey. It infects every part of you. It’s a thick, black cloud that completely wraps itself around you like a fucking boa constrictor. It’s relentless and it is plain easy to see how not living anymore would be more appealing.

Thing is, life IS worth living.

Life is worth living.

[/quote]

WERD RIP Charles

83

[quote]Fiction wrote:

Anyway, on to a subject which I suspect you will find much more entertaining–what do you think is the best way to go if you were off yourself? Gun seems most appealing as it has the highest rate of success, but it leaves an awful mess and the less I have to upset my family the better.

Don’t worry guys. I’m not killing myself just yet. So mods no need to block this thread or anything. Just doing my emo whining in public. And yeah, I probably won’t post here again, because even if I don’t kill myself, I will be way to embarrassed to post after this shit.[/quote]

Hang yourself with a sling made out of sharp wire. Glue your hands to your head and jump.
That way, at least at first sight, it will look like your ripped your own fucking head off!

Another good option would be to go all taxi-driver on a group of scum bags like drug dealers or pimps. That way you’ll achieve something above average. And in the off chance that you survive the assault, you will maybe have found that life ain’t so bad after all.

You could also go after that freak who’s being released after killing that little boy. Either an hero directly after the hit or live and become a hero. Wim-Win situation in my book.

84

What a good post DreHatchet

85

My thoughts on this:

I think one of the biggest issues young, depressed people have is that it’s often impossible for them to perceieve their issues in relation to anything but small segments of time. Basically, if you are only 20 years old, you can (intellectually) know it might take up to a few years to overcome your current emotional issues, though this represents a whopping 10% of your current life-span. Needless to say, if you were 100 years old it’d only be a mere 2%. Instinctively, I believe this makes a massive difference to how quickly you’ll likely believe you can overcome such things (understandably this makes everything FAR more overwhelming). Over time & with age I do belief it can become much easier.

^Also, this issue can be further conflated by older people blabbering on about how: When you are young you know nothing, when you are young, you couldn’t possibly know the nature of TRUE SUFFERING/STRESS etc. They often seem to forget you can only really emotionally interpret an issue as ‘relatively small’ if you’ve already suffered it & learned (mostly subconsciously) how to cope with it. Older people often seem to forget what it’s like to be young & how badly THEY, themselve’s coped with certain things.

Also, with regards the whole: Lots of children are dying in Africa, you should think yourself lucky angle <<<< This can be just as annoying (especially if you are REALLY LOW, as opposed to just having a bad day/week etc). If anything, I actually think this kind of thing can actually make you feel worse/guilty for even allowing yourself to be depressed. Ie: Holy fuck! What the hell is wrong with me, their are kids dying in Africa right now & all I’ve got to worry about is a slightly under-sized todger & a mild case of social phobia & I’m still thinking suicide is a good option, how lame am I!!! etc <<<<Really not helpful

Probably, one of he hardest pills to swallow though is that: LOGIC ALONE IS NOT ENOUGH!!! Which, since being logical is often a great forte of many a smart young man is kinda like Scar Face coming home to find his Mansion key no longer fits & he’s ran out of cocaine <<< Not a happy moment!!

As for things that I actually believe can be useful:

-Counselling can be very useful (though, it can be a rather incremental, clumsy process).
-Ritualistically writing stuff down always helped me. I usually split my ‘Mind Dumps’ into two categories, the first would be a no ‘holds barred’ rant about how I felt & the second would be a list of NLP style affirmations & ‘reasons to be cheerful’ etc.
-The biggest thing though, is an admitting you have a problem though. Irrespective of whether some internet Super-Psychobabbler tells you that what you have is not ‘true depression’ etc, it’s just a bout of latent, ‘emo-pussyitis’. I believe, how you or anyone else attempts to define your problem is far less important than how you attempt & eventually learn how to cope with your issues
-Music & weight training were also very cathartic for me.
-NLP sessions also helped (kinda felt like I was fallling into myself, lol). Initially, even after I’d stopped the sessions (not convinced they were helping me much more than my owm, self-administered NLP) I noticed I was literally walking taller! Quite subtle, yet miraculous!!! Probably not for everyone (especially since money is one of your issues), though…maybe some food for though

Failing all else, just remember the Buddha says: ‘The jug fills drop by drop’.

One day in the future, you’ll more than likely be overflowing with happiness, not tears, always try & remind yourself of that very basic, yet wonderfully immutable fact of life.

Good luck fella:)

86

I didn’t see this until now, sorry. Hey man I have fucked with depression since 05. I know that now because I FINALLY GREW THE BALLS TO PUT ASIDE THAT STUBBORN MAN PRIDE AND FIX MY FUCKIN’ HEAD. In 09 I quit my career and went back to college. My girl got pregnant and the stress pushed me farther into depression.

I instantly started beating the shit out of myself in my own head and it took its toll. You know where that shit got me? FUCKING NOWHERE! I developed amnesia, I don’t remember pretty much all of 2010, I lost my little family, I totally isolated myself. It’s not going to fix itself my man. I was thinking suicide to and almost tried it. Suicide is for a weak PUSSY. I used to work out 4 to 6 times a week. I didn’t do it once in 8 months…I just started again a month ago.

The other night I slept for a full 8 hours for the first time in 7 months. I know this isn’t about me but that’s the road this shit takes you down. Look up some shit on the fight or flight response in the human mind and decide what kind of fucking man you want to be. I am guessing I know what kind of man you want to be because you are on this web site. I’m not trying to be all epic and shit either but look up a poem called two wolves…fight the good fight.

87

I was depressed once. Then it went away.

I still think life is pointless. I still think my life will be one of mediocrity.

I’m just not depressed anymore.

88

Depression is serious stuff and should not be taken lightly. This is true with all mental illness. You don’t want to be the guy who thinks his girlfriend just has anxiety until she stabs her mother to death. Also, I was sad until I saw Oleena’s avatar, now I feel better.

89

If it is true, drop the bitch and improve your writing skills . Most of these people just like their own ideas regurgitated back at them. Of course the top 10% do little else than study in a subject such a law . If you have time to be on here, you are not studying very much. Law is a fairly subjective area too, so you have to write what people want to hear esp. in less substantive subjects.

Failing that(judging by the avatar) go and work for the recoveries department of a major bank. They are very happy with less than mediocre people who fuck around on the internet all day with tax payers money, giggling while making people homeless. Muttering a contract is contract to any questions or legal challenges and getting paid handsomely for it. You would still have to be in the office for long hours of course,
while someone else is banging the wife , he never sees.

90

[quote]duffyj2 wrote:
I was depressed once. Then it went away.

I still think life is pointless. I still think my life will be one of mediocrity.

I’m just not depressed anymore. [/quote]

awesome post

91

My view might be somewhat different. I believe everything in our lives, absolutely everything was destined to happen. we think we all have free choice. We don’t. every decision that you have ever made in your life was supposed to happen. why do some guys get to be famous actors or famous athletes making millions of bucks per year? while others become homeless or drug addicts or people who murder or commit crimes. Its hard to think that our lives have been pre determined. whatever happens in your life, is meant to happen. Why are some blessed, while others suffer. Does it have to do with bad upbringing or simple destiny. we all like to think we get to dictate our own future by the choices we make but i simply don’t beleive it.

92

[quote]roguevampire wrote:
My view might be somewhat different. I believe everything in our lives, absolutely everything was destined to happen. we think we all have free choice. We don’t. every decision that you have ever made in your life was supposed to happen. why do some guys get to be famous actors or famous athletes making millions of bucks per year? while others become homeless or drug addicts or people who murder or commit crimes. Its hard to think that our lives have been pre determined. whatever happens in your life, is meant to happen. Why are some blessed, while others suffer. Does it have to do with bad upbringing or simple destiny. we all like to think we get to dictate our own future by the choices we make but i simply don’t beleive it. [/quote]

That sounds like some good bullshit there. This kind of advice will make someone feel worse. You are making them think they can’t change their life. There are famous athletes because those people choose to work really hard on their abilities and talents. Go fuck yourself. Shit, I didn’t mean to say that. I guess it was just supposed to happen that way.

93

This is T NATION, so I’ll use a good old fashioned training analogy. When we first start lifting, it’s easy to look at guys around us who have 5 years experience on us and think, “oh shit! I have soooooo far to go!” You start to dwell on this, and your progress is sure to stall unless you are just lucky. Then, you mature and wise up with your approach. You start setting monthly, weekly, even daily goals. You soon forget about the fact that you’re 100 lbs off from your 500 deadlift, and feel good about the fact that you just hit 400, which is 20 more than last week. You start setting daily, weekly, monthly check points like this, and before you know it, you’re making progress, and with a little patience you see your physique and strength really start to take off before your own eyes.

Let go of the bigger picture for now. You have the REST OF YOUR life to sort that out. What do you need to accomplish TODAY to feel good about yourself? Make it something doable, yet somewhat challenging (even if it’s getting a bill in on time) and do it. And you know what? If you feel like shit, you feel like shit. LET YOURSELF feel like shit…we all have those days. It’s when you dwell on it, “well, I feel like shit and I shouldn’t!” that things start to spiral. Just tell yourself, my mood’s going to suck today…and that’s…OK. I have two things I want to get done today. I’m going to get them done anyway.

Here’s a quote my father gave me when I was very young that has helped me through rough times when I got stuck in my own head. You could think about it for the rest of your life and still be able to extract new meaning from it.

“You are the most important person in the universe. You are the least important person in the universe.”

94

OP - I’ve felt exactly the same way you have before, and I think that qualifies me to opine on the matter.

There’s a lot that can/could be said, but I’ll try to limit my post to major points.

  1. You need a therapist. I’ve been seeing one for 2.5 years now, and I’ve tamed many of my demons through a lot of painful self exploration. Who knows whether anything I’ve learned will create any long lasting “change,” but I know in the short term I feel SIGNIFICANTLY better about shit.

In therapy, you learn coping skills, so when you do feel down, you know how to pick yourself up, rather than spiraling into the dark abyss of depression and hopelessness. Getting shit off your chest to somebody who will listen FEELS FUCKING AMAZING.

I don’t see a licensed therapist. He is working on his patient therapy hours to ultimately receive licensing. However, he has finished his course work, has quite a few patients, and always provides me with powerful insight into my own issues. He does not charge $200/hr. Its all based on donations, and I give him $20 for 1-1.5 hrs.

I am sure there are other programs like this through the psych department at your university. Your school medical insurance might also cover therapy. Here’s what you have to do: PICK UP THE FUCKING PHONE AND MAKE 1 APPOINTMENT.

  1. I was mediocre, and felt like shit about it. In many ways, I still am mediocre, but don’t feel like shit about it anymore. I don’t beat myself up about unnecessary garbage. I don’t create such high expectations for myself, that when I inevitably fail to achieve them, I feel lower than dirt. Mediocrity is a relative term.

  2. Accept yourself. Stop shitting all over yourself.

  3. Google search: “therapist [XYZ,USA].” DIAL PHONE NUMBER. MAKE APPOINTMENT. GO. You will be glad you have started the journey now, rather than later on in life. Please invest your time in doing this, it will be the best thing you ever did for yourself.

Good luck. You are not alone in this.

-Nate