Absolutely! Time heals all wounds! („Die Zeit heilt alle Wunden!“)
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What you did was brave, and I’m sure both of you will appreciate the honesty in the long run, even if the end wasn’t what you wanted. It will be all right
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Long night yesterday that was absolutely not planned to be that long. Well and of course it was a rough one for aforementioned reasons. But axle need to be axled regardless, eh?
1 axle clean and press
5 x 2 @ 111 kg - PR
2 car deadlift
1 x 5 @ 255 kg
2 x 5 @ 265 kg
1 x 5 @ 275 kg
I went a bit over what was prescribed. Probably stupid but I needed to let some steam off and still stayed away from failure.
3 bent over row, 4 sec ecc.
4 x 10 @ 70 kg
5 one arm hang
3 x 10 sec. Ca.
Notes:
- left shoulder is feeling a little bit inflammed here and there but nothing to lose sleep over atm.
- I skipped step ups because I need to squat the day after tomorrow and my body is already complaining.
I lack a lot of things (like discipline) but I shall be damned if toughness is one of them.
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Hey man, just opened the forums and saw your avatar all over the place and I’m happy that you are still around and I thought you deserved to hear that you are appreciated.
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Hey @Voxel !
Great to see you back! I meant to write you an email if I didn’t saw you pop up soon, haha.
Thanks for the kind words. After Saturday evening I’m jumping back and forth between thinking “I am proud of me and it’s all going to be fine in the long run” and “I’m the greatest, most unlovable idiot ever and should have kept my fucking mouth shut”, haha. I’m gonna see her for work in a couple of hours and am a little nervous but hey, that’s life.
Speaking of which: How are things on your end? I don’t remember if we communicated about this via email or publicly but did you go through with the job change?
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Physical update: I am fucking sore and beat down. Today is rest day thankfully but not a lot of time left now until comp time so we’re gonna step on the gas.
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I considered not replying at all because I don’t really have any good news to share but I appreciate you enough to be honest — even though it is painful.
No job change (yet?). I’m not sure a job change was ever on the docket? Maybe changing jobs was something I mused over back then, it certainly has been a while since I was around.
Something that is on the docket is changing department (temporarily) and to the best of my knowledge that will happen.
I did however apply to uni, to the physiotherapy program, in a few cities other than my home town. Mostly I desired to get accepted abroad but that didn’t pan out. Nationally, I did get accepted but I declined. The energy to relocate and start a new life just isn’t there this semester. This summer has left me ragged. I’m at the point with my mental health where nothing whatsoever inspires any relief or joy and that’s not a foundation to grow new relationships.
I’ve broken down fundamentally this year, to the point where I’d argue that comparatively the state I’ve been in when I felt broken enough to go on sick-leave is fully functional.
I keep telling myself there is nothing more idiotic than uttering the words “It can’t possibly get worse”, because it can.
With regards to training I’ve regressed at least 40 kilos on my squat, and maybe 60 or so on my deadlift. I can’t even tell because I can’t perform either lift without the type of pain that’s telling you that you are destroying things. Fingers haven’t healed fully, elbows are not responding to rehab, glute/hamstring tie-in healed for a while this year but tore anew as I tied my shoe. Bodyweight is up, physique is blegh. Eating disorders is a disaster — and I realise that is ironic given that my bodyweight is up.
I haven’t been keeping up with any logs, and that includes yours (sorry) what should you have kept your mouth shut about?
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I appreciate your honesty and I know that’s painful to share and takes courage.
I am truly sorry to hear about these developments. That’s heartbreaking to hear. Are there any options at this point that are available to maybe get some relief (in patient care, drugs etc.?). Probably nothing you haven’t been thinking about yourself.
That was the job change I was referring to. I absolutely understand that you aren’t in a position to make significant life changes right now, although once you’re stabilized enough that might actually be a good idea.
That says a lot. I am legit proud of you that you’re still with us. You’re fighting an incredibly tough battle and sometimes just keeping on fighting is a win in and of itself. Have you ever read the book “recovery letters” btw.?
Not really. I realize now more than ever that this topic is far more complex than most (me included) think. I have build a very very strong friendship with someone who has been suffering from an eating disorder since her childhood to the point of acute life threat. So I am a little bit more sensitized for the complexity of that type of disorder by now.
Feels benign to add to an exchange of such nature. I have basically had a crush on a good friend of mine for a long time. Saturday night I told her. It did not go well and now I’m afraid I have impaired and damaged one of my favorite new friendships that I’ve built here. That hurts more than the rejection itself which ultimately makes me regret even going for it, although initially I was a bit proud of myself.
If there’s anything I can possibly do to help you (may it be a vessel to vent), please do not hesitate to reach out. I assume you still have the email adress somewhere.
Edit: And phone number
You have my contact if you need mate.
Yours is one of the logs I always hope to see a bustle of activity in, training or otherwise.
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Today has been shit. No other way to describe it. Time will heal. I don’t feel good, am stressed and I think I’m getting a little sick. But show must go on.
1 oh squat
3 x 6 @ 60 kg
2 wsm axle squat
3 x 4 @ 173,5 kg
3 axle clean and press (clean each)
5 x 3 @ 101 kg
4 sandbag carry
3 x 30m @ 125 kg
5 hollow rocks
4 x 22
Notes:
- squats were okay but kinda hard.
- clean and press was brilliant
- sandbag were shit picks.
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I’m sure you’ve answered this before but what’s the thinking behind the OH squats?
It’s mainly a posture thing st this point. We don’t push weight at all on this, it’s more so still in following the dogma of “use it or lose it”. I think it’s a great mobility and stability exercise. At a weight like this, I can safely do them without any impact on following exercises.
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Just wanted to say here for you if you need me mate.
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Thanks buddy, I appreciate that!
Very tired and fatigued (feeling my back a bit). Was fine after my warm up
1 deadlift
3 x 4 @ 192,5 kg
2 viking press
3 x 8 @ 114,5
3 Seated box jumps
5 x 3
4 sandbag carry
4 x 60m @ 100 kg
5 incline db row
3 x 8 @ 27,5 kg
6 one arm hang
3 x 12 sec.
Notes:
- deadlifts better than last week. Still not in my groove.
- viking press easy as shit.
- carries hard.
- good session overall
I’ve noticed I got some shoulder gainz going on recently.
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You’ve got a lot of people pulling for you here man.
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Well he’s a great guy. Those who are giving deserve to receive. At least that’s my credo.
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Thank you, and thank you too @mr.v3lv3t Glad to see that you are still chugging along
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How did you tell her, if I may ask? I appreciate your fears but if your behaviour was on point and it’s nevertheless enough to sully the friendship maybe she has had some bad experiences and/or needs to work on some things on her own.
Interesting perspective.
I told her in person while we were hanging out at my place if that’s what you’re asking.
I can’t really say what this meant for our friendship yet. I’m hoping she is just startled, needs a week or two and we can resume with business as usual.
I’ve been going over our interactions non stop but I just don’t see that I did anything inherently wrong or anything that might have made her unnecessarily uncomfortable.
You know since the moment I’ve told her (and actually before that in anticipation) I’ve only worried about how she feels. I can’t shake the feeling if guilt and that I’ve wronged her, although I don’t really see why. Since then I’ve texted her, explaining myself and trying to reassure her. I’ve shown that text to a mutual friend of ours and she said she was actually proud of me and that’s what she would have liked to receive as a message in my crush’s position. So there is objectively nothing more I can do besides wait and give her space and hope things go back to normal. If there is anything that worries her or that makes her hesitant I would love for her to communicate that (which I told her) but I can’t make her do anything.
I’ve yet to take a minute and explore how that makes me feel btw. - the rejection, that is.
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