Motivating and Training Your Wife

Off Topic
41

[quote]Eralacer wrote:
I just wanted to comment on how lucky your wife is! I have always loved lifting and when I met my ex-husband I was ecstatic that he wanted me to start lifting with him.

He ended up being very very critical of everything that I did. There were never any positive words of encouragement… just the “you need to do this better” kind of stuff.

Anyway, I loved reading this and wish you and your life goodluck![/quote]

Hi Eralacer ! Thanks for posting !

I’m so sorry your ex was a meanie ! I’m working on a post right now about how training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend can turn you into a neanderthal jerk.

42

Results

It’s tough to tell your wife and/or girlfriend that her butt looks better than it used to…but (pun intended…kind of) my wife and I spent the day at our neighborhood pool yesterday and I wanted to tell her that her glutes are shapelier than they’ve ever been. Any Muscle Sorority sisters out there have any tips on how to do this without getting trapped in the 'you mean my butt used to be fat?" conundrum?

43

Don’t Eat Your Young

I’m an Alpha Male. I will kill anyone or anything that threatens my family, tribe, herd, whatever you want to call those I’m responsible for. I have a tendency to physically, mentally and emotionally destroy whatever gets in my way.

Society has rules and regulations stopping me from inflicting physical harm on anyone challenging me. That’s one reason I’m able to maintain my Alpha Male status. If I had to fight to defend my brood I’d have gotten my ass kicked years ago (actually my record as a fighter was 3 wins, couple of draws and 3 losses. The losses all came at the end of my career.

These weren’t regulation type fights, just ones that broke out at beer bashes. After my third loss I decided I truly was a lover and not a fighter. It should be noted that all three losses involved me fighting multiple opponents and were not started by me. My last bout was the final straw.

I don’t recall exactly what happened, but my so-called friends informed me there were three or ten guys holding me while the dad of one of the guys punched me about the head and shoulders…all I did was let the guy’s poor wife sit on my lap for a minute to rest her feet after serving hors d’ouevres all night…there’s thanks for ya.)

Anyway, since I can’t bash heads, I’ve learned to tear the competition apart with my wits. You will not get the last word in on me. You will not provoke laughter at my expense without receiving laughter back at you exponentially. You will not show greater intellect than me without being made to look nerdy. Et cetera.

It’s how I’m made. It’s what I do.

You may also be an Alpha Male. There’s probably lots of us on here. Seems natural considering they sell Alpha Male supplements (which are awesome). You may be a stronger Alpha Male than I am. But, what I want you to know is that when it comes to motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend you’ve got to turn off the Alpha Male switch.

Why ? I’ll tell you what happened to me last Saturday and hopefully you’ll understand.

I’m the announcer for my kid’s swim team. One of my responsibilities is to read who the winners of each event are and report which team is in the lead. During the meet, I had to take a break to eat my mid-morning snack (5 egg whites, 2 TBSP XXX Habanero Hot Salsa, med. apple…naturally I’d packed the wife’s also to save her from nachos and hot dogs).

I asked another father to announce while I ate. He’s a nice guy and kind of alpha-ish. Anyway, scores are only reported 4 or 5 times over a 4 hour long meet. My son had asked if he could report the score the next time it came through. Well…sure enough while this other guy was announcing, the score came through.

My son was excited, but the guy I’d asked to announce insisted on reporting the score. He wasn’t toooo jerky about it and I knew my son would have another chance in a little while so I didn’t say anything to the guy.

My wife and I both commented on the fact that this guy wasn’t going to back down and let anyone else announce the score. Now…you might not think of that as being an Alpha Male, but the power of the microphone during the meet makes you an Alpha Male. You’re the voice of the meet. What you say goes.

So, this guy WANTED, NEEDED to be the top dog and report the score. I hope this makes sense.

Anyway, wtf does this have to do with training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend? (Everything has to do with training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend grasshopper)

What it has to do with the aforementioned post topic is you can’t always be the Alpha Male. When can’t you? When you’re dealing with those you are responsible for.

What that means is that don’t criticize your wife and/or girlfriend when she’s working out. You might know better than her…but…in criticizing…are you trying to help her or hurt her so that you can maintain your Alpha status ?

Think about it the next time you want to tell her she’s not getting down far enough on her squats or not trying hard enough, etc.

Rather than criticize try some of these:

  1. Show her how you do it. Maybe she’ll notice the difference and get it, or maybe she’ll point out some technical flaws you have yourself.

  2. Wait until later to mention your thoughts. This turns it from criticism into thought out feedback. Also by getting out of the gym first you’re not bashing her in front of others.

  3. ASK her if she wants feedback.

That’s all I got.

Just remember, training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend is a lot like making love to her/them. If you’re not satisfied with her lovemaking follow the same three steps I mentioned above:

  1. Show her how you do it. Maybe she’ll notice the difference and get it, or maybe she’ll point out some technical flaws you have yourself.

  2. Wait until later to mention your thoughts. This turns it from criticism into thought out feedback. Also by getting out of the group sex venue first you’re not bashing her in front of others.

  3. ASK her if she wants feedback.

44

I love your rules Sen Say. One I would add just as a basic rule for coaching anyone (esp. wife/girlfriend) is:

If you see your wife/girlfriend doing something that does need to be fixed ASAP so she won’t hurt herself, make sure you point out what she is doing correctly first. Women, as a rule, take criticism much better when they hear a positive statement first.

My boyfriend who I lift with 3-5 times a week will walk by and just say things like “Get it girl”, “I’m impressed” things like that… even though I know what I’m lifting is nada compared to what he does, it still makes me feel great. Then, when he does have a few points to make concerning my form, reps, whatever… I’m completely open minded to whatever it is he has to say.

45

[quote]Eralacer wrote:
I love your rules Sen Say. One I would add just as a basic rule for coaching anyone (esp. wife/girlfriend) is:

If you see your wife/girlfriend doing something that does need to be fixed ASAP so she won’t hurt herself, make sure you point out what she is doing correctly first.

[/quote]

Hey Eralacer ! Great rule.

I think it goes without saying that this rule applies in the gym as well as in the bedroom/stairwell/kitchen table/back seat of the neighbor’s convertible/etc.

46

I’m convinced that jealousy is the strongest emotion that females feel.

Use it to motivate your wife or girlfriend.

Don’t go over board and pick a fight, but let her catch your eyes lingering for a second on toned girls, when you see a chick who obviously lifts weights ask your gf “do we know her? she looks familiar. maybe i’ve seen her at the gym.”(even if you’ve never seen her)

play it right and she’ll get jealous enough to train herself with out having any reason to be mad at you. the jealousy will be all the motivation she needs.

if that doesn’t work, go for the togetherness. drop subtle hints about how it looks like fun when you see couples train together, and how they look closer as they accomplish a goal together.

chicks dig that too.

but don’t just tell her outright you want her to train with you. she’ll ignore the togetherness and accuse you of accusing her of being fat, and after that if you try the jealousy thing, you’ll only be burying yourself in the whole you dug. in this case she’ll stay the same or get fatter out of spite, you’ll have to deal with it or abandon ship.

47

Treat Her At Least As Good As You Would a Paying Customer

I was so excited last night. My wife had been experiencing some minor pain in her shoulder and we had been laying off anything heavy for about a week. Also doing some rehab and belated prehab work. Yesterday she reported 100% pain free. I was pumped at the idea of her working heavy again.

So, I get home from the movie set at 5:00. She tells me she’s ready to work out as soon as I’m ready. I’m ready right there and then. So we hit the garage about 5:05. She does 3 sets of 12 box squats with 105 lbs. Her legs are screaming and things are looking good.

We move onto overhead presses. 3 sets of 12 with 47 lbs. She cranks out the first set. Looking great ! Were taking 45 second rests in between sets. She takes off on her 2nd set and stops at 7 reps…then says…“I feel weak”.

It was pretty hot in the garage. It was pretty ugghy and she’s on a pretty low carb diet…but I got the feeling there was something else bothering her…

So I ask her what’s up. She tells me that the kid’s school has its annual ‘clothes closet’ tonight from 6 - 8. (This is the night when they sell uniforms donated to the school by other parents. As some of you know (I’m thinking mainly of the 23 ladies that were each winners (in their own right) of the ‘Win a Night of Pleasure With Sen Say, Sen Say’s Wife and Sen Say’s Neighbor’s 24 Year Old Daughter’) I live in a palatial estate located in Prince George’s County Maryland. While my antebellum mansion is everything you could want in a home, the Prince George’s County Public School System is the pits. The ONLY place my kids can learn to count by twos and tie their shoes without getting shot at is in private school…so ‘clothes closet’ night can save me a fortune.)

I remind her that we’re going after she finishes working out. She says, “ok”. I ask if she wants to cut the workout short and get to the school right at 6:00. She asks, "Would you yell and scream at me ? " I explain that if she was my paying customer not only would I not yell and scream at her, I’d be happy I’m getting paid for doing less work.

So…I cancel the deadlifts and bench presses and we hit some curls, french curls (oui, oui madamoiselle) and a couple sets of lunges.

She really picked up the intensity on the few sets we did. It was great.

So…men…when it comes to training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend(s)keep in mind that just getting them into the gym is sometimes an accomplishment. Life takes precedence. And…any umm…ladies out there training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend(s)…please feel free to pm me regarding back dating your entry form for the ‘Win Two Nights and a Good Part of a Sunday Morning of Pleasure With Sen Say, Sen Say’s Wife, and Sen Say’s Neighbor’s 24 Year Old Daughter’.

49

[quote]pushharder wrote:
OK, dammit. Before we go ANY further with this thread we need to see pics of Sen Say’s Neighbor’s 24 Year Old Daughter.

Mods: do not allow another word from Mr. Sen Say until this requirement is met. If my demand is not met I will NOT buy any another T-Nation t-shirt for quite some time.[/quote]

There, there Push…I understand entirely. Unfortunately, at the moment the only pics I have of her fail to meet the Nation’s ‘no-pornographic images’ rule.

Rest assured I will be getting some pics up soon.

50

Yo,

The wife and I are currently in The Berkshires. We’re on vacation with the kids. Fortunately the neighbor’s 24 year old daughter was able to get some time off down at the club so she’s on hand to help with the kids and other necessary chores.

Hope everyone is a-okay motivating and training their wives and/or girlfiends. I’ll get to reader mail when I return.

51

What I Hate About Mens Health Magazine(Part I)

Okay…there’s this blurb in Men’s Health stating that intercourse lasts 2 and a half minutes on average, but women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes…now…if this factoid was presented on the Great T-Nation, I’m pretty sure the good editors would provide us with sample size, methodology and a full source credit so that we could look at the research material in its entirety should we so choose…Men’s Health doesn’t even give you the names of the researchers…

If I had to guess (and I do) at the methodology behind the study I’d imagine an official stop watch was started when intercourse began and stopped when it ended. I’m guessing it was in a clinical environment with a researcher running the stop watch because if the male engaging in intercourse was responsible for hitting the ‘stop’ button he’d either forget during the blessed moment of shangri-la or intentionally forget in order to make it look like he lasted longer than he really did. The woman (I’m assuming the intercourse involved a man and a woman although Men’s Health never specifies) was probably interviewed post coitus (technical talk meaning she was asked how long she thought it lasted after she wormed her way out from underneath the snoring, 2.5 minute lastin’, lazy bum and made her way to the researcher’s lounge.)

NOW…you may be asking (and rightly so) what does this have to do with training and motivating your wife and/or girlfriend (you might also be rightly so asking what’s up with reader mail and why I haven’t posted in so long, but you’ll just have to wait on that as I’m still feeling pretty lazy after my vacay.)

What the rant about Men’s Health has to do with motivating and training your wife and/or girlfriend(s) is that I’m believing we can train them to PERCEIVE intercourse as lasting even longer than they currently do. That is to say, with some proper training techniques we can get the Mrs. believing we were intercoursing away for a couple hours.

Now…for the record, my wife and/or girlfriend(s) already believe this as very detailed records are kept by my Court Scribes documenting my activities for future biographical work. So, the proof of 2 hour intercourse is not only in the pudding (literally and figuratively), but in the official Sen Say Book of All Hours (available in 3 month increments at www.whatwasSenSaydoingatanypointintime.com for only $19.99).

However, I’m sure some of you fellahs are more on the average scale and so we need to come up with something to help you get your wife and/or girlfriend TRAINED into thinking you last 2 hours and this will MOTIVATE her to want you more often and maybe even drop the word to her girlfriends that you last 2 hours compared to the 2.5 minutes her girlfriend’s husband and/or boyfriend(s) lasts and then they’ll tell two friends, and so on and so on…

Here’s a couple ideas:

  1. When you get busy…look at the clock and mention the time to her…at some point during intercourse (so on average you’ve got like 2 and a half minutes to work with here guys)…work her into a position where you’re entering her from behind and her face is away from the clock…turn the clock ahead 15 - 20 minutes…when you’re done making love…cuddle (should go without saying) and lazily notice the time…

  2. If you have a snooze button on your alarm clock…let you alarm go off once…then hit the snooze button…THEN start massaging her back…when the alarm goes off again…hit snooze again…you should have no problem with the help of Morning Wood letting your wife and/or girlfriend know you’re interested in giving her the best 2.5 minutes of her life…continue the massage and…wait for the alarm to go off again…ideally you want a clock that gives you 10 minutes in between the alarm going off after you hit the snooze button…AFTER the alarm goes off again…turn the volume on the alarm off and then whisper something like “we’ve got 10 minutes before the alarm goes off…think we can go off by then?” start the intercourse and at the first sign that she’s enjoying herself…turn the volume back up on the alarm…a spooning position works nice for disguising the movement required to monkey with the alarm…tell her you don’t care if you’re late for work and turn the volume off again…intercourse away and periodically turn the alarm volume up before finishing.

So…as you can see…the idea is to play with her sense of time while engaged in intercourse. I suppose any manipulation of her sense of time might spill over (figuratively) into the bedroom. So…next time you work her out in the weight room, tell her you’re doing 60 seconds rest in between sets…then after 45 seconds tell her it’s been 60 seconds and to get lifting.

Hope everyone’s been okay motivating and training their wives and/or girlfriends without my help the past couple of weeks.

Peas. Owt.

52

[quote]sen say wrote:
What I Hate About Mens Health Magazine(Part I)

Okay…there’s this blurb in Men’s Health stating that intercourse lasts 2 and a half minutes on average, but women perceive it as lasting 5 minutes…now…if this factoid was presented on the Great T-Nation, I’m pretty sure the good editors would provide us with sample size, methodology and a full source credit so that we could look at the research material in its entirety should we so choose…Men’s Health doesn’t even give you the names of the researchers…

[/quote]

Men’s Health is for guys who frequent the gym once a week. It’s not tailored for the hardcore. That’s why they have inconsistent workout advice and pretty much bullshit diet advice.

Men’s health is not for us at T-Nation.

53

Since I live in the aforementioned county, I definitely want to see pics of the 24 year old daughter. Is she single? Are her standards low?

Inquiring minds want to know!

54

Motivating and Training Your Wife When Neither One of Your Feels Like Doing a Damn Thing

So I started this thread back when my wife was go-go gung-ho for working out with weights and improving her diet.

She went from never lifting anything heavier than our kids to squatting and deadlifting with 135 lbs for reps and benching 65 lbs for 3 sets of 5.

Her diet built in more protein and less carbs and she was eating P&F or P&C throughout the day. I don’t have her stats in front of me, but she lost 2 inches from her waist and a few more inches all over.

She started with her lifting and improved eating last March. So…5 months after she started we went on a week long vacation. This was great as she had started to experience a little tightness/soreness in her shoulder when she benched and her back was also feeling a little sore.

I figured we’d take a week off from lifting, drink lots of Margaritas and eat more than 7 tortilla chips at one sitting. At the end of the week any soreness/pain would be gone and we’d be ready to get back to our healthy lifestyle choices.

At the end of the week we got home to find out our kids had been invited down to my sister’s beach house for a week…so…me and the Mrs. were going to be without any parental responsibilities for a whole week…this um…has never happened in 12 years.

So, of course we hit the weights hard and got back to clean eating…well not really…we hit the bars ! Ordered pizza and stayed up til way past midnight watching movies that have no plot, but are sure fun to watch with someone you care deeeeeply about.

Anyway…I’m done with the booze and pizza for a while and got my lazy self back in the gym yesterday today and yesterday. Unfortunately, I just got a call from my wife and she’s down at the Chinese Buffet wondering if I can come by as the owners are threatening to charge her for two people if she eats any more chopy suey noodle-ees.

I told her she was on her own as I was busy racking my brains trying to find out how to train and motivate her now that she’s fallen off the wagon. Here’s what I’ve got so far:

  1. Don’t BITCH at her about her lack of motivation. I’ve said it before…pointing out her current lazy state isn’t going to get her to all of a sudden become unlazy. C’mon…she KNOWS she’s being lazy…you might be able to kick your buddy in the ass to get him motivated…but it ain’t working on the ladies.

  2. Use the same tricks you did to get her into the gym in the first place. I’m going to go home and do some leg work in our gym. I’m going to ask her if she can spot me. Instead of pissing her off by bitching at her I’ve gotten her into the gym and I’m doing leg work which she loves. Maybe she’ll join in…

  3. Help her clear out anything that’s mentally blocking her from getting into the gym. When our kids went to the beach we drove around our town letting the cops chase us around. After a couple days of that she decided she wanted to re-decorate the kids rooms so when they got home they’d be surprised.

So last night I got out the paint brush and painted 3 rooms. Tonight I’m gonna tear out carpet and install hard wood floors. Tomorrow I’ve got 6 windows to replace and then we’ll be all done. I KNOW she wants to lift but when Mama’s babies need new rooms Mama don’t wanna let them down!

  1. Find her some edubacational material. Go over to MWA and print out some of the awesome articles. Leave them laying around the house. Maybe she’s physically ready to get going, but mentally she’s lagging. A little Jen Heath wisdom could be just what she needs.

  2. Hide the television remote.

Okay…there you go. If your wife and/or girlfriend has slipped in her ways feel free to use any or all of the above recommendations.

55

[quote]nephorm wrote:
Since I live in the aforementioned county, I definitely want to see pics of the 24 year old daughter. Is she single? Are her standards low?

Inquiring minds want to know![/quote]

Single = Yes, but she’s getting married in a couple of months (I’ll be giving her away as I’ve always been(and will continue to be) like a daddy to her)

Low Standards = No

Where are you in the aforementioned county? The aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter occassionally needs a last minute ‘date’ to get into the kind of parties my aforementioned wife and I aforementionedly take her to.

56

[quote]sen say wrote:
I’ve always been(and will continue to be) like a daddy to her.

[/quote]

Hmmmmm…do tell sen say…

:wink:

58

Interesting thread. We joined a gym 2 months ago. My wife first started exclusively on cardio but joined an “8 wk program” on a machine circuit. I’ve been trying to figure out how to push the right buttons with her (you’d think after 11 years of marriage I might at least know where the buttons are by now). We had an argument shortly after joining when I found out her only goal was to “feel better” - not lose weight, tone up, get stronger, or anything like that.

Anyway, for the first few weeks she was “lazily” going through the machines, doing 2 sets of 10 w/ 10-20 lbs. After telling her several times that (1) she could make gains every workout as a beginner and (2) the weight is too light and not helping her out if she’s doing 10 easy reps, I think she finally understood. She was also surprised to hear that weight lifting elevates the metabolism a lot longer than cardio does. I think she is now in the 50-60lb range on every machine save the squat.

She once allowed me to watch her work out, and I begged her to attempt just 1 rep @ 100 on the squat machine. She surprised me by doing it, and I think she is currently at 140lbs. It’s still less than her bodyweight, plus it’s a machine, but hey, she’s making great progress.

I can’t wait to get her on the free weights, but I’m holding back for now. I’m hoping she will continue to motivate herself and max out the machines this year. I’m also hoping that she will see results in the form of lost inches and lbs of fat. Even though she doesn’t have any definition, I can already feel her biceps.

59

[quote]Sabrina wrote:
sen say wrote:
I’ve always been(and will continue to be) like a daddy to her.

Hmmmmm…do tell sen say…

:wink:

[/quote]

Sabrina, my dear lady, a gentleman does not ball-gag and tell.

Indeed, a gentleman knows that good old-fashioned manners will likely increase his social engagements, once word gets out that he is not one to splooge and tell.

A gentleman occasionally will have more than one guest at his home. Should he see that jealousy is breeding between the two ladies whom he is hosting, a gentleman does not say, “Whoa, ladies, there’s enough of me to go around!” The gentleman, valuing decorum and discretion above all else in his paramours, gently guides his guests’ heads from his penis and informs them that if they do not act like ladies, he will have to ask them both to leave.

When up to his nuts in a lady’s guts, a gentleman knows that it is quite impolite to smoke, talk politics, or take phone calls. Should his cell phone ring, the gentleman says, “Excuse me, I need to take this.” He withdraws his penis from his lady friend and keeps his phone conversation brief. When he has completed his call, a gentleman gently reinserts his dick into his lady.

Of course, a gentleman who is not a smoker keeps an ashtray on his balcony for his lady friends who wish to smoke.

For further info on this topic, please see:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/34098

60

[quote]pushharder wrote:
sen say wrote:
…The aforementioned 24 year old neighbor’s daughter occassionally needs a last minute ‘date’ to get into the kind of parties my aforementioned wife and I aforementionedly take her to.

Sounds like our kind of party but usually those kind of parties have no requirement of a male companion. Single females are almost (or universally?) always accepted at these “functions”.[/quote]

You’re correct Push…unfortunately I’ve had the ‘welcum’ mat removed from the doorway on more than one occassion by an angry hostess upon seeing I’ve not only brought my wife, my (aforementioned, recently-engaged) neighbor’s 24 year old daughter, 2 or 3 of her female co-workers at the Our Lady of Blessed Relief Elementary School, the new girl at my wife’s bible study class and the checker girl I met while picking up a bottle of Grand Cru as a gift for the (aforementioned) now-angry hostess on the way to the party.

Quite a few times now I’ve found myself soliciting strange men at a 7/11 trying to get the male/female ratio back in line with what the hostess was expecting…all too often I end up all alone with the girls and they’re dissapointment over not being allowed into the party must be tended to all night. Wrecks hell on my training the next day.