Only One Sheet of Toilet Paper!

[quote]dwilliams wrote:
Loose Tool wrote:
dwilliams wrote:
Loose Tool wrote:
DW wrote:
I’m glad that I live in a country where people wash their asses.

And what country is it that has such an enlightened asshole as you in it?

Get a sense of humor dick.

So people do not wash their asses in your country? I am disappointed. I thought perhaps that you were a resident of a much more advanced country of enlightened assholes. I thought perhaps we had something to learn from you … assholes.

People don’t wash their asses? What are you on about? You don’t see the humor in a post about cleaning asses. This is inherently funny unless you are completely humorless. Then you call me an asshole for no reason. An aggressive, humorless dick.
Be still my heart.[/quote]

To paraphrase the Joker in Batman, “Give me a break … When you call me a ‘dick’, I say you are ‘asshole’ How childish can you get?”

Hug it out boys!

Come on fellahs…group hug!

It’ll make ya feel a whole lot better!!! Proooomiiiiisssseeee!! ;->

[quote]BodyBldgBabe wrote:
Hug it out boys!

Come on fellahs…group hug!

It’ll make ya feel a whole lot better!!! Proooomiiiiisssseeee!! ;->[/quote]

you hippie :b

(hug)

http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/laugh_out_loud/earth_to_bush/

http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/RobsSoapboxEarth.htm

http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/RobsSoapboxShark.htm

I just wanted to throw these two articles out on the global warming topic. I agree with 'em. And it’s impossible for me to use one square. Usually ten, bundled 3 or so at a time.

[quote]AssClown wrote:
http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/RobsSoapboxEarth.htm

http://www.robarnieanddawn.com/RobsSoapboxShark.htm

I just wanted to throw these two articles out on the global warming topic. I agree with 'em. And it’s impossible for me to use one square. Usually ten, bundled 3 or so at a time.[/quote]

He refers to George Carlin’s bit about “saving the earth” in the first one. I love the part about plastic. “Why are we here? Plastic, asshole.”

I think Carlin deserves to be quoted in his entirety here:

"We’re so self-important. So self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.”

And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. What? Are these fucking people kidding me? Save the planet, we don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. We haven’t learned how to care for one another, we’re gonna save the fucking planet?

I’m getting tired of that shit. Tired of that shit. I’m tired of fucking Earth Day, I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is there aren’t enough bicycle paths.

People trying to make the world safe for their Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet. They don’t care about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live.

Their own habitat. They’re worried that some day in the future, they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

Besides, there is nothing wrong with the planet. Nothing wrong with the planet. The planet is fine. The PEOPLE are fucked. Difference. Difference. The planet is fine. Compared to the people, the planet is doing great.

Been here four and a half billion years. Did you ever think about the arithmetic? The planet has been here four and a half billion years. We’ve been here, what, a hundred thousand? Maybe two hundred thousand? And we’ve only been engaged in heavy industry for a little over two hundred years.

Two hundred years versus four and a half billion. And we have the CONCEIT to think that somehow we’re a threat? That somehow we’re gonna put in jeopardy this beautiful little blue-green ball that’s just a-floatin’ around the sun?

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through all kinds of things worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles…hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worlwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages…And we think some plastic bags, and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet…the planet…the planet isn’t going anywhere. WE ARE!

We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Thank God for that. Maybe a little styrofoam. Maybe. A little styrofoam. The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas. A surface nuisance.

You wanna know how the planet’s doing? Ask those people at Pompeii, who are frozen into position from volcanic ash, how the planet’s doing. You wanna know if the planet’s all right, ask those people in Mexico City or Armenia or a hundred other places buried under thousands of tons of earthquake rubble, if they feel like a threat to the planet this week. Or how about those people in Kilowaia, Hawaii, who built their homes right next to an active volcano, and then wonder why they have lava in the living room.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, 'cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed, and if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new pardigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice towards plastic.

Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?” Plastic…asshole.

So, the plastic is here, our job is done, we can be phased out now. And I think that’s begun. Don’t you think that’s already started? I think, to be fair, the planet sees us as a mild threat. Something to be dealt with. And the planet can defend itself in an organized, collective way, the way a beehive or an ant colony can.

A collective defense mechanism. The planet will think of something. What would you do if you were the planet? How would you defend yourself against this troublesome, pesky species? Let’s see… Viruses. Viruses might be good. They seem vulnerable to viruses. And, uh…viruses are tricky, always mutating and forming new strains whenever a vaccine is developed.

Perhaps, this first virus could be one that compromises the immune system of these creatures. Perhaps a human immunodeficiency virus, making them vulnerable to all sorts of other diseases and infections that might come along. And maybe it could be spread sexually, making them a little reluctant to engage in the act of reproduction.

Well, that’s a poetic note. And it’s a start. And I can dream, can’t I? See I don’t worry about the little things: bees, trees, whales, snails. I think we’re part of a greater wisdom than we will ever understand. A higher order. Call it what you want. Know what I call it? The Big Electron. The Big Electron…whoooa. Whoooa. Whoooa. It doesn’t punish, it doesn’t reward, it doesn’t judge at all. It just is. And so are we. For a little while."

[quote]SteinJorgen wrote:
good response, you made my day :slight_smile:
You’re one of the good guys.

[/quote]

Wow, I think this is the first time I’ve heaped insults on someone on this site who has then turned around and offered me a compliment, so I guess you’re not so bad yourself.

No hard feelings?

[quote]kroby wrote:
orinoco wrote:
" Now the Pentagon tells Bush: climate change will destroy us

  • Secret report warns of rioting and nuclear war
  • Britain will be ‘Siberian’ in less than 20 years
  • Threat to the world is greater than terrorism

I think I might apply for my green card pretty soon…

That’s pretty funny, considering that it’s dated february 22, 2004.

I see it as a perfect opportunity to create a new World Empire.

[/quote]

Well, I was going for humour here, so thank you…it’s so nice to get positive feedback. But tell me, how do you cope when you see a typo in a magazine?

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=4499562022478442170

[quote]Professor X wrote:
http://www.stupidvideos.com/video/just_plain_stupid/laugh_out_loud/earth_to_bush/

[/quote]

Funny. “I start each day thinking about the globe warming.” Until the Ranger’s game comes on.

[quote]orinoco wrote:
Something to think about
[/quote]

No charts depicting the millions of acres of grasslands not burned every year by subsistence farmers now that fertilizer use has increased yields. No charts showing the millions of acres of trees planted in reforestation projects around the world (approximately 600 per acre in the southern US since the early 1900’s equals 50 million acres x 600 trees per acre or 30 billion trees in the southern states alone.

These charts prove nothing except that a person can feel the wind and believe that the trees shaking is causing the breeze.

[quote]pushharder wrote:

We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me…[/quote]

The Push Remix:

Around the world, we act like children
We like to hump in groups of seven men
And eighteen women
A lifestyle choice we’re making
We’re sharing our own wives
It’s true we swing all night and day
Meesus and me…

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
pushharder wrote:

We are the world, we are the children
We are the ones who make a brighter day
So let’s start giving
There’s a choice we’re making
We’re saving our own lives
It’s true we’ll make a better day
Just you and me…

The Push Remix:

Around the world, we act like children
We like to hump in groups of seven men
And eighteen women
A lifestyle choice we’re making
We’re sharing our own wives
It’s true we swing all night and day
Meesus and me…
[/quote]

Fucking hilarious!!!

[quote]pushharder wrote:

The male/female ratio sounds pretty good. The “we act like children” needs some amending but other than that I like it.[/quote]

How 'bout “we rut like vermin”?

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Varqanir wrote:
pushharder wrote:

The male/female ratio sounds pretty good. The “we act like children” needs some amending but other than that I like it.

How 'bout “we rut like vermin”?

Be it that time of the month for ye, Bloody Varq? Ye seem to be on edge.[/quote]

Nah, just on a roll.

I’ll work on the “vermin” part, though. Cheers.

[quote]Varqanir wrote:
pushharder wrote:
Varqanir wrote:
pushharder wrote:

The male/female ratio sounds pretty good. The “we act like children” needs some amending but other than that I like it.

How 'bout “we rut like vermin”?

Be it that time of the month for ye, Bloody Varq? Ye seem to be on edge.

Nah, just on a roll.

I’ll work on the “vermin” part, though. Cheers.

[/quote]

Our nuts are churnin’