A lot of posts on the forum talk about how to deal with the negative comments & attitudes of people around us who seem determined to tear us down. The general consensus is that we should not accept the criticism of those who do not share our values re: training & diet.
Now here’s the question: If we should not accept the criticism of those who do not share our values re: training & diet, should we accept their praise?
T-Rev: My answer is yes…but with humility and from within…just enough to spur us on to our NEXT goal. I also believe that we should always be ready to give OTHERS praise when they either succeed and/or give their best effort…
Good question, T-Rev. In my mind, false praise meant to “impress” us can be accepted with a friendly nod of the head and false criticism based on envy can be acknowledged with a dismissive nod of the head. Why waste time or energy on either? I’m more concerned with how I react to the work of others, not their reaction to mine.
I work out in a gym associated with a larger facility, so we have our fair share of hard bodies and soft bodies and everything in-between. Those of us who qualify as “hard bodies” all know each other by first name. There is a natural tendency to form a clique and that’s exactly how some of us deal with it, unfortunately. I like these T-men and vixens and several are friends, but I avoid this tendency. I see too many people with obviously good genetics and youth on their side, but who don’t know their butt from a hole in the ground when it comes to good training practices. On the other hand, I see some of the “others” making really serious attempts to learn and do better. When I see one of the soft bodies doing something well, I make a point of saying something like, “Good work, that’s great form” or whatever’s appropriate. Just a moment of serious eye-to-eye contact and a quick comment. It means a lot to many of them, reinforces what they’re doing right, and they obviously appreciate it. I don’t feel the least bit diminished talking to a “soft body” like some people do, and now I get a lot less of both the false praise and the false criticism from these folks.
You see, I know these people. I was a soft body for a long time. When I first signed up at a gym, it was all I could do just to walk in the door. But I bit the bullet, listened to the staff member who taught me what to do, lifted my puny weights as best I could and tried to ignore the hard bodies who treated me like an outsider with no business being there. That was their "false criticism" and it was a real burden. One day, a guy with a body I could only dream of came up to me and said, "I'm impressed. You really take this seriously. If you keep it up, you're going to be impressed too." In 30 seconds, he made all the difference. That kept me going when things were tough. And he was right.
If you want to avoid false praise, give true praise where it’s unexpected, but deserved. If you want to avoid false criticism, don’t give it by treating others as inferiors.
T-Rev, I read your question again. I’m not sure I really answered it, but, then again, maybe I did. You ask, “…if we should not accept the criticism of those who do not share our values”. I guess I’m saying that I think a lot of that criticism is based on our apparent sense of self-superiority. People try to knock us down a notch out of irritation and I can’t always blame them. If you put yourself up on a pedestal, you have to expect to get hit by a few eggs.
Wow, what a great question. I believe we should accept their praise because 1)It is much harder to praise someone than it is to criticize them, especially if it is someone whom you have criticized before. I believe the praise to be honest. 2)A male ego will accept the praise anyway.
Tricky question… critisism can come in many forms… critisism as a result of jealousy simply needs to be disregarded… Constructive critisism athough still hard to take for some has it’s benefits… likewise praise can be derived from someone with motives… or just an innocent comment from someone without any other intent than to congratulate you… people like the last one are few & far between… generally I believe they are happly with themselves and their lot in life… That said, I think one has to look at the critisism or praise they are getting and determine the motives behind it… if it’s not genuine praise or constructive critisism, then it’s not worthy of any more consideration. To do so should be beneath you, and any more consideration than that would give it it’s intended effect, by the critic.
Praise although always nice to get should be always be received with humility, after all…there’s always somebody bigger & badder (“Hotter” in the case of vixens).
If you are one of the biggest & baddest in your gym, why not give a little praise to the young guy that has been hitting the gym lately. You learned valuable lessons from others, that praise may open the door for you to teach a little of that to others.... It's amazing how you can know something, but not really know it until you try to teach it to someone else. The brotherhood of iron......
Now as far as the vixens, I’m sure you can teach me many things… and have me singing your praise…
The sisterhood of… (ok I have no idea where I was going with that)
I’m not going to try to tell you what you
should do, or the way you should see or feel
about things, because you have to decide that
for yourself. But my view of this topic is
that the criticism or praise of other people
has no bearing on my health/bodybuilding
goals. I do it for myself, and noone else.
When people train and diet for other
people, I think they are doing it for all the
wrong reasons: eg low self esteem, to “make
other people like them” etc. And those
motivations rarely last. If you want to last
in this sport, you have to find your own
reasons to do it, and not worry about what
anyone else thinks - good or bad. At least,
that’s how I see things.
Yes, as this could be considered psychological training. Reinforce good habits and ignore bad habits. Soon the good habits will outweight the bad.
Ah here is one of my favorite sayings that really applies: “Absorb what is useful. Reject what is useless. And add to it what is specifically our own.” -Mao Tse Tung
Thanks for waxing philosophical, guys. I’m pleased to see that Chairman Mao has read St Basil the Great…
To kick it back at ya: What I had in mind when I first posted the question was something like this: When people who don’t know what we’re doing criticize us, it is usually fair to think, “this person doesn’t know what he’s talking about, therefore his criticism has little weight.” When people who don’t know what we’re doing praise us, shouldn’t we think, “this person doesn’t know what he’s talking about, therefore his praise has little weight”? To be sure, if we go through all this torture to “look good nekid,” as the saying goes, then any & all praise strokes the ego, & we’re glad to have whatever we can get, myself included.
I guess what I’m getting at is this: compare the relative value of Joe Average Softbody muttering, “wow, get a load of him,” as you walk by to Mr Perfect Hardbody walking by you in the gym, grunting & saying, “Lookin’ good.” Which would you rather hear?
I think it shouldn’t matter what other people say about you, whether they criticize or praise. What should matter is what you think and what you want. You should have a goal or a final objective or some idea of what you want and go about getting it the best way you know how. Listen to people who could have a positive influence on your progress but ultimately it should be your decision as to what to do. If you think Olympic lifts should be in your program then put them in, give them a decent shot, monitor your results and decide for yourself whether or not they were effective. You can’t let other people run your life, don’t be a second hander and live for other people’s opinions, you must set your sights on something, use your own ideas and judgment and give it all you got.
T-rev, to more directly answer your second question, I'll accept all praise and I'll listen to all criticism(except abusive) but I treat both the same. There are reasons for every element of my training and diet and they are based on what I want and the best way I feel to go about getting them, not based loosely on someone's opinions. I'm always looking for information and will listen to good arguments, but it will be my decision on what to implement.
I just got my copy of Dinosaur Training today & the thing I like most is the motivational stuff. I think the answer to the question is in chapter 21. It basically says that there should be no excuse for missing a workout, & I think maybe the criticism of others & not fitting in might be a reason for not doing your own thing. If I’d been training for years & was 230 solid lbs & someone saw me doing 20 rep breathing squats w/400lbs or something & said ‘gee, you’re strong’, I’d think to myself ‘damn right’.
T-Rev, if I read your question right, I don’t think anyone’s answered it directly yet… My view is: no, I don’t accept their criticism, and while it’s always nice to hear something nice about oneself, I don’t really give their praise much weight either. Charles Gaines in Pumping Iron wrote a short bit about people who “wouldn’t know a Mr. Olympia from a Mr. Des Moines”, and that about sums it up for me. Even if someone says “Hey, you look really good”, unless that person is in the iron game (or at least some sort of sports) him/herself, they have no idea what sort of sacrifice and perserverance it took to get here (and to stay here). So in a sense they don’t really know what they’re talking about, although it’s true that anyone knows what they think looks good. (The old “I don’t know art, but I know what I like” thing.) So while I would “accept” the compliment graciously and wouldn’t say something like “Hey, you fat pig, who the hell are you to talk about my body? You don’t have the CREDENTIALS, bub!”…I have to admit that deep down sometimes I feel like it.
You want to hear the best compliment that I ever got in a gym? I was working out at a Gold's gym in Orange, Cal., and I got to know a guy named Ryan (I think, this was a while ago) who was huge, ripped, the whole nine yards. This guy later placed second in his class at the Mr. Los Angeles contest, so that should give you an idea about his physique. National caliber. Anyway, I made some comment about wishing that I could get my calves looking like his. He looked at me and said, "Dude, you may not have the biggest lower legs, but I can tell that you've put a lot of time into training them. Those are very complete calves." Now, my calves are not my best bodypart by far, and my body is not one that causes people to stop and stare on the street. But this guy knew. He could tell. And so that compliment has remained with me for more than a decade. Knowledge makes all the difference, as far as I'm concerned.