Are you interested in marriage? I recall you said you aren’t.
I want strong relationships (romantic or not) and revel in the notion of occasional extravagance, but the actual formalities of marriage is more of an economic convenience and a comforting sense of security
It changes. Sexual relationships mean all kinds of different things to different people at different times in their lives.
In fact there is quite a lot of variability even in couples-married or long term partners.
Personally… yes. It is to me anyways. I think that doubles early in the relationship. Like what @BrickHead said, young men especially, desire it to an almost addictive extent. “Post nut clarity” while crude, is very real. Dudes can go into a complete fog if their desire hits that point. You start making small, but seemingly irrational decisions, and sometimes you cant even focus on any task at hand. Yes a little maturity goes a long way, but it’s a chemical thing, and sometimes it’s a bit hard to ignore. (Just to clarify, I’m talking about not being able to focus on a TV show or something, not sexually assaulting someone is a pretty simple task)
But all fires fade. After a while it’s not nearly as critical, especially as people reach a point in their lives where they’re trying to set up their future, more than instant gratification. The beginning part is just going to be a bit harder to find for you.
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I feel like marriage actually makes some people desire and appreciate their partner less.
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Can you elaborate? I feel the exact opposite.
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Other stressors come into play also. Work eight to ten hoursa day, exercise, doctor’s visits, do some errands, cook, clean, take care of children, chores, visit or call other family members or friends, various errands and sex isn’t on the list many or most days. I’m fine with that (life).
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I’ve been with my wife for 27 years and in that time I’ve never seen anyone be rude or disrespectful to her. There was one close call though…
We had a neighbor named Max for a few years. When Max would come home, my young son would exclaim “Max is home!” and go running out the door waving and exclaiming “hi Max, Hi Max”. Max would just get out of his truck and walk in the house without looking at him or saying a word. Max was highly introverted and had some social issues. He did function very well in one on one conversation and was very smart. He was an attorney.
One day my wife was in the front yard and I was in the living room with the front door wide open. I hear her say “Hi Max!” and I hear silence in response. I said to myself okay, that’s it, he’s crossed a line now.
I go out, my wife is trimming bushes or whatever and Max is nowhere to be seen. I asked if she just said hi to Max and she said yes. Then I asked if he responded and she said “yeah, he said hi”. To this day I believe she lied to keep the peace. Probably a wise move on her part. It probably wouldn’t have been a good thing for me to drag him out of his house and make him say hi to my wife. Especially with the whole attorney thing.
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I did say “hi” you asshole 
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That’s why I qualified my statement by saying “some.” People seem quick to become bored quite quickly nowadays. Always looking for a stimulation of the fleeting senses. I’ve been guilty myself.
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I dont understand this thought process. You’re absolutely right, dont get me wrong; I’ve seen substantially more self sabotaged relationships due to boredom than successful ones, but its ludicrous.
I perceive boredom as success I guess. Theres nothing more I enjoy than literally killing time on the couch with my fiance watching YouTube for hours. Between work, lifting, bills, and house work, I might get an hour or two a night to relax.
I think people need to differentiate comfort and boredom.
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Yea i get it. Im just very irritable by nature so I get easily annoyed. Not fair to her at all. Traditional relationships aren’t for everyone.
Absolutely, the way we handle things in my house tends to get weird looks from the families and friends, but I think it’s unfair to cause undue stress because someone cant seem to get enough adrenaline or whatever. However that street runs both ways. The other party should know to leave if it’s not going to work.
My best friend is pretty notorious for sabatoging absolutely everything in his life that involves a woman, because he gets bored. However, it’s not like the chick doesnt know. Hell, I’ve had to have sit downs with many of them and tell them it’s not worth their time. Only one ever actually listened.
If I’m unhappy I’ll just leave. Marriage, house, family be damned. Theres not enoug time in this life to be caught up in the bullshit.
for some people, comfort= boredom. I’m definitely not that way, but a couple of my friends are. Many of them had trouble keeping a gf/bf for more than a couple of months
Of course, they (and me) are immature teens
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As a teenager is a bit different. I’ve always had fairly long term relationships, even through high school. (2 years, 3 years, and 8 years respectively) but the point of being young is to play the game and have fun. I never once thought about my friends sleeping around or “cheating” (I dont think that word applies to a 1 month fling in school) until we got older.
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OK, so with this talk of boredom, just what is a partner supposed to do? Provide thrills, jokes, entertainment? Who can do this? And as my former therapist said on this subject regarding young women who desire funny men, “If you want a funny guy/woman, marry a comedian!” And “If you want fun, go to an amusement park!” Granted he was being facetious, but he meant there is too much serious shit to take care of in adult life for someone to provide constant fun and thrills. He also once said, “Who wants to tell jokes at 9:00 at night?”
Speaking of comfort, I believe the desire for ever-increasing adult fun and thrills is actually a result of modern-day comfort. I highly doubt any of our ancestors were looking for “a guy who makes me laugh.”
As usual, I’m only saying this in a friendly but challenging way. I like the topic and input in the thread.
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I have 0 experience with relationship, so take my opinions with a HUGE grain of salt.
Personally, I’m 100% okay with a “stale” or “boring” relationship with routine. I want comfort over novelty and HATE surprises/changes. My ideal guy is an intellectual partner who works out, has a regimented life (ie no procrastination) and cares about his career.
This might also be a tall order, but any guy I’m with must either agree to come to Shanghai for at least 2 months/year or accept me being gone.
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Got it. I actually suggested to greenboy he might be better off with a sedate woman.
Most men I’m friends or acquainted with, including the heavyweights, wound up with sedate women.
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What does that mean? I googled it an got disturbing stories of date rape 
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Funny. I suggest just googling for the definition of sedate as an adjective. 
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