Is this what she is actually telling you or is this how you’re feeling? There is a big difference. If she is actually saying it, then I would ask her to provide examples that back up her reasoning. I would then follow up with a questions like “How would you know if someone cared for you?” [/quote]
It’s literally what she’s saying. From there, it goes to “if you cared about me, you would [insert whatever]”. One path I’ve taken is pointing out that I am doing that, where she denies it, despite the facts. Another is taking her statements and reversing it (e.g., me telling her “if you cared about me, you’d be…”), attempting by example to demonstrate how that doesn’t make any sense. Which goes nowhere.
More recently, it just gets left alone with… “this is what I’m doing for you, if you choose not to see it, fine, but we’re going to stop this here”.
[/quote]
Ach, come on, shittest, you know this. [/quote]
And the latter approach isn’t the right way to deal with it?
Is this what she is actually telling you or is this how you’re feeling? There is a big difference. If she is actually saying it, then I would ask her to provide examples that back up her reasoning. I would then follow up with a questions like “How would you know if someone cared for you?” [/quote]
It’s literally what she’s saying. From there, it goes to “if you cared about me, you would [insert whatever]”. One path I’ve taken is pointing out that I am doing that, where she denies it, despite the facts. Another is taking her statements and reversing it (e.g., me telling her “if you cared about me, you’d be…”), attempting by example to demonstrate how that doesn’t make any sense. Which goes nowhere.
More recently, it just gets left alone with… “this is what I’m doing for you, if you choose not to see it, fine, but we’re going to stop this here”.
[/quote]
Ach, come on, shittest, you know this. [/quote]
And the latter approach isn’t the right way to deal with it?[/quote]
[quote]Quasi-Tech wrote:
How did the world survive before psychiatrists, counseling, and drugs to “fix” your mental problems?[/quote]
A lot of manliness.
Eh, a lot of it’s in the definition of a “problem”.
Psychiatry and counseling, for the most part, are responsible for reigning people back into the social standards of the day.
It’s more about minimizing conflicts. The more you deviate from what’s considered acceptable (some standards are more normative), the more conflict you cause in your relationships… whether that be at work, at home, or with society at large.
Without the conflicts, nothing needs treatment. If you’re in an environment that supports your behavior, you don’t really have a problem anymore.
We’ve basically just found yet another way to become more homogeneous and productive. For the most part, even in a counseling setting, “happiness” is effectively described as the absence of unhappiness. Because, you know, unhappiness causes conflict.
[quote]Quasi-Tech wrote:
What is considered acceptable today:
Pay with minimal work.
Free smart phones.
Being distracted by American Idol and the Kardishan’s.
Laziness and complacency.
Guess I need psychiatric help. [/quote]
But the normative standards are “everyone works, everyone is productive, nobody is distracted and lazy”, even if the reality is frequently different.
If… you’re not productive enough, you need psychiatric help. If you’re lazy or distracted, more drugs/counseling.
Hell, if you’re not consistent about making it to work at a certain time, and leaving at a certain time, more drugs.
I get into work sometime between 9 and 11, usually. And I leave sometime between 6 and 8, usually. In the wrong environment, that means I have a “problem”.
It’s mostly about power though, and how well you “fit in” to what’s considered optimal.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]
Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded?
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I did. And it actually comes down to her saying, effectively, “I need you to tell me what to do”… “You should be the one telling me to get off the phone”. Which echoes a lot of what has been said around here; that women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded – at least to some degree. Intellectually I don’t really buy it, even though experience has shown otherwise. [/quote]
Women need to be given boundaries and need to be commanded? [/quote]
