A-BEEF: Shhhh! Don’t tell everybody! Divorce lawyers will go out of business! LOL ;ppp
Thanks for the responses thus far. Some thoughts:
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This is what she says: “I get my needs met from sex 3-4 times per week – the other nights I just want to be held.”
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If women use sex for emotional validation, perhaps the problem is that I give her lots of emotional validation in other ways – i.e. I give her lots of compliments, tell her how much I care for her, and try to spend time with her often. Not that I think her being emotionally satisfied and secure is problematic, but I’m just observing…
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Her drive does fluctuate a lot – it seems to me to fluctuate based on how busy she perceives herself to be (the busier she thinks she is, the lower the sex drive). When we were on vacation she was very happy with once-to-twice per day, but when we’re back and she’s teaching or, now, in the summer, working as technical director for local theater production, it’s usually 3x/week. For the brief period in May when teaching overlapped with theater, I was lucky to get 1x/week (and that was when I first brought it up).
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Even though all guys say this, I am pretty confident that it’s not that she doesn’t like the sex. I am actually the first guy she’s been able to climax with (when it first happened she actually cried and said she had thought she was “broken” before me), and while it doesn’t happen every time, it happens with great regularity. (BTW, Beef, your techniques work well – I was already using them, but thanks though…).
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Relating to my original post, I just want to see how often most women find themselves wanting sex when in a stable relationship that has been going on for awhile. Just in my admittedly limited experience (4 long-term relationships), it always starts out with more sex in the beginning, and then when a woman gets comfortable emotionally and feels safe, and begins focusing more on other parts of her life (work, school, whatever) then the desire for sex drops.
It’s almost as if for the women I have been in relationships with there is only a certain amount of energy, and when it’s diverted the sex drive diminishes – whereas for me, I cannot recall a time when I have ever turned down sex with my girlfriend, irrespective (although I do recall being too tired to initiate on occasion). Even when I was working from 8AM - 2AM for a two-week stretch on a merger, I still wanted it every day. Is this consistent with your experiences? (BTW, I thought I would mention this in case you think it’s relevant: she’s 28 and I’m about to be 29).
Thanks again for the input. BB
Scrub, that was my question too. Is this your absolute bitch of an ex? After all you two have done and she’s still lettin gyou hit it? What a slut. No offense. 
Have you tried being a little bit more of a dick? That is, keeping things unpredictable (not just sexually), being cocky, etc.? Blind adoration gets old after awhile, and women seem to tire of it pretty fast. Men that treat them like total goddesses get old after awhile.
Maybe you should consider turning her down once or twice. You know, giving her a really good neck rub, kissing the nape of her neck, getting her good and ready… and just not taking it further. When she pounces on you, just tell her you aren’t in the mood.
BB, some thoughts on your list of comments:
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Explain to her that, according to the recent widely-publicized study, that men in their 20’s and 30’s need to clean the pipes more often (at least once a day, or until you fall asleep) to be healthier later in life. Tell her that you’re only thinking about being vibrant for your grandchildren. Or some crap like that.
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I think you can be too nice to a woman to get laid often. I fall on this side. Other guys fall on the other side of being emotionally unavailable. It’s horrible, but I really contemplate acting like a prick sometimes just to spice things up.
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I think you’re right about the female drive fluctuating. It may also be different with different women in that some may see sex as a stress reliever, whereas others want to be able to relax to really enjoy sex.
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The drop off in the female sexual drive that you have noticed may happen to males too, but in a different way. Men may still need sex every day (once it’s no longer "new), and she happens to be the one you’re with, so you want to have sex with her. But you could still easily have sex with another woman, if given written permission from your significant other (note: fantasyland). So maybe both of the drives decrease for the other person, but they are expressed a bit differently.
E~Pluribus Unum,
I’m just saying you never see a woman on the net saying, “I only have a mild sex drive. I really just like sex once a week.” They all seem to be insatiable on the net. Hell, just read through this thread.
Ah, doogie has a good point. I didn’t agree with his prior phrasing, but this makes much more sense. Even off the net, when you ask a girl about her sex drive (and you haven’t seen it in action), they always think it’s “high”. I even got this answer from a 22 year old virgin who was so by choice, but not religious reasons. I seriously have to question how you get to 22 without giving in unless your drive isn’t there.
Also, even as busy people, my wife and I went at it like rabbits when we first got together. But you can’t live off of 3-4 hours of sleep for long.
With regards to how women (especially obviously us higher-T vixens) feel about sex, I refer you to a line from shaft which I am probably misquoting but is right to the point.
Shaft: You want the LD or you just want to be held?
Shaft’s girl: I want the LD…and THEN I want to be held.
If you’re in a relationship long enough, you see a lot of peaks and valleys. We’ve been married a long time, and I can tell you that the “rabbit-fucking” phases aren’t gone forever after the beginning. They come and go. But seriously, it’s hard for anyone to have enough time to always do it several times a day every day (and do it right) and not totally neglect the rest of your life.
I think the energy and the need for it varies – sometimes individually, sometimes together. Different work schedules (which we’ve always had), babies and the issues thereof, and other life dramas are tough limiting factors. Like a couple of the guys here, I’ll admit to being a limiting factor myself sometimes. I think I can count on one hand the number of times in 20+ years (I know, that’s a long time) that’s she’s just flat said no.
We both turned 40 in the past year (getting old, I know) and I can tell you that all the good stuff they say about women in their 40s is true. It’s possible to be with one woman for a long time and still be surprised.
ELVENEYES: Is there any correlation with Eddie Murphy’s High Maintenance (VS Low Maintenance types of) women? ;0)
ok first of all tony g, i pretty much know exactly how you feel. except its been longer since i’ve been with her and i’ve had sex after her several times, but now its been like 4 or 5 months since i’ve even kissed a girl. atleast theres one thing i don’t have to deal with is having my ex live half a mile away with a live in boy friend. i’m sorry man.
when we were together just like what everyone else has said, we went at it like rabbits. 2-4 times a day, all night, all day, changing from that. eventually we started to have less sex. i think it was becasue the different times that we could see each other. but i noticed that she kept on asking me if i still found her attractive. if i could go back in time i would change several things but i can’t do that so now i just have to live my life and get over it. but damnit i miss those all nighters!
Jolly,
YES…it sucks major donkey balls that my ex lives less than a half mile away from me with her new boyfriend!!! Shit, I can see her freakin apartment complex from my bedroom window. You are right though, there are so many things I wish I could take back and do differently. Mainly telling her how beautiful I think she is and just being more attentive to her needs, but like you said, its over…and I need to live my life. But damn it…it is hard!
[b]The fuuun has arriived![/b]
That only works if you’ve seen the cartoon version of Tarzan and you remember Tarzan’s best ape friend making an appearance at the elephant’s watering hole. Hilarious.
Anyway, sex. SEX. More Sex. Dirty Sex. Mmmmm… Where’s my Cakey?
Personally, once the “newness” has worn off and I’m officially in a “stable relationship”, I average wanting sex 15-18 times a week. But, it’s pretty damn hard to get that. (And yes, I have a kid but no, that doesn’t enter the equation. I have him trained well enough to leave me alone when my bedroom door is closed.) While I may want it 15-18 times a week, I usually only get it 10-14 times. Reason being we’re in two different places. I get horny mid-day a lot and that’s just not practical for consumation when working in a corporate environment - or being at home alone as I am now. Nooners are fabulous things, just kinda hard to work out the logistics sometimes.
I do have the unfortunate tendency to let stress interfere with horniness. When the shit hits the fan I have a hard time shutting it out and unwinding enough to be in touch with my body but massage helps that. Even though I may not be all that into it, I feel it’d be wrong to deprive him of what he needs just because my head’s swimming off in a different direction. I know a lot of girls would freak on that idea and feel cheapened or used, but I don’t. It’s my job to fulfill his needs and I don’t mind one bit “taking one for the team”. I supposed if he were an ass about it that might change, but he’s not so it’s all good. And yeah, there’ll be times he takes one for the team too - so it’s a two way street.
About a year ago I went through a huge slump. I had some emotional issues to work through and I completely lost my sex drive for several months solid. A day or two in the midst of super high stress or when I’m ragging it hard is one thing, this was another matter entirely. In that time, I found that at least one of those herbal supplements (Impulse) does indeed work to increase female desire. I would highly recommend it - and being sneaky about it if you want to. Just buy a bunch and put them in a vitamin bottle and then encourage her to take her vitamins. 
See, Doogie, not all internet chickies are bundles of raging hormones. We have our ups and downs too… But ya’ll ought to know that asking a question about sex to a bunch of T-vixens will get the replies you’ve all seen here.
Hard to come to stereotypical conclusions when you care to detail and define things clearly like this, K ;0)
Now if only all those lazy fucks invested in their communications as much as you, maybe debates would progress for real. =0)
That thought of “taking one for the team” reminds me sooo much of how late term pregnancy worked for my wife.
She had little to no desire for sex and wasn’t comfortable in most any position either. Yet she still “took some for the team” many a time which was very nice of her. Otherwise I think I would have gone insane. Funny thing is after the fact it would also help calm her down, and help her feel closer to me again.
I fully agree on the cycles of up and down. They may vary between the people (my cycles of up/down are only a few hours long whereas hers are days or weeks) but we both still have them. Just really need to keep talking, especially if a cycle drags on for a lot longer than one party wishes.
Damn Karma –
15-18 times a week? While I’ve had that in the “rabbit” phase, I’ve never seen a woman who could sustain that (as Jared mentioned above, I’ve talked to many women who claimed “big sex drive” only to have their boyfriends tell me a slightly different story…) – you must either be gifted or go through the Astro-glide… =-)
Seriously though, 15 times a week sounds just about perfect to me – generally in the morning and at night because of schedules, with some extra and some variation thrown in on the weekend (I miss the pre-job freedom for nooners between classes…).
On taking one for the team, I like the idea in theory, but I definitely wouldn’t want it to become a habit – those of you Vixens who do this, does it have a tendency to make you at all resentful his initiations later? Just curious, as I’ve heard stories, and so has my girlfriend, about women getting resentful if they acquiesce often when they’re not in the mood. And that would obviously not be the goal here…
Anti-
Didn’t the time right AFTER the babies suck more? With the first one in particular, my wife was “closed for repairs” and generally too frigging tired so I didn’t even ask for a while. I ended up having wet dreams like a high school boy. Thank god she was still ok with it – not thilled but ok – into it right up until she delivered or those would have been long droughts.
Antiliberal: Yeah, I’d imagine that’s how late term pregnancy would work. And you’re right, it’s all about cycles and communication. One of us may be on an upswing and the other on a downswing and it’s all about being considerate to the other’s needs - and not being afraid to point out your own needs as well.
Bigpearl: lol… So you feel me on that one, eh? Cool. Sometimes people don’t get it that you can have a sexually satifying experience with them, but without their actually having to do much. Instead of him pulling away when you’re feisty and he’s not, have you tried asking him to kiss and caress you while you jack off? Takes minimal effort from him and helps you get what you need. (Added bonus is that I’ve never met a man that has NOT been in the mood to shag me rotten after helping me jack off.)
And when it’s my turn to “take one for the team” it usually translates into me blowing him… which has the interesting effect of making me super horny anyway. Only time that backfires is when he’s shot his load and can’t maintain long enough for me to cowboy up and get mine. But the few times that’s happened we just break out the toys and next thing ya know a “honey-do” BJ has turned into an all-nighter. Gosh, sucks when that happens…
Okay, 15-18 times a week. I’m assuming a lot of quickies? At 30 minutes a romp, that’s 9 hours a week. Do you people work? I’ve averaged 4-5 times a day for a semester at school, but that’s college - I had few responsibilities and blew off most of the ones that I did have.