Not good news ladies and gents. I have posted previously on this thread with gf problems. Well after 7 months of seperation, and 4 months of no contact, my roomate spoke to my ex last night online for over an hour. My roomate and her were never close, which is strange, but she spilled a bunch of stuff to him. The problem is is that after 7 months i still miss her like crazy. still deeply in love, care about her, etc.i have messed around ALOT in the past seven months, but nothing has helped. we had spent 4 years togehter. Well i hadn’t talked to her, but she told me roomate that she feels the same way as i do, and that the main reason we split was that i always said i didn’t want to get married untill 30, and she didn’t see it lasting that long. He told me that from all the things she said if i were to ask now she would say yes. So my problem is this. I love this girl and feel like i’ll never be able to find someone who i care about this much, and who cares about me this much, but i don’t think i am ready to get married either. The real kicker is she is graduating in may and will be leaving the state for a job, so it’s kinda like do or die time for me. I’m not asking you guys and girls to answer this question, but i would like to hear all of your ideas. sorry in advance for the poor spelling, i was fairly rushed when i wrote this. Thanks for taking time to reply
7 months and you still think about her? Sounds like love in a big way to me. Everybody here is going to tell you that there are plenty of fish in the sea and that you’ll fuck plenty of hotter, sexier women and yada yada yada.
I don’t know if I completely agree with those statements. Finding somebody that you love with your whole being is one thing but finding somebody that on top of that feels just as strong for you, well you can go a lifetime without finidng that. You’re damn young though…tough one. You might be too young to understand all the dimensions of the decision you’re considering.
Why don’t you try talking to her, see if she’ll agree to get back together and test it out again. After all, she’s not getting over you either. What does she have to lose?
I got married at 22. I turned 23 a week later. Why don’t you think you’re “ready” to be married? Is it all the bullshit people keep flinging that you have to have all of your life goals accomplished before you “settle down”? Do you think life will turn into an old Ozzie and Harriet rerun if you tie the knot?
Life and excitement doesn’t have to end with wedding vows. Living with the love of your life and continuing to enjoy a vibrant and exciting lifestyle is definitely possible if you both choose to do so.
I don’t think people are less mature now. I think people just aren’t expected to be mature until they are older than in times past.
So I got married at 22. It was the single best thing I’ve ever decided to do. That was 21 years ago now and if I had it to do over again I’d jump at the chance.
Wait… she told your roommate that the “main reason” you split was because of marriage, but didn’t tell you that before breaking it off? That’s the way it reads to me. And in that case, do you really want to marry someone that is going to take 7 months to tell one of your friends the stuff she should’ve told you immediately? Hmmm.
On the other hand, I don’t see any point in putting an arbitrary age qualification on when you should marry. If you’re ready to do it, go for it… what does being 30 (or any number) really have to do with it? If you aren’t ready to get married, and she can’t give you another year or so, then she isn’t worth the trouble. Relationships go two ways. Why aren’t you ready to be married, btw? Maybe that’s a signal…
I wasn’t going to get married until I was at least 25 I told myself. I met a hot chick who I fell in love with at 21, married her at 22. That was three years ago and I have never regretted it. We only dated for a year and a half and for six months of that she was out of state at school. I never knew how much I wanted to be with her until she was gone. When she came back I decided I wasn’t letting her leave again.
…and that the main reason we split was that i always said i didn’t want to get married untill 30, and she didn’t see it lasting that long.
WTF? What does she mean, that she can’t be with you if you’re not married? If the relationship is there, it seems to me that, married or not, you guys can be together. I don’t understand this idea of “if I have the paper then I’ll stay with him, but if I don’t then I can’t/won’t”.
if you have basic relationship problems (communication, different life goals, family/friends don’t like you, etc.) then a long-term relatoinship is not gonna work out, regardless of how much you try to work around them. you may like someone like hell, but if you are incompatible to start chances are you are gonna end up hurting each other. you don’t want to end up divorced.
take your time. it may take a while, but you’ll be able to move on. find someone with similar fundamentals and everything will work out.
I was married at 22 as well. The thing about love is both people have to be willing to do anything for the other. My wife went about a year ago and got a dog(shitnzu) without talking to me about it. I hate dogs. She almost chose the freakin’ dog over me until she came to her senses. About a month ago I asked her “If I want you to get rid of the dog, would you do it?” She thought about it for a while and said yes. Then I told her “Good, cause I’m willing to live with the dog for you.” Both have to compromise.
Go get her, talk things out and marry the girl.
Oh ya, This info might help when trying to understand her “Women are crazy” That’s my wife’s pet name “Crazy”
I told My girl I may never want to get married. I said whats the big deal about getting married. I love you and you love me, we live together, spend most of our time with eachother. How is a peice of paper going to make things different? And if it does make things different it will probably be for the worse because things are perfect right now. I told her I’d still buy her a huge ring though. Sometimes women just need a huge ring, kinda like guys wanting a huge truck or a viper or something.
Anyways dude, Ya gotta look out for #1 and if you have reasons that you don’t want to get married yet, I’d say hold off. It’s totaly up to you though.
Well im 26 i have been married four months, just be careful. People tend to change alot after u tie the knot. Remember it is supposed to be a life long thing. Dont look at it as something temporary or to pass the time. Also be sure u can let the past stay in the past, if the two of u can work together for each other than u will be alright. Marriage is a constant compromise, but if u love someone it doesnt really matter. You will do what ever u have to do, to be happy and make them happy.
If you love this girl, fucking stay with her and be happy. If you fall out of love then break up. She’s moving out of state too? Might as well get back together and work on things before she leaves if you love each other that much because it’s going to take a lot of dedication and fortitude to make the long distance thing work. Being in the Military, I’ve been through a few long distance relationships that fell apart because of the “space between” and it sucks wang.
Good luck dude, you seem like a decent person with good intentions, just don’t limit your feelings for this chick because she isn’t fitting in your “marriage age” paradigm.
The highest divorce rate are for people who get married between the ages of 21-25
That may be true of first marriages (and the stats I heard are that the highest divorce rates of first marriages are where the wife makes more $$ than the husband), but the highest divorce rates of all are for second marriages, regardless of age.
But in any case, there’s nothing saying that age has anything to do with marrital bliss. Learn how to love each other.
The Art of Understanding Your Mate by Cecil Osbourne
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
Read them. Apply them. You don’t have to be married to put it into practice.
Marrying her just to get her back is like a girl getting pregnant to get a guy back. If it won’t last till you’re 30 unmarried, what makes you think it will last if you get married?
“I got married at 22. I turned 23 a week later. Why don’t you think you’re “ready” to be married? Is it all the bullshit people keep flinging that you have to have all of your life goals accomplished before you ‘settle down?’ Do you think life will turn into an old Ozzie and Harriet rerun if you tie the knot?”
How in the hell is waiting until you’ve gotten your feet firmly planted before marrying bullshit? Half of all marriages in this country end in divorce, and that percentage is only higher the younger that you decide to do it. If you’re that “in love,” why not wait a few more years just to make certain that this is the person that you want to spend the REST OF YOUR LIFE with.
I’m sure many of you were in relationships in high school where you saw it one day possibly ending up in marriage. The difference is that now you can see how naive you were being. You’ve got the rest of your life to be with this person, what difference is another few years going to make?