Only this time, it’s personal. Situation: I met a girl that broke up with her boyfriend in April. She was going out with him for six years. She’s 20, guys. That takes some doing to remain with the same dude while you’re going through so many life changes. I’m actually amazed. In high school, I knew girls who went out with a different guy each month. Hey, wait, I still know those girls.
Here are her comments from last night when we talked on AIM:
“I am not going to lie… I am not “over” him, that is almost impossible after 6 years but we have broken up a few little times on and off and this time I am more open-minded than ever before and actually don’t want to go back to him and more willing to go out and meet people.”
She also said most guys are afraid to talk to her because they think she’ll use them. My take is that she said it so she must be thinking about it. What are your thoughts? Walk away?
Why would they think she would use them, and what exactly do they think she will use them for? It seems like an odd statement. I can’t think of anyone (not that that means they aren’t out there), but I can’t think of anyone I know who would say, “I’m sorry, I really like you, but I am unable to date you because I think you will use me.” Huh? Even if you thought that was the case, who says that.
Anyway, I would say walk away, not because of the above, but because she has said she is not over him. As long as that is the case there is no place for you.
Well, the way they usually try to get over the last guy is to bang another one. So I’d say you got a pretty good shot if you know what I mean. If you’re into that sorta thing, anyway.
Dude 2 big red flags. She is NOT over him and she IS afraid (maybe not afraid but rather suspects) she will use other guys. What you do all depends on if you want a relationship with this girl or just sex. That of course depends on how interested you are in her. Just know that you are probably playing with fire and I would definitely advise you to avoid getting more interested in her than she is in you - that’s when you get burned in this type of situation.
On a personal note, a couple of years ago I got involved with an absolutely smoking hot girl (playboy centerfold hot ) who was a couple of months out of a 2.5 yr serious realtionship. One of the biggest mistakes I have ever made with a female as I ignored a big red flag when she told me she wasn’t good for anyone at the time (she was and still probably is very fucked up). Of course that will not stop a girl from wanting someone to be with and women are better at this game then most men.
I am fearful of all that shit, yes. I know she’s still a little bit in love with that dude. But, just to let you know, I’ve been known to make excuses to not get involved with certain girls. It’s my own issues of self-doubt and other stuff, not theirs. It would suck if this girl really is ready to date someone else and I talked myself out of it. BTW, I have too much respect for her to just have sex with her without a relationship. Not going to happen in this case.
If you feel that way about this girl, then why not go for it? Yeah, there’s a lot of potential for things to go wrong, but hell, there’s the potential for that every time you get involved with someone. In this case, you know what the problem is likely to be. You’re aware of the difficulties, and so is she. The timing on this makes it seem that a long term relationship is not going to work, but if you’re worried about your chances, why bother going into any relationship? Look at the statistics for divorce, and it seems that life-long marriage is a bad bet, but people still take that risk for the payoff involved.
Man, just stay friends. She needs friendship right now, especially from a guy’s standpoint. She can see that not all guys are not like her ex and some can be a lot better - I’m not saying her ex was an ass or anything, just a general statement. Stick around with her, and you never know, friends make the best lovers and you have to be friends before lovers.