No. This is a widely recognized phenomenon predating the internet. You’re just seeing it on the internet.
There are an awful lot of counties in Texas to choose from compared to geographically smaller states so I’m still not sure what the point is. Most towns of ~75k I’ve seen in the south, and Specifically Texas as you’re making an example of, do have hospitals. Not every town has a college though, that’s true. But also true for your area so kind of a moot point.
And, as you’re well aware, Texas in general is home to the largest and most respected medical center in the world, the oil industry and all of its scientific/technical applications and employees, NASA and is also tied for the most Fortune 500 HQs and all the brains that operate them. So I’m really not sure where you’re going or why by selectively choosing one example of a small town with a college and hospital and intentionally skipping over similar southern towns to force a non-point.
But, I think we’ve introduced another broadly general feminine trait of an urge to reply to broadly statistical generalizations with anecdotal counter examples. Usually followed by heavy gaslighting as logic falls out…
I think the definition or description they use is passable.
So shit tests:
I’ve seen them used, as previously stated, by men and women in different forms.
Male forms:
1.Can you hold your liquor? (Beer, coke, etc.)
Can you work hard? (Give you shit work/unnecessarily difficult to see if you break, complain, etc.)
Can you tolerate some bullshit (left handed screwdrivers, water-winches, etc.)
Basically anything that determines if you can hang with “the big dogs”.
Female forms:
Do you care? (Pushing buttons to get a reaction)
Do you love me? (More intense version of do you care)
Can you protect me? (Starting fights, challenging man to confrontation, some kind of car problems- flat tire, funny noise) etc.
So, I don’t see these as necessarily bad things. I think that what makes them offensive to some is when mens presumption of manhood is challenged and they either fail, or its taken to unhealthy levels by the tester. With guys it can get violent and cause harm- like costing the new guy his job, and with women it can get ugly- setting a guy up for an ass kicking or plunging them into debt- there are all sorts of pitfalls depending on the mode and level of insecurity of the tester and the capabilities of the testee.
I’ve been subject to them plenty of times and can typically see them coming. They don’t bother me much because I’m pretty secure in my masculinity, and if something is coming that really bothers me I’ll just call it for what it is. Or, if I’m not really interested in a situation (neighbor woman down the street) I’ll just ignore it or minimally address it.
What say yinz to that? How do you interpret shit testing?
is right.. I’ve certainly had people ask me such questions and likely done the same. Philosophizing cliche questions from insecure people requires a level of simplicity in life I do not have, nor would I really want to explore if I had the time.
I suppose I find outlooks to be interesting. Outside of this forum I don’t participate in social media and I watch almost no tv. My only interaction is with people I know. Friends, family, coworkers, etc. So I am interested in how people outside of my orbit view things. I enjoy this because there is no filter. There is no spin. Just someone giving their unadulterated opinion on endless subjects. Sometimes it helps me see things from a different perspective. Sometimes it’s just blabbering bullshit. But I think what I most enjoy is when someone says something that I absolutely disagree with, then backs it up with a solid point or valid perspective and forces me to look at it differently and possibly, gasp, change my opinion.
Edit: The shit test is an interesting concept. I can’t totally discount it. I assume when I was younger and significantly more insecure it’s something I may have done without realizing it. I know for sure it’s been done to me. Never had to bother with my husband. There is no doubt that he is a man who takes care of business. Knew that from the word go.
I think this is key more so than doing it from an inwardly insecure place.
It’s literally explorative testing of another, so perhaps initial insecurity in them from a place of ignorance. But I can see how if someone has developed a general mistrust of others the effect could be inward insecurity or magnified in intensity. Or….. not acknowledged because they have fully bought in to survival adaptations in extreme cases and see their behavior as necessary and normal.
I think I’m struggling with the insecurity factor. Perhaps I am misunderstanding the larger picture, but it seems to me that unless you are talking about something like a woman intentionally instigating a physical fight, these things would be pretty basic ways of determining if that person is a good mate. In the case of a fight instigator that would be more of someone who gets off on seeing men fight. Although that could lend itself to insecurity. ie. “Look how desirable I am, 2 men are fighting over me.” I think that’s weird personally, but to each his own. But if you’re talking things like, my tire is flat, can you fix it? I guess I don’t see the manipulation there. Of course it could be that I am completely missing the point. That wouldn’t totally shock me.
I definitely “test” friends, but never in a way that would cause them harm.
I ask them to do something small like checking something for me, and they “pass” if they remember to do the task. I also observe and evaluate characteristics like punctuality, comments they make about subjects I care about….
I don’t do this testing because I am a woman. I do this because I have trust issues
Yeah I think testing to cause harm is potentially something different, though I can understand context of manipulating a scenario to see “how devoted you are to me”. I’m sure the phenomenon rinses through individual lense.
Like this. A vanilla scenario but still a test vs a natural ask. And it’s the test that is the root. And it’s exceedingly common, and considering it’s intentional to gauge response outside of a natural flow or occurrence it’s manipulative.
And it’s heavily feminine. Though there are anecdotal one-off examples to play “gotcha” with.
Calm down! I wasn’t trying to compare the two places - it looked odd to me that I listed “more engineers than I can count” as if I somehow draw them rather than to acknowledge that I live in an odd little place and note that New England is different, since not everybody is familiar with it. It’s very European in its flavor, northern New England. Our primary local industries are agriculture (primarily family farms), tourism, and winter sports (tho there may not actually be a ski mountain in my county). My list looked weird to me, so I made a side note. That’s all! “Small” here relative to the south is just profoundly different. I live in a town of 1k people, and the “city” I commute to is somewhere in the neighborhood of 15k, with drug issues and homelessness and public transportation and everything.
It was a rabbit trail, not a slam. Rabbit trails being yet another purely feminine construct, I’m sure.
Yes! Excellent. Know what I wonder about? Is the thing where men hang out in the garage or whatever, drinking and smoking weed, without the women. The first time the romance has cooled enough that he goes to the outbuilding with a couple of his friends at 2 and doesn’t come back in until 8 that night - is he shit testing her? I’m going to say yes. Because that’s some kind of relationship; one where I party all weekend with my buds and you…?? She has to allow it that first time, rather than be like “Uh, no. You party all weekend and I do drudgery? I don’t think so.” I’m not even sure what the women do inside. I know we stop at Chip’s place regularly on the way back from our land, and his wife is almost never there. I’ve seen a couple of women, but again, rarely. Women are present when they’re boiling sap (for syrup) because the sugar house in sap season is traditionally sort of open house-y. I guess because March is so miserable, we’re all pleased to stand around in sap steam and taste batches of syrup while we drink beer. But boiling is a lot of work - the fire has to be fed, sap tested, three people to empty boiling buckets into the strainer and then into jugs, etc. So Chip’s wife is needed. They were both at our wedding, but I’ve never been in their house. Only their outbuildings. And come to think of it, the two of them were kind of hiding in our attached garage during the backyard wedding - intimidated, maybe. The other neighbor from our land (they run sap lines on it and husband likes to be involved), Shane, pretty much tried to pick up every single woman there, married or not, who ranged from maybe 25-65. He was a big dancer. It was reported later that at one point he was standing with my friend Tara’s husband, Bill, who is a Manhattan attorney and does things like the symphony, and asked “Are you carrying?” And Bill said “No, not today. You?” And Shane said “No, there’s kids here.” (Shit test?? lol) All of which made Bill’s day.
Anyway.
I’m with @BethB on this. The first two I can’t see, the third just seems like a normal thing to ask, though honestly unless it’s a flat tire he’ll notice problems before I do. I pull a lot of splinters out of my husband. If he asks, I just say sure. Isn’t that the same? While dating I had a couple of guys offer things (work on car, house) that I declined because the relationship wasn’t there yet. As I paid my own way for dates because I’m not prepared to prostitute myself for a Coors Light and french dip sandwich, neither am I prepared to feel womanly gratitude for someone getting the mud out of my tires. So there IS relationship stuff there. Maybe I’ve just been lucky or discerning enough that I don’t have to test these things.
Guilty, I guess. But is it really a shit test if I’m plainly asking “do you even care??” Although I suppose he might view it as a stupid question.
I also agree with Beth that I’ve not really questioned the capability of my primary male partners. I met my kids’ dad at the gym I worked at and he had kickboxing trophies and other concrete indicators of fitness. He also rushed me into marriage, so not a lot of confusion there, either.
Hockeyguy just radiates confidence and fitness (as in fit partner). When my son fretted about his father doing something stupid when the two men met at his graduation, I assured him that there was no need to worry. None. Because A) his dad would not be able to egg Hockey into any kind of confrontation (more shit testing) and B) Hockey is strong enough and steady enough to deal well with whatever comes along. (Except me. Sometimes I flap him. But I do it directly, not via manipulation.)
