All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
What movie is this from?
I donāt get it?
I have ASD. I donāt conform to the gender bending BS unlike many with autism. I tend to be quite traditional in my views on masculinity which bums me out as I canāt aspire to be the man I want to/should be and thatās secondary to limitations incurred from a genetic illness I have
That and exposure to medical malpractice that absolutely 100% crippled me (wish I still lived in America as I imagine the payout in the USA would be so large Iād never have to work again)
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The shining (1980)
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I have a touch of the tism myself, and hereās my hot take-
The whole thing (asd) has been coopted by a bunch of assholes that found a marginally clever way to shirk social norms and use this as an easy out. So when they act like slobs, inconsiderate boobs, or what ever else, they play that card. Its not a free pass act like a slovenly boorish boob. Its a sensory/perceptual processing problem.
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We see this same thing with introversion.
All being an introvert means is that you gain energy when you are by yourself and lose energy when youāre with others (put simply, but to a point). Thatās it. Itās just a matter of energy.
But, instead, self-professed introverts use it as an excuse to justify being incredibly weird. And, in turn, society has this idea that an introvert CANāT be loud, boisterous, social, etc etc. Or this notion that an introvert can be āturnedā into an extrovert.
No: introverts and extroverts can do the same things: they just wonāt get the same energy results.
Ultimately, people are in too big rush to stop thinking and just employ their heuristics.
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And if we look them as cultural defitinions, theyāre always shifting. Masculinity today is different than it was 50 years ago. 50 years ago it was different than 150 years ago and so onā¦
Itās basically tied to the sex/gender debate. Biological definitions are easy, but beyond them itās a massive can of worms which will always get people pissed of, no matter what you say.
This is a profound human trait.
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Oh yeah. My one buddy is an extrovert. He gains energy from being around and with people. Me- introvert. I love people, but it takes its toll. After so much, I need some quiet time to replenish and re-engage.
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As an introvert i have never heard it put this way, but it sums it up perfectly.
The concept that some people feel energized when around others is so foreign to me.
I enjoy good conversation on complex topics but I will go sleep for 10 hours afterwards.
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Yup. I had a period of my career where I provided classroom instruction. I genuinely LOVED that job. I enjoyed being in front of a class, having their attention, making them laugh, answering their questions, etc etc. It brought me genuine joy to do it.
But it was also EXHAUSTING doing it. My day was done, and so was I. āIāve had enough people todayā. Just because I was an introvert didnāt mean I was incapable of being outspoken and lively with a crowd: just that it took a toll on me.
It works with thought processes too. Introverts think inside their heads and voice the outcome outloud. Extroverts think outloud. In turn, introverts can think extroverts are idiots, because an introvert only voices the end product of the thought process, and when they see an extrovert thinking outloud, they think theyāre hearing the end product being expressed, rather than seeing the sausage get made.
Which is comical when my kid and I do an escape room, because my kid is a total extrovert and just squirrels all over the place. In turn, after we left our last one, I needed to go home and take a nap, because my kid had exhausted my energy supplyā¦and meanwhile they were absolutely BUZZED from the high of escaping, haha.
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What if you are somewhere inbetween?
You know I AM an autism
I tend to recharge by myself and Iād argue I have always done my best work by myselfā¦ But sometimes I get a nice jolt of energy through socialization and there have been times where it would certainly seem as if Iām the ālife of the partyā though these scenarios are few and far in between as I donāt go out of my way to socialise anymore outside of my close friends (as a few close friends is always better than a thousand randos who high five you at the local pub on Saturday night)
yet at the same time I find those jolts of energy are short lived and ultimately to recharge at the end of the day/a hard week I need to be left alone.
Iād argue that I am an ambivert! Depending on the scenario I can recharge around people for some time, but I certainly appreciate the value in being alone.
I always thought Iād remain an introvert my entire life but as I got older and finally developed āsocial skillsā I realized almost everyone needs human companionship to some degreeā¦ I used to think āwhy would I ever want a girlfriend/wifeāā¦ it took me twenty three YEARS (24 now) to figure out why having a long term partner is desirable for most
This is what Iām getting at: an introvert CAN be the life of the party: they just donāt get energy that way.
I love telling jokes and making people laugh. When I hang out with a group, thatās what I do. I also give speeches, and have had several people comment āWhen you speak, I listenā.
But, when all that is done, I just want to go home and have time to myself.
Again: this isnāt non-introversion. An introvert ALSO needs human companionship: it just isnāt an energy source. Introverts CAN get energized from deep, intimate relationships. My wife is an energy source for me: being around her gives me peace and makes me feel energized after a long day of dealing with people. And I have close friends that being around them provides me energy. But otherwise, there are social needs that all humans have that arenāt necessarily for the sake of energy.
Outside of the introvert/extrovert dynamic
Some people on the neurodivergent spectrum seem to sustain themselves without human companionship or social interaction. There are often high functioning individuals and many are highly intelligent (not talking autism necessarily, referring to people who think atypically) and for whatever reason they donāt appear to require any form of peer to peer communication for sustenance
To you or I such an existence would be profoundly isolatingā¦ conducive to the development of serious psychiatric aberrations but someone like this could survive on a deserted island provided they have nutrients for physical sustenance and theyād come back five years later with a story to tell and an in-tact psyche (granted people like this often arenāt great at socialisation)
What do you think about people like this? Do you reckon deep down theyāre actually lonely but donāt know how to express it?
I have a family friend like thisā¦ He has A friend but otherwise works a government job and plays a lot of video gamesā¦ It would genuinely appear as if he is very happy. He weighs around 400+lbs (morbidly obese) though yet shows no sign of being interested in losing the weight. He is otherwise highly intelligent
As a matter of fact, he doesnāt appear to be aware of how dangerous being so overweight is (bad family history for lipids/CVD, both parents were type II diabetic)
I am not joking he must weigh at least 415lb at 6ā3. Perhaps that is a sign of being lonely (the lack of self care).
I tend to believe people like this are isolated by default. The way they think about things tends to lead to people withdrawing. Prolonged social isolation from childhood onwards leads to epigenetic maladaptation mashed together with introverted personality subtype and you have someone who can actually sustain themselves with zero or near zero social interaction
Thereās always the savant subtypes/genius whose brain is on another realm relative to us mere mortals and whereas some of these people are successful and happy in life someone I know indirectly who was like this committed suicide because they simply couldnāt relate to anyone and the omnipresent sense of isolation was overwhelming (meaning even for these savant subtypes interaction and companionship likely is important).
my take on the people who seem to be ok without social interaction is itās probably maladaptive epigenetic shift from prolonged isolation starting from childhood? That is a hell of a hot take as Iām not educated here
But it took me a LONG ass time to develop social skills and it was only when I was in my mid to late teens that I realized the true importance of friendsā¦ And my 20s when I realized I want a life partnerā¦ Had I never developed any social prowess Iād probably in the same place I was before I had these ārevelationsā
Iāll be honest: I donāt.
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I disagree as biology is a major consideration with regard to these traits. And thatās where the issues arise as boys and young men are told and taught to fight their instincts and biology, to even fear and be embarrassed by them. No wonder they have anxiety, depression and are antisocial.
I think certain lifting/fitness " influencers/coaches" have lost perspective on how unimportant they are in the real world.
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Partly yes.
But itās not a black and white question. There are certainly some attributes which are tied to biology and are universal across history and culture. But not everything. We donāt see raping women making your more as a man in acceptable way in modern societies.
Wellā¦ Yes and no.
I personally think the biological models are wider than many people are willing to admit. But I see the problems that current culture has. Way too much problematizing and āfeelā talk. Specially younger people are get too confused if they need to constantly think how masculine or whatever they are. This causes the problems you did lay out.
I feel somewhat disdained by whole discussion. Iām a liberal guy in that sense that everybody can pretty much live their life as they see fit. I donāt feel offended by āmanly mans doing manly thingsā nor trans/queer people.
But at least in the internet some dogmas of ātraditionalā or āmodernā masculinity do feel a bit forced at times.
Not sure if Iām an introvert or what. I can talk to just about anyone if I need to but I almost never approach anyone unless I have a specific reason to or they talk to me first.
I used to be shy but have overcome that I feel like.
I donāt really get nervous about making phone calls, participating in meetings or speaking in front of a group but DREAD it, like āawwwww DO I HAAAVE TO 
ā
Been married over 10 years actually the thing I miss most about being single is if I wanted to I could sometimes go an entire day without talking to anyone. Felt like the battery was recharged afterwards.
This is how you tell: that other stuff is personality
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How toxic they are.