I understand. And I think people should do what suits them personally. However, I have observed several women fritter away their 20’s in dragged out “relationships” with noncomittal men.
How long courtships affect individuals, good or bad, is one thing. How such rotation of partners (and I don’t mean massive “body counts” in this case, which most people cannot amass and don’t want anyway) amongst many people affects the sexual market as a whole is something different and consequential to society broadly, I believe.
Well, late teens would certainly be a stretch or impossible these days, unless an eighteen or nineteen year old woman paired with an older man, perhaps in his mid twenties, already working for some time.
Many people start out in apartments, not homes, or in parts of large homes of extended family, though of course those two are not options for all. As I said, if these politicians want to be taken seriously, they should address the cultural, educational, legal, and economic challenges for replacement-level birthrates.
Chucking paltry amounts of money and more access to IVF won’t work and hasn’t worked.
I think my sympathy for what you’ve written is clear, right?
This is an excellent point in my opinion. I will say however, that I personally think mid twenties is a better starting place for having children. Its been proven that the human brain is still developing in your early twenties. Plus there is the fact that teenage pregnancies are high risk for the mothers. Just because your body is capable of pregnancy, doesn’t mean it’s good for it. And the economic factor is important. Giving birth is expensive, but so is caring for a child. They have doctor appointments, clothing, food, diapers and God knows what else to pay for. I think some level of establishment is probably not a bad thing. Maybe not home ownership, but maybe at least an education that will allow you to get a job with a livable wage and insurance. And there is also the marriage factor. I’ve noticed that single mothers are a hot button item on this forum. So you’re expecting a 19 year old woman to make a decision about marriage, give birth and then what? What happens when she finds out that what her teenage brain thought was a great choice turns out to be a terrible choice in her late 20s? Now a divorce and custody? The dreaded single mother? Meh. Wait till decision making skills are a bit better in my opinion.
Can you give such an example scenario, even if hypothetical? Would the terrible choice be an irresponsible or abusive man? A socioeconomic mismatch? If the late-teenaged mind is in fact lacking, should we logically steer our daughters away from relationships with men at those ages altogether?
I’m not pushing for such young pregnancy particularly, and certainly not under present conditions. But, as I’ve been repeating, those who show concern for the fertility crisis, hardly get to the root of the matter.
I think this is a good point. I would suggest that it’s up to each individual in a relationship to use discernment as they go, however. Part of assessment is feeling out commitment. We had open dialogue as a sort of “state of the union” from time to time, for example. Never ultimatums but definitely gut and heart checks, and earnest difficult conversations sometimes. To me this was all part of the process. We didn’t have a specific goal date for marriage but as we evolved from two people attracted to one another, to learning each other to really being together there were always clear indications we were progressing as a couple.
I would encourage dating women to look for signs, and while I’m not a fan of shit-testing they should instead directly and openly initiate conversation about future state.
Yes. But also just a general lack of self insight telling you what you actually want in a mate. I can tell you from my personal experience that the men I chose at that age weren’t based on who would make a good mate, but more on who was fun to hang out with. Or, you know, to do other things with. Not exactly a great choice for a life partner or a potential parent. I was 19 when I first met my husband, but I was 24 when we actually started dating. At 19 he wasn’t what I was looking for. Because my 19 year old brain was dumb. Also because he had some growing up to do before he showed his signs of being a good mate.
No. Early relationships are how you feel things out. Learn what you do and don’t like. Learn what you find to be attractive in a mate. I’m not saying not to have relationships. I’m just saying to maybe wait a tiny bit on the changes that can not be altered.
Has this ever not been the case? Believe me I get how near hyperinflation and all the other factors that have inflated the housing market have ruined our buying power, but I think it’s blown out of proportion as a reason to not have children. To say kids are too expensive is usually wrong, but a lot of people use that as a crutch to let their bloodline die. Or wait until they’re 40 to try to have kids when the likelihood of complications is much higher.
Ever notice this is a problem of affluence? Middle class young adults are the ones worrying they cant afford kids, lower income households spit them out left and right. White and Asian birthrates are the lowest in the US.
My 8yr old daughter came home and told me she has a boyfriend and that they held hands on a fieldtrip. I felt like finding that little shit and choke slamming him. But thank God the next day she came home and told me they broke up because he cheated on her. Apparently he told another girl he loved her
These are the same people that come on to the bigger stronger leaner section having never touched a weight and ask if they have a future in bodybuilding.
There’s a reason we fully mature sexually before we do cognitively. Raging hormones are natures way of keeping the species going before we think about the consequences too hard. LOL
This is a similar article I posted in this thread some weeks ago. In this one, women aged 29 to 40-something express their disappointment about the sexual market being filled with duds. The women pictured are probably intelligent and ordinary looking or modestly attractive. Plenty of men would go for them.
I discussed this article with my divorced (for valid reason) close female friend. I told her that though I did not mean disrespect to any of them, I wondered just how the heck they could not possibly find a decent man in the past ten to 20 years considering the amount of male attention they likely received in all that time. She thought this was insulting. I could not be believe that most of us are poor candidates for marriage. Perhaps I am of touch as a married 46-year old man not “dating”.
They are probably looking for a mature, relatively good looking man with a good career, willing to settle down and around their age or slightly older
These type of men are likely taken or are able to get a younger woman, therefore the ones “left over” are duds or have other characteristics that disqualifies them (e.g., recently single dad are a no go for women who don’t want to deal with blended family, the man has parents or extended family the woman doesn’t want to deal with)
They could probably get someone “nice” if they lowered standards, but they don’t want to.
According to them. You are assuming they are making the choice. No one wants them, they gave up and are now coping.
In that article only 2 were under 30 yrs old.
”Kellie, 43, from Georgia, joined the substantial number of respondents who felt that social media narratives had made dating toxic and pitted men against women.”
Great attitude.
”Christal Sharp, 39, a self-employed art teacher and wedding photographer from Oregon, was among many women who said drinking, drug use and other addictions among men, especially to porn, were a major factor in why they could not find a worthy partner.”
In their 40’s? Where the hell are they looking for men?
