You are correct. For the past 10 years or so, I’ve switched back and forth from performance to physique related goals. It’s pretty simple - I pursue strength until my usual pains resurface and then I say “F this. I’ll just be lean and athletic.” I change gears and train that way for awhile, but eventually I get sucked back over to the strength side after seeing other people do awesome things. And then the cycle starts over.
What I’m hoping to do is select exercises that I can do forever. I can focus on strength gains in higher rep ranges which will also help with the physique stuff.
I want to get bigger. I always have and probably always will. But I need to focus on getting stronger because that’s measurable. If I’m smart and stay within my limitations then getting stronger should also result in getting bigger.
I need to change my way of thinking. I’ve always viewed my training goals as getting stronger or getting bigger. I need to get stronger to get bigger. Strength will lead to size and that needs to be my focus.