sometimes when life seems too much, i remind myself to simply keep breathing. feel the breath, in and out, in and out. that helps.
I feel truly sad for you. I don’t even know you. I know how important my training is for me. If something were to take if from me I’d be lost. It’s the thing that never lets me down, always delivers, the best/sanest part of my day. (don’t rat me out to my wife, i always tell her SHE is the best part of my day.)
If I kill myself driving drunk,well, my bad. If i injure myself lifting too much…my fault, i made it happen. But a god-damn auto-immune disease!!! that is just screwed up.
The good news is that you have experienced enough of life to know that there will some growth, gain, insight, something learned, something will grow out of this that will enrich your life. It probably doesn’t look like it now. I know in my darkest moments it seems there will never be any relief.
Keep breathing. don’t let despair get a hold on you (I’m projecting here).
Figured I bring this old thread back to page 1, at least for a couple of hours, lol. I have completed my second cycle of IVIG infusions. While the first cycle seemed to offer no improvement, I have definately seen some improvement with the 2nd cycle. My sensory deficits have eased slightly.
My motor function is still impaired but I seem to be walking with less of a limp in the beginning of the day; as the day goes on, the limp worsens. My lower body strength has regressed faster than my upper body - both cause bouts of severe depression. I keep trying to slow the muscle size/strength process but nothing I am doing seems to be helping.
My 1RM in the squat is now hovering around 225; my 1RM in the bench press is around 300. I have decided to enjoy my summer w/o any doctor’s visits…the visits of late seem pointless except for emptying my wallet and gas tank. I try to keep a positive mental attitude, but relapse into depression constantly.
I just started my summer job with the Junior Sailing Program at Little Egg Harbor Yacht Club on L.B.I. and that seems to take my mind off of things so I’m not dwelling on my symptoms as much. By the end of the work day, from the heat and fatigue, I’m drained physically and mentally.
I’ve tried getting into a more regular/consistent workout schedule and getting up at 5am for a 30-60 minute workout; I seem to be sticking with it so hopefully that will continue all summer. The best part of the workout is the shower! I have been riding the stationary bike for an hour at a time - I am in agony the whole time as it makes my symptoms worse and the seat has worn through my skin in 2 spots on my butt.
The IVIG infusions make me hungry 24/7. I was losing weight but with the cravings and satisfying them, my weight stays around 200lbs - I have not gotten below that and am not sure I can w/o starving myself which I won’t do!
I realize this post isn’t listing my workout(s) but some day I hope to be able to do that again.
For now, the workouts focuses on whatever strikes my fancy but are relatively light in weight compared to years ago. I have a hard time trying not to make comparisons but it still gets to me. I thank all of you for your support and encouragment; it REALLY DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!! Enjoy the summer and spend quality time with your friends and families.
Real glad to see you back. That you’re still lifting at all is amazing. And most of our weights are relatively light compared to the good ole days. Jealous of you being out on the sea sailing for a job. Based on your 1rm it does look like your lower body’s been affected more than the top. If your seeing some improvement with the second cycle how many more are planned? Keep us informed. I’m lighting a candle for you tonight.
Thanks brothers and sisters in Iron!!! More depressing news…MRI shows cord deformity between 4 of the 7 C-Spine Vertebrae - when it rains it pours…so now not only is my lumbar area FUBAR, so is my neck!!!
Spinal fusion surgery late August for C-Spine…I just haven’t comprehended the amount of “damage” my body has that has been ‘undetected’ all these years…“when does it all end?”
WOW, March of 2006 is when I started this thread…took some time off to post on HT’s thread over the years and thought I’d post some stuff here again for shits and giggles. Spinal fusion on my C-Spine tomorrow in Philly. No driving for one month so I’m gonna have a bit of ‘cabin fever’ to contend with. Not sure if I’m gonna be allowed to train either…we’ll see & cross that bridge when I get there. Saw lots of old friends @ the USAPL NJ States in Princeton.
Announced a double platform meet there on Sunday - was a little rusty but picked up steam after awhile. Haven’t had my 3rd cycle of IVIG infusions so my symptoms seem to be re-appearing and my strength is still waning. Just want to say “HI” and will keep everybody in the loop…stay strong!
15 days post-op…still in neck brace 24/7. Feeling ok…still only getting 2-3 hours of sleep every night…so sleep deprived I don’t know how I get through each day w/o nodding off? Some things feel better; some new numbness on my R forearm…feet still burn at night…all-in all some definate improvment noted and as my neck heals/swelling subsides I suspect things will get better and better.
Doing some light workouts with 8lb DB’s and Keiser machines & riding the stationary bike for 5-10 minutes. See doc on Friday; maybe brace will come off, even for short time periods would be most welcome! Going to ask for a referral to another Neurologist more local to deal with neuropathy anew. Time will tell…I’m optimistic!!!
You got a new zipper! Glad you’re still managing to get some workouts in. That’s the key. Never say “screw it, I’ll just sit here on the couch”. Hope it continues to improve.
PS. I’d wait on doing the neck bridges a little while longer.
When I had my Back Surgery I almost threw in the towel with lifting, 1 year and 1 week later I had my ankle fused and all I could think was “aw fuck, why me” at no point did I ask about lifting, exercise etc I just sat on my couch popping percocets and playing X-Box like a little bitch, 5 months later one of my friends from the Army ran a marathon with one leg, I felt like a giant piece of shit and went back to the gym, you apparently are more of a man than me ( or you have a lot of 1 legged marathoners prodding you into action) What I am saying is that after reading your log I can only imagine that in the long run a guy like you is going to be just fine. Tattoos are cool, weights are fun and chicks dig scars. Nice journal by the way, you are a helluva lifter.
Glad to see you are healing and having restrictions lifted. I had my shoulder fixed four months ago and know how frustrating it is to rehab. Do you have a long-term plan for returning to lifting?
Thanks Brian & kpsnap. My plan is to follow doc’s advice and nothing heavier than 25lbs until mid-Nov when I see him again. I’ve already ‘cheated’ & have started some modified BW exercises in addition to my workouts. I’ve been hanging from a bar, supports on dip bars, push-ups on knees, ab roll-outs on knees, isometric wall squats. I have lost most of my strength and I figure maybe 1 year before I’m close to pre-surgery levels…time will tell…thanks for checkin’ in on me!
PT is progressing slowly but surely. Was mostly stretching for the 1st few sessions, but now includes some resistance exercises utilizing “light” resistance mostly for “high” reps. Most of the therapy is postural-oriented. I have thrown in a couple of my own workouts and am up to 20 minutes on the stationary bike. This past weekend, hit the tire with the 8lb sledge for 3 setsx10reps each side with no break and was totally spent afterwards.
Sunday, I was so sore from everything, I only did my stretching routine 1x instead of my usual 4x! I’m still unemployed but have had a couple of per diem Athletic Training coverages at the local high school; I have not subbed at all this semester. I picked up a Health class from Ocean County College on Wed. afternoons, so most of my time lately has been making PowerPoint presentations for class. I have wanted to go sailing, as I have “no restrictions”, but Betty nixed that ASAP - Said, “Over her dead body!” I have started to drive again, but not with my stick shift; I’m driving Betty’s minivan with auto tranny, lol. My unemployment benefits under my new claim are less than half of what was awarded to me under the old claim. $200.00/month is gonna make paying the mortgage a lot harder…I have contemplated moving or a career change. I’m looking into becoming, of all things, a gunsmith!. Now trying to coerce unemployment to help me pay the tuition…time will tell. Hope all is well with my brothers and sisters in Iron.
Looks like your on the road to recovery, Art. A long road for sure but at least your headed in the right direction. Good luck with the new career. You do release that once you get back to your old self the minivans just got to go.
