[quote]grew7 wrote:
BigRagoo wrote:
grew7 wrote:
Obviously, as we can see from the video, smothering would work. Bees are much smaller than humans, yet that giant one was unable to shake them off. One hundred determined men just have to keep staying in the bear’s face until it dies.
The entire hive was involved in the smothering, which is a lot more than one hundred.
Humans are smarter than bees, so instead of needing thousands to smother the bear’s whole body, there would only need to be several dozens to smother its face. [/quote]
Hahaha, the bear will never sit still long enough to have a dozen people smother his face.
Grew7, you haven’t really studied bears much have you.
The real advantage of humans is our ability to store fat for energy. Based on that, here’s my strategy.
The 100 guys surround the bear in a large circle. Everyone picks up a handful of dirt.
One side of the circle gets the bear’s attention, and when the bear starts charging, everyone in the circle throws the dirt at the bear’s face, then scatters before it can get any of them. It will probably get a few, unfortunately.
As the bear turns to charge again, more people run by and throw dirt in its face, like 10-20 people throwing at a time.
Everyone keeps forming circles, running and throwing dirt in its face until the bear starts choking on the dirt that got in its eyes and nose; then they throw even more dirt.
Eventually, the bear will be completely unable to see, and will find breathing very difficult. The men can continue to choke it with dirt until it stops breathing altogether.
This may take a long time, but we can dig into our fat stores for energy and outlast the bear. We can take shifts and rest.
Let’s take the analogy of a strong man with mace against 100 4th-graders. What if the 4th-graders used this strategy? Stinging pebbles in the eyes and a constant cloud of dust being inhaled and forced into his mouth and nose will bring the man to his knees in hours, given that he was unable to cover his face (similar to a bear’s limitation).
Let’s take the analogy of a strong man with mace against 100 4th-graders. What if the 4th-graders used this strategy? Stinging pebbles in the eyes and a constant cloud of dust being inhaled and forced into his mouth and nose will bring the man to his knees in hours, [/quote]
LMAO! Too bad the kids would be so much tomato paste in minutes! Nice try, though.
[quote]HOV wrote:
The real advantage of humans is our ability to store fat for energy. [/quote]
Implying that the bear is not equipped with this ability?
I don’t know what kind of skinny-ass bears they have out there in Virginia, but most of the bears I have seen were equipped with a thick layer of fat under their coats.
The fat is a bear’s primary source of energy during its hibernation, when food is scarce or non-existent.A bear is also able to regulate its metabolism and switch certain bodily functions to “standby mode”, so that less energy is required.
Try sleeping for a week without eating, drinking, shitting or pissing. Too easy? Then try it for three months.
Let’s take the analogy of a strong man with mace against 100 4th-graders. What if the 4th-graders used this strategy? Stinging pebbles in the eyes and a constant cloud of dust being inhaled and forced into his mouth and nose will bring the man to his knees in hours,
[/quote]
mace? i think two chainsaws would be a better analogy. poor little fourth graders
[quote]toughcasey wrote:
Digital Chainsaw wrote:
HOV wrote:
Let’s take the analogy of a strong man with mace against 100 4th-graders. What if the 4th-graders used this strategy? Stinging pebbles in the eyes and a constant cloud of dust being inhaled and forced into his mouth and nose will bring the man to his knees in hours,
mace? i think two chainsaws would be a better analogy. poor little fourth graders[/quote]
Perhaps, but varqanir wrote up a very good analogy on the last page correlating a bear’s claws to a mace’s flanges in terms of how the energy is channeled into a small surface area. This provides the trauma necessary to kill/incapacitate a foe, not the claws’ sharpness.
[quote]grew7 wrote:
How big are bear butts? I imagine it hurts just as much for them as it does for us to have something put in there. After there bear has been picked up, I don’t think it would be too much trouble for a few people to just start shoving their shoes in there.[/quote]
This is probably one of the funniest and stupidest things I’ve read in a long while.
PGA200X - You could use your mad Photoshop skillz to do a picture of EliteBalla shoving his shoe up a bear’s ass!
Grew7 is the poster boy for why abortion should both remain legal.
Before the bear begins his attack, a group of 50 T-Men of the bunch will turn on their own and begin killing the other 50, weaker humans. The bear will be confused to say the least, but will respect the T-Men for their ruthlessness. The two will forge a mutual tolerance of each other, and the slayings will cease… for now. That night, as papa bear falls asleep, the T-Men will use some femur bones left from the soy boys and ram them through the bear’s skull, eye sockets, ears, etc. Please don’t take anything I just wrote seriously.
Also, the T-Man responsible for such a plot would be none other than Grizzly Adams, who trains MMA by the way.
[quote]altimus wrote:
Before the bear begins his attack, a group of 50 T-Men of the bunch will turn on their own and begin killing the other 50, weaker humans. The bear will be confused to say the least, but will respect the T-Men for their ruthlessness. The two will forge a mutual tolerance of each other, and the slayings will cease… for now. That night, as papa bear falls asleep, the T-Men will use some femur bones left from the soy boys and ram them through the bear’s skull, eye sockets, ears, etc. Please don’t take anything I just wrote seriously.
Also, the T-Man responsible for such a plot would be none other than Grizzly Adams, who trains MMA by the way.[/quote]
If the T-Men feed the bear all those soy boys then surely all that Estrogen will end up inside Ol Grizzly and turn him into a metrosexual modern-bear. The next day the T-men can pound him whilst hes preening his fur and worrying about next seasons new look for trendy forest critters.
Implying that the bear is not equipped with this ability?
I don’t know what kind of skinny-ass bears they have out there in Virginia, but most of the bears I have seen were equipped with a thick layer of fat under their coats.
The fat is a bear’s primary source of energy during its hibernation, when food is scarce or non-existent.A bear is also able to regulate its metabolism and switch certain bodily functions to “standby mode”, so that less energy is required.
Try sleeping for a week without eating, drinking, shitting or pissing. Too easy? Then try it for three months.
A bear can do it. Can you?
Sounds like bears have the advantage here.[/quote]
100 men have way more calories to burn than a single bear.
Let’s say we get a group of 200-lb. guys together whose average bodyfat is 15%. That’s 20,000 lbs total, and 3000 lbs. total of fat that can be used for energy. The bear would only have a few hundred pounds at most.
The men can work in shifts and rest, using their fat stores for energy until the bear dies.
The bear will use all its energy quickly because it’s on the attack.
Mankind + dirt for the win!
As for your excellent analogy with the mace; any mace wielder is at a distict disadvantage with 20 smaller creatures throwing a constant stream of dirt at his face. Ever been in a dust storm? This is a hardcore facial duststorm that spells certain doom for bears!
[quote]Ashes wrote:
altimus wrote:
Before the bear begins his attack, a group of 50 T-Men of the bunch will turn on their own and begin killing the other 50, weaker humans. The bear will be confused to say the least, but will respect the T-Men for their ruthlessness. The two will forge a mutual tolerance of each other, and the slayings will cease… for now. That night, as papa bear falls asleep, the T-Men will use some femur bones left from the soy boys and ram them through the bear’s skull, eye sockets, ears, etc. Please don’t take anything I just wrote seriously.
Also, the T-Man responsible for such a plot would be none other than Grizzly Adams, who trains MMA by the way.
If the T-Men feed the bear all those soy boys then surely all that Estrogen will end up inside Ol Grizzly and turn him into a metrosexual modern-bear. The next day the T-men can pound him whilst hes preening his fur and worrying about next seasons new look for trendy forest critters.
[quote]altimus wrote:
Ashes wrote:
altimus wrote:
Before the bear begins his attack, a group of 50 T-Men of the bunch will turn on their own and begin killing the other 50, weaker humans. The bear will be confused to say the least, but will respect the T-Men for their ruthlessness. The two will forge a mutual tolerance of each other, and the slayings will cease… for now. That night, as papa bear falls asleep, the T-Men will use some femur bones left from the soy boys and ram them through the bear’s skull, eye sockets, ears, etc. Please don’t take anything I just wrote seriously.
Also, the T-Man responsible for such a plot would be none other than Grizzly Adams, who trains MMA by the way.
If the T-Men feed the bear all those soy boys then surely all that Estrogen will end up inside Ol Grizzly and turn him into a metrosexual modern-bear. The next day the T-men can pound him whilst hes preening his fur and worrying about next seasons new look for trendy forest critters.
bingo[/quote]
You know, just last night I was searching back a few pages into the ‘Off Topic’ thread pages looking for that ‘Best Comedian’ thread, and I saw this one on the 3rd page.
I thought to myself, wow, that stupid bear thread has finally died, and is fading into the oblivion of T-Nation.
[quote]Bauer97 wrote:
altimus wrote:
Ashes wrote:
altimus wrote:
Before the bear begins his attack, a group of 50 T-Men of the bunch will turn on their own and begin killing the other 50, weaker humans. The bear will be confused to say the least, but will respect the T-Men for their ruthlessness. The two will forge a mutual tolerance of each other, and the slayings will cease… for now. That night, as papa bear falls asleep, the T-Men will use some femur bones left from the soy boys and ram them through the bear’s skull, eye sockets, ears, etc. Please don’t take anything I just wrote seriously.
Also, the T-Man responsible for such a plot would be none other than Grizzly Adams, who trains MMA by the way.
If the T-Men feed the bear all those soy boys then surely all that Estrogen will end up inside Ol Grizzly and turn him into a metrosexual modern-bear. The next day the T-men can pound him whilst hes preening his fur and worrying about next seasons new look for trendy forest critters.
bingo
You know, just last night I was searching back a few pages into the ‘Off Topic’ thread pages looking for that ‘Best Comedian’ thread, and I saw this one on the 3rd page.
I thought to myself, wow, that stupid bear thread has finally died, and is fading into the oblivion of T-Nation.
