TBH,one of my less desirable traits is my sentimental value on things.For example,a certain t-shirt or stuffed animal because it held certain memories of good times or the past.(Oh the very fact I still have the dog we got and raised together doesnt help much)
Lately,I’ve been thinking more and more of my last serious girlfriend. I have the means to contact her,facebook or myspace…I can even dig through my phonebook to call her and ask her how things are…but should I? Will good come out of this? Anybody visit old flames and had good things to say? Or will it just be another tragedy waiting to happen?
Im the same way with sentimental stuff, I have a whole box filled with stuff from previous girls that were significant to me. (My current gf saw it and ripped it all up lol)
This was back in highschool but, it was my first love/serious gf…young love…but it seems relevant enough. I was with this girl for a year and I would do anything for her. She eventually changed and decided she was too cool for the kid who wouldnt drink or smoke
She got all new friends and we didnt talk for two years until I had a class with her senior year. I started speaking to her again and I got a lot of hope that things could go back to the way they were, perfect.
I ended up getting a little close to her again when one day in class she accidentally (or purposely) texted me a message saying how annoying I am.
This all sounds so childish lol…
After that day I took all her notes and everything she gave me and threw it in the trash.
I still remember our days at the beach, her little checker bikini, the day on the boat, the last day I saw her before her trip to Germany that changed her.
My general rule since her has been if a relationship ends due to someone disliking a quality in you, they arent worth changing for. Its better to move on and find the person who you are truly compatible for
Let your sentimental memories stay the warm ones you love and remember, if you try to reach out to that person again you could end up paying for it.
Thanks bro. I appreciate the input. My last girl was…different. Unlike any girl I ever had. Im 21 but I felt that I could have married her. We went out since prom (April 2008) and broke up earlier this year. To be honest,I have no idea why we broke up that one last time.
I called her and she told me that she was talking to her parents about moving in with them again…which is good but to “never call her again” she never gave a reason why or anything just hung up and that was that. The only good that came out about it is that I started to lift weights (seriously anyway…followed a strict program and a diet came after) and that I gained 20 solid pounds.
Looking back on it now,I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.
[quote]Gilynn wrote:
My general rule since her has been if a relationship ends due to someone disliking a quality in you, they arent worth changing for.[/quote]
Unless it is a quality that makes you an insufferable douche, in which case you actually ARE the problem.
As far as the thread subject is concerned: romanticizing past relationships doesn’t do you any good. 95% of the time relationships tank or fizzle out for a good reason.
If you can be truly honest with yourself and come to the conclusion that your past relationship ended over issues that no longer apply (or if the reason for breaking up is something that the passage of time shows to be relatively trivial), then it might be worth another shot… but I’d guess you are only thinking about your ex because you aren’t out there meeting enough single women.
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
Thanks bro. I appreciate the input. My last girl was…different. Unlike any girl I ever had. Im 21 but I felt that I could have married her. We went out since prom (April 2008) and broke up earlier this year.
To be honest,I have no idea why we broke up that one last time. I called her and she told me that she was talking to her parents about moving in with them again…which is good but to “never call her again” she never gave a reason why or anything just hung up and that was that. The only good that came out about it is that I started to lift weights (seriously anyway…followed a strict program and a diet came after) and that I gained 20 solid pounds.
Looking back on it now,I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
Forcing yourself on her? Threatening her? Sounds to me like your relationship ended for an extremely good reason, and to be honest I don’t think she really needed to explicitly state her reason(s) for not wanting you to call her anymore.
I haven’t read enough of your posts to know whether or not my thinking you are a piece of trash is hypercritical, but it sounds to me like you might have issues that simply losing your gf wouldn’t resolve and you need to spend some time fixing yourself before worrying about getting into a relationship with ANY girl.
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
Yeah, you’ll probably just want to stay away from her and move on.
My prom date was so cheap,she bought a $20 dress and I got a $110 tux plus paid $160 for the tickets. Thats how i knew that would be a short one lol.
It sounds like she had it with abuse and it sounds like you’ve acknowledged your mistakes. I really think its gonna cause you a lot more trouble now to try to contact you considering the circumstances of what you two had. Just remember you cant treat a girl with violence and expect her to love you.
I fell in love with my current GF seriously within the first day I met her, thats never happened before and I still look at her the same way since that first day.
Despite how much we love eachother I know a surefire way to ruin things would be to make myself appear intimidating or for her to fear me.
We’ve had fights plenty of times and some have been serious but I always try to solve it by having a talk and she appreciates it a lot.
I might get flames for this but being the guy you need to approach your fights with logic over emotion because once you start getting angry it’s gonna emotionally effect the girl way more.
Plus as long as I don’t actually get mad I usually present a pretty good point and win, she hates it.
I’ve always thought if you love someone how could you possibly want to upset them?
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
Thanks bro. I appreciate the input. My last girl was…different. Unlike any girl I ever had. Im 21 but I felt that I could have married her. We went out since prom (April 2008) and broke up earlier this year.
To be honest,I have no idea why we broke up that one last time. I called her and she told me that she was talking to her parents about moving in with them again…which is good but to “never call her again” she never gave a reason why or anything just hung up and that was that.
The only good that came out about it is that I started to lift weights (seriously anyway…followed a strict program and a diet came after) and that I gained 20 solid pounds.
Looking back on it now,I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
Forcing yourself on her? Threatening her? Sounds to me like your relationship ended for an extremely good reason, and to be honest I don’t think she really needed to explicitly state her reason(s) for not wanting you to call her anymore.
I haven’t read enough of your posts to know whether or not my thinking you are a piece of trash is hypercritical, but it sounds to me like you might have issues that simply losing your gf wouldn’t resolve and you need to spend some time fixing yourself before worrying about getting into a relationship with ANY girl.[/quote]
I understand if you feel that way. Like,I said I never hit her but Psychological abuse was more than enough. I didnt know any better. I didnt know how to appreciate someone that was genuinely really there to love me and please me. I didnt know how to handle it and its all gone now. Its not all one sided though. S
he would yell at me,say some mean things to me,do some cruel things to me as well. That was no excuse on my part of coarse. I know that NOW that asking to be with her is to much or maybe even asking to be a small part of my life isnt even option. I was just wondering asking her how things are over coffee would be appropriate?
I didn’t read the massive amounts of wall text in here, I am assuming it is filled with latent homosexual confessions. But, I can tell from the title that the answer is a resounding, “no.” Don’t be a homo.
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
TBH,one of my less desirable traits is my sentimental value on things.For example,a certain t-shirt or stuffed animal because it held certain memories of good times or the past.(Oh the very fact I still have the dog we got and raised together doesnt help much)
[/quote]
[quote]Gilynn wrote:
Im the same way with sentimental stuff, I have a whole box filled with stuff from previous girls that were significant to me.
[/quote]
I’m the same way. Although I’ve made a compromise. All the physical stuff, pictures, trinkets, gifts, I keep all of them, and they’re stashed in a storage box at my bro’s house.
But all the love letters and cards I’ve received, I took pictures of or scanned them, then threw them away. At least I can revisit them on my computer.
After looking through some of the letters, “forever” means different things to different people. I will love you forever. To some girls, its a few weeks, to some a few years.
I’ve visited old flames and girlfriends several times. In fact it is a daily struggle for me. I think about it every single day.
In fact I have an ex who I’m waiting to meet. She’s 122 lbs right now. I think i will “meet” her when she’s 105 lbs. It will be purely a sexual relationship though.
But in your case, you probably just want more than sex. Like you want to be bf/gf again.
My opinion is any time you spend with this girl is time wasted – time that you could spend building the set of skills that would help you to grow as a person.
[quote]jasmincar wrote:
Hey guys is it okay to say to a girl that you believe in equality between mens and womens in order to not pay her dish at the restaurant?[/quote]
ive gotten back together with 3 different girls, usually it was we dated seriously, didnt work out, but after a break we realized we liked each other company, and the sex, and that their next boyfreinds were pussys, douchebags, or both. it usually doesnt work out long term, because you try to keep it casual and they keep trying to make it serious and cant handle it. in your case, i would say you shouldnt contact her, doesnt seem like the time is right.
dude, you’re out, stay out. if she wants to talk, she’ll let you know. move on, man. Look her up in a year or two, if you’re still concerned about her.
Then…when IS the right time? Ive backed away form contacting her (its only been 5 months) but when will I know the “coast is clear”?[/quote]
Yea, dude, you may have learned a thing or two, but you got a LONG way to go. YOU should be the center of your universe, but there is a small ripple in that plan, other people are the center of THEIR universe. You should never expect anything from anyone period the end. (unless you pay them for a service) Getting mad at someone is such a pussy move, it means they did something that you didn’t like. Who fucking cares about you. Only you do, so the only person you should keep track of when it comes to doing shit for you, is you. Let me know if this is going over your head, if it is I will try to clarify what it is that I am saying.
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
Yeah, you’ll probably just want to stay away from her and move on.
Just enjoy the old memories for what they are.[/quote]
its probably not healthy to sit there jerking off to the girl you used to rape.
[quote]Totenkopf wrote:
Looking back on it now,I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
Listen Mel, just let it go. And stop calling her. She’s recording your phone calls.
[quote]anonym wrote:
Looking back on it now,I regret the things I did to her. Forcing myself on her,threatening her,being abusive in a way (I never hit her though) I was a fucking scumbag to her. I learned my lesson though.[/quote]
You sound like a real piece of shit, the kind that fucks girls up massively and creates wrecks of women by the time they’re 25/30. Being brutal on another person is not from being young- you don’t outgrow it. I hope you seek help.