What comes in quarts?
An elephant.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an altar boy.
[quote]rrjc5488 wrote:
An irishman walks out of a bar…[/quote]
Has FightinIrish seen that one… tooo funny.
Lucky Night At The Bar"
A guy had an interesting experience recently
involving an “older” woman he met at a bar.
She looked pretty darn HOT for 65.
She was drinking quite a bit and, while they
were chatting, she came right out and asked him if he’d ever had a “sportsman’s double” - - a mother and daughter threesome.
He said no, but she might be able to talk him
into it. So she slams back one last drink, wipes her mouth and, looking directly into
his eyes, says, “Tonight’s your lucky night.”
So they go back to her place, she clicks on the hall light right as they enter her place, and she shouts upstairs:
“Mom! You still awake?”
What does NASA stand for?
Need
Another
Seven
Astronauts
these are hilariously terrible
Q: What’s the best part of bedding a 6 year old?
A: Hearing the pelvis snap
Q: What’s worse than a barrelful of 10 dead babies?
A: A barrelful of 8.5 dead babies and one eating its way out
Q: What do you call an armless, legless man floating in water?
A: Bob
Q: What do you call an armless, legless man sitting in a meadow?
A: Russell
Q: What do you call a woman with one leg shorter than the other?
A: Eileen
Q: What do you call an asian woman with one leg shorter then the other?
A: Irene
the grandpappy of political incorrectness
http://www.tv-lounge.com/index.php?option=com_viewvid&id=1957
Two guys working the “graveyard shift” in a hospital morgue. The supervisor’s just sitting in the office, reading and drinking coffee, the other guy’s spending some time opening the body refrigerators and examining the bodies.
After a while, he comes into the office and says to the supervisor, “You know that really beautiful girl we’ve got in the refrigerator? The one that died last week?”.
“Yes”, said the supervisor, “What about her?”. “Well”, said the guy, “She’s got a shrimp between her legs”. “Don’t be silly”, said the supervisor, that’s not a shrimp, that’s her clitoris". “Well”, said the guy, “It didn’t taste like one”
Q.What was the difference between Princess Di�??s
driver and George Best?
A.George Best could take corners pissed.
Q.What do Princess Diana and Pink Floyd
have in common?
A.Their last big hit was The Wall
Q.Did you know that Princess Di was on the phone when she crashed?
A.She was also on the dashboard, the windscreen, the gearstick and the headrests.
Q.What�??s the difference between Lady Di
and Michael Hutchence?
A.Michael Hutchence was wearing his belt.
Q.What�??s the last recorded message on the space shuttle�??s black-box?
A.�??Go on then, let the woman drive.�??
Q.What�??s black and blue and afraid of sex?
A.The 8-year-old in my cellar.
Q.What do you call a toddler with a runny nose?
A.Full.
An undertaker says to a bereaved husband,
�??When did you realise your wife was dead?�??
�??Well,�?? he replies, �??the sex was the same but the dishes just kept piling up…�??
.
Why do women have periods?
Because they fucking well deserve them!
-Why are palms and feet of blacks people white?
They were on all fours when God was raping them.
-What does AIDS stand for?
Ananally Injected Death Sentence
-How do you know your at a gay picnic?
The hot dogs taste like shit.
-What do you call a black peron witha peg leg?
Shit on a stick.
Highschool is great isent it? Its the last great place to find Political Incorectness.
Man goes to the ticket office at the railway station.
Man: ‘Can I have a segond glass redurn do Dottinghab please?’
Ticket clerk: ‘Sorry I don’t understand.’
Man: ‘Can I have a SEGOND GLASS REDURN TO
DODDINGHAB PLEASE?’
Ticket clerk: ‘Ahh, I see, have you tried Tunes sir?’
Man: ‘Why, do they cure cerebral palsy?’
Q.What did the mongoloid say to his dog?
A.‘Down, Syndrome!’
They say whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.
Try telling that to someone with muscular dystrophy
Q.What’s better than winning Gold at the Paralympics?
A.Having legs.
A woman visits her doctor complaining of a
strange feeling in her lower stomach. The doctor examines her and states, ‘Well, I can tell you that you’ll need to be buying lots of nappies in about 9 months time.’
‘Am I pregnant? That is wonderful news.’
‘No, you have bowel cancer.’
Little Billy is sucking his Grandma’s tit.
A touch of white stuff spurted into his mouth.
‘Hey, Grandma,’ said little Billy, ‘Aren’t you a little old to be producing milk?’
‘Aw, Billy,’ said his doting Grandmother,
‘that isn’t milk, it’s cancer.’
What did the leper tell the hooker?
Keep the tip.
Why did the leper get in a car wreck?
Because he couldn’t get his foot off the gas.
What are the first three words in every Mexican cookbook?
Steal three eggs.
How do you get 10 Jews in a car?
Throw a penny in it.
What do you call a Mexican without a lawn mower?
Unemployed.
Why doesn’t Mexico ever do well in the Olympics?
Because all the ones who can run, jump and swim are in the US.
There’s a Mexican and a black guy in a car, who is driving?
A police officer.
What is the most common pickup line in a gay bar?
Excuse me, may I push in your stool?
There are two priests on a boat full of children. The boat gets in a wreck and starts to sink. As the priests are pulling out all the life jackets they find that there are only two left.
Priest A says “These are for us.”
Priest B says “What about the children?”
Priest A says “Fuck the children!”
Priest B says “Do we have time?”
[quote]Renton wrote:
Q. What do Elephants use as tampons?
A. Sheep
Q. Why do elephants have long noses?
A. Sheep don’t have strings
[/quote]
LOL I haven’t laughed that much in a while, thanks
How many kids with ADD does it take to change a light bulb?
Hey I’m hungry, let’s get something to eat.
What do you call a black pilot?
A pilot you fucking racist.
[quote]CappedAndPlanIt wrote:
What do you call a black pilot?
A pilot you fucking racist.[/quote]
HAHAHAHHAHA Beautiful.
Q.What’s the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
A.You can’t eat a train carriage.