Anyone who’s seen that Diet Coke commercial can get the 2 hour version of it by renting the Family Man starring Nicolas Cage. Has anyone seen this movie? Tea Leoni had Nic Cage whipped! This movie had me thinking though. Is a married life worth it even if it means sacrificing the option of taking the road less traveled? (If you haven’t seen this movie, don’t read because I will ge giving away the plot). In the movie, Nic Cage had everything. He was president of a company that was going to merge with another company and make him a billionaire. He had a kick-ass apartment in New York City which probably ran him a nice 10 grand a month. HE wore expensive suits and drove a Ferarri. He got this way from leaving his girlfriend 13 years earlier to pursue his dreams. He earned everything he worked for and did it because he had the desire to. Then one day, he woke up in a parallel life, a life that would have happened if he were to give up the option of pursuing his dreams and settle down with his girlfriend and have a married life with a family and kids (sorry for the run-on). In other words, he woke up in front of vampires that sucked the life out of him. This movie did a good job in portraying that. From driving a Ferrari in his past life, Nic Cage was behind the wheel of a mini van. A van big enough to fit the wife and kids. He goes from being a successful typhoon to working for his father in-law’s tire store. He had to go to the Christmas party with his wife even though he didn’t want to. He could only bang the wife when the kids were asleep. His friends were his wife’s friend’s husbands. And the house he lived in can be perfectly described by TC in his Vampirella article. “You take one look and wonder if even Pamela Lee could coax a boner out of your body in these
surroundings.”
And when Nic Cage did have the opportunity to work for the corporation he once owned and earn him that status he had in his past life, his wife disapproved. It meant living in the city and having the kids go to private schools when the wive didn’t want the family leaving the suburbs. He had to give up his freedom for the good of the family. This movie had me thinking. I probably don’t want to get married until I’m 40. I think of all the stuff I want to achieve in life, and it’s hard to focus all your attention on your goals when you have a wife and kids to look after.
That’s what happened to Nic Cage and he got screwed. This movie did a good job in showing that married life is much different than living single in terms of individual freedom. Anyway, for those of you who have seen this movie, what do you guys (and gals) think?
I haven’t seen the movie, but I was attending law school in San Diego on a full scholarship when I knocked up my wife. She had a 4 year old daughter from her first marriage and lived 1500 miles away. During spring break I drove to Brownsville and we got married (on April 1st) after having spent a total of 4 days together three months earlier. Within 6 months I went from living a VERY satisfying single life in San Diego (with a very promising future $$) to telemarketing credit cards in South Texas. My wife stayed home with the kids and we lived off of whatever commisions I made. I got fat(didn’t lift for 2 full years) and bitter and a little passive aggressive. But then I got my shit together. I looked at my kids and my wife and I made a plan. First step was getting back in the weight room. No matter what is going wrong in your world, you can always find a sense of accomplishment lifting iron. There are no excuses in the gym. We went from living in a one bedroom apt, to a two bedroom, and then a three bedroom townhouse. I took classes and got a job teaching junior high math. This September, my wife returns to college (after ten years out of school). My 7 year old daughter reads on an 9th grade level and is in a magnet gifted and talented school. My son is potty trained. When my wife finishes school, I’ll go back to law school part time. I’ll still have everything I ever dreamed of, plus so many things I never new I wanted. I’m not going to rant about the joys of being married and being a parent, but I am saying that we are responsible for our own fates. Having a family doesn’t rob any man of anything.
I’m fed up of family life being painted as the be-all and end-all. When I tell people I don’t want to get married, they think I’m a little weird. When I tell them I also don’t want any kids, they think I’m absolutely nuts!
It’s like getting married and having kids is what you’re SUPPOSED to do in life, and if you don’t then you’re some kind of freaky social deviant. They just don’t understand that I want to focus on other goals in life, goals that have value to ME and not necessarily what fits into most people’s ideas of their lifeplan.
I blew/walked away from a shot at a successful cycling career when I got married. I love my wife to death but will always regret not consummating my first love, the bike. Folks argue that love and passion are spontaneous but I say fuck that, before you commit to anything think about what really makes you happy. My marriage and life I lead now bring me happiness in ways the pro riding lifestyle didn’t but it’s a “six of one, half dozen of the other” dilemma - for everything I have I gave up just as much.
My wife & I have plenty of friends who are married and don’t have or want kids. And that works for them… their pets seem to substitute. Yes there are far many more responsibilities when one has a family, but there are also many bonuses.
Alot of single people have great careers and all the toys, but are lonely, unhappy or unfulfilled.
Neither lifestyle is pefect for everyone.
Having a family does mean that not all your time is your own, but you still can plan time for yourself… it’s not selfish, everyone can and should get “space”.
I have a daughter and personally don’t equate having a family as getting the “T” sucked outta me. I see tending their needs, even taking her shopping as a manly thing to do.
It’s a few years off… but I can’t wait for grand kids… I’m hoping for a grand son that I can help weight train, some day.
Sorry to nitpick, but it’s not “typhoon”, it’s “tycoon”. And Kevin Smith said it best: “Nic Cage can make shitty movies for the rest of his life 'cause he was in ‘Raising Arizona’”.
There was a thread last week about your favorite motivational movie. Well…I didn’t really have “one”. My “favorite” movies (separate from the ones I like for pure entertainment) are the ones that make me look at myself and cause me to ask myself the question “What type of person would I have been?” or “What would I have done?” So “Glory”, “Malcolm X”, “Saving Private Ryan”, “Titanic” (would I have been strong, abmirable and heroic OR thrown a few women and childrin in the water to get on a life boat?)“To Kill A Mockingbird”, and a host of others. Well…“The Family Man” did that for me. I think we all should watch it because I think that a LOT of people don’t ask the fundamental question “Hey…what really IS important to me?” and go through life (both single AND married)playing some role and/or game. Cage said (paraphrasing); “What do I do at Christmas; I go to a resort, drink, ski for four hours and come home”. And being a Tire Salesman certainly was no dream vocation in his “could have been” life. But the point was that HE had to come to the conclusion on what was important to HIMSELF… just my take… (P.S. Didn’t Holly Hunter have some of the GREATEST lines in “Raising Arizona?” She cracked me up! Rent it if you have’nt seen it in a while!)
EVERYBODY in that flick had funny lines. My favorite was the convenience store clerk’s reaction to Nic Cage’s stick-up attempt: “Son, you got a panty on your head!” Cage: “I’ll be taking these Huggies…and whatever cash you got in the drawer.”
Unless you have children you cannot imagine how they change your life…I couldn’t think of not having mine!
As far as giving up your dream…why?
I wanted a gym…I have it! I wanted kids…I have two…I wanted to do R&D for a company I do…I wanted to win a national Championship by 30…I won 2…I wanted to be a professional athlete…I am a Pro Strongman…even if I don’t make much money…someone else pays me to fly to Hawaii/and othe greta palces!
Life is what you make of it! I have just decided to live my dreams…
I will watch the movie sooner or and as fara ssex whenever you want it…once you learn that the women control the sex you will be a lot less frustrated!
There is a good reason that wise men say, “Choosing your mate is the single most important decision you will ever make.” Read again the article on surrounding yourself with people that are going places. My wife fully supports all of my goals in school, business, writing, sports, and family. I could never do half of that on my own.
To be blunt, I’ve never met a single man that I admired, and every man I admire greatly is married. That says something to me.
Well, I have to say I thought married life would be the death of me, and then I got married. In fact, today is my 1-year anniversary. I got married after my 1st year of law school. I have to say my grades have went UP since getting married. I am now in the top 10% of my class and am set to start making a 6 figure salary next fall, all at the age of 26. Married life has been fufilling and I believe having kids will be all the more fufilling (yet terrifying!!!). My wife has been more of a help than I could ever imagine. Since getting married my grade have increased and my training has been unbelieveably successful. Training wise, I have added 42 lbs of muscle in the last 13 months, I have gone from 170lbs to 212lbs while still being able to fit into my same pants. My wife has helped me in so many ways I cannot even count them. She does all the little things, so that I can focus on “important” things…school, softball, weight training.
The key is to get married to someone who makes you a better person and not to get married for any other reason. If you do this, I believe you can be much more successful than what you can do on your own…without a doubt.
From my experience, I have met many great single attorneys, engineers, business men, etc. , but they were not great all-around human beings. I have to agree with what someone said earlier, the most admirable people I know are married people. Married (family) life teaches you so much about life, things that you can never learn anywhere else.
As far as having kids, what else could be better than having a little you running around that you could teach training to and help avoid all the pitfalls that you fell into?
When you’re on your death bed, who will be there for you? Not corporate America, that is for sure. Family will be.
[moderator: please post, so I can print this for my wife…I will getr major points!!! ]
I’d like to vote for doogie as t-man of the year (he is the one that deserves that jacket you’re giving away). REAL t-men take responsibility for their actions, real t-men take care of their kids, real t-men honor their vows (ie a real t-man’s word is his bond), REAL t-men put their families first.
no one lifestyle is better than another, all have pros and cons. I want to get a lot of shit done before I marry (and possibly kids) so that can wait. But I also don’t wanna be a 40 year old guy with a 2 year old kid. Those guys are pole smokers.
g-man, you hit the nail on the head! When I tell people that I do not want to have kids, they think that I am a nutcase as if the only reason why I exsist it to have kids! Give me a fucking break. Having kids does not make you significant or special. If you want to have kids, go for it. However, there are enough people on this planet and I don’t feel any obligation to add to it.
I’ve heard that the definition of hell is to look back after your life and see what you could have been, had you lived up to your potential. You have to set your own definition of “success” for your life. On the marriage subject, I’ve had the pleasure to know several self-made multi-millionaires who are on their FIRST marriage, and have a wonderful family life. Their take on it: If you marry a hag, you’ll be miserable, but if she has fangs, it’s YOUR fault. Women have this amazing ability to take up the slack and run with it. So if YOU don’t lead the family, she will. I firmly believe this country has a MAN problem. Unfortunately, there aren’t many left.
As the richest king in the world (King Solomon) said:
“I denied myself nothing my eyes desired; I refused my eyes no pleasure. My heart took delight in all my work, and this was the reward for all of my labor. Yet when I surveyed all that my hands had done and what I had toiled to achieve, everything was meaningless, a chasing after the wind; nothing was gained under the sun.” Ecclesiastes 2:10-11
THE KING NOW SHOWS THAT MERE PLEASURE CANNOT GIVE MEANING AND SATISFACTION.
Maybe it’s just me, but I thought the whole point of that movie was the shallowness of a life built around material possesions and selfishness…plus when you are really in love all that other stuff doesn’t matter anymore.
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