That was also, kinda, my point in a roundabout way. Just because statistics say X, doesn’t mean that X will happen to you.
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Some tangentially related phenomenon:
A Japanese study done a couple of years ago found that the elderly there were having more sex than 20 year olds
Apparently general disease in retirement communities is a growing problem
=> old ppl don’t seem to be going sexless => not “doom and gloom”
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Yeah, there’s mounting evidence that older people are more active. I have stats, but they’re at the office and I’m not. It makes you wonder whether they’ve always been this active but the greater reticence to talk about sex before the 1960’s or so made it seem like they all had separate twin beds and only occasionally held hands, or whether health gains have made the difference. Maybe both.
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He hehe. I see what u did there. 
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The youth of today are a major disappointment.
Kids are supposed to be rebels, living wild and free before they get all tangled up in mortgages and raising children. Instead this current lot are having less sex, taking less drugs, drinking less booze, having consciences, being vegans…
Youth is wasted on the young.
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But perhaps, if youth are supposed to be rebels, the most rebellious action to take is to not rebel.
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Yes, but it’s probably mostly platonic.
Impossible.
I love you = platonic.
I’m in love with you is a different statement.
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She was decent looking as far as I can remember. However, there were other factors that made the experience not so good.
It was our first date and there honestly wasn’t much connection. Then back at my place when we went to the bedroom it just felt unnatural and forced. We had some sexual talk before with email/texting. I only ever met girls on okcupid preferably and pof was secondary. Anyway, I never got off and had trouble staying hard.
Along with that looking back I was doing intermittent fasting and probably accidentally undereating chronically. So I could’ve done damage to my hormones and sex drive from that. Libido is definitely better than it was then. I believe that was about 9 years ago.
And then obviously it being my first time I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and was nervous anyway.
I was good at being interesting online but I’d rarely make it to more than several dates. I just was this socially awkward and totally oblivious guy but I’ve improved much over the years.
I dated some pretty damn attractive women who threw some serious hints my way and they just flew right over my head.
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Yeah, you’re right. She would probably just feel like she’s backed in a corner and that would be no bueno. I really do wish I could embrace her as she is physically but it’s hard.
She’s beautiful but really just let herself go and it’s hard to watch. Feel terrible about it but I just can’t get aroused. Ideally of course I wish she was into exercise and such like me, but I don’t really care if she looks like an instagram model or not. I just want someone who at least keeps appearance under control.
I think you will need to get over this if you want your relationship to work out. I doubt you will be much more aroused if your wife were to lose weight.
Perhaps you will need to go though a period of loving your wife without much emotion on your part. In some cases, that will lead to having emotions for her. I think you need to sort this stuff out, because currently your situation isn’t just bad for you, it is bad for your wife too. She deserves to be appreciated (and to feel attractive) by her partner.
Do you find other bigger women attractive? I am just trying to understand. I am someone who doesn’t have a type. I either find you attractive or I don’t, but I don’t really see patterns in that attraction (aside from at least so far only being attracted to women).
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I briefly mentioned in an earlier post but I’ll say more detail about it.
After the pregnancy she lost all the baby weight and then even more. There was a month maybe two when sex picked up and was decent. Probably happened 1-3 times a week and I wanna say twice in a day once which is a super rarity. Most of it was shower sex but it was still sex.
When the weight gain continued and didn’t seem to stop that’s when the sex came to a hault again pretty much.
I just recently remembered a date I went on probably 12-13 years ago. I liked this girl but when we met in person she looked much bigger. We went putt putt at the mall and I told myself to just relax and have a good time and see what happens. She started flirting quite a bit and touching me and I remember that I just did not like it at all.
So maybe I’m just a shallow asshole I dunno. I’ve consistently been going to the gym for over half my life so maybe I’m conditioned to only be sexually attracted to women who workout or something.
That reminds me of something my grandfather told me when I was young and always chasing the latest hot babe. He said no matter how beautiful a woman is there is always some guy somewhere who is sick of her shit. He said you must look deeper than physical beauty. I learned the hard way but he was so right, as usual.
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You have my empathy here. We have been married over 30 years, and my wife also refused to look after her health. Her weight went up, she developed high blood pressure, had a couple of eye bleeds, for which the treatment she has been receiving is the same as if a diabetic had that issue.
She had a stroke the day after Valentine’s day last year. She hasn’t returned home yet. That will happen in about 3 weeks time. She is wheelchair bound with significant cognitive impairment.
Basically, she’s fucked her life just at the point where I was ready to start winding down my working life so we could spend more quality time together, and move towards a fulfilling retirement.
Yep. I’m angry.
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I’m so sorry, for all of it. Feel couples owe one another a reasonable level of care for themselves, for just this reason.
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My parents have been married for 50 years and I would not be surprised if the only times they had sex were when I and my brother were conceived. Definitely not a healthy dynamic. My dad was always grumpy and told me when I was 14 he wished he remained a bachelor. I wonder how many many marriages end up like this.
Mine used to tell us how great his life was before he met our mom and had all these damn kids. How much money and fun he used to have, and how we cost him all of that and more. Usually when he got home from the bar in either a self pitying sob or screaming rage.
Boy, those were the days!
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Jesus. I’m sorry you had to grow up with a dad like that.
Oh, that’s nothing. Thank you though.
I know that these types of things can shape us, but sometimes it’s a matter of how. Interestingly enough, after experiencing that disaster of an upbringing me and my 3 brothers have all been in stable caring marriages. Not without some effort, and surely some mistakes along the way, but I’m sure we’d all agree that it has been worth it.
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I’m surprised my parents never made this argument with my brother and I