My moms boyfriend sent this to me I kinda thought it was funny but really hope there really isnt a docter out there like this. If so he needs to be kicked in the nuts.
Q: I’ve heard that > cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A:> Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that’s> it… Don’t waste them on exercise. Everything wears> out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you> live longer; that’s like saying you can extend the> life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live> longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat> more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical> efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what> are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an> efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your> system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source> of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can> give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of> vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?>
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is> distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the> fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way.> Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I> calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body> and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two> bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of > the advantages of participating in a regular exercise > program?
A: Can’t think of a single one, sorry. My> philosophy is: No Pain…Good!
Q: Aren’t fried foods > bad for you?
A: YOU’RE NOT LISTENING!!! … Foods are > fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they’re> permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad> for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a> little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When > you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be> doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is> chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa> beans! Another vegetable!!! It’s the best feel-good> food around!
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If> swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q:> Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey!> ‘Round’ is a shape! Well, I hope this has cleared> up any misconceptions you may have had about food and > diets. And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to> the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an> attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in> sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other> - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming> ‘WOO HOO, What a Ride!!!’
AND… For those of> you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on> nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth> after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
- The> Japanese eat very little fat And suffer fewer heart> attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat> And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The> Chinese drink very little red wine And suffer fewer heart> attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red> wine And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The> Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and> fats And suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.>
CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English> is apparently what kills you.