[quote]on edge wrote:
Would you rather raise your kid and her kids or have some dude move in and raise them instead of you?[/quote]
This~
more wisdom from our frind Lil Edgy~
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too.
[quote]angry chicken wrote:
[quote]Brother Chris wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
I’m a little confused myself. The world is tilting on its axis.[/quote]
Why?[/quote]
Because they agree with you on many things and it boggles their little brains that YOUR experience and opinion may actually agree with the “woman haters” such as Orion and myself. (though I have never said I hate women, I don’t lie to or abuse women, nor have I ever hit a woman and I take great effort to ensure that any woman I have a relationship with is better off for having known me - I guess that makes me a woman hater because I don’t settle down with each and ever woman I date)[/quote]
Whoa there, Chicken! “They” in this case is me and orion - WE are in agreement that it was surprising coming from Brother Chris because when last he was posting here he came across as very, very marriage-oriented.
I don’t care if he or you or orion get married, and I don’t care if he or you or orion hate women! I care that people not mistake false premises for valid ones or cause for effect.
Somewhere upthread you mentioned that single moms are “low hanging fruit” and I might ask if you’ve considered that you are also low hanging fruit, hence your negative experience with the group. I don’t ask to insult you, because I respect you quite a lot, but because I think you have blind spots in this one arena.
Honestly, I don’t care if some men hate women, as long as they’re not violent about it. I care that men I come into contact with who seem thoughtful and generally like decent human beings, not be hurt into perpetuity by the women who caused the negative beliefs.
I react the same way toward the bitter, man-disrespecting women I occasionally encounter. How can they generalize? And how can they not realize that their behavior continues to put them in the path of men who’ll hurt them?
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion.
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion. [/quote]
Does she argue over petty shit? IS she in control most of the time or are the two of you in agreement? Is she sweet most of the time?
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion. [/quote]
Let me try another approach. Is the reason she’s made this demand of you to stop softball because she just wants to exert control over you or is it legitimately something else?
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
A lot of people have said I am only telling part of the story. What questions would you all like for me to answer? What other information do you need?[/quote]
Oh, I am not accusing you of anything. I am sorry if it sounded that way. I totally believe what you are saying.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
A lot of people have said I am only telling part of the story. What questions would you all like for me to answer? What other information do you need?[/quote]
Is she the control freak we suspect or is it something else like fear of abandonment which she might know isn’t rational but can’t help or maybe she’s overwhelmed by having the kids the entire day and it makes her miserable? I know when each of my kids was under 2, being left with them was torture for me. Unless of course they were asleep.
I still think you should give up softball even if she is just being a control freak but it would be nice to know if its for a better reason.[/quote]
If you are still even thinking about getting back together with her, it’s imperative you do not give up softball even if you suddenly hated it. You have to dig in your heels or she will walk all over you the rest of your life.
Small matters represent big matters. ← I mean it’s even in the Bible. Today it’s softball, tomorrow it’s all your friends, next your family should not be apart of your life, and on down the hill the ball rolls.
[quote]Aggv wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
I still think you should give up softball even if she is just being a control freak but it would be nice to know if its for a better reason.[/quote]
“It’s just a small piece of land, and theyre mostly Germans anyways. No big deal”
Neville Chamberlain. [/quote]
lol…
Giving a control freak what they want is like giving crack to a crack whore in recovery. They’ll just want more.
She has to accept him for who he is or she needs to get herself fucked. I am on his side.
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
A lot of people have said I am only telling part of the story. [/quote]
You are.
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion. [/quote]
Let me try another approach. Is the reason she’s made this demand of you to stop softball because she just wants to exert control over you or is it legitimately something else?[/quote]
I think one of the problems may be that it’s difficult to have a conversation with this guy. I’m getting ready to break up with him myself.
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion. [/quote]
Let me try another approach. Is the reason she’s made this demand of you to stop softball because she just wants to exert control over you or is it legitimately something else?[/quote]
I think one of the problems may be that it’s difficult to have a conversation with this guy. I’m getting ready to break up with him myself.[/quote]
Maybe he doesn’t understand his wife’s motivations well enough to articulate them. I know I have a hell of a time understanding my wife’s sometimes.
I’m really confused why everyone is talking about “his wife”, when he clearly said “ex fiance” in the original post.
I think there’s a bit of a difference between the argument of “getting back together with your estranged wife” and “getting back together with your [controlling] ex girlfriend”… even if there is a child involved.
[quote]LoRez wrote:
I’m really confused why everyone is talking about “his wife”, when he clearly said “ex fiance” in the original post.
[/quote]
Oh, yeah, I forgot that part. I always get so excited when there’s a new relationship thread.
I guess I just got swept away.
[quote]Chushin wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
[quote]jwrhoades1 wrote:
[quote]EmilyQ wrote:
[quote]on edge wrote:
Hey JW, what’s home life like not counting all this bullshit over softball vs staying home? Are their other control issues? Do still you love her? Is it a healthy environment for the kids?
[/quote]
These would be my questions, too. [/quote]
I wouldnt say there are control issues because I really dont care if she is in control in most cases. We agree on most things and I dont argue over petty shit. If I didn’t love her, I wouldn’t be having this discussion. [/quote]
Let me try another approach. Is the reason she’s made this demand of you to stop softball because she just wants to exert control over you or is it legitimately something else?[/quote]
I think one of the problems may be that it’s difficult to have a conversation with this guy. I’m getting ready to break up with him myself.[/quote]
LMAO![/quote]
LOL, sorry I have other things I have to take care of too! Her reason is that she wants me to be around and engaged 100 percent of the time on the weekends. Really it’s the amount of time that a tournament can potentially take. I have said it before but if we don’t do well in a tournament I could be gone for 5 hours or so but there are times when we do well that it could be a 15 hour deal. That part I hate too!
I’m in a bowling league which is two or so hours every week during the season but 5-15 hours a weekend sounds like a lot, I wouldn’t want something taking up that much time on the weekends from my kids. Have you looked at it from her angle? I’ll be honest I didn’t read the whole thread just a few lines in it. But even if she wasn’t giving you an Ultimatum would you really wanna spend every weekend playing a game rather than being with your kid (s)?
[quote]Obisanity wrote:
But even if she wasn’t giving you an Ultimatum would you really wanna spend every weekend playing a game rather than being with your kid (s)?[/quote]
You could reframe this a bit though. If dad’s off playing the game, and the kid’s at home, why isn’t mom bringing the kid out to the games? Both to see dad and to spend time with him in the moments when he can?
I don’t think it’s quite fair to suggest that the only way he can have time with his kids is to be at home with them and/or doing only the things that mom wants to do.
I suspect it’s more along the lines of… mom doesn’t like softball, doesn’t want to go to the games, but instead of communicating it clearly and finding some sort of compromise, frames it as “you don’t care enough about me or our kid” and gives an ultimatum.
When I was a kid, there were a number of times my dad had to weekends at the office. Some of those times he took me to the office with him, and let me play computer games and get snacks from the vending machines while he was working. And he took a few breaks and we spent time together then. I didn’t feel deprived, and my dad was still able to get what he needed/wanted to do.
jwrhoades1, how many tournaments are we even talking here? You said it was what 2 weekends a month. I assume for 4 or 5 months?