Something I’ve noticed about my mum, my female friends and myself is that we tend to overestimate how much the other person knows what we’re thinking. it’s like we unknowingly expect others to be able to read our minds
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Hello dear.
. Yes, that sounds very familiar.
I don’t consider a thorough explanation to be mansplaining. If I’ve asked a question and have very little information to go on, I prefer to be walked through it to be sure I understand what you are explaining. Now if you speak to me as if I’m an idiot who lacks a basic grasp of the English language or with the tone that you would use with a four year old, that I find to be problematic. I don’t know that I have ever felt that I was being mansplained to by a man who was actually more intelligent or more knowledgeable in the area of discussion. It’s usually by some moron who actually has very little grasp of what they are trying to explain but thinks they know more than me due to my little tiny lady brain.
I dont have one of those cutsie little lady brains, but sometimes- for reasons I can’t imagine, certain people think I’m mentally deficient and do this to me.
I just play along and nod my head going “oh! Yeah, thanks! Thats really great…”.
Then someone else who knows me will come up like "WTF was that? 
".
. I dunno. Just because they don’t know what I’m talking about doesn’t mean that I don’t.
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This came up in the Burning Questions thread. I’m not sure where the conversation started, but here’s where I offer my take on mansplaining, and the conversation that followed was a really good one. I came away from it with the line “we’re in violent agreement,” which I use regularly with my husband, and maybe even occasionally with others. “Sounds like we’re in violent agreement, then!” (Credit for that to @T3hPwnisher.) It continues to happen regularly, but I’m much less frustrated now. I also fully acknowledge that I like to 'splain things, too. What I like about my job is that I get to do it all day long, for pay.
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I think maybe I need to clarify my position. I am not a fan of the term mansplain. First, it implies that men are the only ones who do it. Second, it gives it a cute little name. Like muffin top. I prefer to refer to it as someone being a condescending asshole. I find that this can only truly exist when someone believes they are smarter than you and that you lack the ability to understand basic concepts. I think there is a weird dynamic between husbands and wives. I might be slightly annoyed by someone condescending to me on this forum but no one really knows me and if you think I’m an idiot, it in no way effects my life. However, if I feel that my husband thinks I’m an idiot that creates a larger problem. First, his opinion actually matters. Second, he should know me well enough to know that I’m not an idiot and to know that I don’t appreciate being spoken to in a certain way. All that being said, I think that some people just speak in a certain manner that comes across as condescending.
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Thanks. I will read the articles. As I said I am unaware. I moved to Long Island and never thought of this subject much.
See, I don’t necessarily view it as being bad. My husband is not an asshole, and when he 'splains things to me that I’ve already 'splained to him, it’s more peculiar than insulting. A friend used the term “teensplaining” to me last week, which was immediately relatable. I don’t even think the 'splainer in question was a teen - it was a receptionist who explained very thoroughly to my friend how to use a written prescription when the friend ask that it be called in (for reasons). I hear “momsplaining” occasionally and again find it entirely relatable as well as being something I 100% do, without there being any thought that someone is stupid (my kids!).
Are there men who 'splain things to me because I’m female? Yes. Are they probably misogynistic? Yes. So those are condescending assholes. Certainly I’ve had women do the same thing. We went to dinner with a couple across the street once and she spent the entire meal 'splaining special ed to me, despite my having given my own kid-work credentials at the beginning of the two hour monologue, and despite her role as an classroom assistant being a significantly lesser credential. My daughter, who has a bachelor’s in social work (I have a master’s and decades of experience) will occasionally ‘splain things to me. I know she doesn’t question my intelligence. She just forgets. I don’t hang out with the neighbor anymore because I was bored and wanted to join the guys’ conversation instead, but she wouldn’t STFU so I could hang with my husband. But I don’t think she was being an asshole. Just…not that much fun because she’s oblivious.
So I see this as a people thing and take it with a grain of salt. I view it as mostly humorous and find the labels handy, as mansplaining is not the same as momsplaining or teensplaining, because of differences in the outlooks and focus of the different groups. I also think it comes mostly from a good place - an attempt to help.
So that’s my perspective. I totally get that you’re viewing it as insulting both as a label and as a behavior. I think a similar irritant for me is the trope of “I have three children - the two kids and my husband.” It bothers me similarly to the way you describe your negative reaction to mansplain. This is your HUSBAND. Maybe he’s an idiot, but at least have the grace not to broadcast your disrespect.
Ok. So poor black people can only afford to live where other poor black people live because rich white people live everywhere else. Therefore affordable housing crisis?
.
I don’t see the problem.
“Shelaborating”
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Lol.
You asked who drew the lines - the article tells you. It’s not that poor black people can’t afford to live near rich white people. It’s because there were white only covenants in the deeds, banks would not loan in diverse communities, and real estate agents “steered” blacks into separate communities.
Again, this is in context - discussion of Long Island’s diversity.
My two cents……
What you are referring to IS THE manner and fashion males use to communicate with each other.
I’m 62 and have never explained anything to someone ‘because’ they are female, nor have I witnessed the same.
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It happens. To be fair, there have been plenty of times when someone’s mansplained something to me that was really helpful. I vividly remember being lectured when I was 19 or so and asked by a boyfriend if I ever changed the oil in my car. I hadn’t. He started with “oil is like the blood of your car,” and then went into more detail. Okay, well, then you’re probably right, I should change it once in a while. (He probably changed it. I don’t remember.)
I will probably 'splain the laundry to my husband again when he’s here and I remember. I believe he uses too much detergent, which I’ve 'splained in the past, but I recently read another article on the matter, and so will once again share for his own good. If I can remember where I saw the article, I may read it to him, which he jokingly says he loves (“I love it when you read to me because you don’t trust me to read it myself”).
We’re both prone to it. I regularly ask “are you really explaining to me how to park the car (or wash a dish or tie my shoes)?” And he’ll generally look startled and then answer “someone has to.”
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Details matter! Its frustrating when you near the end if a job, but then you have to take things apart and start over.
I took off the garbage disposal to mess with a loose sink flange, but wasn’t careful to put it back with Exactly the same alignment.
As as a result, the drain leading to the trap was torqued and It developed a leak.
A thorough explanation could have saved me some time.
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Did you ask your wife?
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Haha!
No, but looking back, I Did provide her with an unprovoked, detailed explanation of what the issue was.
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She did stand by for about half the job, handing me tools or turning the water on and off so I didn’t have to slide out from under the sink over and over.
That was nice, and the job felt easier.
I usually wait until she’s not home to work on stuff. Have I been messing up?
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