Bouncers: Craziest Beatdown/Situation?

Off Topic
1

In light of our young friend’s earlier thread on being new to bouncing, I thought it might be cool for anyone who has worked or is working as a bouncer to share a good story or two. It should be beatdown related, or it could just be bizarre, but please try to avoid crap like how you finger-banged some groupie in the DJ booth during your break (who hasn’t?) I’ll start:

Once on “teen night”, two cops came in to arrest two teenagers that were fighting. Actually, it was two groups fighting, and all of my guys had taken the other combatants out two at a time, one in a headlock under each arm out the front door. The big, thick cop takes his guy outside, and the little wussy cop is still straggling behind, trying to keep a grip on his guy as he wades through the crowd (he hadn’t cuffed the kid for some reason). The kid’s friends don’t like their buddy getting arrested, so they procede to push the cop back and forth between them while Officer Milktoast tries to hang on to his collar for dear life.

Me being the only one in the club who was remotely on this cop’s side (I weighed this for about 1.5 seconds, as I haven’t had the greatest relationship with our city’s finest in the past), I ripped my Maglite off my belt, pushed through the crowd, got back-to-back with the cop and, holding the flashlight with both hands (think close-grip bench press), pushed people back off of him. A little steel pressure up against a collar bone will get people to move when you want them to. I cleared the way, and the cop went on his way with the kid he was holding.

After the club closed and the two cops were standing out front (they were hired by the club owners and in full uniform), I didn’t get so much as a “thank you” from Barney Fife for saving his bacon (pun very much intended).

The jacked cop later told me (out of earshot of his fellow officer) that he felt safer in this environment with us bouncers at his back than his fellow officers. I was a little surprised and asked him why. He said something to the affect of, “because these kids know we have to watch what we do. They don’t know who you are, and they know you’ll whup their asses!” Best compliment I think I ever received on the job.

2

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:
but please try to avoid crap like how you finger-banged some groupie in the DJ booth during your break (who hasn’t?) [/quote]

I wanna hear these stories… maybe that’s just me…

3

[quote]Stuey wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
but please try to avoid crap like how you finger-banged some groupie in the DJ booth during your break (who hasn’t?)

I wanna hear these stories… maybe that’s just me…

[/quote]

Agreed.

4

A couple of weeks ago, I was working the door on DJ night, with two other bouncers. Now, this isn’t a college town bar so there’s a fairly large mix of people, and music for that matter-(requests ranging from country to rap to heavy metal (it helps me kick the last stragglers out at the end of the night when the DJ plays Am I Evil for me, but i digress) and every type of music in between).

Anyway, there is a group of 20-somethings, maybe 4 of them, and they are starting some shit in the back, letting friends in the back door, and messing with patrons, etc, typical asshole shit. Anyway, my buddy Jacob and I go back to straighten them out. Neither of us are small, me being a 5’11" 240lb college football player, and him a 6’2" 250lb blackbelt/martial arts instructor, so i figure there’s going to be no problem. Wrong. What is it about alcohol that makes dipshits think they are so unbeatable?

Anyway, Jacob confronts the ring leader and tells him to knock off the shit (letting people in and harrassing people) or they are all out. So the kid gets in his face (the kid is about 6’0" 150, MAYBE) and starts yelling and eventually spits in Jacob’s face. Jacob picked him up by the neck, carried him like that through the crowd to the back door, kicks it open and just throws this ilttle bitch. At least 4-5 feet through the air before he hits the concrete. Wouldn’t have believed if i didn’t see it. Best thing I’ve seen while working there. I’ve got some smaller ones, that might make it on here later on. I’m even in a few, but that’s the best story so far.

5

I was recently near a bouncing situation. Go out with girl and her siblings. Her brother’s friend is starting shit the whole night. He is about 5’9" and 175, and thinks he’s really bad with his black belt in some rare kung fu. Eventually we all get separated and I’m with my girl and I see him and her brother getting pulled out by bouncers. Her and her sisters make the situation worse but that is another story. Anyway, by the time I get outside her brother is out there, his shirt has been torn off and he’s holding another shirt full of blood and bouncers are still yelling at him to get up the street/get out of here. I am trying to calm him down. Apparently several people said his friend, the ninja, tried to punch a bouncer and nicked him, the bouncer fired back and landed a bomb right in the nose and he went down and his nose gushed everywhere. His girl put him in a cab and left. My girl’s brother jumped in to help. They socked him in the gut and he went down and then they kicked him in the head. I really like the kid and felt bad for him. I don’t think he is a bad guy. His friend is a moron. It was a totally calm club with nothing bad going on but him starting with anyone he saw. Anyway, I am not bad at bjj/mma and have trained a lot of tradtional and street martial arts since I was 8 and I never get into fights (not anymore), least of all with bouncers. It’s just dumb. I don’t care how tough you are when there are so many guys, there must’ve been a dozen at this place, all big, all in decent shape and all pissed, you’re chances of winning are not good unless you have an even number of big/well trained guys. Training for BJJ and MMA is so much fun. Fighting in ‘the street’ or bars is just stupid.

6

I’ved worked clubs in Eastern Europe, the police don’t have have to rely on bouncers for help, they will just pull their pistol.

7

[quote]X-Factor wrote:
Stuey wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
but please try to avoid crap like how you finger-banged some groupie in the DJ booth during your break (who hasn’t?)

I wanna hear these stories… maybe that’s just me…

Agreed.[/quote]

This one time, I was peeing behind the club, and a girl came, took over and started to give head while I was peeing. True story.

EDIT : sorry original poster

8

I used to be the head doorman at a club here in town so I’ve got plenty.

One of my favourites happened at a halloween party for the Law faculty.

Some dude dressed up as an american naval officer was assaulting one of our waitresses, now when I say assaulting I mean he had a hand up her skirt and was trying to work something. She obviously didn’t take too kindly to that and hollered for me so I came over and told him that he had to leave. With a little encouragement (nothing serious) the fellow walks himself out of the bar all the while saying “she’s a waitress she should be used to it”.

A couple of hours later I’m standing inside and off to one side of the door watching the bar and this same bozo walks in the door and past me. Now the first time I throw someone out I’m usually nice. . .the second not so much.

So I grab dumbass by the collar and the seat of his pants, turn, and run him at the door as fast as I can accelerate us. I’m about 250 and powerlifter, he’s about 200 and skinny fat. We must have hit the door (I say we but I mean he) at a pretty good clip but in the rush to chuck him I’d forgotten that it was after 2am and we’d locked the door. So I end up slamming this moron into an oak door that’s locked as hard as I can, he was a little stunned to say the least. I then reached down, pushed the handle and gave him a gentle shove out into the street.

In the commotion I accidentally ripped one of his epulets off the costume, which is around a $100 damage fine since I know the shop he got it from. I gave the waitress in question the epulet.

STU

9

[quote]Sturat wrote:
We must have hit the door (I say we but I mean he) at a pretty good clip but in the rush to chuck him I’d forgotten that it was after 2am and we’d locked the door.[/quote]

Priceless.

10

I was working the door at a club a friend of mine owned taking cover charge because of the band that night. This guy comes in completely shitfaced wearing full on Spiderman outfit. The bouncers and I are laughing our asses of at him while we keep and eye on him. He keeps walking up to patrons and bothering them with all of his “hey there good citizen” Spiderman talk, so the bartender realized he was out of it. We ask him to leave and he protests saying “But I’m Spiderman!”. He eventually leaves peacefully (the guy was pretty harmless overall), then goes out to his car, takes off the costume (but forgets about the boots, and leaves those on) and tries to gain re-entry. When I told him he could not come back in, he looked at me with all seriousness and said “But, how did you know it was me?”.

11

[quote]Leeuwer wrote:
X-Factor wrote:
Stuey wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
but please try to avoid crap like how you finger-banged some groupie in the DJ booth during your break (who hasn’t?)

I wanna hear these stories… maybe that’s just me…

Agreed.

This one time, I was peeing behind the club, and a girl came, took over and started to give head while I was peeing. True story.

EDIT : sorry original poster[/quote]

LOL! I guess I asked for it. It’s like telling someone not to think about pink elephants.

So… Did she swallow?

12

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:
LOL! I guess I asked for it. It’s like telling someone not to think about pink elephants.

So… Did she swallow?[/quote]

Yes ! I told that story because it’s something of a gag guys at the gym always tell … in the way of “hey man, I gotta go take a piss - yo joyce, you comin?”

Weird thing is, I thought this girl was drunk out of her mind, but she said she didn’t have a drink all night, and she didn’t look it either.
Prolly drugs, lol.

13

[quote]Sturat wrote:
I used to be the head doorman at a club here in town so I’ve got plenty.

One of my favourites happened at a halloween party for the Law faculty.

Some dude dressed up as an american naval officer was assaulting one of our waitresses, now when I say assaulting I mean he had a hand up her skirt and was trying to work something. She obviously didn’t take too kindly to that and hollered for me so I came over and told him that he had to leave. With a little encouragement (nothing serious) the fellow walks himself out of the bar all the while saying “she’s a waitress she should be used to it”.

A couple of hours later I’m standing inside and off to one side of the door watching the bar and this same bozo walks in the door and past me. Now the first time I throw someone out I’m usually nice. . .the second not so much.

So I grab dumbass by the collar and the seat of his pants, turn, and run him at the door as fast as I can accelerate us. I’m about 250 and powerlifter, he’s about 200 and skinny fat. We must have hit the door (I say we but I mean he) at a pretty good clip but in the rush to chuck him I’d forgotten that it was after 2am and we’d locked the door. So I end up slamming this moron into an oak door that’s locked as hard as I can, he was a little stunned to say the least. I then reached down, pushed the handle and gave him a gentle shove out into the street.

In the commotion I accidentally ripped one of his epulets off the costume, which is around a $100 damage fine since I know the shop he got it from. I gave the waitress in question the epulet.

STU[/quote]

That’s awesome! I’ve got a similar story with a twist.

One of my bouncers (I was head of security) launched a guy at the exit in exactly the fashion you described. The door had a steel push-bar running horizontally across the middle, which he figured the guy would hit and the door would open, giving the guy he was throwing out a nice konk on the noggin on the way out. What none of us knew was that the door itself was one huge pane of glass that had been opaqued on both sides by the owners when they first moved in.

So, guy hits glass with his head, glass shatters, guy keeps going due to his great momentum, hits the steel bar with his gut, flips over it head first and lands on his back on a big pile of glass on the sidewalk outside.

Now me and another bouncer have to go outside to keep the people this guy was starting shit with from stomping him into the pavement while the paramedics arrive. Pretty pussy-assed move, having to take further shots at a guy who’s laying in a pile of broken glass, bleeding, moaning, and barely conscious.

14

[quote]Kayrob wrote:
I was working the door at a club a friend of mine owned taking cover charge because of the band that night. This guy comes in completely shitfaced wearing full on Spiderman outfit. The bouncers and I are laughing our asses of at him while we keep and eye on him. He keeps walking up to patrons and bothering them with all of his “hey there good citizen” Spiderman talk, so the bartender realized he was out of it. We ask him to leave and he protests saying “But I’m Spiderman!”. He eventually leaves peacefully (the guy was pretty harmless overall), then goes out to his car, takes off the costume (but forgets about the boots, and leaves those on) and tries to gain re-entry. When I told him he could not come back in, he looked at me with all seriousness and said “But, how did you know it was me?”. [/quote]

Holy shit, that’s hilarious. Sometimes it is those amusing moments that keep you going during the boring nights.

While I was working the door one night, some kid handed me his ID with a picture of The Rock (giving The People’s Eyebrow, of course) taped over his. This was about 6 years ago when The Rock was first blowing up and I watched wrestling back then. I guess he figured I was a humorless hard-ass like most doormen, but I appreciate a good gag when I’m not too busy. With as serious a face as I could, I held his ID up like I was comparing it to his face and the kid turns slightly and gives me The People’s Eyebrow. I continue to look serious and ask him, “what’s your address?”

“Uh, 124…”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER WHAT YOUR ADDRESS IS!!!”

The kid and the rest of the people he is with start laughing and I let him in. Come to think of it, I never did check his birthdate. Oh, well…

15

[quote]Leeuwer wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
LOL! I guess I asked for it. It’s like telling someone not to think about pink elephants.

So… Did she swallow?

Yes ! I told that story because it’s something of a gag guys at the gym always tell … in the way of “hey man, I gotta go take a piss - yo joyce, you comin?”

Weird thing is, I thought this girl was drunk out of her mind, but she said she didn’t have a drink all night, and she didn’t look it either.
Prolly drugs, lol.[/quote]

Woah! JTFC, I hope she was on drugs! How much piss did she guzzle?

16

[quote]Scrappy wrote:
I was recently near a bouncing situation. Go out with girl and her siblings. Her brother’s friend is starting shit the whole night. He is about 5’9" and 175, and thinks he’s really bad with his black belt in some rare kung fu. Eventually we all get separated and I’m with my girl and I see him and her brother getting pulled out by bouncers. Her and her sisters make the situation worse but that is another story. Anyway, by the time I get outside her brother is out there, his shirt has been torn off and he’s holding another shirt full of blood and bouncers are still yelling at him to get up the street/get out of here. I am trying to calm him down. Apparently several people said his friend, the ninja, tried to punch a bouncer and nicked him, the bouncer fired back and landed a bomb right in the nose and he went down and his nose gushed everywhere. His girl put him in a cab and left. My girl’s brother jumped in to help. They socked him in the gut and he went down and then they kicked him in the head. I really like the kid and felt bad for him. I don’t think he is a bad guy. His friend is a moron. It was a totally calm club with nothing bad going on but him starting with anyone he saw. Anyway, I am not bad at bjj/mma and have trained a lot of tradtional and street martial arts since I was 8 and I never get into fights (not anymore), least of all with bouncers. It’s just dumb. I don’t care how tough you are when there are so many guys, there must’ve been a dozen at this place, all big, all in decent shape and all pissed, you’re chances of winning are not good unless you have an even number of big/well trained guys. Training for BJJ and MMA is so much fun. Fighting in ‘the street’ or bars is just stupid.[/quote]

You got that right, dude. Street fighting, and especially club fighting is lose/lose all the way. Unless you have your own hand-picked team of badasses with you, bouncers always have the numbers and the muscle, and you’re going to lose.

Having been on both sides, though, I do know that a lot of bouncers seem to garner a higher opinion of their ass-kicking abilities after they’ve thrown out a few guys. What they don’t seem to realize is that while many rowdy patrons struggle against them, very few people full-out fight bouncers for several reasons:

  1. Fear of getting their ass stomped.
  2. There are other bouncers restraining them.
  3. Basic, ingrained, compliance to authority.

Or any combination of these. As a result, I’ve seen bouncers who were oh-so-tough on the job get their asses handed to them by average joes when they go out on their off nights.

It was an interesting line of work, but I’ve always detested bullies, and if I found out one of my staff was being consistently overly aggressive and/or brutal, he was gone. Not to mention that after awhile, when word gets out that your club has a rep for having asshole bouncers, the business drops off quickly and it’s nearly impossible to gain it back without opening under a new name/new management.

17

[quote]Leeuwer wrote:
she said she didn’t have a drink all night, [/quote]

Waaait a minute, I get it! She was thirsty!

18

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:

Woah! JTFC, I hope she was on drugs! How much piss did she guzzle?
[/quote]

I didn’t measure it or anything ! Sick fucker, lol.
On second thought, she DID have a drink. Bad pun, bad pun.

19

[quote]Digital Chainsaw wrote:
Leeuwer wrote:
she said she didn’t have a drink all night,

Waaait a minute, I get it! She was thirsty![/quote]

Hey, to serve and protect …

20

Everyone that has bounced knows that women fighting are THE WORST. Much more difficult than men in almost all aspects, many people established that in the last thread. Last weekend there were two women who apparently hated eachother (she stole my boyfriend, she’s a slut, the usual woman crap) and they have a few words. Well we separate them, because it wasn’t too bad, and they went to different ends of the bar for a while.

A few hours later it’s getting pretty busy, and these two decide it’s time to finish what they started. So one throws a beer at the other and they’re off fighting. Me and another bouncer each grab one, politely mind you;bear hug from behind, nothing inappropriate, no touching, and separate them a little. Well they both turn and try to take out their aggression on us, scratching, hair pulling, you know typical women crap.

Our cocktail waitress, who is smokin hot, and unbeknownest to anyone apparently a weightlifter of some kind, sees this going on and comes over to help. She comes over to the situation and botch of the women (who are still relatively close) try to claw at her and slap her when she says to leave the bar. Well, The cocktail didn’t take that shit. She turns to the one i’m holding and just cold-cocks her right in the face. I mean a nice gush of blood from the nose and everything. SO the other trouble maker yells “YEAH!! TAKE THAT YOU SLUT!!” yelling at her rival, when the cocktail turns and does the exact same thing to her. We threw the two out and both me and the other bouncer bought the cocktail a drink.

I don’t think I’ve ever been more turned on in my life