Once, I Was So Wasted That I...

Off Topic
21

… got kicked out of a high class hotel at my company Christmas party.

…the same night got thrown out of a car by my hair in the middle of nowhere, because my stupid friend invited unknown men to our hotel room and I said, ‘its not gonna happen’… in so many words, and then some. I had called for a taxi but didn’t want her to get in the car with them alone. So I went. So I fought.

…pepper sprayed an asshole.

… got a whole wedding party to sing Rod Stewart in the middle of the ceremony, You’re in my heart, you’re in my soul…

… dragged my friend over a fence at a golf course to escape the police

…busted a bottle over the head of a 56 year old that was trying to have sex with my 16 year old friend, knocked him out… we were both 16

…stole my friends truck with somebody that said he could drive and get us weed in SF. She was wasted on the roof and he said he had the keys and she said it was okay. I still regret this, my older brother and me held hands the whole way because we almost died 20 times to tomorrow. Dodging buses in Sf …no fun. The truck was fucked when we came back, but mostly from him trying to back out and scraping it on the sides of an alley. I tried to jump out but was pulled back in the truck, I was about 17.

…rode with another idiot as a teenager that was a coke fiend. Old ass man that was friends with teenagers (loser). Took off in his truck and he crashed before we got out the apartment complex. A 2 by 4 from the fence came through the window and impaled my friend Greg sitting right next to me. The boys in the back of the truck jumped out, one was in a fucking lawn chair and got hurled into traffic. I lived obviously. I’m lucky.

… broke three fingers on a girls hand that decided to try ‘karate’ on me, after she hit me three times mind.

… went with my brothers during a gay parade in SF, and interviewed people …pretending we were part of a news crew.

22

Took a huge bite out of my deodorant bar…didnt realize it until the morning after when my mouth tasted like shit and my deodorant had a typical bite taken out of it. Using my superior intellect I managed to put 2 & 2 together. Ohh ya, my tooth brush also tasted like ass as well…FML

23

[quote]Rocker3829 wrote:
actually believed that waffles were better than Pancakes! Obviously this was while wasted because EVERYONE knows pancakes are awesome

[/quote]

They say that when you’re drunk you can have moments of total honesty and clarity.

Sounds like it happened to you.

24

I played in a rock and roll tour band back in the seventies. I was wasted for a decade.

I have a tattoo on my back, an 8 inch scar on my arm from a barfight, and a small bullet hole on my shin, where I shot myself with my own .22 pistol. All of which I don’t remember.

But never, EVER, was I so wasted, that I thought waffles were better than pancakes!!!

25

[quote]Molotov_Coktease wrote:

A 2 by 4 from the fence came through the window and impaled my friend Greg sitting right next to me.

[/quote]

26

[quote]alphamonkey wrote:
I pooped in the toilet one time.[/quote]

No shit.

I think watching videos of things you don’t remember doing while you were drunk is the worst.

27

pissed in an ex girlfriends desk drawer

thought it was somehow a good idea to streak through campus when a buddy brought up the subject…although I did get a few pick ups out of that one

28

I got lost in Atlantic City and tried to steal a maintenance truck from the Borgata. I thought it was my car until people started pointing guns at my face.

I passed out face first in a plate of eggs at the Belaggio breakfast buffet. On two different trips. That’s what I call partying to failure.

I smashed my rather large oak desk to splinters with a recliner, then peed on the pile of broken wood. This was because a girl I was planning on banging left our party early to bring some friends back with her, but I thought she went home.

There are more but they are kind of embarassing.

29

Once I passed out on a bench at the mall and woke up there at about 3:00 am not remembering how I got there. I’m surprised no one woke me up.

Another time I called my self from an anonymous number and left myself a threatening voice mail. It took about a week of wondering who the caller was before I recovered the memory. That was when I used to take xanax all day long.

Once I had sex with a friend while some people watched, apparently–to this day I don’t recall anything about that night. I have had alot of nights like that.

30

[quote]RSGZ wrote:
alphamonkey wrote:
I pooped in the toilet one time.

No shit.

I think watching videos of things you don’t remember doing while you were drunk is the worst.
[/quote]

Or the best. But then I’m a pretty funny sumbitch when I’m wasted.

31

  1. Fell asleep in an outdoor hammock in Cancun. Woke up to some kids trying to pick my pockets at about 4 in the morning.

  2. I woke up in a tiny room in my friends basement, I thought I was in jail. There was a small cot, a desk, and toilet in the room. I pretty much had a panick attack until I opened the door which was unlocked and realized where I was.

  3. I was so drunk, after a night with a prostitute I woke up in a bath tub full of ice with my kidneys missing.

32

…Promised that if I got totally wasted I would roll down the steepest and longest drive way I have ever seen. I rolled down it but somewhere along the line I started drifting off to the side…and fell into a concrete drainage ditch. That busted my head open pretty well.

33

Some more…

Passed over a chainlink fence. Was found 45 minutes later by my friends.

Jumped over/through numerous bonfires.

I was once trashed and decided to throw in a dip of grizzly. That didn’t turn out well twenty minutes later.

Hit .28 on a breathalizer. That was fun waking up in the morning.

Found out that a Bananna flavored protein shake mixed with jack daniels is actually really tasty.

I can only play pool when I’m wasted. If I try sober I’m absolutely terrible.

Couldn’t figure out how to use my keys so I fell asleep outside my dorm room.

Tryed playing halo after a long night of partying. Ended up cracking my window behind the TV with the controller. Was pissed the 12 year olds were kicking my ass.

34

Almost drowned in a bath tub.

Ran around the neighborhood naked.

Went truck mud bogging and decided to jump into the mud and got stuck.

I have really don’t have any good ones.

35

Ended up unconscious and naked in the bar toilets. Socks and everything.

37

I once engaged in an M-80 throwing contest at 3:00 in the morning. The idea was to light the wick and hold it for as long as possible before throwing.

I won by holding it till it went off inches from my hand. The wax plug got imbedded in the skin around my pinky finger.

A few friends and I climbed an airplane beacon and stole the lightbulb out of it. Turns out that they have sensors for when the bulb burns out to set off an alarm at the base of the tower. A couple of guys came out to investigate and weren’t very happy with us. We also smoked a big fatty while up there to enjoy the scenery and get high while we were already high.

We also climbed a very big water tower and burned a fatty for the afore mentioned reason.
That was a theme back then.

Led cops on a chase through the woods and jumped off of a cliff that tapered to a steep slag pile cause I knew that they wouldn’t follow me.

Jumped off of another for the same reason, but this one dropped into a high volume roadway.
Another theme.

Woke up naked in bed next to an airline stewardess with no idea where I was or how it happened. Had to read the address on an envelope to figure out where I was and what her name was. I got it wrong. It was her housemates mail. Fair is fair though. She didn’t remember much either.

Numerous woke up naked next to’s. Another theme.

Ahh, the good ole days?

38

[quote]bushidobadboy wrote:
Pissed on my socks, thinking they were the toilet.

Dranks a bottle of JD and then blacked out. Came to, stepping off a curb on a busy road. Blacked right out again. Odd.

Bit a girl on the cheek. She then pushed me through a glass table. The barman was angry so I owned up and said it was all my fault. The next night the girl was all over me in her leather trousers - nice!

Passed out and woke up naked, face down on the mattress in the spare room.

Slapped my best friends girlfriend right accross the cheek. But that was an accident, definitely. I was ‘fighting’ with my buddy and the girl stepped in to break it up and copped a shiner.

BBB[/quote]

Quality!

39

Oh I forgot about this one.

So there I was, wasted in the chicago. The cops bust the party while I was gettin down with the girlfriend at the time. I book up the stairs to the roof(still naked) as the cops are right behind me. I end up jumping roof to roof to 4 buildings in a row. I realize I then had no where to go so then I climbed down the fire ladder of building 4, got in my friends car (still naked) and left with them. Interesting night. Didn’t put clothes on until the next morning either.

40

Did about a dozen timed shots of tequila (every 3 minutes) with a friend in a hotel room as a ‘warm up’ then headed downtown Eilat, Israel. Went to a bar called the Underground, drank a few jack/cokes, and after a verbal altercation I ended up knocking a mouthy British dude off his stool with my fist, then found ourselves surrounded by about 12 Aussies and Brits. “You blokes better leave, right fecking now…” My bud dragged me outside, and then…

THe tequila kicked in. That shit was like rocket fuel. I felt like David Banner transforming; if I didnt know any better I’d swear my started eyes glowing green and I grew three feet.

We were about two blocks away from the bar we had just left, and I turned around on a heel, and B-lined back. First, my shoes came off and I threw them. Then my belt was wrapped around my fist (stupid, but hey). Then I took off my shirt and threw that. Next, the rental car keys- tossed. Fuckin jeans; don’t need those- off they came. I realized I looked fookin stupid in boxers, so I ripped those off and threw them too- all the while cussing and stomping back towards the bar.

My friend is laughing at me, egging me on saying “they chased you out, man! You backed down to a bunch of…hey! why are you fucking naked!?”

So I continue storming my way across the parking lot, completely nude and yelling obscenities at the people inside who cannot hear me. I fling open the door, and declare something moronic like “who fuckin wants some? come on outside!”

Seeing the drunk, naked, enraged American with a high-n-tight (I was on R&R) prompted management to lock the front door, call the police, and then proceed to laugh at me. Which in turn enraged me more.

My friend convinces me to run, and we head towards what we believe to be the direction of our hotel. He had grabbed my jeans for me at some point, and I put those on. We hear sirens/see flashing lights of the cops, and decide to hide in thick bushes a block or so away. Fucking ants…

Needless to say, the next 12 hours was AWESOME as yours truly threw away the rental car keys, the hotel room keys, and a wad of Israeli sheqels.