Motivating and Training Your Wife

Off Topic
61

Summertime Blues

Well, I got the wife back in the gym last Wednesday. Things looked good. Her shoulder and back were feeling great and except for lunges she was able to hit all her goal weights and reps. So we were all set to lift on Friday when we decided to go to the beach for the weekend instead.

We ate pretty clean and didn’t drink too much alcohol, but exercise consisted of walking on the beach.

She’s excited about hitting the weights tonight. It’s just tough to maintain motivation in the Summer when there are so many fun things to do !

I know this is just a Rationalization like Krista Schaus talks about in her awesome MWA article ‘What’s Holding You Back’ so I’m printing out her article and hanging it on the fridge-i-dator, bathroom mirror, etc.

I’m re-committing myself to motivating and training my wife and/or girlfriend. No more rationalizations!

62

Workout 8-6-07

3 sets of 8 with 60 seconds rest between sets

Barbell Rowers: 45lbs
Box Squats: 115lbs
Bench Presses: 45lbs (shoulder feeling ‘ok’)
D-bell Lunges: 20 lbs(90 seconds rest between sets…very hot in garage)
Overhead Presses: 35lbs
Straight Bar Curls: 26lbs (had her stand with back and elbows against the wall…she really liked how much more intense this made the exercise)

Diet was clean with no champagne, red wine or margaritas for dinner.

Took a walk after dinner…about a mile and a half/45 minutes.

63

[quote]sen say wrote:
Where are you in the aforementioned county? The aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter occassionally needs a last minute ‘date’ to get into the kind of parties my aforementioned wife and I aforementionedly take her to.
[/quote]

Check your PMs.

64

[quote]sen say wrote:
pushharder wrote:
sen say wrote:
…The aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter occassionally needs a last minute ‘date’ to get into the kind of parties my aforementioned wife and I aforementionedly take her to.

Sounds like our kind of party but usually those kind of parties have no requirement of a male companion. Single females are almost (or universally?) always accepted at these “functions”.

You’re correct Push…unfortunately I’ve had the ‘welcum’ mat removed from the doorway on more than one occassion by an angry hostess upon seeing I’ve not only brought my wife, my (aforementioned, recently-engaged) neighbor’s 24 year old daughter, 2 or 3 of her female co-workers at the Our Lady of Blessed Relief Elementary School, the new girl at my wife’s bible study class and the checker girl I met while picking up a bottle of Grand Cru as a gift for the (aforementioned) now-angry hostess on the way to the party.

Quite a few times now I’ve found myself soliciting strange men at a 7/11 trying to get the male/female ratio back in line with what the hostess was expecting…all too often I end up all alone with the girls and they’re dissapointment over not being allowed into the party must be tended to all night. Wrecks hell on my training the next day.

[/quote]

This sounds oddly like the article that was recently brought back to life about the after parties of the BB shows. I’m pretty sure that if I was at 7/11 and some dude came up to me asking if I wanted in on that type of party I would be very worried about the type of…guests… that were there. Desperation usually equals ugly and/or a trip to the Doc’s for some antibiotics!

65

Great thread, my wife asked me to teach her how to lift in April. She has been very consistent and is starting to notice some improvements in places she wanted to improve, so I think she’s now hooked.

I found the best way to “help” her was to design a very simple program she could remember and follow, show her the moves at home, and be available for questions when we were at the gym. We do our own thing when we are at the gym, we’ve found that works best.

As a side note, when we were in college I was trying to learn to swim in order to compete in triathalons. My wife (then girlfriend) was an NCAA swimmer, and I thought “who better to teach me than her!” Alas, I was TOO PROUD and acted like I knew everything already (which I certainly didn’t). She was patient but I blew it, too embarrassed to “learn from a girl.” How stupid of me. Many years later, we both enjoy learning things from the other person, from lifting to kayaking, cooking to architechture history, and paint colors to photography. Humility and mutual respect are the keys.

(By the way, sen say, I think T-Nation needs to pick you up as an author, maybe you can fill in with an Atomic Dog once in a while!)

66

[quote]sen say wrote:
Where are you in the aforementioned county? The aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter occassionally needs a last minute ‘date’ to get into the kind of parties my aforementioned wife and I aforementionedly take her to.
[/quote]

How does the aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter’s intended feel about her attendance at these parties, btw? (or your attendance to her after being refused entrance…)

67

[quote]Phydeaux wrote:
Interesting thread. We joined a gym 2 months ago. My wife first started exclusively on cardio but joined an “8 wk program” on a machine circuit. I’ve been trying to figure out how to push the right buttons with her (you’d think after 11 years of marriage I might at least know where the buttons are by now). We had an argument shortly after joining when I found out her only goal was to “feel better” - not lose weight, tone up, get stronger, or anything like that.

Anyway, for the first few weeks she was “lazily” going through the machines, doing 2 sets of 10 w/ 10-20 lbs. After telling her several times that (1) she could make gains every workout as a beginner and (2) the weight is too light and not helping her out if she’s doing 10 easy reps, I think she finally understood. She was also surprised to hear that weight lifting elevates the metabolism a lot longer than cardio does. I think she is now in the 50-60lb range on every machine save the squat.

She once allowed me to watch her work out, and I begged her to attempt just 1 rep @ 100 on the squat machine. She surprised me by doing it, and I think she is currently at 140lbs. It’s still less than her bodyweight, plus it’s a machine, but hey, she’s making great progress.

I can’t wait to get her on the free weights, but I’m holding back for now. I’m hoping she will continue to motivate herself and max out the machines this year. I’m also hoping that she will see results in the form of lost inches and lbs of fat. Even though she doesn’t have any definition, I can already feel her biceps.[/quote]

Sounds Great !

I haven’t had to deal with the “I’d rather do machines” dilemma, so no specific advice to offer. Hopefully she’ll max out the machines soon and have to “move on” to free weights…

68

Workout 8-7-07

50 minutes walking around the 'hood.

It’s 98 degrees in Wash, DC with humidity so high the sweat drips off you like…I don’t know…someone help me out with a sweat analogy…I’ve been carb depleted for 3 days and the brain’s not up to being witty…sorry…

I’ll be posting her workout everyday as motivation to motivate her. Also…that’s 2 days in a row now we laid off the champagne, wine and beer with dinner.

69

[quote]koots wrote:
Great thread, my wife asked me to teach her how to lift in April. She has been very consistent and is starting to notice some improvements in places she wanted to improve, so I think she’s now hooked.

I found the best way to “help” her was to design a very simple program she could remember and follow, show her the moves at home, and be available for questions when we were at the gym. We do our own thing when we are at the gym, we’ve found that works best.

As a side note, when we were in college I was trying to learn to swim in order to compete in triathalons. My wife (then girlfriend) was an NCAA swimmer, and I thought “who better to teach me than her!” Alas, I was TOO PROUD and acted like I knew everything already (which I certainly didn’t). She was patient but I blew it, too embarrassed to “learn from a girl.” How stupid of me. Many years later, we both enjoy learning things from the other person, from lifting to kayaking, cooking to architechture history, and paint colors to photography. Humility and mutual respect are the keys.

(By the way, sen say, I think T-Nation needs to pick you up as an author, maybe you can fill in with an Atomic Dog once in a while!)[/quote]

Hey Koots,

I’m glad you like the thread. Great job on helping out your wife.

What places was your wife looking to improve? Pictures would help determine the degree of her recent success…feel free to post, or pm me if they won’t pass the ‘no porn’ policy.

Simplicity is definitely the key. Your wife and/or girlfriend is taking a BIG step in even going near the free weights. Asking her/them to do a double-split-half-pike-squooshy-deadlift every third workout when the moon is in the house of Aquarius is asking for trouble. I’ve found my wife can handle minor variations of bench, squat, deadlift and some other basic moves. I’m working on getting her to add in some dumbbell work…but…she says having that hard, ridged, steel d-bell in her hand makes her think of me too much and she can’t concentrate on lifting…but I digress.

One definite key to a happy marriage is learning from each other…once you got nothing to teach your sigother…it’s like…‘no thanks I don’t want to play parchesi again tonight’ and there you sit watching television together, eating low-carb popcorn while your collective asses expand exponentially…you are definitely a rennaisance couple!

I’ll be writing more about my recent experience with the Atomic Dog in a separate post…stay tuned…

71

8/8/07 Work:

VERY hot and muggy in the garage…major sweat…90 seconds between sets for lunges and rowers then 120 seconds for fear she’d pass out.

Lunges: 21510

B-bell Rowers: 21551

Squats: 21565

Overhead Presses: 11537
11037

Curls: 21521

Bench Presses: 11445
11041

50 minute walk around the 'hood.

72

Yawn…stretch…what time is it ?

Uggghh…life has really been getting in the way of motivating and training my wife…in the gym…

So…what do you do when life gets in the way of motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend? Get tough and force her svelte, little, bottom into the gym ? Yeah…sometimes…but sometimes it’s like forcing a hurricane out to sea…

We got a call 2 weeks ago that our oldet son had been accpeted into a school on a scholarship…this was great news…the catch was that we had about 4 days to get ready for the start of the school year. The ‘getting ready’ included buying school uniforms, school supplies and telling our 12 year old that he was going to a new school and he wouldn’t know anyone and hey…isn’t that just great ???

On top of all this I wrenched my back in the gym and on top of that I had to go out of town on business and (speaking of on top) our neighbor’s 24 year old daughter started grad school and we just HAD to throw her a going away party…which was kind of different from our usual parties what with my back being broken…but quelle surprise ! my back felt loads :wink: better the next day…

My back’s feeling better (not that anyone cares), the neighbor’s 24 year old daughter is adapting well to life on campus…pics of her and her new sorority sisters and their special school supplies are attached, the oldest son is adapting well to the new school (the school has a very active PTA so we’re hoping to find some replacements for the neighbor’s 24 year old daughter as it is common knowledge PTA organizations are simply fronts for hot and horny swingers) so all crises are solved.

So…I’m handcuffing the wife to the weight bench tonight and when we’re done in the gym I’m hoping to implement some tips from Push on handcuffing her elsewhere, or to elseones.

74

Kick Her Butt

Okay, okay, I’ve written about how it’s important to not overwork your wife and/or girlfriend in the gym. I basically wrote this not only because I think it’s a good idea, but because I read it somewhere on the MWA forums and I figured if someone smart wrote it, I could steal it and look smart myself. So, I’ve been working very gently with my wife.

She’s been doing pretty intense work, but we’ve been sticking with our variation of CW’s TBT of 35, 38 and 2*15. Her weights have been going up and she’s happy with her results, but I realized something the other day.

She and I are talking in between sets about the kids, work, dinner, etc, etc…what’s wrong with this ? Well…nothing really…in addition to helping my wife work out, we both enjoy spending time together just talking and in between sets is a great time to catch up with each other…problem is…lately I feel we’ve drifted over to the “drinking a soda while eating a sandwich in between sets” side of the ‘what to do in between sets’ continuum.

So, last Tuesday I had her supersetting antagonist movements and doing planks in between the paired exercises. The talking was limited to her cursing and swearing like a sailor while huffing, puffing, moaning and dripping sweat…in the post-lactic-acid-al glow she smiled at me and said, ‘that was incredible, no one’s ever done anything like that to me before’…

Now, obviously there’s an analogy here somewhere…let me spell it out…motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend(s) is just like sex with your wife and/or girlfriend(s)…you can snuggle them and cuddle them and whisper sweet nothings in her/(their) ears (or whatever other orifices you choose), but sooner or later ya gotta increase the intensity and make it a leeeetle painful for her to walk the next morning.

So, to sum up:

  1. Take it easy with them in the beginning. You’re both getting to know her ability to adapt to hard (figuratively here) work and her ability to recover. You don’t want her to end up in traction the day after her first workout ever and swear off lifting because you didn’t take the time to properly deflower her lifting virginity (you sadistic bastard you).

  2. Talk to her before, during and after the session (um this is good advice for sex too). Is she bored with what’s happening, has she worked with someone else before that did things she wished you would do(yeah, yeah, jealousy is tough to deal with, but get over it…some motivators and trainers she’ll never forget…) if she’s bored…kick her butt !

  3. When you kick her butt…don’t overdo it ! If she’s been doing 3 sets of 8 bench presses, for example, don’t have her do 10 sets of 8 followed by drop sets until she pukes. It’s probably never a good sign when she pukes (in the gym and in the bed…um…can’t possibly see the need to go into further detail on the significance of her throwing up in bed…sorry…best just to move on and weep silently alone).

  4. Tell her before you up the intensity that that’s what you’re doing. Let her know you don’t want to hurt her and if at any point during the workout she feels uncomfortable to let you know.

  5. All rules regarding NOT using the same techniques you’d use to motivate a guy still apply (i.e. c’mon ya dumb son of a bitch…GET IT UP YA PUSSY…ain’t gonna result in her pulling you on top of her for a final high-rep-to-failure-burnout set).

So there you have it, 5 simple guidelines for upping your wife and/or girlfriend’s workout intensity.

I’ll be away for the labor day weekend visting my neighbor’s 24 year-old daughter and her University of South Carolina sorority sisters. I will be checking email and will try to reply to all reader mail that I haven’t gotten to in a while.

75

The Unexamined Grocery List Is Not Worth Eating

Hey, I really like to go to grocery stores. I love to eat, and drink, and cook and mix drinks and basically would indulge in an orgy of food and wine every day if my finances, liver and waistline could handle it.

My wife likes to eat and drink also…but…she’s not so big on going to the grocery store…for me it’s like an event to be enjoyed…for her it’s like a chore.

So, I tend to do most of the grocery shopping. Lately, we’ve begun to suspect that we spend about $800 bucks a month in groceries. That’s not too bad considering we have 3 kids. But, we thought we could cut it back to $600 bucks a month.

In order to cut back on the grocery bill…I agreed to stay out of the grocery store and let her do all the shopping. I can give her items to buy, but my impulse buys are kept in check this way. No more $20/lb brie, no more cases of Proseco, no more 20 pints of Ben and Jerry’s “because it was on sale 2 for $5 and it’s FUN to have Sundae Night that’s why I bought so much and no your butt isn’t fat and yes I got whipped cream”, etc.

So, what does this have to do with motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend…well…I’m guessing a lot of your wives and/or girlfriends do the majority of your grocery shopping…SO…if they buy it, they’re gonna eat it…I USED to point out to my wife all the GARBAGE she was bringing into the house and tell her how we would end up eating it…she agreed…but…still she’d bring home the junk food…

SO…since we’re trying to cut back on how much we spend…she’s been giving me the receipts and I’ve been keeping track of the total per month…today, I decided to figure out exactly what we’re buying by percentage…here’s a rundown of last week’s haul:

Cheese - 8%
Chips/Dessert - 10%
Coffee - 5%
Dairy (not cheese) - 9%
Fish - 2%
Fruits/Veggies - 19%
Grains - 17%
Household NonFood - 12%
Juice/Soda - 11%
Lunch Meat - 7%
Soup - 1%

Now…keep in mind, we have 3 kids under 13 and while we try to eat as healthy as possible…we’re not ready to give up serving the kids ice cream and juice every now and then…so…our list might not be as clean as yours…

The point I want to hit though is that I emailed this list to my wife and she was flabbergasted…she had no idea we spent close to 25% of our grocery money on chips/desserts and juice/soda…oh by the way, the total bill was $220.

SO…we’ve talked about this before…but…basically you can whine and bitch to your wife and/or girlfriend about their bad eating habits…but…until you do it in a way they’ll understand you won’t convince them to stop doing what they’re doing…

My wife LOVES tortilla chips…she might not stop buying them for health reasons, but (given her current frugalness regarding $20/lb brie, cases of proseco, etc) she might stop buying them when she sees how much money they cost.

So…when motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend try to talk in a language they understand. If they don’t understand the language you’re using…try another…and another…but (as my dad used to tell me) “don’t be an annoying, pestering, bothersome dick.”

76

I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that a 24 year old woman is engaged to a fiance who is OK not only with her swinging, but swinging while he isn’t around…

77

[quote]nephorm wrote:
I still have a hard time wrapping my head around the idea that a 24 year old woman is engaged to a fiance who is OK not only with her swinging, but swinging while he isn’t around…[/quote]

I’m as confused as you are…maybe Push has some info. on this topic…I don’t know any guys in the lifestyle that let their wives/women go off on their own…but maybe there’s some out there that enjoy it…some sort of cuckold fantasy…Push? Li’l help?

And…she’s not with him anymore…he spoke very little English…the few times I met him I inviited him to stop by and partake of the festivities…but he would just smile and nod like a crack head that had just peed himself…I guess I’ll never know if he understood what I was saying, but he was very Catholic and didn’t appear to like the neighbor’s 24 year-old daughter very much anyway…

We saw him with her a few times at our neighborhood pool where we have to pretend like we don’t know her too well and he was always hanging around the lifeguard chair talking to some guy from Bhottsvania that was lifeguarding for the Summer. He very rarely spoke with her and it looked like he declined to rub suntan oil onto her back…felt bad for her trying to reach around and apply sunblock to her own back…

Anyway…hope that helps.

78

[quote]sen say wrote:
He very rarely spoke with her and it looked like he declined to rub suntan oil onto her back…felt bad for her trying to reach around and apply sunblock to her own back…[/quote]

This is just wrong.

Tell her I’d rub cream onto her any day.

80

[quote]pushharder wrote:
Cuckolding is difficult to explain and it’s very easy to understand how those who have never considered it would find it abhorrent.[/quote]

Actually, I understand cuckolding as the observer; I have no trouble with that concept. Not something I’d personally want to do, but I can understand. It’s the fact that he wasn’t involved at all that was really confusing to me. But I suppose that still might fulfill the fantasy, for some.