Found a pic of future DBCooper.
This thread reminds me of the time I beat the shit out of this drunken biker gang outside of a bar in Detroit.
There were eight of them. All of them were at least 6’5", 280 lbs. And I’m only 5’8" 180 lbs. but lean, only 3% BF, plus I’ve been fighting prison inmates since I was 7, AND I played high school football one time scoring four touchdowns in one game.
Anyway, I was at the bar with my small harem of young 18 year old supermodel virgins when the leader of this biker gang, I think they were called the ‘Hell’s Angels’ or something like that, walked up to me and asked me for a light. I told him to fuck off before I kicked his ass. He got all pissy, and started talking shit like these guys do “Blah, blah, blah, I just asked for a light, waaahhhhhh” so I got in his face and asked him out side so we could get down like a couple of men - or at least one man (me) and a bunch of scared little boys (them).
I wasn’t scared at all. I’ve been fighting in bar room brawls, prison yards, and on the streets of Detroit since I was 6 years old. I know how to fuck anyone up. These guys looked pretty fucking scared though at the sight of a REAL MAN getting ready to throw down hardcore like that. Just one look at me swole ass guns, and massive rock hard pecs was enough to get them pissing themselves. I mean, I’m not world champion lifter by any means. Just a 600 lb. bench, 800 lb. squat, and 1000 lb. deadlift - you know, modest numbers; but I was pretty sure I was stronger than them. My 18 year old virgins started creaming their panties of course, so I wanted to get this over with quick so I could bang all 30 of them that night. I hadn’t banged an 18 year old virgin in about a week, so my giant 20 inch cockzilla was aching.
Three of them rushed at me, I just spun around and stooge slapped them like Larry, Curly, and Shemp. Just straight up “SLAP SLAP SLAP”, and those bitchez were out cold. Another one stepped up in a typical boxing style stance, I was expecting more of a fight from this one, but he hit like a bitch. I just blocked his weak ass, limp wrist left hook and landed a crushing right straight to his chin. I actually heard his jaw pop as he let out a whimper, like a hurt dog. He came crashing down on the other three. That was 4 down, 4 to go and I hadn’t even broken a sweat.
Two more of them decided to try and surround me, I just chuckled to myself. One whipped out a what looked like an old school hunting knife, the other pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. I started laughing my ass off just like Arnold in Total Recall when Cohaagen’s goons surround him. Then they rushed at me. The one with the knife took a stab at me. I grabbed his arm as he swung, and got that armbar on him. I twisted his wrist and he dropped the knife. While I had him in the armbar, I grabbed the other guy by the collar and head-butted him. As he went down, I hip tossed the other one straight on top of him. As they collided, I spun around to my 18 year old virgins and flexed the guns, they all squealed in delight at my swollen 20 inch pythons. I called out to them “after I’m done fucking them up, I’m going to fuck all of YOU UP!” A few of them fainted. It was fucking funny.
Two bikers left. They had seen how awesome I was, I wasn’t even breathing hard or sweating. I slowly started to walk up to them. One of them just pissed his pants and ran! HA! The last one looked pretty mean, I guess, but he pulled out a bitch move and went for his gun. He raised it up and shot at me, I grabbed the bullet out of mid air with my teeth, and spit it out at his bike. The bike exploded as the bullet hit the gas tank. BOOM! He looked like he was going to cry! I just walked right up to him and pimp slapped him. SWAT! teeth went flying out of his mouth and he crashed to the ground out cold.
Afterwards, I took the girls home and got ass to mouth to pussy all night long. Lasted about 9 hours of straight hardcore fucking with fifteen barely legal virgins. All night cause I’m a fucking stallion like that. A real man.
Typical Saturday night for me really. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Most times guys don’t even try to fuck with me because I’m so bad ass and hardcore. I mean, the mere sight of me turns the hardest men into quivering bowls of bitch and turns women and girls into quivering bowls of “I wanna fuck him”.
Good thread guys. Good thread.
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
Okay drunken fight story #1: this one’s pretty short, but I’ve got tons and tons of them from my early 20’s. Fights at bars seemed to be a weekly occurrence for me and my friends back then. We were complete idiots.
I was at a cowboy bar here in Chico about nine years ago. Now I could have sworn every Tuesday was like “regular” night, as in real music instead of a bunch of country, but I was wrong. So me and a couple buddies walk in and we’re the only ones not wearing wranglers and ten-gallon hats. I was wearing my fucking Jerry Rice jersey. Well, we have a few shots at the bar (I’m already completely plowed when we get there, as usual) and then a few cowboys come up to us (fake cowboys) and start talking shit. They’re all bigger than any of us, so my friends just stay mum, but me being the dumbfuck I am/was, I tell them to step outside if they got a problem.
They laugh and walk away, but about a half hour later I am absolutely livid and on the verge of uncontrollable belligerence. So I walk up to one of them and say “Hey you fucking ass-pirate, you wanna talk a bunch of shit or you wannna dance?” He says let’s go outside, so I say follow me! I’m heading down the stairs and it dawns on me that my friends have all conveniently disappeared. I know I’m about to get the shit kicked out of me by three or four fuckers all much bigger than myself. So I reach into my pocket and load up my hand with the ignition key to my truck. As soon as we get outside, I’ve got this key ('98 F-150) between my fingers so when I make a fist it’s like a stabbing instrument. I clocked the first fucker in the cheek and just see red blow out of his face and then he’s done. The next guy comes at me, one punch in the face and he’s don. By now the bouncer at the door is coming at me and the last cowboy can’t believe that his two friends have each been laid out and are screaming on the ground from just two punches (it’s dark and the key is hard to see in my hand). I kicked the bouncer in the balls, punched the last guy in the face and took off running. I had to hide in some alleyway for several hours while the cops are all over the place looking for me. But I got away and never went near that bar again.[/quote]
LOL. HAHA!
That’s quite a story and you were an idiot.
DBCooper: Lol, I guess you did what you had to do in the situation you put yourself in. It’s either that or get the shit kicked out of you. I haven’t gotten in an fight in my life though. So, [un?]fortunately I don’t have any other stories to add to this thread. Keep it alive, Coop!
Skaz05: That was a bit exaggerated, I believe. I get that you’re trying to do a parody, but no one has talked about their apparent manliness or ability to fuck barely-legal 18 year olds. lol, just random stories about potentially dangerous situations.
[quote]DBCooper wrote:
Okay drunken fight story #1: this one’s pretty short, but I’ve got tons and tons of them from my early 20’s. Fights at bars seemed to be a weekly occurrence for me and my friends back then. We were complete idiots.
I was at a cowboy bar here in Chico about nine years ago. Now I could have sworn every Tuesday was like “regular” night, as in real music instead of a bunch of country, but I was wrong. So me and a couple buddies walk in and we’re the only ones not wearing wranglers and ten-gallon hats. I was wearing my fucking Jerry Rice jersey. Well, we have a few shots at the bar (I’m already completely plowed when we get there, as usual) and then a few cowboys come up to us (fake cowboys) and start talking shit. They’re all bigger than any of us, so my friends just stay mum, but me being the dumbfuck I am/was, I tell them to step outside if they got a problem.
They laugh and walk away, but about a half hour later I am absolutely livid and on the verge of uncontrollable belligerence. So I walk up to one of them and say “Hey you fucking ass-pirate, you wanna talk a bunch of shit or you wannna dance?” He says let’s go outside, so I say follow me! I’m heading down the stairs and it dawns on me that my friends have all conveniently disappeared. I know I’m about to get the shit kicked out of me by three or four fuckers all much bigger than myself. So I reach into my pocket and load up my hand with the ignition key to my truck. As soon as we get outside, I’ve got this key ('98 F-150) between my fingers so when I make a fist it’s like a stabbing instrument. I clocked the first fucker in the cheek and just see red blow out of his face and then he’s done. The next guy comes at me, one punch in the face and he’s don. By now the bouncer at the door is coming at me and the last cowboy can’t believe that his two friends have each been laid out and are screaming on the ground from just two punches (it’s dark and the key is hard to see in my hand). I kicked the bouncer in the balls, punched the last guy in the face and took off running. I had to hide in some alleyway for several hours while the cops are all over the place looking for me. But I got away and never went near that bar again.[/quote]
The e stats are strong with this one. 
[quote]skaz05 wrote:
I mean, I’m not world champion lifter by any means. Just a 600 lb. bench, 800 lb. squat, and 1000 lb. deadlift - you know, modest numbers;
[/quote]
I’m assuming those are raw, right?
[quote]skaz05 wrote:
Two more of them decided to try and surround me, I just chuckled to myself. One whipped out a what looked like an old school hunting knife, the other pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. I started laughing my ass off just like Arnold in Total Recall when Cohaagen’s goons surround him. Then they rushed at me. The one with the knife took a stab at me. I grabbed his arm as he swung, and got that armbar on him. I twisted his wrist and he dropped the knife. While I had him in the armbar, I grabbed the other guy by the collar and head-butted him. As he went down, I hip tossed the other one straight on top of him. As they collided, I spun around to my 18 year old virgins and flexed the guns, they all squealed in delight at my swollen 20 inch pythons. I called out to them “after I’m done fucking them up, I’m going to fuck all of YOU UP!” A few of them fainted. It was fucking funny.
[/quote]
If I was one of them I would have hit you with a set of brass knuckles with carbide tipped teeth brazed on to them, on each finger.
I call it my “hammermill of bloody death” maneuver.
Last time I did that was a couple years back, aboard a prison ship off the coast of Indonesia, and we all know what happened as a result of that.
[quote]skaz05 wrote:
This thread reminds me of the time I beat the shit out of this drunken biker gang outside of a bar in Detroit.
There were eight of them. All of them were at least 6’5", 280 lbs. And I’m only 5’8" 180 lbs. but lean, only 3% BF, plus I’ve been fighting prison inmates since I was 7, AND I played high school football one time scoring four touchdowns in one game.
Anyway, I was at the bar with my small harem of young 18 year old supermodel virgins when the leader of this biker gang, I think they were called the ‘Hell’s Angels’ or something like that, walked up to me and asked me for a light. I told him to fuck off before I kicked his ass. He got all pissy, and started talking shit like these guys do “Blah, blah, blah, I just asked for a light, waaahhhhhh” so I got in his face and asked him out side so we could get down like a couple of men - or at least one man (me) and a bunch of scared little boys (them).
I wasn’t scared at all. I’ve been fighting in bar room brawls, prison yards, and on the streets of Detroit since I was 6 years old. I know how to fuck anyone up. These guys looked pretty fucking scared though at the sight of a REAL MAN getting ready to throw down hardcore like that. Just one look at me swole ass guns, and massive rock hard pecs was enough to get them pissing themselves. I mean, I’m not world champion lifter by any means. Just a 600 lb. bench, 800 lb. squat, and 1000 lb. deadlift - you know, modest numbers; but I was pretty sure I was stronger than them. My 18 year old virgins started creaming their panties of course, so I wanted to get this over with quick so I could bang all 30 of them that night. I hadn’t banged an 18 year old virgin in about a week, so my giant 20 inch cockzilla was aching.
Three of them rushed at me, I just spun around and stooge slapped them like Larry, Curly, and Shemp. Just straight up “SLAP SLAP SLAP”, and those bitchez were out cold. Another one stepped up in a typical boxing style stance, I was expecting more of a fight from this one, but he hit like a bitch. I just blocked his weak ass, limp wrist left hook and landed a crushing right straight to his chin. I actually heard his jaw pop as he let out a whimper, like a hurt dog. He came crashing down on the other three. That was 4 down, 4 to go and I hadn’t even broken a sweat.
Two more of them decided to try and surround me, I just chuckled to myself. One whipped out a what looked like an old school hunting knife, the other pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. I started laughing my ass off just like Arnold in Total Recall when Cohaagen’s goons surround him. Then they rushed at me. The one with the knife took a stab at me. I grabbed his arm as he swung, and got that armbar on him. I twisted his wrist and he dropped the knife. While I had him in the armbar, I grabbed the other guy by the collar and head-butted him. As he went down, I hip tossed the other one straight on top of him. As they collided, I spun around to my 18 year old virgins and flexed the guns, they all squealed in delight at my swollen 20 inch pythons. I called out to them “after I’m done fucking them up, I’m going to fuck all of YOU UP!” A few of them fainted. It was fucking funny.
Two bikers left. They had seen how awesome I was, I wasn’t even breathing hard or sweating. I slowly started to walk up to them. One of them just pissed his pants and ran! HA! The last one looked pretty mean, I guess, but he pulled out a bitch move and went for his gun. He raised it up and shot at me, I grabbed the bullet out of mid air with my teeth, and spit it out at his bike. The bike exploded as the bullet hit the gas tank. BOOM! He looked like he was going to cry! I just walked right up to him and pimp slapped him. SWAT! teeth went flying out of his mouth and he crashed to the ground out cold.
Afterwards, I took the girls home and got ass to mouth to pussy all night long. Lasted about 9 hours of straight hardcore fucking with fifteen barely legal virgins. All night cause I’m a fucking stallion like that. A real man.
Typical Saturday night for me really. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Most times guys don’t even try to fuck with me because I’m so bad ass and hardcore. I mean, the mere sight of me turns the hardest men into quivering bowls of bitch and turns women and girls into quivering bowls of “I wanna fuck him”.
Good thread guys. Good thread.[/quote]
Serious question: Is your 20 inches of cock measured the same way as your 20 inches of bicep?
Fuck man, I think about some of these stories of mine and I was such a dumb fucking tool back then. As some of you may have gathered, I had just a slight drinking problem back in the day and as funny as some of this shit is to me, it’s also pretty scary. Here’s one last drunken fight story that y’all might enjoy. It involves the ignition key-in-the-fist thing again. After this one I had to get a new key from bending the shit out of it.
I was still going to school up here in Chico and a buddy of mine and I were walking down the street, minding our own business for once after a rare calm outing at a bar. Out of nowhere we got jumped. My buddy got knocked the fuck out right away, but I lasted a little longer. Some fagot frat boys came at us and I got a couple good shots in when all of a sudden this guy hit me in the temple with a crutch and I went down hard.
Instead of covering up or just running, instinct took over (not my best instincts) and I tried to get up to fight. But some fucker kicked me square under the eye and that was it. Next thing I know the cops are waking me up (I’d only been out a few seconds; apparently the cops were running up right as I got kicked.) Well, the cops didn’t arrest anyone at all, for reasons beyond my comprehension. They took me to the hospital with a cracked orbital socket and a concussion. Every morning I woke up for about a week I’d puke my guts out. I should have filed criminal charges or got a lawyer or something, but I didn’t. Stupid, I know.
Once I was fully recovered, my buddy and went back to the frat house (Phi Tau for any of you Phi Tau fags out there). Now this is like six months later and since this is the big cokehead frat at Chico State at the time they probably didn’t even know who we were or remember us. For once it was a totally unprovoked beat down I took.
So we get to the house and my buddy sees one of the dudes who jumped us and tells me he’s going after him. I had a flaregun with me that I fully intended on shooting thru one of their windows, but I wasn’t about to take on the whole frat. Well, my buddy had other ideas. He walks right into the yard and literally fucking bitch slaps the first guy he sees. By this time I realized I’d better get his back, so I toss the flaregun over a fence, load my hand up with my trusty ol’ ignition key and go up the stairs and into the house after him. We went in there and my buddy had grabbed some big-ass tree branch he’d seen in the front and started wailing on fuckers. I just started in with the key on every motherfucker I saw. Eventually I got knocked head over heels down the porch, but my buddy was still inside going absolutely fucking apeshit like I didn’t even know he was capable of. So I run in, deck like three more fuckers and grab him, run out and bounced. Never went downtown without at least four or five other dudes and my nunchuks the rest of the semester.
All told, we ended up beating down about fifteen dudes, ten of whom landed in the hospital. That frat got shut down for some drug overdose scandal or something a couple years later, but no one ever knew who went in and literally took on everyone in the house. My buddy and I didn’t hang out with any guys from other frats for the most part, and everyone kinda hated that frat anyways, but we didn’t say shit about what we’d done to anyone for about six months. All anyone knew was that there was some rumor going around that Phi Tau got merked by a couple of random dudes.
I’d see some of them on campus because I’d recognize them due to the scars and gashes in their faces, but when I saw someone like that, I turned and walked the other way, just in case. Besides, even if they did know who we were, they probably didn’t want any part of a couple dudes who willingly walked right into their house and started taking on everyone in our way. I’ve never gotten so lucky after such stupid behavior. That was one of the last major incidents I got into for a long time up here.
My saving grace as far as avoiding any sort of legal problems from this was kinda funny too. The cops had asked me (I was told all this later by a friend who had walked up as the cops were all sorting things out and helped get me to the hospital) if I wanted to press charges and I said no, which was stupid. But my friend said that I mumbled something about taking care of them myself, but he quickly made some coughing sounds so the cops didn’t hear me say that.
You see, when I was still in junior college down in the Bay Area I had a similar incident where a bunch of Mexicans tried jumping me, provoked by me this time. They didn’t do shit, partly because I was too quick for them and got a couple of good shots in, but partly because the cops rolled up just in time. The Mexicans all escaped, but I was way too drunk to run anywhere so they detained me and asked me if I wanted to press charges if they caught them. I told them “no, I’ll take care of them myself.” I had a buddy with me this whole time. Well, a week later to the day we see one of these fuckers and my friend runs up to him and bashed him right in the face with a fucking rock! Total overkill, he went down, we ran, the cops showed up at my house where we had both passed out at after this guy came to and went to the hospital.
The cops knew it was us because the same cop who wrote down in his report the week before that I said I would take care of them myself happened to be the one who responded when the hospital called to say they had a guy who was pretty fucked up. The cop put two and two together and specifically cited my quote when I said the guy was lying. Plus he ID’d my buddy.
So if the cops had heard me say I was going to take care of them myself after the frat thing, they probably would’ve written that down and then eventually shown up at my place after we got our revenge. I would have faced multiple counts of assault with a deadly weapon, probably attempted murder or something like that, and there probably would have been no way I would have gotten off without some serious shit on my record. Moral of the story, other than don’t get into stupid shit like this to start with: never say shit to the cops. Period.
Okay, enough. This fucking post has practically turned into a novel and you all are probably sick of this shit anyways. Later.
Eli B: He probably measures from the top of the tail bone, down into the ass, back out, around the balls, and then up the shaft. And then gargles the gravy.
DB: I’m not sick of it. It’s fucking hilarious. I can’t believe he walked up to him and smashed his face in with a rock. I’m also not a fan of frats here at UA, so I won’t hold anything against you for that. I’m not surprised they jumped you for no reason.
It’s good to know that you at least regret all the stupid shit you’ve gotten into. That’s what I’m hoping this damn roommate eventually realizes, because he’s about to just fuck up his life completely.
[quote]Eli B wrote:
Serious question: Is your 20 inches of cock measured the same way as your 20 inches of bicep?[/quote]
Fucking LOL!!!
[quote]TylerPK4L wrote:
To add on to the story, we had a party last night and I cracked open a 750 of Absolut and only drank about 3 shots worth from it. A couple hours after we had gotten Potluck arrested, I found it in the freezer virtually empty. So, that’s another 30-40 dollars he’s taken. [/quote]
Sorry for your bad luck etc… with this roommate but lets be reasonable now… lets not be upping the price of a shitty bottle of vodka… thats a 20-25 dollar loss at most for 750ml.
See:
and
[quote]skaz05 wrote:
This thread reminds me of the time I beat the shit out of this drunken biker gang outside of a bar in Detroit.
There were eight of them. All of them were at least 6’5", 280 lbs. And I’m only 5’8" 180 lbs. but lean, only 3% BF, plus I’ve been fighting prison inmates since I was 7, AND I played high school football one time scoring four touchdowns in one game.
Anyway, I was at the bar with my small harem of young 18 year old supermodel virgins when the leader of this biker gang, I think they were called the ‘Hell’s Angels’ or something like that, walked up to me and asked me for a light. I told him to fuck off before I kicked his ass. He got all pissy, and started talking shit like these guys do “Blah, blah, blah, I just asked for a light, waaahhhhhh” so I got in his face and asked him out side so we could get down like a couple of men - or at least one man (me) and a bunch of scared little boys (them).
I wasn’t scared at all. I’ve been fighting in bar room brawls, prison yards, and on the streets of Detroit since I was 6 years old. I know how to fuck anyone up. These guys looked pretty fucking scared though at the sight of a REAL MAN getting ready to throw down hardcore like that. Just one look at me swole ass guns, and massive rock hard pecs was enough to get them pissing themselves. I mean, I’m not world champion lifter by any means. Just a 600 lb. bench, 800 lb. squat, and 1000 lb. deadlift - you know, modest numbers; but I was pretty sure I was stronger than them. My 18 year old virgins started creaming their panties of course, so I wanted to get this over with quick so I could bang all 30 of them that night. I hadn’t banged an 18 year old virgin in about a week, so my giant 20 inch cockzilla was aching.
Three of them rushed at me, I just spun around and stooge slapped them like Larry, Curly, and Shemp. Just straight up “SLAP SLAP SLAP”, and those bitchez were out cold. Another one stepped up in a typical boxing style stance, I was expecting more of a fight from this one, but he hit like a bitch. I just blocked his weak ass, limp wrist left hook and landed a crushing right straight to his chin. I actually heard his jaw pop as he let out a whimper, like a hurt dog. He came crashing down on the other three. That was 4 down, 4 to go and I hadn’t even broken a sweat.
Two more of them decided to try and surround me, I just chuckled to myself. One whipped out a what looked like an old school hunting knife, the other pulled out a pair of brass knuckles. I started laughing my ass off just like Arnold in Total Recall when Cohaagen’s goons surround him. Then they rushed at me. The one with the knife took a stab at me. I grabbed his arm as he swung, and got that armbar on him. I twisted his wrist and he dropped the knife. While I had him in the armbar, I grabbed the other guy by the collar and head-butted him. As he went down, I hip tossed the other one straight on top of him. As they collided, I spun around to my 18 year old virgins and flexed the guns, they all squealed in delight at my swollen 20 inch pythons. I called out to them “after I’m done fucking them up, I’m going to fuck all of YOU UP!” A few of them fainted. It was fucking funny.
Two bikers left. They had seen how awesome I was, I wasn’t even breathing hard or sweating. I slowly started to walk up to them. One of them just pissed his pants and ran! HA! The last one looked pretty mean, I guess, but he pulled out a bitch move and went for his gun. He raised it up and shot at me, I grabbed the bullet out of mid air with my teeth, and spit it out at his bike. The bike exploded as the bullet hit the gas tank. BOOM! He looked like he was going to cry! I just walked right up to him and pimp slapped him. SWAT! teeth went flying out of his mouth and he crashed to the ground out cold.
Afterwards, I took the girls home and got ass to mouth to pussy all night long. Lasted about 9 hours of straight hardcore fucking with fifteen barely legal virgins. All night cause I’m a fucking stallion like that. A real man.
Typical Saturday night for me really. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Most times guys don’t even try to fuck with me because I’m so bad ass and hardcore. I mean, the mere sight of me turns the hardest men into quivering bowls of bitch and turns women and girls into quivering bowls of “I wanna fuck him”.
Good thread guys. Good thread.[/quote]
Isn’t this an Analog_kid story?
V
Amiright: No, you’re not right. lol jk, that’s not shitty vodka when you’re in college though, for me at least. And it is about 30 dollars here plus that “sin tax” Jahall mentioned.
[quote]TylerPK4L wrote:
Amiright: No, you’re not right. lol jk, that’s not shitty vodka when you’re in college though, for me at least. And it is about 30 dollars here plus that “sin tax” Jahall mentioned.[/quote]
The seller has to buy the alcohol from the Liquor company itself, then they have to ‘sell’ the alcohol to the state, who then stamps the product for sale. After they have stamped it, the seller then had to ‘buy back’ the alcohol from the state. This allows the state to charge a nice price hike of 20% or more in most cases. This allows the state government to tax the fuck out of alcohol without actually taxing it.
So yes, it is more expensive.
[quote]skaz05 wrote:
This thread reminds me of the time I beat the shit out of this drunken biker gang outside of a bar in Detroit.
[/quote]
Dude - that made me lol. Cool story! ; )
This thread is only missing one thing…lol
Fuck truck keys, I used to carry this nasty ass wrench with me sometimes, old reliable.
