Seeking Girlfriend Advice

Off Topic
121

[quote]LoRez wrote:

And at this point, leaving her is not an option I’m willing to consider.[/quote]

THIS is 100% of the problem right here. You see, she KNOWS this, and therefore has absolutely NO incentive whatsoever to change.

And YOU, my “e-friend”, are stuck in a self destructive loop of blind, self indulgent humility.

You are just as “stuck” in a dysfunctional patter of behavior as she is. I SMELL what you’re stepping in.

Go ahead and stay with her - let me know how that works out for you. LOL

122

Lol ruh roh. I like the Wonder Woman though.

The only time my girlfriend likes when I “take command” is when we’re being playful. Otherwise I do lead normally, but I always lead down a path we both agree on. Its a team effort, sure you’ll have someone leading, but it isn’t about commanding or ordering. Hell, I get annoyed when I always make the decision, especially about what to eat.

If you are sincerely recommending it, I will do a look-up. If its just a troll tell me now. I actually have a night off tonight (no gym, English teaching, or Japanese lessons) don’t waste my time :-(.

123

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

That’s been said around here, in many ways, shapes and forms. And as I said, I don’t really buy it.

But how I read what she said… she’s asking me to also shoulder some of the responsibility by limiting the length of the phone conversations so that she can study. It’s less about being told what to do, and more that I’m showing, via action, that I care about how well she does on the exam.

Without any action, she doesn’t see that I do care about her studying and how well she does; something which is obviously very important to her. She needs something to know for sure.

That’s how I read her request/complaint.

In the end though… she is requesting that I set boundaries and tell her what to do, because that’s what shows that I care.

124

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

That’s been said around here, in many ways, shapes and forms. And as I said, I don’t really buy it.[/quote]

meh.

Thats why you dont try it.

125

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

That’s been said around here, in many ways, shapes and forms. And as I said, I don’t really buy it.

But how I read what she said… she’s asking me to also shoulder some of the responsibility by limiting the length of the phone conversations so that she can study. It’s less about being told what to do, and more that I’m showing, via action, that I care about how well she does on the exam.

Without any action, she doesn’t see that I do care about her studying and how well she does; something which is obviously very important to her. She needs something to know for sure.

That’s how I read her request/complaint.

In the end though… she is requesting that I set boundaries and tell her what to do, because that’s what shows that I care.[/quote]

or maybe you do…

Do it more.

And remember, what they say is irrelevant, its how they react what matters.

126

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

From my experience, I’ve found that the most successful relationships that I’ve been in were the ones where I was leading 90% of the time. By “leading”, I mean it in the context that you would use it while dancing salsa or tango. When done correctly, it’s very subtle - almost as if it were an invitation - and the focus is on making the woman “shine”… It’s very open, generous and complimentary. It’s enjoyed by both. And when the song is over, she wants to dance again.

But make no mistake: I was the one leading the dance and the woman was following my lead gracefully…

Not every woman can follow a lead though - in dancing or in life. And for those women, there is wonderful word in the English language solves this problem: “NEXT!”.

127

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

That’s been said around here, in many ways, shapes and forms. And as I said, I don’t really buy it.

But how I read what she said… she’s asking me to also shoulder some of the responsibility by limiting the length of the phone conversations so that she can study. It’s less about being told what to do, and more that I’m showing, via action, that I care about how well she does on the exam.

Without any action, she doesn’t see that I do care about her studying and how well she does; something which is obviously very important to her. She needs something to know for sure.

That’s how I read her request/complaint.

In the end though… she is requesting that I set boundaries and tell her what to do, because that’s what shows that I care.[/quote]

or maybe you do…

Do it more.

And remember, what they say is irrelevant, its how they react what matters. [/quote]

X 10000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000

128

[quote]Quasi-Tech wrote:
Lol ruh roh. I like the Wonder Woman though.

The only time my girlfriend likes when I “take command” is when we’re being playful. Otherwise I do lead normally, but I always lead down a path we both agree on. Its a team effort, sure you’ll have someone leading, but it isn’t about commanding or ordering. Hell, I get annoyed when I always make the decision, especially about what to eat.

If you are sincerely recommending it, I will do a look-up. If its just a troll tell me now. I actually have a night off tonight (no gym, English teaching, or Japanese lessons) don’t waste my time :-(.[/quote]

You are not worthy of Spencer Tracy.

You will never know what a Screwball Comedy is, you will never know who Katherine Hepburn was, you shall forever be living on a diet of “Friends” re-runs.

129

http://isohunt.com/torrents/?iht=1&ihq=Spencer+Tracy

Oh well…

130

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Quasi-Tech wrote:
Lol ruh roh. I like the Wonder Woman though.

The only time my girlfriend likes when I “take command” is when we’re being playful. Otherwise I do lead normally, but I always lead down a path we both agree on. Its a team effort, sure you’ll have someone leading, but it isn’t about commanding or ordering. Hell, I get annoyed when I always make the decision, especially about what to eat.

If you are sincerely recommending it, I will do a look-up. If its just a troll tell me now. I actually have a night off tonight (no gym, English teaching, or Japanese lessons) don’t waste my time :-(.[/quote]

You are not worthy of Spencer Tracy.

You will never know what a Screwball Comedy is, you will never know who Katherine Hepburn was, you shall forever be living on a diet of “Friends” re-runs.
[/quote]

Woman of the Year (1942)
Keeper of the Flame (1942)
Without Love (1945)
Sea of Grass (1947)
State of the Union (1948)
Adam’s Rib (1949)
Pat and Mike (1952)
Desk Set (1957)
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967)

I haven’t seen any of those. Where to start?

131

[quote]LoRez wrote:

[quote]orion wrote:

[quote]Quasi-Tech wrote:
Lol ruh roh. I like the Wonder Woman though.

The only time my girlfriend likes when I “take command” is when we’re being playful. Otherwise I do lead normally, but I always lead down a path we both agree on. Its a team effort, sure you’ll have someone leading, but it isn’t about commanding or ordering. Hell, I get annoyed when I always make the decision, especially about what to eat.

If you are sincerely recommending it, I will do a look-up. If its just a troll tell me now. I actually have a night off tonight (no gym, English teaching, or Japanese lessons) don’t waste my time :-(.[/quote]

You are not worthy of Spencer Tracy.

You will never know what a Screwball Comedy is, you will never know who Katherine Hepburn was, you shall forever be living on a diet of “Friends” re-runs.
[/quote]

Woman of the Year (1942)
Keeper of the Flame (1942)
Without Love (1945)
Sea of Grass (1947)
State of the Union (1948)
Adam’s Rib (1949)
Pat and Mike (1952)
Desk Set (1957)
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (1967)

I haven’t seen any of those. Where to start?[/quote]

Well, I dont know?

I am pretty sure I have seen all of them, but for me they are categorized as “Grant, Hepburn and a leopard” and “Tracy and Cagney, where Tracy plays a priest”, you know?

Oh, there is “Tracy and Hepburn and lots of boxing” too.

Start somewhere.

You could branch out to Bogart, Cagney, McQueen, you know?

Its in there I garantuee it, but I cannot know what will make it click for you.

Got to find that yourself.

132

[quote]orion wrote:
You are not worthy of Spencer Tracy.

You will never know what a Screwball Comedy is, you will never know who Katherine Hepburn was, you shall forever be living on a diet of “Friends” re-runs.

[/quote]

I know who Miss Hepburn is. I enjoyed her in the John Wayne movie - though that was her later years. She was a beautiful woman.

133

Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner

Thats a great movie.

Its about a black man, played by Sidney Potier, who wishes to marry the daughter of a white couple, which has to confront a lot of the things they profess to believe in.

The parents are played by Stacy and Hepburn.

Thats a first class movie right there, no time wasted watching it.

134

I’ve watched most/all of Bogart’s film noir, but never really ventured into screwball comedy.

For those, I guess I have them categorized pretty much the same way as you.

I’ll probably just start chronologically, and maybe throw Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner in earlier.

140

[quote]WhiteSturgeon wrote:

[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]

Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]

I made a post that could be interpreted this way. Let me clarify.

A man needs to give a woman his boundaries not tell her what her’s are. For instance when I met my wife I explained to her I had lots of girlfriends including an ex-girlfriend and that wasn’t going to change and I wouldn’t put up with any jealousy. I also explained to her I like to look at women. I told her I wouldn’t do it in an obvious or disrespectful way but there could be times she would catch me and it couldn’t be an issue.

These are things that are issues for some couples. I let her know up front they couldn’t be issues for us and now over twenty years later they never have been.

If I was in LoRez’s place I wouldn’t put up with the needy shit. I would say to her “Look, I love you and I’m here for you. I’ve done all these things that prove I love you and care for you. You need to except it and stop making it an issue because it’s not an issue. I will be here for you anytime you need me because you had a tough day or need support but I’m not going to defend my love for you. If I have to do that I will have to move on. No discussion and no 2nd chances.”