NMMNG: I confess. My No More Mr. Nice Guy-ology stops at the usual saying and Megadeth/Alice Cooper song.
Happy now? ;p
(Goes back to lurking mode, while producing a HMPFFFF sound and sneering Fuckin original`.) ;0) ;0p
Should you be mad? No.
Should you be snooping? No.
I see an ex from time to time. Sometimes she even drops by my house. I hug her when she shows up. My wife knows I’m not going to do anything I shouldn’t and she’s not bothered by it. My wife and the other woman are friends. Baggage is for those conveyor things at the airport, and maybe for high school crushes or something. Adults should learn to get by without it.
Hiding anything is grounds for being pissed.
Guys or girls should not have any [except maybe 1 or 2] friends of the opposite sex. This is of course if your’re in a comitted relationship.
Guys that have friends that are chicks want to bang them. When a girl has a friend that is male, He wants to bang her. Sex is almost always involved at some level.
JA
Keep your eyes wide open. If something feels off, just monitor the situation for a while. If there is something foul, stomp it out right away. Even if it means taking a stand that will test your relationship. There is nothing ‘crazy’ or ‘wrong’ about protecting your feelings and perserving your pride and dignity.
Hope it works out
[i]Guys or girls should not have any [except maybe 1 or 2] friends of the opposite sex. This is of course if your’re in a comitted relationship.
Guys that have friends that are chicks want to bang them. When a girl has a friend that is male, He wants to bang her. Sex is almost always involved at some level. [/i]
That’s an immature viewpoint and it assumes people are weaker than they are. You generally get what you expect out of people if you choose your relationships with any care at all.
Sneaking around and being secretive about friends of the opposite sex is fucked up and dishonest and the motivation for doing so most likely is sex. If you keep things in the open and stay honest there’s no problem with having friends of the opposite sex and doing things with them, either with or without your S/O being there.
If you can’t trust your S/O around other guys how can you trust her when she’s at work, or out shopping, or any other place where other men are?
So SteelyEyes,
You’re wife tells you that she has an ex-boyfriend that is a stripper that she used to bang and oh, by the way, she’s going to the strip bar that he is stripping at with some of the gals. That wouldn’t bother you at all. Sure…
(Aside: You know, there really are other reasons to be friends with girls besides wanting to bang them. You may actually have other stuff in common.)
Regardless of how you “should” feel, if someone makes you unhappy then you’re probably not a good match.
An ex is an ex. I assume most people fuck their boyfriend/girlfriend so that’s kind of a given.
Neither of us dated strippers. Male strippers are really rare around here so I don’t even know where you’d find one if you wanted to. We both have exes though and we’ve both seen them since we’ve been married. Sometimes together and sometimes alone. I’m still friends with a GF from high school. Her and her husband used to go hiking with my wife and I. We still see them a few times a year even though they’re both too fat and out of shape to hike.
My wife goes to lunch with guys when I’m not there, I go to lunch with the occaisional female friend of mine without her being there. Either one of us would be welcome to go but sometimes one or the other of us have something else going. It’s not a big deal and it really shouldn’t be a big deal.
What I do think is a big deal it to try and control your girlfriend/boyfriend’s social contacts in some lame attempt to keep them from being “tempted”. Temptation is out there and you either act on it or not. The most controlling people I’ve ever known have always driven their S/O away with the very behavior they thought would ensure they’d be “all theirs”.
Back to the hypothetical stripper scenario. It depends. Mostly it depends on how my wife acted. If she said, “They girls and I are going to watch ***** whip his schlong around at the ***** club, drop by if you dare” I wouldn’t worry about it. If she got all defensive like there was something to hide I might start asking some other questions. Most “temptations” as far as sex go take some privacy, which usually means some secrecy. It still comes down to trust. Trust isn’t about the things they do when you can see them, it’s about the things they do when you can’t see them. If you can’t trust them out of your sight, it a tempting environment or not, then they’re not worth keeping around. They might be a great fuck for a while but that’s it.
China: Glad you’re “letting things slide”. It seems to be the most logical thing to do at this point. And you’re absolutely right about the choice thing. YOU choose to either be rational or irrational. And HE chooses to either step out on you or not. You being suspicious/insecure/anxious will do nothing but push him away and make you miserable in the interim. People are who and what they are - just let them!
One thing though… If you are really going to let go of these insecurities - then really fucking let go of them. DO NOT bring them up in the next arguement. DO NOT use them to weigh other actions/inactions by. A lot of people say they let go of shit and don’t - they just keep it as ammo for the next salvo.
Yay! Another rational (momentarily) female! 
{Keep your eyes wide open. If something feels off, just monitor the situation for a while. If there is something foul, stomp it out right away. Even if it means taking a stand that will test your relationship. THERE IS NOTHING ‘CRAZY’ OR WRONG’ ABOUT PROTECTING YOUR FEELINGS AND PRESERVING YOUR PRIDE AND DIGNITY.}
Lturn: very eloquently said…
{China: Glad you’re “letting things slide”. It seems to be the most logical thing to do at this point. And you’re absolutely right about the choice thing. YOU choose to either be rational or irrational. And HE chooses to either step out on you or not. You being suspicious/insecure/anxious will do nothing but push him away and make you miserable in the interim. PEOPLE ARE WHO AND WHAT THEY ARE- SO JUST LET THEM!}
Hey Karma~
True…and well said. Life is too short to be miserable…it’s already slidden…
…or “slid”…slid, slidden…whatever…
words of wisdom Karma
sometimes letting go is not so simple though and not a one time process. still, great answer and you’d make a great woman (I think) to any man who fits.
my 0.02$.
Lior.
SteelyEyes,
I actually agree with just about everything you said. My wife has also gone out to dinner with an ex-bf w/o me that I talk to on the phone time to time. I have no problem with this and I am very secure.
I guess I just have a problem with this specific situation. Once you screwed a person and then you’re going to watch them strip naked at a club, that is where my comfort line is crossed. If she went to a strip club in general, I wouldn’t care. But to go to one where she fucked one of the dudes, for me that would be a problem.
Geez, SteelyEyes is the nemesis of the premise around which the whole When Harry met Sally film revolves around.
When Steely met Harry and Sally coming to theaters near you in 2005. Stay tuned!
J/K!